Would This Bother U at Ur Sitters House?

I would not be happy about it. She just needs to put the other kid down sometimes and let him scream otherwise he will never stop. I would go somewhere else. I don't think this is the norm.

Sounds like she's not able to handle multiple kids.

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Yes, this would bother me. The other child is the problem right now, and she is neglecting your child and any others she is watching. If the other child has separation issues for the first 10 minutes, that's one thing. But having to hold him constantly, including while he sleeps, that's not acceptable. If she cannot get to a diaper, she's not caring for you son. What else is she missing while she's catering to the upset child? I feel badly for the clingy child, but something's not right if he can't be calmed down, and she needs to talk to his parents. She cannot ignore other children because one child cannot adjust to his situation. He screams for attention, and he gets it. There's no reason for him to learn to adapt - perhaps he gets everything he wants at home? Perhaps he gets very little at home? Hard to say.

If your sitter is licensed, she needs to comply with applicable laws. If she's not, and if she's ignoring your little guy, you should talk to her. If she cannot fix the problem, you need to look for another day care situation.

I run a home daycare in IL, and I personally don't find that to be acceptable. If there's a clingy child, yes, that makes it a bit more difficult, but that isn't an excuse for the provider to be able to put off proper care for the other children. With a dirty diaper, it is as simple as setting the other child down for the 2 minutes it takes to change a diaper and clean up from it. If he/she cries for a few minutes, then so be it. I would definitely talk with her. Not to sound accusational, but if that's how it is with a dirty diaper, how do you know what is or isn't being taken care of during the day? If the problem with the clingy child continues, then your provider should be responsible for speaking with his/her family to try and reach a sensible solution for that. She needs to be able to provide even, consistent care for ALL children in her home. If she is unable to perform to YOUR standards, then I would say you may want to look elsewhere. Like I said, as a state-licensed home daycare provider, I would NEVER let it get to that point! I have 3 kids of my own, and I will always make sure that my daycare kids are cared for 100% like my own children would!
Good luck, I know its a tough situation!!

catering to the little fellow who's having separation anxiety makes perfect sense as long as your baby is content and busy. but when he needs a diaper change, it has to be taken care of, even if the other little guy has to howl for a few minutes. yes, i'd say something or find a provider with more experience caring for multiple little people.
khairete
S.

Is this a new phase for this other child or has it been going on for a while? If it has been going on for a while I would absolutely say something. Your son is there for her to watch and needs just as much attention. He is not learning what he needs to be learning just to be left alone to play. If she isn't changing his diapers it could result in worse issues like diaper rashes. I would say something at least about the diaper issue. Even at day cares they change the diapers no matter what every 2 hours.

How often have you picked her up with a dirty diaper? Is she licensed? I think the most important thing a mom can do is stick with your gut! If you think your child is being neglected then pull her and place her in another spot. If your child has an infection or a rash because of a dirty diaper pull her. It sounds to me like you know you want to do it, but want the support to do it. Find another sitter. You might even find a person willing to come to YOUR house and help with the child. It's was very surprising to me to find the right nanny for the same cost as it is to send my child to a daycare. My nanny took care of my child's needs, laundry and food. He was clean bathed and ready for bed when came home from work. I had no stress after 5. Good luck!

The problem, at least in my experience, is not worse in day cares. I have had my children in day cares for years now and we have never had this problem. We are very fortunate to have a wonderful (and pricey!) center we trust. I would talk to her about it if it continues to happen. Just be nice and understanding to her like you are in your post here. Just say you feel bad for your little guy and he shouldn't have to be neglected due to the other child.

I would suggest looking into a day care facility. There are many good ones out there!

Good luck.

I agree its neglect to leave a child sitting in a dirty diaper. Your son's little tushee can become infected from that. Your sitter needs to tend to all the children, not focus on one clingy baby. Daycare would be better. Find a good daycare. Good luck!

I would talk to her about it calmly. She has a very needy child, but if it's causing a problem for the other kids, maybe that child's parents need to find a situation where he's by himself with a particular nanny or caregiver. Some kids don't do as well with groups.

The daycare I used when DD was that age would check them regularly and change them in between if they needed it. There were 2 teachers for the class of 6. DD got checked before and after nap, at meal times, before playground time and sometime in the hour before it was time to go home.

We're not there obviously, so you need to decide if this is something that can be changed, if you can work with your sitter to get your son's needs met, or if you need to change sitters.

It wouldn't bother me if now and again there was a diaper at the end of the day, but if it was frequent, or if it was often fully loaded, or if it was obvious it had been a while and my child's clothes were wet or her skin irritated, then I'd take that as a sign that the caregiver can't juggle basic needs of one child while dealing with the other. What would bother me is how you said she "didn't get to it" - which indicates that she did know but wasn't going to do something about it. That's unprofessional and concerning.

So it boils down to how concerned you are and if you think it can be resolved or if you just want to take your child and business elsewhere.

Don't take him back there-that's called neglect.

It is totally fine that she hold the other child so much IF your child's needs are being met. Did she say she "couldnt' get to it"? THAT is not acceptable. Might be worth saying something and doing a couple pop in visits. She also should be able to hold and cuddle both of them. You son, as content as he is,needs this too. She has two arms.

Yes, this would bother me. I'd calmly tell the Home Daycare Provider that this situation is not ok, and that she and the Mom need to work something better out soon or you will have to take your son to another home daycare or daycare center.

Extended poop/urine sessions in my child's diaper while at the sitter's would not be ok with me. If that keeps happening, he's going to have a whale of a rash situation going on. Is that fair to you or your child? No. I'd talk to the caregiver about the matter right away and it may be that you have to find a new one. Going to an actual daycare may be a better situation for you as there are multiple people working there and attending to the children.

Yes, it would bother me. I have spent many years working in and around daycare's as well as home care. And I do agree that in general home-care is better, but not always. this sounds like inexperience with multiple children. Every mother of more than one child knows that any one child cannot have their needs met every-time and you decide which needs the most attention. A sleeping child does need as much attention as a wet/poopy child. She should have put the sleeping kid down and attended to your child. Now having said that, she may have had a rough day with that kid and was afraid to go through more trauma by putting him down and risk waking him. So her desperation in dealing with this child could be clouding her judgment. Not a good situation. You should talk to her about this. There are options for her to use with that child. She could use a baby carrier so she doesn't have to hold him and can attend to other children. I would have tried that first. Good luck!

I don't know if it is possible but maybe the sitter should get a baby carrier and wear the cling monster on her back. Then she would still be carrying him and have her hands free for your little one and the other ones in her care. This is the only way I ever get anything done as my littlest is a cling monster for about an hour when he wakes up.

I would definately speak with the sitter if this problem continues. I totally understand that the other child needs attention as well, but as a professional, the sitter should be able to multi task. God forbid if your sons breaks out with a diaper rash or even worse. Yeah speak to her and see what happens. Keep us posted.

I would say it is not worse in daycares because there is more than 1 person watching a group of kids usually so there is someone to change diapers while another coddles the unsettled infant/toddler. 1 person dealing with 4 kids when 1 is needy is tough....In my opinion, she needs to put him down and teach him he can't be carried anywhere but it is not your place to say that -- it is the mom of the clingy one! I would say something about your child's diaper being neglected though if it happens again because it can cause bad diaper rash and a little infection like yeast or staph in that area if he sits in it too long and it gets too sore :( Poor kiddo!

"Daycare" is "care during the day", whether it be home or a center.

Home daycare is not going to have the same expertise as a center as it's just a mom who took some cpr and maybe basic course, if that, and is set in their home with no supervision and not as high as standards as a center, generally speaking.

My personal experience over the years has been that daycare centers are safer and more professional and follow rules of caring for children better than a home. Homes can become too lax because they're not having the same accountability as a center.

A center has higher state standards, there's always people walking around and working to notice problems, they're generally better trained and are reguarly trained, and many have monitors in the lobby or office to see what's going on.

When you see problems on TV with daycare, it's usually with home daycares, not centers, because the mom is on her own doing what she pleased without the same accountability.

With that said, there are good home daycares, and bad daycare centers, but generally speaking I'd put my children in a center long before a home daycare due to my personal experience over the years and experiences of others I've known personally over the years.

With all of that said, there should never be a time that a child is coddled more than another. If your child is being ignored due to a constant crying baby then the woman should be telling the other mother that she cannot watch him anymore because it's interfering with her duties with the other children. Your child is being sacraficed for another child because the other mother has coddled it to the point of being held when he sleeps and then doesn't know how to fix it?? Yah, there's a problem with the home daycare and you need to move on ASAP.

I'm not sure where the idea came from with some weird stereotype about daycare centers leaving kids to fend for themselves or something. Not true! They have higher standards and are more trained and have extra people floating around to help out when needed. You absolutely have to check out your area daycare centers. There are some in the country that will have their monitors even connected to the internet where you can watch from work. But even if you choose another home daycare you need to move on. This woman is not thinking of the welfare of the entire house of children. She's not as trained as those in centers. She's just a babysitter like any woman, period, and you want more than that from this woman.

You are paying her to care for your child as you would yourself. If she cannot meet those standards then you need to fire your employee and hire someone else. PERIOD. I'm actually a bit surprised that you haven't spoken up immediately when you saw your child laying, ignored, with a foul diaper on. If this woman cannot handle all of these children then she has no business being a babysitter, and that's all she is... a babysitter, not a care giver! (doesn't matter how nice she may be)

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I would not point out what she must do with the other child but, just say in a casual way. I have been noticing when I pick my son up that his diapers are very full, can you just try a little harder to change him more often. I just don't want him to get a bad case of diaper rash.

As far as jumping ship, I think the key is to look at the big picture. Do you trust this person. Do you feel your son is getting the love of a great babysitter. (I haven't read any of your other babysitting posts) I guarantee even in every daycare you can find fault with something.

I guess because I've had a needy child before, I look at the compassion of the other child. My daughter started preschool and was clung onto me when I left her every day for a week, but thank goodness her teachers had the compassion to let her gradually come out of her shell. Its great that your son is so outgoing and happy on his own but there are children who are not. And it sounds as though you have a very compassionate babysitter. Hopefully, she will be there in the times and needs when your son is more needy.

Best wishes!

I wouldn't be happy to pick up my child and discover him sitting in a dirty diaper that the sitter didn't even seem to be aware of. It would be one thing if she let you know first that he had one that had just happened, and she hadn't changed it yet. We've all been there, but from what you said, that's not the case. It's also understandable that she is frazzled by the other child, but she has a responsibility to all of the children she's taking care of (even if they aren't clingy). She sounds overwhelmed and perhaps inexperienced. In your shoes, I'd probably be looking for someone else to leave my child with.

Okay here I go. Home care doesn't mean that it is better than daycare. You have good and bad in both. Unfortunately, my experience with private homecare was TERRIBLE. I found wonderful daycares that took fabulous care of my children. One I know saved my daughter's leg. I do not believe your son is getting the proper care period. I would have a talk with your provider. Explain to her that you are concerned that your son is not getting the attention you are paying for. If she gets defensive then I would just say "look, I pay you to watch my child". I don't pay you to just let him sit in his poop and pee all day."

Now you can soften it with understanding the situation she is in but if the other child is soooo needy then perhaps his mom should pay more so that your provider doesn't have to have as many children which will then give her the time to devote to the needy child. Your provider accepted these children. She needs to be able to tend to ALL of them. Good luck!

Do check out your local daycares. You might just be surprised.

No. Not worse in a proper daycare. Not worse in ANY proper childcare environment. I'm sorry. I wouldn't stand for my son to be neglected. This is his NEEDS you're talking about, not just a few minutes in a highchair. If she's HOLDING a kid constantly, then she's not able to love on yours. And that's not ok.
I'm not that hovering kind of mom, and I am very understanding. But I do pick up my son at random times and see what's going on as "the norm". I would be angry if he'd been sitting in a dirty diaper for any length of time or as the norm. Not something to get into a fight about, but explain your concerns and try to help her come up with a plan to fix it. Otherwise, I'd honestly put him in another place. If you have concerns all the time, follow your gut.

I babysit for several kids and I know others that do to. I never let my kid or anyone else's kid sit in a dirty diaper. I've dealt with the clingy kid (sometimes it's my own kid that's clingy). I put them down, change the diaper, then deal with the clingy kid. It's not going to hurt that other child to be put down for a few minutes. If he cries, well then he cries. There's NO excuse for letting child sit in a poopy diaper. If she told you that she couldn't get to your son's diaper..well...I would be infuriated!
At this point, it's time to have a talk with her. It's time to tell her that while you understand that this other child is having some issues, it's not a reason to neglect your son. Tell her if he has a dirty diaper, you expect it to be changed. If she can't handle more than one kid at a time, she's not a very good provider. If it happens again, pull your son out of her care.

There are good in home providers and there are bad in home providers, just like there are good and bad daycares. I don't necessarily know that one is better than the other. It all boils down to where your son is getting the best care.

She needs to stop holding that other kid so much because he will never get past this. She needs to start putting him down gradually. A little here and a little there, increasing the amount of time each time until he is adjusted. If another kid is in need of her attention, she needs to put that other kid down to care for the other. If she's not able to do that, then I would definitely be looking for other care. I would approach her with your concerns in a calm matter. You have every right to do so. If she gets defensive then it's time to go elsewhere because she obviously doesn't have the ability to care for all the kids the same. Good luck!

This would bother me. Any child care provider knows that they need to make sure that ALL in their care get attention not just the needy kid. It is not ok to leave a child in a poopy pee diaper, now if it just had happened ok but if it is more then 5-10 minutes not ok with me at all, she needs to find the time. Is this happening often?

If I was in this situation I would calmly talk to her that I am not ok with this, just because one is cry out for attention all the time does not mean you can ignore the needs of the other kids. Explain what you expect from her, and that if this countines and nothing changes that you will be looking for child care elsewhere.

I have worked at day cares and we check diapers often, if being clung to by a needy kid (and we had 15-20 kids). Those needy kids had to learn to wait while others got the attention, and it was nothing more then 15 mins of being put down then we were back to the needy kids. I have also worked in a home setting with only 4-5 kids and those needy kids are trying but I had to learn to just deal with the crying while I focused on the other kids. Finally after a few weeks the "needy" kid either had learned that they had to be put down, I talked with the parents to work out a game plan or if nothing changed I let them go to find something that was a better fit for their child.