Hi Everyone~ I have a 9 year old daughter who doesn't seem to have a lot of friends outside of school. She is social in school, but it seems that outside friendships is an area she needs to develop. I wondered if this was right for her age? She does play with kids that my husband i are friends with the couple and of course her cousins. She has one little friend that comes over occassionally and we are trying to nurture a friendship with another. We don't have a lot of kids in the neighborhood, but this summer might be a better situation. She is friends with the kids behind us but they are older. She was an only child for 7 years and really plays well on her own and sometimes prefers that. I am just a worry wart and wanted to know what other mom's are going through with this. thanks so much
Hi L.. My daughter is 10, maybe we can get together. I live in the northeast section of the Bronx. Please get in touch with me.
M.
Well, you said that she's social at school, and friends with the kids in the neighborhood even though they are older. It just sounds to me like there aren't any kids her age around your house to be friends with. Does she get invited to birthday parties? If you are worried about her not having kids her own age to play with you could ask her who she plays with the most at school. Then get in touch with the parents and try to arrange a play date. It doesn't sound like anything out of the ordinary to me. I wouldn't worry.
L.,
So, your daughter socializes well with her classmates, has a friend she plays with outside of school, does well with your friends' children and has cousins around her age she plays with. Sounds like she's doing great!!
Not all kids are social butterflies, and some are just more comfortable one on one, or in small groups. That's fine. Lots of kids only have 2 or 3 close friends, and that's really all they want.
If you want to encourage her to expand her social circles, why not ask if she'd like to invite a couple of girls from school for a sleepover party? Is she interested in sports or Girl Scouts, or extra-curricular activities like that? Does your church have a youth group program? All of these are great places to meet other kids her age, where she may have interests in common.
My best Advice, L., is to talk to your daughter about it. If she is genuinely happy getting her social time in at school, or with your family friends, leave her be. try very hard to not give the impression that you think there's something wrong with her, or that you're disappointed in her preferences and interests. Ask if she'd like to have some friends over one weekend, Ask if she's thought about trying a soccer or softball team. If she says no, thanks, then just let it go.
Jess
Good morning L. . . . I wouldn't worry about your situation. Her being friends with your friends children is a big plus because you know the background of her friends families & she's not 'hanging' with the wrong crowd which is so easy for our kids to do, just to fit in & peer pressure. To expand her horizons though, are there any hobbies or fun things she can get involved in with kids her own age. For example, dance, brownies/girl scouts, gymnastics? If money is an issue, I know these things can get expensive, is there anything at school she can get involved in, music - band, or maybe a youth group at church? If she seems genuinely happy, I wouldn't worry, she'll find her niche in time. For what it's worth (granted that was quite a few years ago) I grew up in the country without alot of kids to play with, except my family and turned out fine LOL
Hi L., I am just writing to tell you that you are not alone. My daughter is 11 today and she has been exactly the way your daughter is for the last 3 yrs. She just started bonding with others after the school year began. Now, I am no doctor, my opinion is that as a female, we are less trusting of others and what our daughters are displaying is not a problem, they're just being cautious. Don't worry, it will change! The phone will start ringing soon and she and her friends will take over all sources of communication in your house, THEN you'll remember the days when she had no friends! LOL
My daughter is the same. She is 9 years old and I have an 8 month old and one on the way so she was also an only child for awhile. Our neighborhood has lots of kids of different ages but she likes to be alone. At first I thought it was a problem but now I realize that is just the way she is.
Where do you live? Maybe we could get our girls together!!!
She sounds fine to me.
I'm wondering if you're different personalities. Perhaps you are a social butterfly (?). I do understand your not wanting her left out on the fun but I have a feeling she may be the type to have a few VERY GOOD friends instead of a bunch of acquaintances. Having had both myself I do prefer the few true friends I've known for 10-30 years. I wouldn't worry unless she says she has no friends or is unhappy in some way. I totally agree with the other suggestions: having her own gatherings and ideas. She doesn't need to "buy" or impress friends though.
Just two cents from someone who sometimes found my peers to be too immature...
Hi L.,
My son is 41/2 and I have the same problem. He plays with others in his preschool, but outside play has been different. I asked my friend with older kids what she would do. She suggested find out who your daughter is friendly with and encourge playdates at home. Thats what i did and it helps. Now he is much more social
N. M
