Workplace Baby Shower

$5 is a pretty cheapo gift. Why bother going? Just because she is 40 doesn't mean the baby shouldn't be welcomed with the same joy as a baby to someone who is 25 or 30.

Wow. Who told you that?
I'd say she may be 'better prepared' to provide for the responsibilities of parenthood as compared to, say, a 16 year old knocked up by a BF that needs a crib because she's now unemployed AND uneducated, but do you seriously think this woman has been hoarding away baby items for the last 25 years or something? LOL That's just a really odd question...and sentiment. Sorry.

WHAT..... just because someone is 40 they don't deserve a shower for a 1st baby. Who told you that.... GEES.. how rude. At least she is prepared and not a knocked up teen who knows nothing about reality yet.

If you don't want to go, don't go but don't be cheap about it. I'm not saying go spend a ton of money but $5 won't buy anything of quality.

$5 probably = generic bottle of Tylenol, maybe cheapo bibs

If you are going to participate...............do it right

Why is a woman at 40 having her first baby less entitled to a baby shower than some woman in her 20's or 30's? All of these weird "rules" you women come up with just floor me.

If you are insistent on only spending $5 on the poor woman, get her something useful, like diapers. But for $5, it will probably be a pretty small package of diapers. As far as attending, you should probably decide on your own whether you should or not. I say what is the harm? Each baby deserves to be celebrated, regardless of mom's age.

At 40, she is probably head over heels about having a baby especially because it is her first. She definitely
should have a baby shower. Not sure where you got your info but boy is it
wrong.

First of all, while I can see some logic in not doing a wedding shower with expensive home items for a woman of 40 who is and has been living on her own since she was 20 (and therefore probably has all the "home items" that traditional wedding showers were supposed to help provide for a woman who had not been living on her own...), that logic does not apply here.

A woman, of whatever age, who is having her first child would not have been gathering baby items for years. So, regardless of her age, the shower is supposed to help her get the items she needs for taking care of her baby.

What coworkers did for me was, everyone chipped in any amount they felt comfortable with, and got a gift certificate to Babies-R-Us. That way, no one was judged if they only chipped in $5 or if they chipped in $20 or whatever. They all signed a card and put the gift certificate in the card.

If this were my co-worker I would spend or chip in about $25 for a gift.

First time at 40 means she likely has nothing.

First time at 40 might mean that she spent years trying and trying and finally got pregnant. She's probably gone through more than most to try and create a family.

$5 seems like a major slap in the face UNLESS you are in a financial position where you can only give $5 (I understand that a lot of people may not have the resources at this tough economic time).

Did she attend or would she attend your baby shower? I know it isn't ti-for-tat, but treat others how you'd like to be treated. For $5 you might be able to get her a bib...

Updated

since becoming a mom i am continuiously amused and amazed at the variety of answers you will get for a baby/mom related question. by the time they are 40 they should have the resources to provide for their baby? unbelievable. maybe they just spent 60K on IVF and another 30K on adopting. yea, they don't need any help. plus its also to make new mom feel loved and just to get together. of course you should participate. we spend more time at work than at home. if you don't want to do the $20.00 just explain that to the hostess and bring a dish to share. it definitely should not be about money. it should be about support.

Wow, double slap in the face. No shower for someone at 40 years old and five bucks?!?! If you don't like her then don't participate but you will look rude. If a woman is having her first baby at this age she is probably thrilled about it or may have experienced some infertitlty issues. She's nice enough but you don't want to do it? I can't imagine someone thinking up this "no baby shower over 40" rule...tell the person who told you this they are clueless!! Do you think a baby to a 40 year old mom shouldn't be celebrated or she has been stashing baby stuff the past 20 years? Just in case you haven't noticed, not all women are popping out kids at 16 (thank goodness). Wow!

If I only wanted to spend $5, I'd see if there was a group gift being organized and go in on that. A bunch of $5 gifts can add up to a nice gift certificate or a larger item (like a carseat or stroller) that individuals aren't likely to spring for on their own.

I understand working in a large office and wanting to make a modest contribution towards a gift. I'd go broke if I shelled out $20-$25 for every wedding, baby, and birthday celebration at my workplace!

I hope you give a SWH on this - I'm dying to know who told you that thing about someone not "needing" a shower because she's 40. That's just one of the wackiest, most illogical things I've ever heard.

A $5 gift would be terribly insulting. If you really don't want to buy a proper gift or want to go (as it appears from the way you're asking the question) then I think you should make up a plausible excuse for why you can't go. You don't want to be known at work as the woman who gave a really cheap gift.

if you don't want to go, then don't go. it kinda seems like you're looking to justify not going(and that may not be the case, tone is very difficult to detect online!). it is absolutely acceptable to not attend something that you don't wish to attend. however, a baby shower is given(and attended) in the spirit of welcoming a new life, and sharing in the excitement that the new mother(family) is feeling, not because the mother "needs" a shower. and i have never heard of the age factor. the ONLY thing i've ever heard in terms of NOT having a baby shower is in the case of it not being the first child, or being the same gender as the first child - however, in my circle of friends, we believe that ALL babies should get a shower, so that's what we all generally do. personally, unless i were in dire straits financially, i'd spring for the $9.99 package of huggies or diapers. or you can just politely decline the invitation... at my husband's clinic, they do a shower for all employees' babies, whether the employee is male or female, 1st or 10th child.

I dont see why you shouldnt. And I dont think age has anything to do with. I think every baby should be celebrated no matter what. A pack of bibs, or burp cloths, maybe get on huggies.com and print off a coupon and buy a package of diapers.

Wow, who told you that? A baby shower is a celebration of a new child coming into the world. Any gifts are a side issue. Do these people who told you she doesn't need a baby shower at 40 think that she's loaded with money or something? That's crazy! LOL Even people who have had 5 kids deserves a baby shower. It's a celebration. Why is the first baby honored with a shower but not the others? It's not all about gifts.

If you do intend to go and would like to buy a small gift ask if there's a registry. Anything is nice to get. I cute onesie or sleeping gown. A package of cloth diapers are great for burp cloths. Baby socks are nice. Anything really. It's the thought that counts! Enjoy the party, play some games, eat some good food. Enjoy the celebration of a new life!

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

What the heck does age have to do with her having a baby shower. No one "needs" a baby shower. You have a child because you can afford a child. Yes I am aware that doesn't always happen.

The "need" of someone in their 20s is the same as someone in their 40s.

Don't go. It doesn't sound like you are interested in celebrating with this woman. I would hate to think that someone felt forced to go to my baby shower.

Why on earth wouldn't she 'need' a baby shower because of her age? I think a shower is all part of the process and I think everyone should be lucky enough to have a shower put on for them. I say def. go to the shower and tell whoever siad that age defines whether you get a shower or not is insane

Yes, you should attend.

Please don't be a cheapskate. Spend more than $5, unless you are completely broke.

And, yes, even a 40 year old first time mom deserves a baby shower - why wouldn't she?!

No offense, but it sounds like the people you discussed the shower with are complete idiots lacking in any kind of manners.

What do YOU think you should do? I'm guessing you questioned what these people said because their advice was unusual.

I believe every baby and new mama...regardless of age should be showered with gifts. It's a blessing to give to a new baby whether the new mama is rich or poor. If you are not friends with your co worker, but just friendly...how about a group gift with others so that your investment is less per person, but mama and baby still get something they need. It's not about the money...it's the thought that counts. Even 40 year olds need help...babies are super expensive these days!!!!

We throw showers at my office for all new babies. Whether or not I attend or contribute is based solely on how I feel about the expectant parent. Not their age. I'm sorry, but for someone to say that is just stupid. She's not going to have stacks of diapers laying around just because she's 40.
The point of the shower is to show affection and joy for the new mom and baby. If you like her, get her a gift, and what you can afford and how you feel about this person should determine the amount, not her age (or even how many kids she has). If you don't like her, don't go.

Who told you that? That's terrible! Call whoever said that and tell them I sent them a big fat, wet, raspberry. You're asking IF you should go? Why wouldn't you go? You were invited. It's bad form to refuse invitations in the office. People don't forget that kind of thing. It should be fun but you sound as though you're looking for a way to get out of it.... that she doesn't actually even deserve a shower, much less, should you have to go. If you really feel that grinchy about it, I say don't go. Negativity will just put a damper on her joy.

im sorry if that came out harsh. I just reread it and think it could be abbrasive. Sorry, wasnt trying to be. I guess it sounded funny in my head. Mean on paper.

The shower is to celebrate her first child and for whatever reasons she wasn't able to have one until she was 40. You should go to celebrate the joy of her having her first child regardless of what age she.

You should only attend if you like her. If you don't get along, don't attend.

Ideas:
Baby Wipes
Pack of onesies
Set of baby socks
Cute baby bib
A crib sheet

Every baby deserves a party! Momma's age has NOTHING to do with it.

As a matter of fact, as a fertility patient for #1, I suspect that this 40-something momma may have had issues getting preggers (and may have spent more to conceive) and is more than ready to celebrate her success.

Ideas:
Diapers
Wipes
Gift Certificate
Infant Tylenol/Motrin/Mylicon

Hello, I'm sorry, but, a first baby is a first baby. If you would go to another younger employee's shower, then of course you should go to this one's. If you would spend more on another person's gift, then you should do the same for this one. This person is no less excited than a first time parent who is much younger. I have four grown kids. My first came when I was married just a year and I was only 18. The fourth came when I was 28 and I was just as excited about that child as I was with the first. Just because someone is older doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same things a younger person does. The point of the shower is not just to give gifts, but to also celebrate this new and precious life.
K. K.

I feel that all pregnant ladies should be thrown a "shower" of some sort - irrespective of mother's age or whether its a first pregnancy or not. My aunt threw me a shower for my first child and all the "consumables" (baby powder, shampoo, bum cream, diapers etc) helped me tremendously. Nobody thought I "needed" a baby shower for my second child, so nobody organised anything for me. Apart from feeling hurt (as if my second child wasn't as important as my first) having to send my husband to buy all the baby "necessities" (because I couldn't drive due to my c-section ... this was 15 years ago) put quite a burden on us. I would have been very happy to receive a home-cooked meal or anything at all of a useful nature. (Cards, although nice are rather a waste of money, in my opinion.) Rather spend the money that you would have spent on a card on something useful. I hope that my experience is of help to you. Best wishes to you all.

Of course you should attend her baby shower if she is kind and you like her! It does not matter what age she is! Babies are a blessing and it would be a shame to not share in the joy with someone having their first baby! This might not be exciting for you but I will bet that is a very special moment in her life. And... why wouldn't she need gifts for the baby at age 40? This is her first baby. Treat her with the same kindness that you would like to be shown to you.

What!..Who told you that. Thats pure nonesense. You sound like you dont want to attend. You also sound like its a bother. If you are going to attend and bring this type of air DONT GO!. I wouldnt want anyone like you at my babyshower. It is her first whether its 16 or 50 who are you to say that she dont need a baby shower. Seriously, you should go to lunch. I just hope that you never have a baby at 40. Dont crush the mood by bringing this negativity. Looks like you guys are gossiping about the wrong thing. You should be gossiping about how inconsiderate people can be when someone is having a baby for the first time. Gossip about how rude it is to consider not going to someone's baby shower because of their age. Newsflash: ITS HER FIRST! She's EXCITED! So She Should!

Tell her I said Congrats from Mampedia, cause she not hearing it from you!

Her age has nothing to do with whether she should or should not need a baby shower. If this is her first child, then I would say she absolutely deserves a baby shower. If it's not her first (& the first was recent), then she may not need the typical baby shower items, but still deserves a little celebration for this one.

For a gift idea since she's a co-worker who you aren't really close with, maybe just buy something kind of luxurious (w/out the expense) like baby massage oil, or a 'relaxing' scented candle she could use in the bathroom while giving the baby a bath.

Best,
S.

I personally feel that a baby shower is a celebration for the upcoming baby and a wonderful way to be involved in a blessed event. I had a shower for all 4 of my babies and love that I have photos for that section in each of their scrapbooks. It is a memorable time regardless of age. I am currently 42 and if I do become pregnant again, I would love to share that special time with friends. :)

It is entirely up to you and your finances. If you feel strongly that it is inappropriate you do not need to be forced to participate. If you want to budget yourself, then a baby frame, a sweet silky stuffed animal, or maybe a some wonderful smelling body lotion for mom to enjoy while in the hospital..it can sometimes make you feel pretty when you are in a sterile environment. That with a nice note stating that would be a welcomed gift I am sure.

All babies should be showered with love. If you do not want to go to shower then don't.

I guess it depends upon what kind of co-worker you are? Is everyone going? Are only a few people going? Wouldn't you want to share in someone's joy, especially the joy of someone you work with? Is the shower at work? Only you know the answer, because you know the dynamics of the office. As for not needing a baby shower if you are older than 40. Everyone having a baby needs a baby shower, no matter what their age. Besides the presents, it is a nice moment for the mom and that's a good thing.

Wow, I always write my answer before I read anybody else's, so I wrote this before reading the other answers and the "What Happened." I'm still happy with my original answer, but I will add that I would have loved something baked, or maybe a frozen meal to microwave on those nights when I just couldn't cook. Good for you for thinking outside the box. Here's my original answer:

Sure, at her age she probably isn't as financially strapped as she'd be at 20, but she's just as excited and nervous and almost desperate to have everything "Just Right" before the baby comes home. :) Any support is very appreciated.

I'm a big believer in inexpensive gifts. The Dollar Tree and Target are your friends. :) There's no reason to buy a $10 bib when a $1 will work just as well, or Vaseline brand when generic "Petroleum Jelly" is about a buck for a big tub. The baby can't tell the difference and truly won't care. Board books - every kid should own books from the day of birth! - are up to $15 each at bookstores, but you can find cute ones at the dollar store and get a stack of them for $5. They'll have bright colors, fun pictures and cute story lines, and it won't feel quite so tragic when Baby chews on the corners.

For a gift, consider putting together a basket of meal time stuff (jars of baby food, a padded spoon and a bib) or bath stuff (baby bath, lotion and tub toys). Presentation is key, especially for smaller or less expensive gifts. The last baby shower I attended, I put the stuff in a dollar store basket, then blew up a balloon and used a dowel and curling ribbon to tie the balloon and basket together to look like a hot air balloon. It was a big hit.

One of my favorite gifts is a name certificate - a beautifully printed, framed paper with the baby's name, the name's origin and a quote, piece of poetry or scripture that goes along with the definition. Lots of bookstores and mall kiosks sell them, but I buy packages of fancy paper for a few bucks, look up the definition and quotes myself, then print it out on my computer for only a few cents each. Nice oak frames (8 1/2 x 11) are only about $3 each if you shop a discount store.

Good luck, and have fun! I know she'll appreciate it.

I think that is rediculous! Why would you not need/deserve a baby shower because you are 40??? I just think that sounds so rude and insensitive. What if she couldn't get pregnant? Are all 40 year olds wealthy enough to buy everything needed for a baby? Do they not deserve to be celebrated?

I know you didn't say this personally, but I just think its plain silly.

Go to the shower if you would normally attend any other gathering for co-workers. Spend as much as you would normally spend also. If you can only spend $5.00 get something sentimental a little trinket box, a gift card for pictures, a photo album...

P.S. I really liked your idea of making a meal for the soon to be mamma. I think that there are plenty of inexpensive ways to show someone you are thinking of them, without breaking the bank...if you know someone who knits maybe they would be willing to whip up a blanket for a trade (maybe help with their dishes or something). Being thoughtful doesnt cost much.

At that age/???????That is really mean. I had a baby at 42 and didn't feel like a freak. Many many famous and important people had older parents.
'''''''''''Why not cheer and support the coming event. Babies are lovely.
Be happy and show how happy having a baby can be.

ouch this one hurts. Age has nothing to do with it. This is a 1st time mom to be period she will need all the help given. $5 ain't anything. I always get essentials- Diapers & wipes are a BIG help or gift cards or cash. I don't get clothes & toys. If you have kids think back to see what you needed for your little one. If your not a parent ask others w/infant children & ask what do/did you need the most.

Also if ur going w/the diapers don't get newborn- hopefully she'll have lots of those try to get size 1 or 2 & always give the gift receipt.

Hope I helped some.

A first baby and any baby after that ALWAYS deserves a baby shower!!! Good for her to have a baby!!!!! I would up your price range a bit---5 bucks is too low to get anything nice. You can't even buy a pack of diapers for that~ You could make a beautiful card--no cost and then give a gift card to target, babysrus, walmart etc. Whatever place she is registered at or buy a small pack of diapers and wipes with the card for around 15-20 dollars. GL!

M

I haven't read the other replies.

I have never heard of not having a shower after age 40. I think anyone having their first baby should have a shower if they want one. It's a nice way to celebrate a very exciting time, and chances are that women having their first baby at 40+ have been wanting one for quite awhile.

As for only spending $5, unless you are hand making something very special, or the friend knows that you have extreme financial hardship, I think that is a very small amount to spend. I would do at least $15-20, even for someone you aren't extremely close with.

All that said, I don't really like baby showers very much and didn't have one for either of my kids. I don't go to showers unless it's for a good friend, so I certainly wouldn't go to one for a co-worker that I wasn't close to.

If you aren't really good friends, or can't/don't want to spend the money, I say skip the shower.

Take your $5 and go check out the sale rack at Kohl's. You will be surprised at what you will find. Deals are especially good in the baby section.

Most people have a baby shower for their first regardless of age. Since it is a workplace event, unless you work in a very big place, I would go. Usually $15-25 is spent on a gift. However, you can find some very good buys somewhere like a baby book on clearance etc. I didn't read all the replies but if $5 is the limit I would get together with your department or a group and each chip in $5 to make a bigger gift.

Anyone who is having a baby for the first time probably needs a shower, no matter what their age. Babies do cost money, and the purpose of a shower is to lessen the financial burden of the family as well as express your care for that individual. I had my first child at 40 (nearly 41) and we had two wonderful showers that cared for a lot of our needs.
As for your attendance, it would be a nice gesture on your part.
Finally, I would check over your co-workers baby registry. There are sure to be one or two items within your price range or you can always give her a gift card for that amount as well.