Wondering If I Should Return to Work??

I was glad to see you chose to stay at home for now.That is where i am happy at also.I joined a work at home team 5 years ago and that was the best thing for me.Work At Home United has a great support team ,if you would like more info. go to http://www.workathomeunited.com/anitamcclellan i was glad i did.

D., you definitely do sound torn between two decisions. I don't think any kind of work replaces the work you do at home as a SAHM. But that's just my opinion. Before I had children, I was in the corporate world, but boy did my priorites change once I had kids. My husband and I both talked about me quitting work once we started having kids, no matter how hard financially it can be.

I read once, 'we don't have children with money, we have children with faith.' If money is one of the reasons, I wouldn't go back to work for that reason.

If it's because you are feeling lonely as an adult because you are just around your little during the day...that will pass as you get together with play groups and as he gets older so you can cart him off to this and that type of place to explore and educate him more on the wonderful world that we live in. You'll get to see his enjoyment learning. And as additional children come along, it certainly won't get lonely.

I remember you saying a while back that you'll be starting school again soon...that will probably help out in many ways for you before you guys start having more children. More children will definitely keep you busy and challenged.

Good luck D. on your decision, but remember, as a unit, you and your husband would definitely need to agree so it won't cause additional problems in the marriage.

I think whatever you decide is right for you and your family, will be the best choice. I'll just share my story with you, in the event that it can help. I fully intended to return to a job I loved when my daughter was born after 3 months of maternity leave, but just couldn't do it, so I stayed home. I went back to work when she was 1 year old, but after 2 months, was not happy with my childcare situation, so I left again. I thought that my options were black or white--either work full time or stay at home full time, as often part time jobs don't make childcare worth it. I began researching owning a business and will become a franchise owner at the end of this month. There are a lot of real businesses you can own and operate from home on your own time. They require a fairly large initial investment, but it's a small price to pay for the quality of life you want. I know other moms on here would disagree, but it IS about money. We've made it financially during my stay at home years, but I don't want to be just "making it"--I want to retire young to spend time with grandkids, buy my daughter a car when she's 16 and send her to college loan free. I want nice things that I can be proud of and I want great family vactions, maybe a beach house etc. I can't do all of that one one income. So, while I'd love to stay home AND have those things, it ain't happenin' sister! With owning my own business, I can work the hours I want to work and answer only to myself. My daughter goes to preschool for 6 hours a day and I will work those 6 hours, pick her up at 3, spend some great afternoons with her, and finish up my work when she goes to bed. I will also be saving for our future, getting adult interaction, and able to hire a nanny for our next child, a cleaning service etc. so that the time we spend together is not spent on chores. For me, this is the perfect balance. By the way, my daughter is 2 and loves preschool so much--she NEVER wants to come home--I really think that, at a certain age, it is not good for them to be home with mom all of the time. Anyhow, hope this helps--good luck in whatever you decide to do.

D. - I hear myself in here so much! Here are my thoughts..first, I would suggest going through a program, or reading a book like "Financial Peace" by Dave Ramsey. Its about using what you have, and managing what money you do have well. We have been on his plan for 5 years, and its the reason I am home. We manage what little we have well, so we can afford to stay home.

Then, I would suggest a playgroup for YOU and the little guy. Getting out of the house is part of making being home work. You need it, just as much as he needs interaction with other kids. There are TONS of playgroups everywhere..I use www.meetup.com to manage the playgroup I am an organizer of. You can go on there, use your zip code and find groups in your area that fit your personality. LOVE it.

Staying home..my personal opinion is that its the best choice by FAR. These years are so important. Teaching these babies is best done by you, and no one will take as good of care of him as you. And yeah to that daddy for supporting, even encouraging you to do it!

You may have to have a few less things,and money be a little more tight, but seriously ...its worth every struggle to stay home!

I vote for staying home. It is best for your child to be raised by his own mother. It is good for your marriage because this is also what your husband wants. And, it is good for you. I've never heard of anyone saying at the end of her life, "I wish I'd spent more time at the office." Staying at home is an adjustment, but it is so worth it. There was a post on MamaSource on August 2nd by Milana P titled "SAHM needs support- please read!" She got 73 responses from other women encouraging and supporting her. (I think that's a record.) She posted a follow-up about how happy she is now. Her post and responses are definitely worth reading as you make this very important decision for you and your family. I left a career I loved to stay at home with our first child. Now we have five children, and I don't regret for a minute being a SAHM. I only have this time to raise my children. I'll have the rest of my life to work, and the family is far more important than anything outside the home. Sure there are challenges, but all worthwhile things require effort. You can also find good helps and support on www.flylady.net. That site is terrific for helping maintain structure in your life, especially at home. Good luck.

Finacial problems will cause friction in any marriage, but do not feel guilty-our first and foremost calling is "mother". If your son has stranger issues maybe you could find something part time second shift and he could stay with your husband. You could also start arranging some play dates where the adult interacts with him as well or have friends over for dinner and play some games with him.. If he realizes that grown ups are not booger bears he will not be so weary of strangers (which is not neccessarily a bad thing in today's world) I had the same situation several years back and I went to work third shift stocking until our rough patch subsided.You will go through some seperation anxiety and of course you will miss him, but he will adjust fine to these changes. If you are going to school soon he will have to adjust to that and one day he will be going to school or fieldtrips with homeschool groups. It's just part of growing up. Ideally most every mom wants to only be with her children, but realistically it rarely works out that way. He will be fine and so will you. My best wishes to you and yours.

One thing you should do is tell your husband how you are feeling about staying home and why you want to work even if it is just part time. I have stayed home by choice but I also started my own business from home so I still have income and still have business contact with other people. You have to do what is right for you and your family, but it seems you need to also be on the same page with your husband.

I think it is wonderful you have your husband's support to stay home. So many do not. I understand the need to get out with the adult world. There are many great playgroups in town. The Y has childcare and there are churches that offer drop-in care. Playgroups helped me soo much. I still crave the contributing-to-society factor and the truth is I am. My daughter is now almost three. She cleans her room, she is very respectful, she is active, curious and aware (and of course still very much almost three!). I am so glad I have seen all the milestones. Though quite the financial challenge, deep in my heart I know it was the right thing for us. I know how she was spoken with and cared for. But, if it is not good choice for someone else, then it is not. Maybe if you can get some quiet time and check in, deep within, your answer and vision will come. It made a difference for me once I had a vision of the things I could do to support myself being a good parent, and of my daughter thriving. Oh, you are going back to school! Wonderful! That will likely richen your world!!!
Now I am getting ready to work while she is in school. I may offer childcare (my forte) or work outside our home. I am excited for the change! I need to check in with my vision too.
Great luck on your very important decision!

You could always work part-time --- how about a party plan? www.hgpfun4you.com

Hi D.. I work from home with Motivated Moms. We are a group of moms helping moms make additional income and make your home safer for our familys. I also stay at home with my 2 children ages 2 and 3 and i know all about the rough patches!! i joined Motivated Moms and it has helped out!! We have been a member of the BBB since 1985. if you would like more info www.motivatedmom.tk
thanks, D. Swint
Proud Motivated Mom

Hi D.,
First of all, you aren't alone. This is a very difficult decision for many women. You are very blessed that you have a husband who wants you to stay home. Many women want desperately to be with their children but are unable to for financial reasons.
Please don't make this decision based on feeling cooped up int he house. Just because you are a stay-at-home-mom, that doesn't mean you literally have to stay at home all day every day. I'm a SAHM, and I make sure I take my two children somewhere every day to play--either the playground, the pool, the softplay area in the mall, the Thomas the Train at Barnes & Noble, storytime at the library or Barnes & Noble, a friend's house, an indoor playground like those in McDonald's or Chic-Fil-A, etc. I'm also involved in two different MOPS groups (I highly recommend MOPS--find one near you & join it! let me know if you need more info)and a couple of local playgroups. The best way to find the local playgroups is to go to one of the above mentioned places & start talking to the other moms. You'll be surprised how quickly you can make friends if you put yourself out there.
I know your little boy is only 6 months old and not old enough for some of this, but it won't be long. You can still take him to these places and play with him and introduce him to it slowly. Time will pass quickly, and you'll be much happier if you get into a network of other SAHMs and keep busy. Your little boy will also enjoy playing with the other children.
Do you have a church? That can be a great resource for you as well.
Good luck with your decision. I know many mothers who wish they had spent more time with their children, and now it's too late for them.

Hi D.. I am a stay at home mom and will do all I can to encourage you to stay at home. It is something that I don't regret, and I believe it is a harder job then working! I wouldn't want anyone else to raise my child on a daily basis. You mentioned that you would like your life back. You can have a life while being a stay at home mom! My 15 month old and I stay busy with church, friends, etc. I would even be willing to meet you for lunch at Chick-fil-a one day! That is always a fun outing. As far as you and your husbands struggles, I wouldn't think they would get better if you went back to work. That would just add more to your life! Stay at home...your child needs you!

Before I got a job, I would start back to school and see how much time that's going to take combined with caring for your baby. If you still feel like you want a job, then I say go for it. IF you can find part-time employment that will still cover childcare expenses, that may be the best solution.

DEFINITELY -no matter which path you take -try to find a playgroup or Moms Morning Out or something in your area so that you have other adult contact and your child is around other kids and/or adult caretakers. If it were not for a really great playgroup in our area and two half-days per week of preschool starting when he was 1, I would have gone back full-time to keep from going nuts! It makes all the difference in the world to get together with other moms and kids the age of yours once or twice a week -AND you do need some time to yourself, so at least once a week see if you can find somewhere that will take him for a few hours.