Women & Jealousy

I hate even the thought of this question. Where on earth does the idea that women are all jealous and don't get along come from? I don't mean to jump all over you but I'm hearing this idea more and more and it makes no sense at all to me. I guess for me, I've rarely experienced "strife" with other women. I tend to like and respect most of the women I meet. But then again, I tend to get along with people in general. If I find that I dislike a person, it's usually because I find him or her to be lacking in character (e.g. ignorant, toxic, selfish, lazy, dishonest, callous, abusive, neglectful, etc.). I'm certainly not jealous of those I don't like or respect, be they men or women.

My 2 cents: Jealousy occurs when there is a percieved threat to something of personal value, often a relationship. Envy occurs when it is perceived that someone possesses a desireable quality, material possession, or perhaps some kind of achievement that the other person lacks or perhaps wishes they had themselves. In my personal experience, it's often envy that rears its ugly head. Many, not all, women use downward comparisons to make them feel better about themselves (e.g., she's pretty but not that smart, had a great job but no kids, has a great family but no career, etc...), and when they can't do that (e.g., attractive woman with nice family, seems happy, fulfilling career), it's more comfortable to find ways to exclude the object of envy. I've known incredibly confident women who are genuinely happy for themselves and for others, women such as those I am describing (automatically shun), and women to befriend you just to find out more about your personal life, but not for the right reasons (i.e., they seem to get some personal satisfaction when they figure out that life is not perfect for the object of envy!). Women - we're pretty complicated, I think, but the happier we are with our own lives and choices, the better we're able to treat each other!

nope. and strife between men is not all rooted in war.
khairete
S.

No -a lot is rooted in simple disagreement. Usually when I experience strife with another woman, it's not because I'm jealous of her, but because I disagree with her. At this point in my life, I'm jealous very little and of very few people -women or men. When I feel jealousy it's usually a fleeting feeling from the standpoint of something like, "I wish I had won that lottery," or "I wish I had that overactive metabolism!" I've found that the old advice is true -you really don't know what it's like in another person's shoes, so your jealousy may be REALLY misplaced. If most people who are jealous of someone could fully experience being that person or having their ENTIRE life -they wouldn't exchange it for their own. You never know what may be going on behind the scenes.

No, I don't think it's all rooted in jealousy, but a great deal of it is, perhaps subconsciously. Much of it is rooted in girls' socialization in a patriarchal society. Girls/women are often socialized to compete against one another, frequently for attention from males. How many times have girls/women said about other girls/women "look at her, she thinks she's cute." How many times have girls/women engaged in demeaning name calling about other women regarding their sexuality (probable promiscuity), while never subjecting men who engage in similar behaviors to the same type of scrutiny or chastisement. The media fuels this type of division among women. Remember the Pantene commercial "don't hate me because I'm beautiful?" Girls/women are often socialized to see other girls/women as threats and not as sisters. And therefore, in our patriarchal/sexist society women's frustration/fear is often misdirected at each other instead of being directed at challenging the structures of women's oppression...male power and control.

If we were all made up with only one reason for negative feelings--how simple it would be. Being complex beings, my answer would be NO. Strife can be rooted in jealousy, certainly, but what about insecurity, guilt, dishonesty (with others as well as oneself), even differences in opinions or priorities, and so much more. Wish I had more time for this one... very interesting.

I think women are very insecure and do not like themselves and find it hard to appreciate the world around them. I am not an insecure person myself but I recently found out that a lot of the things that I do tend to massage other people's insecurities. I had no idea that I did this but I do many things to bring this out!! I just want to be happy and raise my kids. I talk to my friend and she thinks that insecurity has a lot to do with many people being unhappy.

For me personally it isn't rooted in jealousy but more so in that a lot of women are catty and petty and competitive (which may arise from their jealousy) and I am not and I just don't have the desire to deal with that. I know who I am. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know my vices and viewpoints and I love me. I am confident in what I am and I have found that a lot of women are insecure and that insecurity makes some women naturally compare themselves to others and compete with others (I'm prettier than her, right? My child was potty trained at 2, I can't believe yours wasn't until 3. Must be nice you get to stay home with your kids while I have to work, etc.) which obviously doesn't make for friendship.

I don't think so. Since becomming a parent, I've beocme hyper-aware that there are personality types that I just don't mesh with, and no longer try.

If we're not on the same page, generally, conversation is adversarial, or I find myself biting my tongue too much. So that isn't something that's a jealousy issue. Now had you mentioned insecurities....I would say yes!

No I do not think so..jealousy is not bad as it sounds...It gets bad when you envy someone else and want what they have. Jealousy is more wanting the same love and attention others have.

Strife between women is usually when they don't get to know each other and try to relate. Then they feel the other woman is a threat. It works the other way around as a clan...the moment women can relate, then they group together and exclude others who don't "fit in"...IT's all about shared experiences as well.

If another woman stops believing they are better than the other, we can get along.

I'd say possibly....

Since jealousy is not an emotion in itself, but rather a symptom or a side effect of an emotion, such as guilt or insecurity, or lack of self respect....

All of those emotions manifest themselves as jealousy I suppose.

Still, it is CERTAINLY not exclusive to us. In my life, I've known more MEN who are more prone to jealousy than I am than women.

Jealousy is a colossal waste of time talent and energy.

I think that for the most part women are raised to be jealous or in competition with other women. We cant help it but we find ourselves clinging to " birds of a feather". Our whole lives revolve around Cliques- soccer moms, hockey moms, glam moms. SAHM moms, working moms, it is how we are raised and how the world classifies us. We tend not to associate with people that make us feel inferior or that we "cant compete" with.

No, I do no think it is always rooted in jealousy. Often, but not always.