My daughter has always told me, "i love you." I say it to my kids often. I know this seems pretty petty, but she has progressively started saying it more & more. I know, no big deal. very sweet, but she started interupting people I'm talking with to tell me this. So I have spoken with her that while I love to hear what she is saying, it is impolite to interupt & to wait until i'm not speaking with people to tell me. Believe me, I am thankful she is telling me this at all, but it is getting excessive. We have a 15 minute drive into town & during that car ride, she will say, "Momma" I say, "yes?" she says"I love you." I say, "I love you too, honey." then a few minutes later she does it all again. If I ignore the first momma, knowing what she is going to say, she will just say, "Momma?" over & over till I respond. When I mean excessive, we are at about 50-100 times a day. I've kinda just let it go basically cuz what is being said, but it is getting super annoying to constantly be having my thoughts interupted this many times during a day. I am constantly being derailed while trying to multitask. I really haven't addressed this because how really do you say my daughter telling me she loves me constantly is driving me crazy without sounding like a loon or hateful mom. Well, yesterday, hubby counted and began to get very frustrated and told me he didn't know how I was dealing with that everyday. I asked him what he thought I should do, but he had nothing. I am at a loss myself honestly. I've tried rediecting like listening to music or talking during the ride, but she still does it regardless. She did it during a movie at the theatre yesterday about 4 times before I told her it wasn't appropriate to talk during the movie unless she needed to go potty & she stopped until the movie was over, then said it like 4-5 times while we walked out to the car. This is something new that has been progressively gotten worse the past 6-8 months. she has always told me she loves me, so I'm not certain when the repats really began, but this last month or so has been driving me nuts & interferring with my thought processes. I'm nervous about how to go about stopping this as I do not want her to take it as a rejection of what she is saying, but I think the words have really just become habit & it is now an attention tool? Confidence issue? From my last question people mentioned she could be stress, so I don't know if this could be a manifestation of anxiety? She is a bit shy but has been getting better with that. I have not noticed her doing this to anyone else, just me. Her little brother has noticed & has started telling her to stop it as she will interupt him to tell me she loves me. So I'm open to anyone who has had a similar experience & what worked for them, or any ideas about what could be the reasoning behind this act. FYI, she has been watching cartoons while I type this & has told me she loves me 3 times.
Well, made some cheat sheet notes & I had a heart to heart with her. She says she just likes to say it & wouldn't give any other answer. She liked the idea of saying it in other ways & she liked my examples of things I do to show her I love her besides telling her. She has spent the day really honing in on different things I'm doing & if my love is a motivation in doing it. LOL For example, I told the kids that tv time was over & we needed to go outside for awhile. my son started to get fussy about having tv off & my daughter told him not to get upset cuz I love them & want them to exercise to be healthy. I was like WOW & totally agreed. she does get it & she is such a smart girl, just blows me away. I plan on trying to find the book The kissing hand at the library as we go weekly. I'm going to really watch her a bit more clinically about the OCD or compulsion issues, and take a wait & see approach before we go see Dr.'s. She has said it about a handful of times today and really seems pleased that I noticed that she was saying it so much. Guess i should have addressed it earlier as it seems to be what she was waiting for. Who Knew? Normally on cleaning day, which was today, I have a hard time getting her to get it all done, but today my kids switched roles on me & just threw me for a loop. So, thanks for all the good advise, it all helped in one way or another.
It does sound compulsive and perhaps since you wrote that she is able to control herself from saying it like when waiting until the movie is over, maybe you can schedule "I Love You" moments. Tell her that you're going to share love-you's and hugs at certain times, say morning, noon and evening before bedtime.
Hmmmm. 5 year olds are about as interesting as they get. Maybe she is giving you what she wants, more love. Have you asked her if she gets enough love? Maybe you can prompt a discussion about all the "I love you's" and how too much of a good thing doesn't work (like too much ice cream) and make some deals about how it should be handled. Also, see if she needs something from you.
Have you read the book The Kissing Hand? It is a precious book. My 5 year old loved it when he went to kinder and was missing me. He traced his hand and put it into a heart pocket for me for when I missed him. It deals with insecurity in children and reassures them of a mother's love.
Whatever the cause, I thought of this book! If her repetitive behavior continues or expands to other things, I would agree, you need to take her to see a professional. I don't know anything else about your daughter, but some kids with autism spectrum disorder, including Aspbergers, will vocally "stim" saying the same thing kind of obsessively.
Good Luck!
J
cdm2kk,
Hello there. What you are seeing in your daughter is a compulsion. She is driven to say "I love you" and she cannot help it. It can happen this young and she will need intervention from a therapist that deals with anxiety disorders to learn to stop. As you can see the symptoms gradually get worse over time and redirecting her behavior does not help. She will get better with professional help. Do not ignore this, this is very stressful for your daughter as well as your whole family. Do not blame yourself or your parenting for the compulsions, it runs in families. I would bet if you looked around the family tree you would find someone else with an anxiety disorder as well. Get professional help for your daughter and good luck. This can be safely and effectively treated.
L.
I am not sure what is going on with your child but it reminded me of a conversation I had with our daughter at this age.
She was an early talker and I talk a lot. When she was young I almost kept an ongoing conversation going on while around her explaining what I was doing, giving her the words for what she was doing..
Anyway at about the age of 4 or 5 we were int he car and she was just talking and talking and I could not concentrate on my driving. I finally turned to her and said. "You know what? I do not think I have ever told you this, but we do not have to talk at every moment. Sometimes it is just fun to be together and just share the time." It was like I had given her permission to just be quiet and enjoy just being.
She actually has used this line on me a few times.. stinker...
Maybe you can do the same for your daughter. Free her by saying, I know that you love me, you know I love you, when you say it so much it makes me feel like you do not believe me. Do you believe I love you? Do you believe that I know you love me?
The talking in the movie.. is another issue. I am sure you already do this, but for every event church, inside stores, movies, restaurants, visiting someones home before entering the building at this age I would ask my daughter to repeat the rules for this event. She would say, "hands behind my back, inside voice, only walking, no talking, no buying snacks, go to the potty before we sit down", whatever were our rules for behavior for the event. I would always tell her "thank you for reminding me"..
Why she's doing it - I don't know. But you might want to talk to her about the many different ways we all say 'I love you' every day. Drawing a picture or writing a note can say I love you. A hug or holding hands can mean 'I love you'. So is putting away your toys or making your bed. Tell her you do things every day for your family like cooking meals, doing laundry, taking care of the house and all of it are ways of saying you love your family. Daddy works hard at his job because he loves his family and wants to provide for you. Saying the words is nice, but variety is not a bad thing and saying it and showing it in different way is not bad either. And you love her every minute of every day even if you don't say it every minute of every day.
What an exhausting problem. I have a few thoughts:
Does she show any other repetitive behaviors or deep anxieties? If so, a medical evaluation might be in order. Since she seemed able to restrain herself at the movie, this could be simply (though challengingly) behavioral.
You mention "multi-tasking" and wonder whether she's seeking attention. You might try beating her to the punch a few times a day (not in immediate response to her behavior); hold her face to face in a cuddly embrace, look into her eyes, and tell her how very much you love her. Not just the 3-word phrase, but tell her about things she does that make you realize how glad you are she's in your life. Avoid ALL evaluation or criticism during this exercise. Give her your warm, gentle, undivided attention for a few minutes. Ask her something that she's feeling happy about, or what she felt about doing X this morning, or what specifically she appreciates about you or daddy.
Also, make a date with her at least once a week during which she gets your undivided attention for an hour or so. Walk in the park, have a tea party, do a craft project, sit close and watch a special girly video together, bake cookies.
These might accomplish two things. It could reassure her that she's your number-one priority at least some of the time. And it could expand her ability to express her affection, resulting in less repetition. If she doesn't have a medical issue, this will quite possibly bring you noticable relief over the next week or two.
It could be any number of things. Firstly a 5 year old doesn't grasp the entire meaning of what I Love You stands for. A brief talk about what it means to tell some one that you love them might work. Tell her WHY you tell her that you love her. Tell her WHEN it is appropriate to say I love you. It sounds like a cry for attention or it could be as simple as she likes the way it sounds and has decided to say it over and over because she doesnt understand the actual meaning of i love you. try and explain it to her. if she needs some attention ask her if she does. most kids will let you know. I ask mine if they start doing irritating things "do you need my attention for something?" and then I explain an appropriate way to get my attention. and that they will have to wait until next time that they appropriately ask for attention.
Do you remember her hitting her head around the time this started? Maybe she keeps forgetting that she said it.
This is just a thought (Did she hear you and your husband fighting)? She might feel like she wants you to feel happy not upset.
Maybe she is starting to have some kind of OCD.
If I was you, I would take her in to see the Dr. and have the Dr. watch her for an hour. I would do this near the end of his or her day so that the Dr. can really take the time to watch her. Have the Dr. do his paper work in the same room as you both so that he can look busy to her.
I wish you the best with this.
God bless.
She's old enough to understand a little heart to heart. I would have her sit in your lap, and tell her that you love how she wants you to know she loves you. But, when you love someone, it doesn't mean that you have to tell them all the time. Tell her that you KNOW she loves you very much and you love her too, but she only really needs to tell you during goodbyes or bedtimes. Then the next time she says it just out of the blue, just tell her "I love you too, but remember that we're saying it only at goodbyes and bedtimes" And if she says it again, say "Are you going somewhere?" she'll eventually break the habit, but you must understand that at this point, it probably IS a habit, so just be patient
that is annoying. i would ask her what is the reason she keeps saying i love you so much? not just why. then explain to her that i love you are very special words and to repeat them over all day makes them seem not so important. but actually become annoying! to repeat anything all day seems to be boring. it really looks like she is wants some serious one on one time (play,talk) with you. good luck.
I am sure it is just a phase. Give her a notebook and tell her to write it down whenever she wants to tell you she loves you. She can draw you a pretty picture, etc. Show her the sign for I love you with your hand(pinky and index finger up with your thumb stuck out) and tell her to use that when you are talking. You can just flash the sign back. All five year olds want attention, she probably does it the moment you get on the phone as well. My five year old did "Why?", everything was "why". He would interrupt me to ask why. It was annoying and he grew out of it and on to something else.
Wow, this is a tough one. Have you ask her WHY she tells you all the time?
It sounds to me that she might need to see a doctor. She is also not concentrating on anything. She might have an attention disorder. Granted at 5 she isn't going to sit and watch the whole movie without talking, but if she is willing to stop because it's rude to talk, then she does understand. So, you need to work on getting her to concentrate on things more.
Does she have memory games? How old is her brother? Can he play with her? Is she ever away from you for any period of time? Has she started school yet?
Try to explain to her that it is wonderful to hear that she loves you, but she is being rude and not letting you get things done that you need to do, just like there are things she needs to do and you would not interrupt her.
Good luck, please have her checked to make sure she is just being her and not something else going on here.
Take care.
I would explain to her that a there are so many ways you love her and show it in different ways. I would tell her that you think of her all day also and would love to say "I love you" all day but nothing would get done. So from now on we will say it when we wake in the morning, before lunch, and at bed time or if she has a boo boo (may want to wait on telling her the boo boo, just automatically do it then) But we will think it all day long!!! Tell her she can practice her writing skills and make a big "I LOVE YOU" for the fridge! But she has to obey you by only doing it at the times you say. This to will pass mom, but do address it. Good luck!
Remember she is only 5 and this may take a day or so. Sounds like she just wants to make sure you know.
Wow, does sound crazy to be annoyed when your 5 year old says I love you but 50 times in 10 minutes is CRAZY. Sounds like a little insecurity on her part. Example, my son does something and I say great job. Then for the next 1/2 hour he asks me a million times in different ways how was it a great job, or mom were you happy when I did that great job? My kid like yours shouldn't have doubts as you tell her you love her all the time and I validate my son constantly. My son happens to be seeing a therapist for other issues and I brought this up. Both hubby and I don't understand why he would need constant affirmation especially since we give it all the time. She said sometimes it is just the kid. You can praise, love them congratulate them but still they have their own little stresses. She said he'll grow out of it. I do mention to him that he doesn't have to ask me so many times why I was proud of him at that moment, but..... So sadly I can only say she will grow out of it and unfortunatly you are going to have to live with it till something else comes along to distract her. And since it is only to you it's def not an OCD but just her intense need to make sure YOU know you are loved. Good luck
Have you asked HER why she keeps saying it?????
My best guess is for attention/ reassurance that you love her. I do agree that it is way to much, but I would try to find a reason that she is doing it.
Hi! I know you already got a lot of good advice but I wanted to let you know that my son also used to do this. He used to do it A LOT when he was about 3-years old (he is almost 6 now). He would do it everywhere....when we were in the car, when I was making dinner, when I was getting ready to go somewhere, etc., many times interrupting someone else to tell me that or like you said, just interupting me and my thoughts so that I felt I was never able to complete a task! He would say "Mommy, mommy, mommy" until I said "what?" And then it was always, "I Love You". Sometimes it could be annoying but I was like you, how could I tell my sweet boy to stop telling me he loved me?
In hindsight I would say he did it primarily as a sign of security--to make sure I was there (even though he could see me). He had just started a Mother's Day Out program and was previously very attached to me. I think it was his way of sorting out that Mommy would always be there for him (even if it was later in the day) because I was away from him for a few days for a couple of days a week. Has your family's schedule changed so that your daughter is not spending as much time with you as she did before? Just a thought. I would just give it some time and see if she outgrows it. My son probably did it for a good six months at least but now that he doesn't I wish he still would sometimes! (he is still a very loving boy though!)
Good luck!
My daughter is like this too. It's especially a problem when she's nervous or happy, I guess extreme emotions. I understand how frustrating it can be. She's now 7 and has other OCD behaviors.
You might take her to see a therapist who deals a lot with OCD children and they can help you/her to get it under control.
My daughter, by the way, has Asperger Syndrome in addition to OCD.
WOW! This breaks my heart. It's such a tough one. How would one even begin to ask her sweet child to STOP saying "I love you"?!? I can't begin to imagine. My heart goes out to you.
Does your daughter have any other signs of compulsive behavior? I do not want to alarm you but I think this one should be directed to your pediatrician, who in turn, might recommend a child psychologist. This could be a phase she's going through, but 6-8 months is generally indicative of a real problem and not just "a phase". Perhaps a child pschologist can give you the appropriate skills to redirect her behavior.
I am heartbroken that one must face the inevitable task of redirecting her childs affection in a positive way. I do hope you give us feedback as to how you handle this.
Godspeed
For some reason she is feeling like she is being left behind, she is very insecure for some reason. Is there a new baby or is one coming, have you moved, new relation etc. new school a death in family these are all reason's that may make her feel insecure. Once you find out this you will better be able to answer her and hopefully make her feel better. Give her a sign with your hands like your hand over your heart that tells her that you love her without saying it out loud it can be like your own secret sign to each other.
