Why Do People Do This?

I hear ya! I'm an apartment manager and everyone signs a book of rules. I have what I call the 5% club here. 95% seem to follow the rules with no problems but 5% make things miserable for everyone. People that don't follow rules and guidelines are selfish and are the reason someone had to make rules in the first place. The majority do follow rules tho and that's why society is fairly normal. It would be terrible if the numbers were reversed. So rest easily knowing that most still follow rules.

Where is the rule that says a parent cannot parent their child within the moral and ethical perspectives of their choosing?

Where is the rule stating anyone under the age of whatever cannot have a facebook page with parental consent?

Rules are subjective. As are morals and ethics. Not everyone is the same height, weight, color, or gender. We're all different- as are the "rules" we follow.

Good luck-

Because we have brains, Cheryl, and can evaluate risks and make decisions. You know, critical thinking? Questioning rules is wonderful and healthy! I teach my kids to NOT just blindly follow rules but to find out the intent behind them if they don't make sense to them and choose to follow the rule if the explanation makes sense or question further or - gasp! - break it and take the consequence if caught. That's not raising anarchists, it's raising people who can think for themselves and change what no longer makes sense (or never makes sense).

So if we're all supposed to just follow the rules because they are rules, Rosa Parks just should have moved to the back of the bus? Molested children should really just stay quiet because someone in authority told them to (yes, that's what happened in the Catholic church)? Following every darn rule out there is a slippery slope. The Facebook "rule" is arbitrary. The folks at FB didn't do congnitive-behavioral research and consult with experts and conduct studies that unequivocally determined that literally on a child's 13th birthday, something magical transpires that then makes them able to "handle" an account. It's just the age they picked. It could just have easily have been 12, or 14, or 10, or 16 and 4.5 months or whatever. It's not magical, it's not a law, it's not about safety - it's an arbitrary cut-off and is handy in case a parent wants to pull and account for a younger child. Otherwise, unless reported, the FB police aren't going to know that someone age 12 set up and account.

And really, don't worry about all of the rule breakers making it hard for you. If you believe that a rule is a sound one and worth upholding, uphold it. If you think it's stupid and arbitrary, then work to change it or go ahead and break it and risk the consequences. Personally, I will hold the line on teen driving rules and underage drinking, because I believe that the laws make sense and save lives. But if one of my kids smokes pot in college while in one place for the night (not driving anywhere of course), who cares? Not me. It's simply about critical thinking, choices and responsibility.

ETA: I take back the part about FB's age restriction being arbitrary. It's not - it's to comply with the FTC's The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act of 2000. So there you have it - it's not about safety, it's about protecting FB from having to deal with violations of a federal act that requires strict controls around who can access the information that children under age 13 post and requires verifiable parental permission for collecting personal information on a child. The act seems not worth the effort of compliance unless a website is geared specifically towards children and FB is not. Again, it's not about safety it's a CYA move by FB.

Yep, well, during 1930's Germany, it was against the rules to help Jews. Would you have turned your neighbors over to the Nazis because that's what the rules said you had to do?

In the 1950's, my husband's parents wanted to get married. They lived in Alabama, and his father was black, and his mother was white. According to your logic, because interracial marriage was illegal, they should have gone their separate ways.

What I'm getting at is that not all rules, and even not all laws, are based upon sound principles. It's not a good idea to do something simply because the rules say so. Sometimes rules are there for a reason, and sometimes, they're just not.

Ya know, once upon a time, there was a rule that women were not allowed to vote. Im sure glad that there some people out there that break the rules for the greater good!

Catherine- I think you are taking this way out of context. Rules, like for Facebook, are NOT the same as racial segregation half a century ago. That is called civil rights, which has nothing to do with Facebook.

Cheryl- could not agree more. The thing that bothers me about the whole Facebook thing is that these are the children that get "attacked" by older people. Like the young 14 year old that posted half naked photos of herself on her myspace, claiming to be 18, then was victimized when older guys wanted to hook up with her. Drives me NUTS.

Hmmm, it is quite the jump to go from the statement that one should follow the rules imposed by Facebook to following rules imposed by the Nazis or by the segregated South. Not really a fair comparison at all and I don't know many people who buy the whole, "just following orders" defense when doing something that is morally wrong. We should be able to tell the difference between right and wrong, and especially to realize when rules are established for our own protection.

I am also a big one for rules--heck, I'm a teacher, Catholic, and a mother--I better like rules with that combination ;-)

At our local school park the rules state ages 5-12 for kids to play on the playground equipment but I see younger kids playing all the time. The preschool teachers uses the same equipment for the preschool kids during school hours.
I don't think there is anyone here that can say that they follow 100% of the rules 100% of the time.
As far as the FB thing goes, I allowed my 10 yr old have an account because he had a friend that moved to FL and she had an account. I also signed into his account at least twice a day to make sure no one was posting or messaging him things they shouldn't.

I agree with you.

It's because we live in a "me, me, me", selfish & self absorbed society. We want it, and we want it now, and we will do whatever we want, even breaking the rules, to get what we want. It also gets extended to the kids, & it's no wonder why kids are so out of control nowadays... where do you think they're learning the behaviors?!

when we signed up and paid for our neighborhood pool membership, they made it clear they had an on-site restaurant and therefore we could not bring outside food and drinks. not only do some people break the rules, but they have the nerve to ask us why we don't. I told one doctor's wife I would rather pay an extra dollar for a drink than to teach the kids to break the rules and sneak aroud.

I agree with you for the most part. Most rules are well founded and are necessary in order to live in a civilized society. It's important for us, as parents, to do our best to set a good example for our kids. As adults, we are usually able to distinguish between breaking a rule for a very good, just reason and breaking a rule because we simply do not feel like following it. The maturity required to make the distinction does not usually manifest itself until adulthood.

However, the idea that something is right or wrong because a rule says it is, is in fact incorrect. Something isn't right or wrong because of what a rule says. Rather, a rule exists because something is right or wrong (ideally).

Several people have been giving Catherine C a hard time for her answer. But the thing is, can you honestly say that she is wrong about Nazi German or about Interracial Marriage?

The rules on Facebook were made in order to protect young children for something that they are not yet mature enough to handle on their own. This does not mean that it is the only way to protect them. It actually simply means that if they choose to break the rule and something bad happens then Facebook isn't responsible. Many rules in our society have been created for similar reasons (ie. what kids can/cannot bring in the school lunches, whether or not 1st graders should be allowed to "slide" in baseball, at what age "tackle" football should begin, pens are not to be used in school until 4th grade and even then never in math class)

Rules and morality are not the same thing. Many rules are based on morality. Some rules actually conflict with many peoples moral believes (ie, abortion, same-sex marriage)

As parents we need to help our children grow into critical thinking adults. Adults who are equipped to challenge the rules of society when they need to be challenged. Obviously we need to do our best to be age appropriate in our teaching, bu we need to teach them how to not be deontological (rules are right because they are rules). We need to teach them to think critically and think about what would be best for society as a whole.

I don't have a good answer for you. I guess I have an evil rebellious streak. Both of my two older children have FB accounts.
My 10 year olds is set to private and her only "friends" are her family members. She enjoys playing the silly little online games from time to time and it also helps her keep in touch with her grandparents that live out of state.
She is always supervised and I have her PW.
My 15 year old also has a FB page...he has myself, his father who lives out of state and his grandparents who live out of state and his friends as well. It is a "social network" he is being social. I am able to monitor what he posts and it enables him to converse easily with his family when if it were not so easy , honestly he probably would not communicate with Grandpa in WI or Uncle Brandon in Colorado as much.
For ever other practical thing I am a law abiding citizen...my worst offense beyond bending the FB rules??? Yes, I occasionally drive up to 5 miles over
the speed limit.
No I do not think it is a big deal...I REALLY applaud J.B's answer, I will have to read what other mama's thoughts are as well....

I don't think Facebook set an "arbitrary" rule. The more people they can encourage to be on their site the more advertising they can do! So if you are going to question the rules and possibly break them make sure you get to the bottom of it. If you are playing games privacy settings don't matter much, anyone playing the game can interact with you depending on the setup. I have mine set pretty tight but you can still be harrassed playing games. You're also at some risk playing the games as you can't play them on https which is more secure than http (Look up http vs https) http://www.snopes.com/computer/internet/https.asp.
There is a LOT of Spam on Facebook, some computer savy kids may be able to handle it but some not. Some of the Spam messages entice others with borderline pornographic images to get people to click on the links. The list probably goes on.

It's not a law but if you break this rule it I don't think you can complain or blame Facebook for any fall out. In my mind, Freedom for an over entitled brat to be on Facebook doesn't compare to Rosa Parks sitting on a bus for civil rights or (do I even have to say this?) Nazi Germany. I was at Chico State the year MTV advertised to all it's viewers Pioneer Days and what a big party it would be. The media compared the ensuing riots the riots of the 60s. I was POd by that! Strangers vandalizing a town while the local fraternity brothers stood arm in arm downtown trying to protect the local businesses was compared to the Civil Rights movement! GIVE ME A BREAK! What right? The right to party and destroy property? Same mentality. Choose your battles.

Some rules infringe on people's personal space. Some rules dictate how others should live based on one or two person's mistakes or standards. For instance, one person speed and gets a ticket, a new law is in place for those who naturally drives safely. So to answer your question why people don't follow the rules, it's because some of them are ridiculous.

As for a Facebook account, it's a personal decision for a person to join. You know what you are getting into when you join Facebook and because of the nature of this social network, there are consequences both for the user AND the company when someone abuses the rules. So in this case, follow the rules of Facebook or do not join.

If you're asking specifically about following Facebook's rules regarding age I agree that the rules should be followed. Ultimately, it's the parent's decision.
If you're talking about ALL rules well then I disagree. There are rule breakers and there are rule abiders. I agree that rules are set up for a reason BUT also believe some rules are made to be broken. Some rules are somewhat arbitrary. Breaking rules doesn't make you a bad person, you weigh the pros and cons of breaking the rule and see if it's in your best interest to do so. I'm sure you've broken a rule from time to time. It doesn't make us bad people, just human.

Because rules were meant to be broken! lol..jk..

I think sometimes rules can be situation dependent. Some rules are silly, but if breaking the rules can be unsafe or be considered disrespectful, then yeah, they should definitely be followed.

I didn't actually know that people could find your information on Facebook if you were private - I honestly had no idea. I think I'm gonna have to change some things around on mine! :-)

I do have a FB but even adult women can be unsafe online. Does anyone read the news? AP has an article about Charles Bronk vandalizing 100 some womwn & hacking into accounts using just by using posts on FB. He gleaned enough info to answer security questions to get their passwords etc. Better safe than sorry and have something worse happen to a minor & an amber alert issued etc. Sorry but in this day & age some rules were meant ti be followed...

Facebook will NOT disable an account or block an email address when you ask them to. So why are you worried about it? Apparently they have the rules in place to satisfy some government agency. But they won't do one dang thing about it when parents ask them to.

My 7 yr old and i have facebook accounts with silly names and just her and i are friends. I dont allow her to friend anyone. And i wont friend anyone bc i dont want anyone knowing she has an account. Anyways all we do is play games together like farmville.
I dont think people should break the rules, but i honestly didnt even know about this rule.

I agree with the responders that SOME rules are ok to break in certain situations. It's tough though, especially with really young ones, as they will think they can break the rules. Let me give an example where we break the rule:

My son has sensory integration issues. For a long time he would not do anything without his shoes on except take a bath. He couldn't even sleep without his shoes. One day we were at McDonald's and I wouldn't let him go in the play area because you are suppose to take off your shoes. Then I read the rules. One kid had socks out of like 10, and they were all running...
(Socks and not running were on the rules too.) I thought most of those kids have no issues except that it's summer time and they did not wear socks. My son has a problem where he needs his shoes, and I started letting him play in the McDonald's play area with his shoes on.

Amazingly, kids and adults with kids who are breaking the other rules will confront my son about not having shoes on. I could not believe that! I had one boy trap him on the tube slide, and it took me 5 minutes of telling him to leave my son alone to make him back off. I wish I would have asked who his mother was.

I absolutely agree with you Cheryl, you are not over reacting.
NO one (grandparent, friend, sibling, whatever) should be setting up any online account for a child without parental consent and especially not without parental knowledge. An individual who does may feel they have good intentions, but we all know where those lead. The Internet is teeming with child predators just waiting for an opening, no matter how small, to get at our children. Rules are put in place to limit potential dangers and provide for orderly conduct. No rule in and of itself can prevent the worst from happening. It can only make it less likely to happen. And rules can only do this when everyone (or at least the majority) follows them! In some cases there may be exceptions, but those exceptions are typically outlined within the rules. Most rules are not written on a whim. And, in the case of Safety Regulations, they are quite literally written in blood.