Why Can Parents Not Give Notice??

I don't like invitations early. More then a week's notice and I will forget about it.

That doesn't bother me, no RSVP's does. It seems that people have forgotten how to pick up a phone and say yes or no.

My neighbor gave several weeks notice on her daughter's bday, and my daughter ended up being the only guest who showed up! It's a fine line. Not enough notice, and people may be busy. Too much notice, and they forget the date. I've also found that even giving plenty of notice that people are awful about RSVPs and most send in their RSVP about 3 days before the party. My daugther's bday party this year is 9/15, and she'll be distributing invites around 9/5.

I actually prefer the shorter notice. If I get something for 2-3 weeks away there is no way I will remember, even if it is on the fridge. After that long the invitation becomes "part of the fridge" and I forget it is even there.

I think people are just really busy and have a lot on their mind. It's not an afterthought, but it is unfortunate if their child cannot have the party they were hoping for because people made other plans.

Does your daughter have to be there for your family plans? If it's possible to do both, I would really consider letting your daughter go to the party. After all, you don't want to punish your daughter or the birthday child simply because the parents got overwhelmed by life and didn't send out invites sooner.

If your kids get upset, have them ask the birthday boy/girl or even the parents to explain the last minute invite. Why should you have to do all the explaining, esp when you have no idea why the invites came late in the first place?

We actually get alot of last minute invites and I try to send my son because chances are, the birthday boy/girl hasn't received alot of RSVPs, the parents panic that noone will show up for their kid after spending a lavish amount of money at some play place, and my son gets to play there for free and gets goodies out of it too. And he comes out looking like a hero for showing up because most of the time, the last minute parties he's invited to have very low attendance, and the birthday boy/girl and the parents are so grateful someone showed up.

I do special events for a living. Children's parties can be difficult, especially this time of year.

You send them out too early and people forget. You send them out and a family has been on vacation and may not see the invite till after they have been home a few days.

Some children want to invite their classmates, but until school starts, they are not sure who these children are. Some families have been on vacation last minute before school starts.

Also some parents may not have been able to plan until a late date due to all sorts of reasons.

I would doubt, anyone sends out an invitation at a late date to inconvenience others.

It is a party, for children. It is not the royal wedding..

As parents we learn to go with the flow when necessary. Some parents are wonderfully organized, others have a lot going on.

To be a honored guest to any party is a compliment. whether we accept or not is our choice. But lets please try to teach our children to be gracious and give those that we care for the benefit of the doubt. I think we are all just doing the best we can, no hidden agendas, or inconveniences intended.

The church function was, most likely, on the books many weeks ago, so it wouldn't have mattered if you had gotten the invite 2 weeks ago or not. I would have just said "I'm sorry honey, but we have church plans".

It does bug me when invitations come late. It also bothers me that NO ONE bothers to RSVP!!! I always end up calling everyone on the list to see if they are coming or not even though I've asked for RSVP and given a date.

M

I'd just be happy that my kid is getting invited to parties.

You seem to have done it already, but it might be good to set an *official* policy at your house, since you can't change what other people do.

Decide whether the policy will be that (1) last-minute invitations will not be accepted under *any* circumstances, or that (2) last-minute invitations will be considered *only* if there are no already-made plans. It will really help your children to know what they can count on. If Aunt Tillie called last week wanting to take your family to a show this weekend (and the invitation was accepted), and the party invitation for this weekend arrived just two days ago, Aunt Tillie has priority over that time. That's something children can wrap their minds around. (It's also good manners.)

There's nothing wrong with saying to the inviter's parents, "I wish Sherry had received this invitation earlier; she's already booked for a church function." Your kids will have an easier time of it if they already know what you'll say! If a last-minute invitation arrives and nothing is already committed to that time, then Sherry will know she will probably be able to attend the party if Mama or Daddy can get her there.

Everybody gets overwhelmed sometimes, but if their last-minute invitations are not accepted, it's actually no one's problem but their own. However, you can exercise some grace on your part - when you can.

You already know this, too, but be sure to respond to the invitations with a yes or no as soon as you can, of course. About the only thing more frustrating than a last-minute party is a last-minute RSVP (or none at all!).

I invite kids a week and one day to a party. I invite them on a Friday and the party is usually a week from that Saturday. It gives plenty of notice to the parents. My kids have been invited less than a week to a party. But I don't make them suffer just because it's not good notice. We all have our set opinions on how far in advance we should invite people. To each their own.

Because people don't RSVP and if you invite them a little later, they are more likely to get back to you. It is inconvenient, but a week is really pretty decent notice. 3 days, is a bit close, but sometimes time just gets away.
You can't go to every event is a good lesson to learn early. If you had known about the party last week, your daughter still wouldn't have been able to go.
YMMV
LBC

Considering that a party is maybe 2 hours of a whole day, I don't think that late notice is a big deal. I think we all have different ideas of what "late notice" is, anyway. Parents work, get busy, and sometimes forget to send invites in a timely manner. Also, sometimes kids forget to give us parents the invite when it was actually handed out.

Like a PP said, the church function was probably planned months in advance, so even if you had received the party invite within a time frame you deem acceptable, it wouldn't have made a difference.

Bottom line, to me is, you have plans, you have plans, and the day the invite was sent out really makes no difference. No biggie, either way. If it was a really close friend of DD's and we already had plans I would make an exception.

I usually do the 2 week notice. Last year I only gave 4 days notice, Friday for a Thurs. night party, because that is when my kid finally decided that he DID want a friends party after all.

people are rude, they are not going to send an RSVP, and they just don't plan their activities when we can go.

Stinks for us as parents and double for the kids. Just tell them you have plans that weekend.

Truthfully though. Even if they had given you a months notice you would still have said no since this thing at church is important.

So their lack of timing has no effect on their invitation acceptance or rejection right?

you're overthinking this. people are always going to do dumb things. driving to the store, walking through walmart, at work every day - we see the evidence constantly, right?

it is what it is. so don't go to those. your kids don't need to accept EVERY invitation they get anyway (and it sounds like they don't). everything in moderation. sometimes you don't get to do everything. disappointment is tough but it's part of life.

i think this is much more of an individual thing than something that is actually increasing 'as the years go by.' sometimes parents get caught with a whirling schedule, sometimes schtuff has happened to them and they're out of whack, and some are just relaxed last minute groovers.
so rather than keep yourself in a state of perpetual annoyance (and you will, this is not something that's going to go away), just roll with it. if you're free, your kids can go. if not, you say 'thanks for the invite but we already have plans.' very good training for your kids too, both in the courteous decline and the management of scheduling.
don't let it get you down!
:) khairete
S.

My family in chronically short notice people and it drives me nuts...especially when they call the night before or same day (it's both my side and hubby's side of the family too).

Even though the lack of planning is frustrating, you really told your daughter no because you already have plans. The "lack of notice" is not really the reason and should have been left out of the reasoning for saying she can't go. Because you have let the other daughter attend w/ short notice, your younger one is naturally upset that she can not.

I totally agree with you. Parents today do not consider other kids activities when inviting them to parties. Sometimes I wonder if their party is an afterthought. ;0) I am like you and send invites a week to two weeks out with an RSVP, which most don't do now a days either. Again, like you, we have not let our daughters attend parties when the invite was too close to the party and we had already made plans. To me it is just rude and inconsiderate of the people you are inviting.
Way to go mom! Good luck and God Bless!

If you gave me two weeks i would forget. I like a few days notice. Most birthday parties are on saturday or sunday and are around 3pm. we usually send invites the monday before.

it is rude not to give more notice. but also consider that sometimes kids get invites that land in the bottom of backpacks and or desks. they forget them. kids don't have a great concept of time. also sometimes kids want to wait and have their parties when school starts back up. the only weekend mom can do it is "x" but kid wants kids from her/his new class. how do you handle that? you do what you can and parents have every right to say no to what doesn't work for them

I like to give plenty of notice too, particularly in the summer. Families make plans and get busy, so if you want guests you have to 'call dibs' so to speak.

What bothers me is when people can't say Yes or No. "I don't know, maybe." is not a polite answer. When you get an invite, check your calendar at soon as you're able, and RSVP immediately after.

If you have plans, say No. Don't wait and see if your plans fall through.
If you don't have plans and want to come, say Yes. Don't wait and see if a better offer comes along.

Sometimes uncontrollable circumstances crop up - work, medical, funeral - and have to be dealt with, but keep communication going with the host.

My kids are a tad older now. Years ago, my friends and I always sent out invitations about 3 weeks prior to the party.

I'm the opposite, I normally give too much notice. Especially for my daughter who has a bday of June 14, right at the start of summer when people are leaving on vacation.

I agree though...I dislike the short warnings and sometimes we can't go because of it. But if my kids want to go, I do my best to make them happy.

That's all you can do, really. It doesn't matter if you have 2 weeks' notice if you have a conflict, you have a conflict. However, as kids get older, expect more last-minute plans. Just a couple of months ago, I had SD in the car, took her to a store to get a gift, and then we were on the way to her friend's graduation party when she got a text that he wasn't there anymore (family conflict). Arg.

I would simply tell my child the standard is if there is no conflict, they can go. If there is, then they can't. My mom decided to make me stay home one NYE because I'd gotten a call about it earlier in the day (my best friend's parents decided to let her invite a few friends last minute and I even had a ride). I was so angry because there wasn't a reason, other than my mom was being stupid about it. So I have tried not to be *that parent* for the kids, because I remember how it feels.

For my stepkids, the rule we had was if it fell on their mom's time, they had to have HER permission to go to the party, not just ours. Sometimes they just didn't ask. Sometimes they did. But it first between her and them and they quickly learned the guideline so it wasn't an argument.

And don't get me started on not RSVPing altogether or saying Yes and then not arriving and not changing your RSVP. If the kids RSVPd to one party and another came along for the same day, we made them keep the first RSVP because ditching someone on their birthday for something that sounded more fun is rude.

We've been getting more and more of those less-than-a-weeks-notice invitations for our kids. I've learned to accept that this will happen since people are busy. (I try to give at least 2 weeks notice myself but have also gotten busy and not made that self imposed deadline.)

The part that bugs me more is when do the birthday kids parent expect me to shop for a gift for the child if the invite was received on a Tuesday for the upcoming Saturday party? I work full time and have 3 kids with activities so time is tight.

To remedy this last minute gift buying I started to pick up appropriately aged gifts if I came across something I thought my daughter would like to give to her friends and put them away in a box. Now, unless we're looking for something really special for that really close friend, my daughter goes "shopping" in the box and we don't have to make time to go to the store. (Just make sure you use up what you have stored up before they age out of what you've got in the box!)

For my boys who are older (11 and 14) I now have a store of $10-$15 gift cards to Target or the book store or for iTunes to give to their friends. Sometimes Target has the gift card packaged with a simple toy or water gun. Even the 14 year olds like getting the toy!

that's never happened to me before. I usually send out invites around 3 weeks before the party. I have gotten invites for parties 2-4 weeks ahead from other people

Yes, this has happened more than once! Like you, I figure my GD was an afterthought.

I have told her that if we don't get the invitation at least one week in advance, she probably won't be able to go. Since I told her that, we haven't run into the situation.

My sister's birthday was Thursday. When I called her to wish her a happy birthday, my BIL told me he's having a get together for her on Saturday! Talk about no notice - and this is my sister! Unfortunately I had to decline because I had already made plans to take one of my grandchildren out that day for her birthday. Oh well!

This a pet peeve with me. I have to ask off 2 weeks in advance to have a day off from work. My boss will work with me, but it is not fair to my coworkers to have to switch the schedule. I am the same way with our invitations (2 weeks ahead). Everyone has so much going on between family functions, school, work etc. We have an inlaws call us the day of the party and expect us to come. I just wish people would be more considerate.

We have opposite problem. Our friends are sending invites at least a month in advance cuz everyone is so busy and they want to make sure people get it on their schedule. Those can get lost in the shuffle though.

Updated

We have opposite problem. Our friends are sending invites at least a month in advance cuz everyone is so busy and they want to make sure people get it on their schedule. Those can get lost in the shuffle though.

1.5 - 2 weeks actually sounds really short to me! I usually send invites about 3 weeks in advance for my daughter and 4 weeks in advance for my son, because his party is usually on Memorial Day weekend.

When I get late invites, I usually figure that we were on the "B" list, and are getting invited late because they ended up being able to accommodate extra kids. My son is still young (5), so I can usually intercept invitations before he sees them, so he doesn't know what he's missing if we're busy. Otherwise, whether the invitation was on time or not, I just apologize and tell him we're busy that day if we already have plans.

I'm sure your child is disappointed, but just explain that you have another fun event to go to and there will be lots of other parties to attend.