Who Does the Holiday Decorating?

We buy the tree as a family and my husband helps me put it in the tree stand. I do everything else. He's very rigid about decorating the tree so I'd rather he not help. I do it with my daughters' and we have a nice time. I think most men do not decorate though the responses you received would seem to indicate otherwise.

I do the decorating, I do the planning, I do the shopping, I do the wrapping, I do the cooking, I get the guest rooms ready, and I do all the cleaning up and I'm feeling pretty sad about it myself tonight, too. Wish I could tell you something to help but I've never been able to get my husband to do a thing either. Some years I handle it better than other years. Sorry you are feeling blue about it and I hope it gets better for you!

Funny you ask... I have nicknamed my husband the Grinch! I have wanted to put our tree up for weeks, but always hold off till Thanksgiving Day every year. My husband makes it sound like it is soooo much work and claims that its WAY to soon to decorate for Christmas. But wait a minute he doesn't lift a finger to do any of it..... so why is it so much work for him!?! I have tired in an endless number of ways to get him involved, but notta. I get all of the heavy bins down from overhead storage myself and do it all myself. Although there is one plus side to it.... it is done the way I like it! Get your little ones to help you and make it super fun for them, they will love it. If daddy wants to be a grinch so be it at least you and your children will have fun and make memories in the process!

I do it all baby!! But the thing is I am the one who enjoys it so much. My husband does like it overall and always compliments my work, but if I didn't do it he wouldn't care. But we have kind of an unconventional house in this regard. I am the one that builds stuff at our house as well. Like recently we got two twin beds for our boys an I actually did all the assembly of these solid oak beds!! My husband is a great guy but he isn't mr. handy man! So I just put on Christmas music and let my older son help me and enjoy myself and the praise I receive when done. I do nothing to the outside yet, but hopefully I will in years to come:D I say play some carols, put a pot of cinnamon sticks to simmer on the stove, have some cocoa and enjoy. Hubby will like the happy feeling in the house and may even join in, but if not you will have fun and enjoy the masterpiece you created and your kids will have great memories!!

Echoing what a lot of women have already said...
Exactly, what good does that do you? Do it because it makes you happy! Or, for your kids if they love it. I guess I'm of the opinion if you need help lifting something, it would be great if he could give you a hand. But does this man normally "decorate?" Typically it is women who keep these sorts of traditions alive. I think we have this expectation of a beautiful scene: family decorating together, cinnamon and pine in the air, laughing children and hearty men asking "Should we add more lights?"

My mom and I would torture my step-dad with loud Karen Carpenter or Sesame Street Christmas and it wasn't really the Christmas season until my step-dad started cursing at the lights on the tree. I think of it this way: There really is something to the hunter/gatherer system and the division of labor. We are (typically) the home makers, passing along tradition, affecting the senses, creators of aesthetic pleasure. We're downright ladies of our manor.

I don't think this has to be a "we." This could be a gift you give to your family. Its an unrealistic expectation in that he may not want to do what you want to do. Don't take your ball and go home (humor here). Play and include those that want to join in: ) And enjoy the decorating process!!!!

Jen

we put the ornaments on the tree as a family, my husband hangs the christmas lights outside, and i put the decorations around the house, we both cook and clean and we both wrap presents(he is meticulous)lol.

I don't think you have unrealistic expectations. I would expect my man to help me too... It should be something he would want to experience with the kids. However, you don't want to get too stressed out over it. I would say finish decorating with the kids... let them have fun and be creative. It may encourage your man to help out. It may just be one of those things where decorating is your tradition with them and he might have another one with them somewhere else in the holidays. If the kids ask him to help will it change anything? Holidays are not perfect so try not to let too much bother you, easier said then done. I hope you have a good holiday season :)

I do all the decorating except for the tree - that is a family affair. We always let our two toddlers help. It's a challenge but it is fun! After about 15 minutes of them helping (or maybe just making a mess :) ) I fix hot cocoa and they generally enjoy sitting watching us finish while they get their special drink.

We all decorate our tree together but my kids are all older. We don't do any other decorations, just the tree because it's just so much work. I enjoy Christmas more when I keep it simple. =)

ugh...men! we only have one child and he's only 4 - i spent many years decorating the tree and house by myself. the deal at our house is that he does the outside, so i deal. i do NOT want anything to do with hanging christmas lights! as my son gets older, he helps more - this year he and i did the tree together and it was AWESOME. first year he's really been involved (i didn't trust him last year and did it while he was at grandma's) as your kids get older (you don't say how old they are) they will help and it will become that special "moment" you crave. the best we ever got when i was a kid was dad doing the lights on the tree, then watching us do the rest. so i guess it was kind of how i was raised that the dad doesn't do a lot for christmas decorations.we have a prelit tree so that doesn't even happen at our house!

Growing up my dad would string the lights on the tree then sit and watch my mom and me decorate it. Then that evolved into ME stringing the stupid lights (one of the reasons I have a pre-lit tree) and my mom telling ME how she wanted it decorated. When I was single and child-less I didn't decorate a darn thing for Christmas. No lights, no tree, no presents in my home, but I still had to go over and do the stupid tree for my parents.
Now that we have a toddler, I am doing the inside of the house, and my boyfriend is doing the outside. Our baby is still too young to participate (21 months), so I will do the inside stuff by myself. Next year she will probably be able to participate.
My boyfriend doesn't ever see the point in decorating. The first year we dated he didn't care if I decorated, but then he commented "it just doesn't feel like Christmas." So the year after that I decorated and he was totally in the mood. It felt like Christmas everyday. So I guess even though he doesn't see the point or cares at the time, he truely does enjoy the aftermath of decorating.
Don't be upset, think of something else you can all do as a family, like maybe watching Christmas movies and eating popcorn with hot chocolate. Just know that you enjoy that house you worked hard on, and that you brought the Christmas spirit into it. =)

No, your expectations aren't unrealistic, but it's not uncommon for men to not really care about holiday decorating. Just ask him to help a little, and then don't be hurt when he puts up a few ornaments and then leave.

Males, in general, don't care much about any kind of decorating unless they're gay.

Have your toddlers help a little, they will probably put some up and then their attentions will wander.

Over the years, it's been mostly my husband putting up the lights, and then the kids and I decorating the tree, with my daughter being the most helpful and getting into it the most.

It's just one of the many differences between the sexes. It's up to you, as the mom, to make the holidays magical for your kids.

Maybe he just didn't feel up to it, at the same time you did. Ask him again anther day.

Hi J.,
I do almost all of it. My husband puts the tree in the stand, I'm not strong enough to do that. I do the lights, the ornaments (with the kids help. I have an almost 5 year old and a 19 month old) and all other decorations. I found that when I stopped asking him to do the tree, he showed a little more interest. We've been married 10 years and it was about 2 years ago when I was decorating the tree, had Christmas music playing and hadn't asked him to help. He wandered into the living room, picked up an ornament or two, hung them, and then left the room. That's the extent of his decorating LOL. Please keep decorating. You're making memories for your children. Hope you have a wonderful holiday and a healthy and happy new year!

I decided sometime earlier this year that I'm only going to do what I want to do and what makes me happy. It's been reinvigorating. Of course... there have been a few major hangups on that plan (like my H deciding to "clean" the basement and coating the entire house in rat poop dust earlier this week)... but in general the principle holds.

I'm not saying you should do what I'm doing. What I'm doing is something of an emotional divorce. My husband still lives in the house, but he has no power over me. I clean when I want, decorate when I want, relax when I want, etc. If he wants to join me, fine. If he wants to join kiddo and I fine. He can join in until he becomes a jerk, then he can leave. If he's NOT a jerk, then it's doubly great, because I have unexpected help. But he can't tell me what to do, when to do it, or how to do it... so 99% of EVERYTHING in my life is my own. :) :) :) happy happy happy. He's often sulking these days because I used to bend over backwards to do things for him/ include him/ in anticipation of his needs/wants... and I just plain and simple don't do them at all anymore (I don't do the opposite and make things harder... I've just wiped him off of my "to do" list). But having no expectations on his 'wanting to be a part of this family', or do his 'share' etc., has saved me sooooo much resentment and grief that he can sulk all he wants. Sorry honey, you've had almost 10 years to put ME on your to do list... I'm a slow learner... but now, it's just what I want to do, when I want to do it, and how much I want to do.

Of course, being a mom means that I have to do tons of stuff I may not technically "want" to do... but that's unrelated. Everything else, that's all mine. Everything else is bonus.

I do.. but I also do it for a living!
At one point I did not put up a tree because I had decorated so many trees per year, but our daughter asked if "we could now have a tree?".. Ever since then I put up and make sure the tree is all lit, then I let our daughter do as much as she wants and then I finish it up.. As she got older she helped more and more..

My husband is crazy about Outdoor Christmas lights, so he always surprises us on when he puts them up..

Now that our daughter is in College, I set up the tree and put up the basic design on the tree and leave the family ornaments for our daughter.. She likes to put up the topper. Since I am shrinking, she loves to put the topper on, and remind me that she can reach the top.

We all do. This year we bought a fake tree that is already lighted so I helped hubby separate the leaves and he and the kids put the ornaments on. I will have hubby take out our decorations soon and I will do the rest of the house. My kids are almost 10, 8 and 6. I love us all decorating!

It doesn't happen at my house, either. It never has. When my children were young (but definitely older than toddlers), there was a tradition just for a while that the kids and I would split the work - they would decorate upstairs and I'd decorate downstairs or vice versa. There were four of them and one of me and I thought it was a lot of fun. But they grew interested in other things, so it didn't last. And they couldn't reach the top of the tree well, so there was a "tree line" on the Christmas tree. I should have taken pictures.

Perhaps when your children get older, they'll like to help. Until then, don't feel deprived. Your husband may be intimidated because you're so good at decorating (and do so much of it). He may be thinking, "Well, that's HER thing." And maybe it is! That's fine!

I don't share my husband's passion for going to football games and sitting for three hours in subzero weather watching a bunch of grown men knock each other down. That's his thing. I try to keep positive about it, but I'm not very involved. Translate that to decorating.

Ask your husband if he'll put up the tree for you. If he will, let HIM do it - don't tell him how and don't help unless and until he asks for it. Not that you would do that! Ask him if he'll do the lights (but if he does, don't criticize the way he does it). If he doesn't want to do anything else on the tree and you do, that's all right. That's your family tradition. You share it with many other families!

Now, Christmas cookies... maybe that's something the whole family can do together - or driving around looking at everybody else's lights.

My hubby is the same way--Scrooge I call him! He is just not into decorating. In years past I have tried getting him involved and then by forcing it we just end up in a fight hanging the decorations and that totally kills the holiday spirit. This year the only thing I asked from him was to help me get the tree box down from the garage--it is super heavy! He did and I left it at that. I decorated everything else. Do I have some dream in my head of the family trimming the tree, sipping cocoa, and listening to carols? I admit I do, but its just a dream because I know the real scene would probably involve me and him bickering, my daughter driving us crazy, and tinsel all over the house--no cocoa or carols in sight. I have just learned to let this one go--he's a great husband and why let his scroogy mood get in the way of my holiday cheer =) You gotta pick your battles!

My husband and I used to decorate the tree when the kids were younger. The last couple of years we have kind of left it up to the kids. My husband puts the tree in the stand and brings it in the house. The kids decorate haphazardly but it's ok. This year my husband put the tree up a couple of weeks before Christmas and expected the kids to decorate it. (Kids being 16 and 18.) They didn't even start on it until he told them no one was going anywhere until the tree was decorated. They got started but moved too slowly. He took the lights off, took the tree down, threw the decorations in the boxes and put them back in the garage. I don't know what happened to the tree. I'm thinking he probably hacked it to bits to vent his frustration. I protested, the youngest pleaded wanting to know how she could fix it, he said there's no fixing it...we're not having a tree. I said I would get another and set it up myself and he said he would just take it down. I know it's not necessary to have a tree to celebrate Christmas. After all, it has nothing to do with the true meaning of Christmas. But to the kids and myself it creates that magical atmosphere that makes Christmas special. We are all very upset and don't know how to change this. Any ideas ladies?

No, your expectations are not unrealistic. I enjoy the same thing. Every year, we pick out a tree together, play Christmas music, make hot apple cider and decorate the tree. The kids only do the ornaments. When they were small like yours, we let them put the nonbreakable ones on the tree and of course, they all end up on the bottom of the tree and I would distribute them higher later when they were in bed, but they enjoy doing it. The more you can do as a family, the better, I think. My kids enjoy the time when I get out the Christmas tub and I let them help me decorate around the house. I will give them an item and explain where it goes and they put it there. They like to play with some of the items (nonbreakable), and then I put them in their place later. I also have the window stickers for everyholiday and they get to decorate the front windows and their bathroom mirrors with those - they are 9 and 7 years old and still enjoy it. Keep trying!!

this is our fifth christmas together and we decorated the tree as a family.we live in an apartment so there is not a whole lot that we can do.i believe it is a project for both parents and kids.

My husband plays no part in the decoration process LOL He's just not into that. He sits there with coffee and observes. He helps if I ask him but he can care less about decorations. I don't want to generalize, but I think most men are not too fond of decorating. My 4 yo daughter and I do all the decoration. She has been helping since she was about 2 yo. I set up the tree with the lights, and she takes care of the ornaments. I tell you, our tree looks unique every year. Maybe you could work on some easy to make decorations with your kids and let them put them up around the house. Maybe you can make some extra especial ornaments for daddy and have him hang them on the tree. String popcorn together (if they don't eat it all before you're done! LOL). I have learned that the tree does not have to look perfect. I just love how my daughter piles everything in one place! LOL Don't let this ruin your holiday spirit. HUGS!

I do it all including the shopping,cooking,baking,wrapping he wonders why i'm so grumpy...When it is tree time we go out as a family pick the tree hubby cuts it we get home he makes sure all the loose needles are out of it before it comes into the house then he measures trims the trunk he puts it up & I of course put up the lights (hate that part) then our kids put up the ornaments as well as they can then I make sure they are ok...Somewhere along the line I do try to make it enjoyable not that I don't like the Holidays it just seems to be so rushed