Whining and Acting Out

My daughter is almost 3 and whines a fair amount too when she wants something (i.e, snack, drink, to color, to go outside, etc.). We tell her she has to ask in a "regular" or "normal" voice before she can have it. If it's not possible to give her what she wants, and she continues to whine, then we usually give her a warning (we give her until the count of 3). If we reach 3 and she hasn't stopped whining, she gets a timeout.

Kids whine because they have learned that it works. Since you are home with the kids all day, most of the breaking of the habit will wind up in your hands (oh so fun). There is a different between child-like and willfull disobedience. Child-like is just that - being a child and not understanding what is right/wong or appropriate. Willfull disobedience is just that - doing something when they have been told not to and they make the deliberate choice to proceed. Your kiddos are old enough now to know that whining is not acceptable. It is now your job to break this bad habit (which is of course harder in the long run than just preventing it, but hey, what would you stay home for if you didn't have a million things to accomplish?!). Sit your kids down and explain that whining is no longer going to be an acceptable form of communication. Tell them that is their final warning and from then on, with you or your husband, any whining will result in an immediate ___________ (timeout, no tv, etc.). You may have to be harsh for a while and take away something they REALLY love but they will get the point quicker. Then the rest is up to you. Every time you hear a whine, it's a loss of privelege (your hubby HAS to be on board with you to make this work). The more you are consistent, the easier it will get on you, and the sooner your kids will learn that you are no longer tolerating this. Once they are "weaned" off the whining - like a month or so most likely, a simple statement such as "I'm sorry, but when you are ready to talk with me, I am ready to listen." when there is whining is usually enough to remind them and if not, they can ___________ (lose privelege again). Good luck!

Breanna, I relate to your predicament. I have a 4 year old boy and 2year b/g twins and the boy twin is (was) very whinny!!! About everything!!! All day long! I didn't realize just how stressful my house was until I was able to break the HABIT almost overnight!!!! Really! Hope this works for you! I took an extra chair I had in the house and put it in the most boring and secluded spot I could find in our house on the main floor (the laundry room) I call it the whinny chair (sometimes the naughty chair) When Will started whinning I said "If you don't stop whinning now you will go on the whinny chair" I was very strict with it in the beginnning and had very low tolerances. He hates the exclusion, and lack of attention. It worked for him!!!! and our family!!! My husband travels extensively (sometimes months at a time) and it does become another issue when they are home! I will be praying for you!
D.

Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller have a great book out on Whining...

I would assume as you stated. That they are looking for attention and they that get it with whining..even if it is negative attention. (((HUGs))) It is so hard when daddies aren't around as much as kids would like them to be.

My rule is "if you whine I will not listen to what you are saying, you need to go in the other room and come back and talk to me when you can talk to me normally". Your husband has to back you up and you both have to be consistent with them so they don't play off you two. Do not even acknowledge them when they whine. It becomes a habit with them. Kids fight with each other regardless, part of having siblings. I have a 3 year old and 6 year old and it took about 3 mos of me being tough on the whining for that habit to break. Good luck!

the ideal but no so easy thing to do is not respond to them when they whine. the idea is to teach and show them that whining is not a way to get your attention but a more positive and accepting way will. yes, easier said then done but i had to do it years ago with my first child and imagine i will later on with my 6 month old. if you can re-enforce positive/healthy ways to get your attention, it will help them more in the long run! keep trying and i wish you patience and luck!

Ignore the kids unless they're talking like "big kids". I say to my 4 year old, "I don't talk to big girls who use baby talk", and she gets it. I may have to say it a couple of times, but overall, she only whines when she's very over tired. Also, have your husband spend time with the kids. Some dads think they spend enough, but if he is spending less than 2 hours with the kids per day, they don't have enough daddy time. They usually will always get their mommy time in, but it's an active discipline to get my husband to get off the couch and away from the video games to spend time with the kids. He's up to 3 hours with them every night, with, or without me, and it helps so much !

Congratulations on making the decision to stay home! It's the best thing you can do for your kids. What is the response you give to the whining? Kids will continue the behaviors that get a response. Does dad act happy to see them when he gets home or does he need some down time first? If he acts happy to see them, then he should immediately stop being happy when the whining starts. He could tell them that he will be in the other room until they stop. If he needs down time, give the kids a job to do when he comes home. Have the kids get him the paper and something to drink, for example. Then tell them that they need to let dad read for 10 minutes (set a timer)and then they can climb on his lap and he will read them a story or something. I would not lecture them about whining. They don't understand. Instead, just repeat over and over again that you will not listen to the whining and walk away. Sharing, on the other hand, is a taught behavior. Remind your 5 year old every time you or someone else shares with them. Praise every time he/she shares. Give opportunities for this child to share so you can give praise and small rewards for sharing.

Hi B.,

My daughter is having the same issues with her two kids. What she does is to take away the item causing the fighting. If it is a toy, she puts it away until they can behave. If they continue, she puts all the toys up until they improve. The whining issue can be resolved usually by a snack, (like string cheese, or some snack they like.) If that does not resolve the issue, then each should go to his room until they can stop the whining.
Hope this helps.
Happy Thanksgiving!
C.

I'd work on some "couch time" where you and your husband sit, uninterrupted (start with 3 min. training the kids not to interrupt at first, but have them where they can see you two) and talk. Kids need to know you as a couple are #!. It can work wonders on a variety of issues.