When Your Child Gets Hurt: How Do Mommas Sooth Yourselves and Not Feel Guilty?

When they run back to me to "fix" it, and I see them bounce back like nothing happened, that removes my guilt. I kiss it and it's fine, then I watch them remind me it's ok by their little faces.

Have another baby! :) You will quickly realize that it is 100% impossible to prevent every single boo-boo with 2 kids running around...and you have *no choice* but to let yourself off the hook, little by little.

All kidding aside, you really should not hold yourself to this standard. It's actually important for the kids to have some minor falls, so that they start to learn how their bodies work in relation to the physical laws of motion, gravity, etc. (I believe this is called vestibular processing.) At your son's age (19 months?), it's a really good time for him to start learning -- and becoming appropriately fearful of falls, jumps, etc. So...you son is on the right track! You are doing a great job. Try not to let the Mommy-Guilt get the better of you! :)

my mother's words:

"Honey, you can't bubble wrap the world and you can't be there to catch them all the time. You just must accept that things will happen."

I also remind myself that it's a lesson for me - don't leave trippable (I made that word up) things out and a lesson for them - watch where you are going.

Don't be hard on yourself. It sounds to me like he was practicing a skill - walking while holding things. You don't want to interrupt that learning process by holding him back for fear of a fall. It does suck and it does hurt but it's important he learn. :)

Best,
T.

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A person needs to fall a certain number of times during their life and he's getting his out of the way while he's still close to the ground so he doesn't do as much later when he's taller. :)

You don’t, you ALWAYS feel guilty. It is the ONLY thing actually written in the “How to Raise a Child Guidebook”. A mom will feel guilty about EVERYTHING!!!! Not enough time, not enough space, not enough money, not enough ANYTHING!!! I think that is what makes you a GREAT mom, you want to be perfect but you can’t…so they fall carrying too many things. The first fall my kid took (at 6 months), I cried but now I’m like shake it off, you’ll be fine (he is 6yo now). As your child grows the guilt about the falls will diminish and be replaced with NEW guilt; I know something to look forward to. Don’t let comments like “Make the space save for him” make you feel worse. They probably don’t understand the question.

You can't prevent every fall. And even if you could, it wouldn't be a good idea. Your son needs to fall every now and then so HE can learn his limits and how not to fall next time. In this instance, now he knows to put down some of his toys, because otherwise he might trip and fall. Obviously you want to prevent the major accidents (like falling down a flight of stairs, or falling off the top of a play structure, for instance) where he could seriously hurt himself. But these every day bumps and bruises? He'll be fine. He has probably forgotten all about it by now, and so should you.

Take a deep breath and relax. Your job as a mom is to allow him the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, and to keep him from killing himself. You can't and shouldn't shield him from every painful thing in life - it's not good for him, and you'll make yourself crazy trying! =)

Knowing I wouldn't be able to prevent every possible accident when my daughter was little, I used to coach her when she was trying something new: "Yes, you can try that, but X might happen, so you decide if you want to risk X." Alternately, "Don't get into a situation you can't get out of. Always think about your way back (or down, or out)."

My daughter is approaching 40 now, and still remembers those warnings. She says she learned a lot, appreciated both the freedom and the warnings, because she got to try what she really wanted, and she was always prepared and aware. Well, as much as little kids can be, anyway.

And of course I kept her from doing things that were truly risky. She learned through falls and scrapes that mom's warnings are sound, so she didn't challenge me when I told her something was too dangerous.

By the way, GET ARNICA CREAM or OIL for your medicine cabinet. It's great stuff; if applied early, it can keep bruises from getting as big, and sometimes prevent them altogether. Applied later, it can help bruises resolve faster. It's good for sore muscles and sprains, too.

Remind yourself that your child is growing up! They are learning about their world through cause and effect. You can't possible think 2 steps ahead of everything they do, because you don't know what they're thinking/going to do!! But they are learning from this process. Watch him when he encounters something new... does he hesitate for just a moment and size up the situation for how to accomplish what he is trying to do? Then he is learning. Keep reminding yourself... he is LEARNING.

I had it happen with my 9 year old... I told him he should leave his water bottle at home (he tied it to a string and then to the handlebars on his bike). But he insisted that he would be thirsty (on the ride around the block) and that it would be fine. I told him to leave it. He didnt. He made it halfway around the block before it swung loose and got caught in the spokes. He went headlong and scraped his chin/lip/nose up pretty good (thank goodness for helmets, right?)... then he had the nerve to get mad at ME. I felt bad, but I tried to warn him and he thought he knew better. So he learned 2 very important lessons that day. 1) Attaching things to your bicycle that are not designed to be attached can be very dangerous; and 2) Mom really DOES know what she's talking about, so I'd better pay attention when she warns me something is a bad idea.

That story is years down the road for you in a lot of ways... but, you have to remind yourself that he is an independent person from you. He has a mind of his own, and he WILL do/try things that you would not. You can guide him, help him, try to predict him, comfort him when things don't work out... but he is not YOU. He is HIM, and he will learn what is a bad idea in his own way... They are pretty resilient at his age, so try not to worry too much. I'll bet he's already more careful trying to carry more than one item at a time (even if you can't tell... he mentally is taking more precautions is how he is walking/carrying).

Hang in there.

Breathe. The first thing I do is breathe and comfort the child. Then I try to think if there is a good learning opportunity for the child and/or for me. We cannot prevent everything. We can teach our children how to reduce the likelyhood of getting hurt...and we can teach ourselves how to likely prevent future hurts. Remember, you cannot change the past. You can move forward. Guilt is highly overrated.

Breathe.

J., I can understand what you are going through. I have a very active 19 month old son who just can't stop running! :) Just a few days ago he ran into a bed frame and cut his lip. I think it is all a part of learning and they are very resilient at that age! All we can do is the best we can...if you like to keep in touch and chat further feel free to drop me a personal message! L.

My 2 year old has a black eye right now, she was chasing her cousin around the house and fell on the corner of the coffee table. She cut the edge of her brow and now her eyelid is turning purple and yellow, its very awful to see on her adorable face and I feel terrible. Of course in hindsight I feel like I should have told them to stop running, but they do it all the time and have a blast. At gymboree class this morning I felt like everyone was staring at her and wondering what happened but only one person even asked, I really wanted to go around the room and explain what happened. Of course they are all parents and probably assumed some sort of accident. I think the best thing is to exchange war stories with other mothers, then you will realize that every kid really does hurt themselves quite often. If you can make it through childhood keeping broken bones and stitches to a minimum, then you probably did all right!

My oldest broke both her wrists when she was 8 while at school, so as you can see things will happen that our out of our control. She also got stitches twice once while running at a girl scout campout ( fell and split her lip open), and once at home when she opened the refrigerator and a jar fell out and cut her ankle. Things happen!

The good news is that you will learn from experience and accidents that you feel you could have prevented will become less frequent. Instead of feeling guilty, try to remember the incident in order to avoid it in future. If it's any consolation, my toddler fell on a small trash can while standing right next to me. I had to take him to have his chin glued as he'd cut it wide open (and the trash can was wooden.) I felt terrible but not really guilty as there was no way I could have foreseen that. I think I gave the trash can away so it wouldn't happen again.

First of all, children NEED to fall. This is how we become aware of our bodies in time and space. Think of it as a learning experience that will take your child a looonnnngggg way in life and through school. Spatial awareness is needed for reading, writing, sitting, focusing, attending, sports and everything. Why feel guilty when this is a natural part of life? Cheer up.

What lesson is learned by him if everytime he's about to fall you're preventing it? I have clumsy children, and they are still, at 6 and 7, always falling down. They also spilled a lot. I used to always say "watch out for that glass" when they got close to a cup, but then I realized that if I was always warning them about spilling something, they'd never learn on their own to just be careful. I stopped warning them, and when they spilled made them clean up on their own, and guess what? Hardly any spills anymore. I know you asked about them getting hurt, but letting them learn about being safe with falling is along the same lines. My kids have always fallen, but that's what kids do, there shouldn't be any guilty feelings on your part that come along with it, because once again, that's what kids do. So, try not to look at it as your fault, and rather just know that he's being a kid, learning through actions

The best way to get rid of the guilt is to use EFT (emotional freedom technique). You tap accupressure points to release unneeded emotions from your body. It has changed my life. You can find info at www.emofree.com. I even have my daughter use it when she gets angry and it really helps to cool those tantrums while empowering her to choose a different emotional state- all on her terms.

awe poor you! we all do it im sure but it happens kids are kids and fall,run into stuff and even bleed. Which makes us as moms crazy cuz we want to prevent everything but we cant! Keep doing what you do kiss it and smile;)

ps. now when my 7 yr old falls and what not she says before she even gets up IM FINE! lol

Honestly, that was me for about 1.5 children. But by the time I got to 4, I simply didn't feel guilty anymore. Accidents happen, I myself am rather accident prone. I just kiss them, hug them, and move on. I think it just takes time to get to that place. Any mother is going to feel guilty when something truly serious happens, but for the everyday stuff, you just have to learn to accept it as a fact of life. Until you get to that point, just keep doing what you are doing and continually reassure yourself that it isn't your fault. Having a fairly laid back approach to accidents also affects how your children deal with them. We joke my four year old is a rock. He once cut his head and needed staples, but we didn't know right away because he'd simply brushed himself off and continued playing.

Make the space save for him- fell for the umpteenth time?
Really handle the space, and then you won't have to think of how to make YOURSELF feel better.
k