When Out in Public with Someone Who Speaks Loudly About a Controversial Topic...

"You don't have to yell/talk so loudly, I'm sitting right here."
I have to say this to my husband once in a while, he can get pretty loud when he talks.

I think there are 2 issues: 1 is talking so loud that it overpowers other conversations at the next table, and 2 is the controversial nature.

I have a loud friend who has had other diners comment on how uncomfortable she makes them, and that's just when she's talking to her kids (not really yelling at them, just being loud). I say, "I'm right here, I don't need you to shout, and besides, I think we're disturbing others." "Inside voice" is another good option.

Controversies? Depends first on whether you agree with this person or at least enjoy the debate. If you don't enjoy it, you might want to cut back on the outings or at least say, "You know, I'm exhausted by this topic, I find it very stressful. I don't think we're going to agree, and I really want to catch up with you and what's going on with your job and the kids." Another friend of mine just says, "Next topic, please." But if the person is loud and disruptive, it doesn't matter whether she's discussing racist stuff or reading a recipe out loud - the whole thing is annoying. If that doesn't work, you can say, "Look, this is giving me a headache. I'm going to go to the ladies room to take a break and take an aspirin, and when I come back, I'd like to talk quietly about XYZ."

How much fun are you having with this person when they begin to spout off?
If every outing turns into an event where they climb up on their soap box - I'd start limiting my time with them or meet them privately for a BBQ in the back yard and not be with them out in public.
Yeah it's probably a cry for attention but their attention seeking ruins it for you - which calls into question how much you mean to them.

You can try talking with them about it privately.
Maybe come up with a code word you can use to ask them to pipe down.
But they might not be open to that.

Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom. Offer no apologies. Just say "I have to go to the bathroom" and get up and walk away.

We all get excited about some things ever so often. Some people talk too loudly when they're excited. The controversial stuff though - with people sitting close by, that's uncomfortable for others and not fair for those who don't have the easy choice of not hearing the conversation.

If you have a friend who does this as a matter of course, stop going out to public places with her. Just invite her for tea or coffee. And not when your kids are around...

Of course, there is the option of "Madge, I really don't want to have these controversial conversations with you. They really bother me." You'll have to decide if you have the courage to do this or not.

I had a very loud and quite frankly, now that I look back on it, quite obnoxious friend like this in college. People would stare and it was always somewhat awkward. I think when you're out for a meal or someplace public where others are trying to enjoy themselves, it's only courteous to keep your voice down and be mindful of others. I know if I'm at a restaurant I don't want to hear some loud mouth (regardless of what they are talking about) at the next table over.

So I hear you. In hindsight, now if I met that same friend, I wouldn't probably be friends with her ( I'm very reserved and she was so outspoken, I don't think we'd be a good fit at this point - and I doubt we were at the time). So if this person friend/acquaintance is making you feel awkward when out and about, either maybe not a good fit, or just have her to your home rather than go out. That's kind of a red flag though.

My mom was very good with people in awkward situations. How I wish I'd inherited that trait. She was charming and could tell people to F off and they never knew what hit them. They'd still be smiling afterwards. She was just that kind and made it about her.

She would say something like "I'm sorry, but I feel uncomfortable with people listening in on what we're discussing, or with people hearing our conversation - it's just me, my nature. Could we just take it down a notch maybe? Thanks!".

She didn't apologize for being herself - more for just pointing out that they were being inconsiderate.

Or she'd use humor - such as "Oh I agree - however, not sure everyone else does!" ... she would make it sound like BOTH of you should likely be a bit more considerate to the other patrons.

She could get away with it - not everyone can.

I would simply tell them that I have had far too much exposure to the topic via the news and social media and am tired of the subject. "Can we talk about something else, please?"

"I'm in the same room." "I'm sitting 3 feet from you, you don't have to yell."

These are things I have said to high volume talkers who get louder when they are excited. Like my husband. He grew up in a loud family where people would often talk over one another to be heard.

Pro Tip: If you're in a crowd of loud people and have something to say, speak at a normal level, or even slightly lower. You may have to repeat yourself, but they will all be quiet to hear it the second time.

In public, don't engage in a controversial conversation at any volume. My kids know there is a time and a place for discussing certain topics. Some are fine for home or in the car, but not at school. Some things are not things people in restaurants want to hear. A conversation they might have with friends may not resonate well with great-grandma.

Sometimes adults forget this basic method of courtesy. If you're okay with the topic but not the venue, say so. Table the subject for a later time. If you don't want to discuss the topic at all, say that too. "Ugh. I need a break from ____ so let's not let that infect our lunch."

I would worry less about what others might think and just enjoy your time with your friend, or if you don't enjoy that time than limit it.

Boy, I think it would depend on how "friendly" I was with the person. If it was a good/close friend, I think I would be upfront about the whole thing. Both the loud talking and the controversial issues in public. I know I would want a good friend to tell me if I was doing those things :) If it was just an acquaintance, I would find it more difficult and would likely start limiting the time I was spending with that person out in public.

Sometimes, though, that is just who the person is, and in order for both parties to feel comfortable, you have to pick the times you spend together to be situations where both parties can be themselves. I used to have a close friend who was a great person . . . until she had any amount of alcohol. Then she was a loud, obnoxious, kind of slutty, weirdo. Man, it was the craziest thing. I ended up telling her that I loved her, but we couldn't go out drinking together as she made me extremely nervous and upset. We did tons of stuff together, just never involved alcohol.

Some people have no volume control. They either talk really loud because of habit such as working in a loud environment or feeling as though they are not being heard.
simply place your hand on her forearm or shoulder and say " I'm happy to talk about this but inside voices please."

I also think you should ask yourself why you are so concerned about the opinion of strangers. If you are in a public place and a friend starts talking loud about a controversial topic and people stare -- why does it matter. You don't know them and they don't know you. It doesn't matter what they think.

My mom does this. I tell her to stop. I tell her it's not appropriate. She will loudly say things like WHY? I just wanted to talk about XYZ?! And then she will be snippy with me and pout. If it were a friend...I don't know. I guess it would depend on what they are talking about.

"There's a reason this isn't considered polite conversation"

That is my go to tag line. Most of us know this too, if we were lucky enough to have grandparents or elders of some kind in our lives: religion, politics, $ & sex are not 'polite' conversations to be had. It's just the way it is. On the flip side, what you say with those in your own home behind your own door is no business of anyone! Period. End of story.