Hello Everyone,
My daughter will be 21 months later this week. While she know how to use a spoon/fork, is able to use her hands to put food in her mouth, and drink water from a cup on her own, etc., she can't really finish a meal on her own. She takes spoonfuls of food on her own during meals, but the process is slow and I have to squeeze in spoonfuls of food in-between. My husband has been working from home, but he may have to return to the office full-time, in which case we need to put our daughter in preschool/daycare. I'm wondering if it's a problem for preschools/daycare if my daughter can't feed herself? I can't imagine the teachers spoonfeeding almost two year olds during meal/snack time (or do they??). I'm concerned that since she can't finish a meal on her own, she'll be left hungry until one of us picks her up after work. TIA!
Thank you everyone for your input. My daughter had a significant drop in weight percentile at 12 months; since then, my husband and I were focused solely on getting more food in her that it never occurred to us that at this age, she needs to learn how to feed herself at meal times. I guess we'll be giving her more independence at meal times from here on out.
My goal is to have my kids on table food -what we eat-by 12 months. I will occasional help with soup, but they feed themselves.
She sounds capable, but not to your standard!..
Kids take thier time, that is GOOD. better than inhaling food, and getting fat. Remember it takes 20 mins for the stomach to say it is full and send that signal to the brain.
If you are trying to get her to eat in 20 mins that is not going to happen. Kids know thier bodies better than we give them credit for.
I have a picky eater, and I took him for senstivity testing.. gee.. most of the foods he will not eat, or is very hit n miss on eating.. well it turns out he has a sensitivy to them.
If we listen, our kids tell us a lot with out talking at all.
Good luck.. give her time. If you want to time her.. set a timer for 45 mins when the 45 mins is up, take her food. do that for a few days. Then put it down to 40 mins.. few days later 30 mins etc.. I would not go faster than 30 mins that is a decent time for her to eat. Our day care did not feed the kids after 12-15 months but she always let her eat until she was done.
First, keep in mind that daycare centers also have snack time. Those kids eat pretty much every 2 hours.
Second, you do not need to feed her. Let her do all of it by herself. It's ok for her to use her hands and no utensils at all. Both of my kids started feeding themselves when they were around 9 months - because they are stubborn and wanted to do everything without my help. I just made sure I made food that they could pick up with their fingers.
Stop feeding her. Let her decide how much to eat and how fast to eat. If you do end up putting her in daycare, just let the teachers know your concerns. They are used to this and have lots of experience working with kids who are not proficient with a fork and spoon.
She will see the other kids doing it at preschool and she will just start doing it too. It's amazing how kids will be so self sufficient away from their parents when they are at school...and do things they never do at home. Tell the teacher(s) your worries and let them know you'd love to hear how it goes. I bet the teachers do help the littlest ones, so there really is no need to worry.
At 12 months, a baby should be able to feed themselves appropriate amounts of food by hand. I don't spoon feed any of my babies past their first birthday, unless it's something like yogurt or oatmeal or soup. By 18 months, they're using a spoon sufficiently that they're self-feeding everything. I never hand/spoon feed any child table foods, so once they're 9-10 months, they're learning that skill on their own.
You and your husband need to stop feeding her. Period. Let her feed herself what she wants in an appropriate amount of time. She's not going to starve, since I'm guessing she gets a snack between breakfast and lunch and another between lunch and dinner. Whether she goes to daycare or not, this is a critical skill that she needs and your current methods are hampering her learning.
And no, no one in a daycare setting is going to spoon feed a 21 month old.
Most toddlers eat exactly like yours. Once she returns to child care they will work with her on getting enough food.
She'll see the other kids eating and doing much as she is now.
When she has her birthday and goes into the 2 yr. old classroom she'll start to see the bigger kids who haven't turned 3 yet using spoons and such to eat. She should start emulating them in a timely manner.
Yes, by 21 months, your daughter should be feeding herself (with minimal input)! I'd say by 1year, most kids should be fairly sufficient at feeding themselves (spoon/fork/hands). Give her a bit more time at the table, limit distractions (no toys, tv, etc), and encourage her for her efforts! My dd is 5 and still is usually the last one up from the table! :) She's just a very slow eater. Make sure you're giving her an assortment of foods and let her pick which she eats, in what order, and how much. You may be serving her too much and it looks overwhelming? I give dd very small servings and half the time she asks for seconds. Sometimes we will "negotiate" on how much more she needs to eat. For example, she tells me she's full, and I ask her to eat 4 more bites, she requests just 2, we meet in the middle at 3. If I truly feel like she hasn't eaten enough, she doesn't get a snack/dessert. Some days she barely picks at her food like a bird, other days, she demolishes 2-3 servings (like a teenage boy)! Is there something about the food that she doesn't like? For example, my dd doesn't really like anything with sauce (spaghetti is the exception)--that means, no ketchup, ranch, bbq, gravy, etc. But, she loves "combo-bites" (a little bit of everything in one bite) and anything with cheese!
Just start experimenting with the food, encourage her constantly, and have fun! At daycare, they will not hand-feed her, but they also won't let her go hungry! It took a few weeks for dd to pick up on the speed of other kids, before that, I was told that she was the last one at the table for every meal!
Good luck mama!
Why do you need to squeeze in spoonfuls?
Remove distractions and let her eat at her own pace. Once she stops putting food in her mouth, she's done. Pick up the plate and clean her up.
If she's not eating anymore and still has food on her plate, it's because she's not hungry. Stop spoon feeding her and focus on your own meal. Between you taking her plate when she stops feeding herself, and her watching you eat your own meals, she'll get the idea of what she's supposed to do when the plate is in front of her.
i'm sure you'll get helpful answers, so here's my funny one. my first baby was at in-home daycare when he was an infant, but when he turned 2 we put him in the kindercare which was right next door to our apartment complex, because it looked like a lot of fun and was so convenient. after the first couple of days the director met me when i picked him up and said 'mrs T, brian's doing very well, but we have an issue at lunch and snack times. he just sits there unless someone feeds him. have you worked with him on feeding himself at all yet?' i'm sure i looked thunderstruck. despite having hordes of little brothers, i hadn't really paid attention to 'developmental milestones' growing up, and i had my babies before the benefit of the internet. it just hadn't occurred to me that he was well able to learn how to feed himself.
my poor baby. he was a total guinea pig. i'm amazed he survived his adoring but clueless parents.
:) khairete
S.
When my duaghter was little she attended daycare full time. By the time kids were moved up to the waddler room (12 - 14 months) there needed to be able to feed themselves.
Maybe you need to schedule more time for eating and give her an opportunity to practice more by herself. My daughter has always been a slow eater as well and particularly at this age they should have at least a full 30 - 45 minutes to eat.
Good luck.
