I'm due to have our second baby by c-section (the first was also cesarian) on April 28th. My husband has taken a new job in Cincinnati and although they'd want him to start as soon as possible, we had thought it better to start mid-June at the earliest. We'll have to move there and we have no friends or family in that area. Yesterday, my husband told me they wanted him to start June 2nd and he accepted. He felt like he didn't have a choice. I am really distressed about this. My first c-section was really difficult to recover from (we live in a 5-level townhouse with a ton of stairs) and I'm expecting this one to be no easier. My OB has said that 8 weeks after the baby is born is the soonest that I or the kids should move. That is the end of June. We have a 2 year old that obviously still requires a lot of attention, so the thought of being on my own here for a month, still recovering from surgery, without my husband to help with overnight feedings, and to have our house on the market at the same time, is beyond overwhelming to me. I suppose that we could move with him in early June, but I am afraid that is too early for my recovery and for the baby, who will be just 4 weeks. Also, we're moving into corporate housing for the time being and we'll be looking for a new house as well. I know that for my husband to have agreed to this start date without consulting me first was wrong and that is an issue we are working on, but that is not the part that I'm asking about so please refrain from calling him names :)
My question is, in your experience, when do feel is the best and safest time to make huge changes like this after having had surgery, with a newborn and a toddler? Is it going to matter ultimately if we move as a family after 4, 6 or 8 weeks? Am I better off at home with my friends and family for help but without my husband, or in Cincinnati with my husband (at work) but with no friends or family?
I am really distressed and scared by all this. Thanks in advance for your advice.
Thank you so much for all your thoughtful advice. I agree that I'll be better off here with the kids and the support of friends and family. And, I guess I didn't realize that just because my husband has a "start date", that doesn't mean I have to impose one on myself. We'll move down when we're healthy and ready. He should be able to come home on weekends, so we'll just make the best of it.
It's really great to have other moms' support to help get through a challenging time. I hope that the Mamasource community in Cincinnati measures up to the one here!
If possible I would move before the baby comes! unless you are goign to have help it is way too much to do alone.
good luck
J.
Hi, E.
I think you should stay home with friends and family while you heal. Especially since your husband will be at work and you will be home trying to take care of a two year old, a newborn, and yourself. It would make no sense for you to move so early, and still have to look for a house and do everything "by yourself". If your husband really loves his family and understands the problem you are facing then he should understand why you need to stay back. Ypu will have people to help which is what you are gonna need most of all. Good Luck!!!! I hope everything works out for all of you.
that is a hard one but know you will get through it. I am a single parent and was living in two cities before I had my little one. I moved to Oak Park one month before I gave birth and moved my stuff from my condo downtown the week before I gave birth. In fact the last stuff arrived two days before baby. My advice is ditch everything that isn't important ie have movers do EVERYTHING. Dont worry about unboxing etc. In fact, dont worry about most things except caring for yourself and your children. If my family lived here, I might move when I felt up to it ie wait, have the baby and then plan moving when you feel better. But if your place here has 5 floors and the new place is easier, then maybe organizing some help there might be better. I used a night doula and you can also get day doulas to help with household chores. Through your husband's company you may be able to find resources locally that will help you. maybe one of your friends or relatives can come visit for a while.
Just remember, you will survive and by this time next year, you will hardly remember it because you will be so busy with your two little sweeties.
WOW! You do have a lot going on! I had all three of mine c-sections and what you need more than anything is HELP!!!
Especially since you have a demanding toddler. There is no substitution for your husband waiting on you hand and foot, but if you can't have that, I would stay put at least for the first six weeks, then you could join your husband in Cincinnati. Having family and friends who love you and are willing to help is the greatest blessing! I still wouldn't do any major packing or lifting for a while. Taking care of a toddler and newborn is ENOUGH exercise!!! Good Luck!!!
When it rains it pours, ain't that the truth! Well, I've had 1 c-section and living on the 3rd floor of an apartment building, I know that the healing time is very important. I'm sure your husband wants to be around for the birth of his baby, but your recovery time is very important as well. Have you thought about moving before you have the baby? I know the doctor situation might be tricky, but maybe your current doctor could recommend someone in the new area? If not maybe staying put is the best bet. That way you do have family around to help out. I know I ended up wishing I had taken people up on their offers more when I was still recovery.
I feel for you and hope everything goes OK!
Hi E.,
Your husband is not going to be much help even if you move with him. He is going to have to focus on his new job & that usually means longer hours. So you'll be in a new city with no friends or family to help during the day. You will feel terribly isolated & alone, then add on all those hormones. Take it from someone who has no family here in Chicago, after you give birth, that's who you are going to want to have around you. I would stay until after you are feeling better. Don't put a time table on it. If you're feeling good after 4 weeks or if it takes you 10 weeks, listen to your body. Since you have family & friends here, take advantage of that & don't be shy to ask for help. Some suggestions of ways friends can help are: bringing you dinners that are frozen so all you have to do is thaw & heat; taking your 2 year old on outings & play dates; grocery shopping. If you're worried about the nights, then have family stay over night with you for the first week after your husband leaves. Once you feel like you have things under control have the moving company pack you. A moving company can pack your entire house in a day. They provide all the boxes & packing material. It is well worth the money. A good reliable moving Co. is Five Star Movers. Good luck.
I also had two c-sections. Although mine were 3 years apart, my second c-section was a lot easier. My daughter was born around 10:30 at night, and I was up and showering the next day. I was amazed at how fast my recovery was the second time around. If I were in your shoes, I'd move with my husband. Being alone, I feel would be much more of a burden. Good luck to you and your family!
I moved about 5 weeks after my second child was born, via c-section. We were actually supposed to move 3 weeks after, but my litte one was born early (I went into labor but still had a c). Life was crazy, but we survived. I was happy we were together and I think you'll probably need the moral support of your husband. When we moved, we moved my 2 year old to a bed and that went surprisingly well. I healed pretty quick though obviously wasn't too helpful with the packing, unpacking. I am sure whatever you decide will be the right decision.
Hi E.,
I had a c-section myself in Nov 2006. I was pretty stiff (not able to stand up straight) for a few days). I didn't really listen to what my ObGyn said and moved a little more than I should. I had to drive to the doc appointments because my husband had to go to work. I just moved really really slow. I would think if you can drive to Cincinnati that may not be so hard on your body. Can someone come and stay with you? Or maybe a live-in nurse? Not sure of the cost. Or a live-in nanny looking for a temporary job?
Good luck with everything. Just think of your new little baby :o)
Your second section will be a million times better than your first.
My first section was an emergency after almost 20 hours of labor. Recover was awful, I could barely hold my baby for the first 6 weeks. I had my second child in April and had a scheduled section. I was up and walking around and showered the next day. I was ready to start running again after 4 weeks. I felt so good and so much better than with my first. I also had an active 2 year old. Other than not being able to lift him for 6 weeks (4.5-5 I kind of cheated because I felt so good) I had no problem taking care of him. We live on the third floor and I took him out to playgroups and doctors visits by myself.
Hi E.....
you actualy already know the answer to your question...stay put until you feel you can move away from the support and family and help you have and will need before to pack up house and after baby is born to tend to them both... he is loving and supportive , he will handle and deal with this ... good luck with new baby and move..D.
Hi, E.,
I feel for you - you're in a tight spot.
I'm a massage therapist and a mother myself (though I have not had a C-Section, I have studied pregnancy/recovery issues). I would not recommend moving a moment before 8 weeks, if you are going to have to lift anything. You are familiar already with how long it takes to recover from a C-section, and your body will be very taxed to move any sooner than that. You will already be stretched thin doing this at 8 weeks. But I'm preaching to the choir on that one, no doubt.
Given that you are going to have to move before you're well-rested and strong, I would recommend being on the lookout for post-partum depression. You may even want to be pre-emptive with it and consider St. John's Wort (with an herbalist's guidance on dosage and quality). I took it myself to handle the stresses of single parenthood of an infant, and it helped significantly. (It is safe to take when lactating - again, with an herbalist's guidance.)
If you move earlier than 8 weeks, you risk not healing properly or becoming seriously ill from the cumulative stresses you'll be facing - and you and your family need you to be healthy.
Peace to you, and good luck with all you have going on.
Sincerely,
L. Freeman
LMT
E....
I have had 2 c-sections as well. My oldest daughter is 4 1/2 and my second daughter is 2 1/2. My gut is telling me that you guys should not move until you are healed.
If you absolutely have to move for your husbands job by June 2nd (if his company can't make a compromise), you should move with him and get a neighbor or family members to keep your house clean/dust free/staged for sale/etc. Even go so far as to move your stuff at a later time...When you are actually feeling 100% again.
You will need your husband, and since the stress of selling a house is in-and-of itself an extremely difficult thing to do these days, you should not be there to handle that alone with a newborn and a toddler. The entire time it takes to heal (about 6 weeks) is the time it will take you to get used to the idea of having 2 children...The lack of sleep is tremendous, and to add moving and selling a house to that equation is really tough.
My advice is to not underestimate how hard the transition is from having one child to two.
You can move whenever you need to. I moved at 8.5 months pregnant, even though the doctor warned me against it. If you have family at home that is willing to help you, and you are very scared of moving, take their help and meet your husband a few weeks later. If not, bite the bullet and go. If you take the travel nice and slow, you won't put yourself or the kids in danger.
Your husband was faced with a difficult decision. Don't be so hard on him. If you say mid-June, and he had to take June 2, that's only a few weeks difference. Is that worth losing a job over? This is not the greatest economy when it comes to finding jobs. Don't lose sight of the big picture! You need to do what is best for your family in the long term. That might mean sacrifices in the short term.
Hi, having had 2 c-sections, I can relate. What was strange is that after my first c-section, it took like 6-7 weeks to fully recover, but the second one, it took like 3 weeks. There really is no set time.
I would definitely stay here where you have the help of family and friends to recover. There is no need to rush to another city so you can stay by yourself with a new baby and toddler. We moved here from Florida before I had twins (we also had a 4 year old). My husband commuted for awhile and then my son and I moved up later.
Just try to get as much help as possible-someone staying during the day, maybe a few nights during the week, even paying a nanny, if you can.
Good luck!!
