What Would You Do About a Friend's Child Witnessing His Parents Arguing

I agree with asking if everything is OK because Johnny seemed upset about his dad walking out of the house after an argument and seemed scared. Sometimes people are such butt-heads! Poor kid. They're the ones that get all the fear and anxiety.

How sad. You know, I think you should tell your friend what her son said and let her do the math. Don't tell her what she should or shouldn't do about arguing in front of her son. If she asks, then you can tell her. Also, even when you are listening to her tell her woes to you, be a good listener--not a talker. Don't commisserate with her about her husband. This just fuels her discontent and anger (even if she has every right to feel that way). Encourage her in any way you can by telling her good things about her (that are true) and about her husband (if you can honestly do so). But, don't ever tell her what a bum he is. You are right, they probably will get back together, and she knows what you said. She may even tell him. And, it might fester in her mind and ruin your friendship. Encourage her son that they love him, whatever positive you can say. And, let her know what he has said. She needs to know he hears and is thinking about it. Blessings to you as you navigate these difficult waters!

I would. I would say, "I am little embarrassed to mention it, but Bobby saif that you and his dad had a n argument. And he seemed worried about Daddy being around. I don't want you to feel like we have to talk about it, but I wanted to make you aware he was worried enough to say something. And I wasn't sure you knew he overheard or was upset."

IF she want sot talk, let her, but also make it clear you would never pry other than being concerned about her son.

You should mention what her son said to you, just try not to throw your opinion in there unless she asks for it. Just tell her that her son overheard them arguing and was worried about his dad coming home, and leave it at that. Sometimes people get wrapped up in their own problems and don't realize how it affects the people around them, especially kids. Also, she may not have realized that he heard them, or may not have cared at the time. But knowing that he is talking about their marital issues to other people may be a wake up call to try to be more discreet in front of the kids.

I would mention it, but I might not say the part about not arguing in front of him. She could take that as you are questioning her parenting ability and get defensive. But I would for sure let her know that he is talking about it and maybe she should talk to him about it.

I had a similar situation, except I was the one with the small children and the cheating husband. I can tell you that, no matter how much I tried to protect them from what was going on, he was unpredictable and I was not the "perfect" smiley person when I was dealing with shock and extreme hurt. My dearest friend, who lived down the street and has a daughter the same age as mine--they were very best friends as young children and are still very good friends--never said anything judgemental or hurtful to me.
What she DID say, and it was very diplomatically done, was that she knew we were having trouble, and she knew I didn't want it to hurt the kids, so ANYTIME I needed a place for them to go she was there. It didn't matter what time of day or night--she was just there for us. She would unobtrusively simply come into the house, get them set up for a playdate or a sleepover, and off they would go.
Since we had such a close relationship and the kids knew her very well, this was something that worked.
I don't know what your situation is, but if you can offer something like this or suggest something like this, WHILE making sure you absolutely support that your friend is doing the very best she can, and you know she cares about her kids very much, you may be the best help she has to get through what is an incredibly difficult thing.

I would probably say something like this...Your son mentioned that you & your husband had a fight last night and he seemed concerned as to whether or not his dad was coming home today. i was going to explain to him that even though you guys are arguing that you both will always be his parents, but then I wasn't sure if it was my place or not and so I decided to just let you know so you can handle it as you see fit and I'm sorry your going through a rough patch right now. Please let me know if there is anything you need. K? that way, your but the ball in her court, but without any judgements. hope this helps.

I would ask her if everything is ok because her son mentioned an argument and dad wasn't home. You could offer to watch her son if they need to talk some more.

Since you are friends, I would approach her like this: Hi, ____ I just wanted to talk to you about something. Yesterday when ___ came over, he told me that you and your hubby were arguing last night and he is afraid his dad may not come back. I don't want to intrude on your relationship, but is there anything we can do? Are you guys ok? If you want to talk about it, feel free to call me. Or if you need a place for ____to stay for a while, give me a call. We would love to have him.

Just an ex. but mainly let her know you are there to listen if she needs to talk. But she needs to know that her son is concerned about his dad not coming back. Kids should NEVER be put in this situation. They should NEVER have to have any doubt or uncertainty in their life about their family or their parents. Good luck~ Hope it works out ok.

Molly

no, you shouldnt say anything, its their business, and they may have had every intention of him not hearing it, some kids are nosy and listen in from other rooms. Dont add making her feel like a bad mother to her plight of having a flighty disrespectful husband. Explain to the boy that adults fight sometimes and leave it at that. Sometimes fights are unavoidable even near the kids, especially if your kids are always around you. People have knee jerk reactions, and humans make mistakes.

I saw my parents fight when i was a kid, i heard my friends parents fight, quite explicitly. I was mature enough at about 8 to understand that adults have problems i may not understand yet.

Maybe say something but not in an attacking manner.

I think you should say something, but allow your friend to conclude how she will address the issue. I would say something like, "Hi, can I talk to you in private? Well, I wanted to tell you that the other day, your son said that you argued. I told him that parents argue sometimes and that can be normal, but he told me that was a big fight and he told me he hopes his daddy comes home today." Then I would pause, to allow that statement to hopefully sink in a little. "And, then it made me so sad to hear your little boy wondering if his own dad is even coming home tonight." Pause, allow her to say something if she wants, and then make it clear: "I really am not telling you this to meddle in your business. I understand marriage is hard, I've been through some stuff with my husband. It's hard. But, you know, you were not there today to see his face...your little boy sounded so empty saying this. I could tell he was in pain. I'm so sorry, but I thought you should know this." And leave the rest up to her.

Oh, arguing parents suck. When I was a little girl, my parents argued in front of me all the time. It got to a point when I was afraid to come home with friends because I was never sure of what I would come home to...Joan Cleaver mom, baking a cake, pristine home, or screaming, yelling, throwing, cursing? Once, my dad left, and I also did not know if he would be coming home or not. I was about 8, I was so devastated, I truly believed I would never see him again. I cried all night, in front of my mom...she kept telling me to be quiet and go to sleep already, but I kept insisting I needed to go out to look for him. Clearly, this finally got to her and next thing I know, she's bawling and I have no idea why, I am thinking she missed daddy too, I guess? But the next day they made up and apologized to me for making me feel that way. Unfortunately, it did not stop the arguing, but eventually my parents did resolved their issues and now, oddly, they rarely argue. Still, I always say that day was probably the saddest day of my childhood. Adults need to realize how much their arguing affects their children. You don't want to create memories for your child that they will never forget.

I wish someone would have said something to my parents (mostly my mom) about arguing in front of us, but then again, I'm not so sure it would have helped a bit. If they are going to be selfish enough to do this in front of the kids in the first place, chances are, she will get irked with you, for bringing it up.

When two people are out of control like this, it's always easier to blame it on the other parent, that way she doesn't have to take responsibility for her part. If you talk to her, then she will have to own up to her part in this, and well, she doesn't want to do that or she wouldn't be fighting in front of her children in the first place. It takes two to fight, but only one to keep it going and going and going.

Pretty much all you can do is, just be sure to be there for her kids, but I would at least talk to her about it. Probably won't do any good though!