What Would You Call This Behavior?

i would call this behavior 'paranoid entitled troublemaker.'
oh, you mean your co-workers?
hard to say, really. it's remotely possible they're the ogres you make them out to be, but it's also clear that you are just looking for reasons to be butthurt and making ridiculous mountains out of tiny molehills.
honestly, it sounds as if you're positively salivating over every new (imagined) potential slight. from the first glance (gawked) and comment (snide) you were just DYING to be victimized.
the HR girl is snide and gawky. ALL your co-workers are horrible, rude, invasive and hurtful, and 'attack' you for being a working mom.
and you went to HR with all of your wounds?
and then 'her eyes welled up with contemptuous joy'? sounds like a bodice ripper novel.
you've been having a hard time 'moving on' from every word your co-workers say for an awfully long time now. it must just suck for them to be stuck with such a professional victim. i feel for the upper management.
and just getting another job won't help since you see yourself as a victim in all aspects of your life.
for the sake of this baby who's about to be raised by a narcissistic drama queen, i hope you get help and do it soon.
ETA omg, i missed on the first read-through that you've left this job. now you're just enjoying chewing over the ragged bones. girl. you need help.
khairete
S. (actual witch)

Are you trying to piece together a potential lawsuit or something?

Based on previous questions, look within yourself to figure out what's wrong. It's not always someone else's fault when things do not go the way you expect.

You sound resentful and I can't imagine being in a work situation like that. Let it go... Find a new job and counselor.

It sounds like you are very sensitive. If other people think or do something different than you you can just ignore them. Don't take it to heart. Don't even bother. Where we live now near DC it seems like every mom is a working mom because really, who can afford to live here unless you both work? Other places I have lived I have been friends with both stay at home moms and working moms. And part time moms. And work at home moms. Almost everyone I know is a working mom though...it's not the 50s anymore! Mature adults know that each person is different and each family is different and everyone is doing what is best for them. Mature adults also know to ignore someone who is being rude. By they way - I can't tell from what you wrote if you are being overly sensitive to anything anyone says to you or if you work with a bunch of really mean people. If you work with really mean people I think you should be happy to simply leave and find a job elsewhere with kind co-workers. I personally would not stay at a job filled with people who are mean. Life is too short for that. PS - In your next job keep in mind it is normal for coworkers to ask about your baby, ask about your daycare, inquire about baby's health, or about you. It most often just means they care and are making conversation. If they ask to see the baby don't take offense...they just mean they love cute babies. It kind of sounds like you may be someone who takes offense very easily.

Z.,

In the past, Ive read your previous questions, but every time I went to formulate a response, there was just too much confusion in your posts and too many seeming contradictions from one post to the other for me to be able to offer you a decent answer without investing a major chunk of time to ask and wait for clarifications that may never come. I could never make sense of the timelines with respect to the various work problems, and I couldn't understand how you could be contemplating quitting your job when just a short time earlier you were having trouble paying your rent while being married to a man who didn't seem to have his financial priorities straight.

I don't say this to be mean. If you were my friend in real life, I'd say the same thing. And, if you want help from us in the future, it's important to be as clear as possible when posting your question as well as understand that you're going to get a whole range of responses when you ask questions on a public forum. You don't have to like all those answers, but you do have to understand that if you ask, you can get just about anything in response.

Now, having said all that, and reading through your current post, my response is probably one of those you would consider "judgmental," but I don't feel I'd be at all helpful to you if I didn't point this out. Almost all is see in your words here are how horrible EVERYONE at work was to you and how terrible you still feel about it.

Can you look at this situation and accept any personal responsibility? Not for what other people did or said, but for how you responded, failed to respond, and/or allowed people to get under your skin? You can't control what other people say and do, but you do have control over your own actions.

You seem to be dwelling on this experience in an unproductive way, but if you change the obsessive dwelling to honest, open reflection, it could be a good thing. Instead of dwelling about how poorly you feel you were treated, can you ask yourself how you could handle these situations better in the future? Can you see how you may have contributed to the negative dynamic that developed and grew between you and your co-workers? What could you have done differently that would have made a difference in your attitude toward your workplace environment and co-workers?

I think taking some time to contemplate those questions and allow yourself to be open to the idea that you have some responsibility, too, might result in answers that will help you in future job and personal situations. It's a pretty good bet that somewhere, at a job in the future---even if 90% of the people there are just lovely---you're going to run into that one person who gets under your skin again. Find out how to spot the behaviors in people that trigger you to feel defensive and work on developing strategies so that you don't feel so victimized and helpless in the future.

Wishing you the best.

Updated:

Julie F - what wonderful advice.

When I look back at your posts, I remember you have had issues with your co-workers, your manager, your husband, your best friend, your family and friends, and now, HR, etc.

I think I suggested you talk to someone. But just wondering too if maybe your hormones are out of whack. It happens. Just wanted to mention it where you've had a baby. When the world is this against you and even your family and friends don't care, sometimes it's a sign it's time to talk and figure out if things are ok.

Good luck and I hope you'll find something you will enjoy more. Consider it a blessing that you were forced to make a decision. I think you felt negatively about the job and try to move forward and look for something you feel more positive about.

When you titled the post, "What would you call this behavior," I think you meant to ask what we would call the behavior of your (now former) employers; however, stop and think about applying that question to yourself rather than to them.

I'm not talking about any behavior of yours while you were at that job. I'm talking about the choice to post about this again (I recall the earlier post) and the choice to keep focusing on people and a workplace you have now left behind you. That IS a choice that you are making--to cling to this ugly situation and keep rehashing it and rehashing other people's behavior in your mind. What they did and said was at the very least rude but at the very worst illegal in some instances, but it is done, finished, over. I can understand how your mind wants to go over it and think about what you might have done differently or said at the time to shut their comments down, etc. We all tend to revisit painful things and wonder why we were treated a certain way, or regret that we didn't say X or do Y. But you need to let this go.

Here's why: You have a young child who needs your attention and who needs it unmixed with painful memories of how your pregnancy and her birth were subjects for jerks. You also maybe need to find another job -- I don't know if you're job hunting or not but if you are, you need to get past this last job or you'll either think every possible employer is potentially as dysfunctional as the one you left (and yes, they had problems if they said the crud you describe). The one and only concern to have with this old job now is digging up someone who worked with you there to give you a reference if you need one (unfortunately, most of the time I'd say HR will be OK for that and will just confirm your dates of employment, but since HR was also stupid enough to comment on your personal life, you can't trust them to be a reference either).

Other than finding some preferably former employee for a reference -- you need to leave this. If you brood and brood on it, please think very hard: Do you tend to overthink and brood on things long after they happen? In other aspects of your life, do you tend to rehash old hurts or puzzle forever over what others did to you or what you should have done? Sit down and think about it. This may be part of a larger life pattern that needs some counseling to work through.

The behavior sounds off on both sides.

I am writing this to help you see the other side and not to make you feel bad.

You said yourself in the other post that you only wanted to work there for money reasons because your husband is only working part time. This is not to the companies benefit. Not that your reason is unusual, but many employers want people to feel they are a valuable resource to the company. You yourself said otherwise. Find a job you truly believe you add value the organization.

Move on and realize those people were petty are immature. Maybe they are doubting your pregnancy?

Do you plan to sue for discrimination?

Wow, what a strange work situation. I work in HR and it doesn't matter what size the company is, if they discriminated against you during your pregnancy and then after the fact as being a new Mother, that is WRONG and Illegal quite frankly. I'm kind of confused though. Did you actually make a complaint to the department of labor? If they actually fired you vs. you quitting, you might have a more justifiable case quite honestly. You have every right to work in an environment that is a non-hostile workplace and does not make a big deal about individual's lives or what's going on outside of the workplace. You DO have to move on though. There are other opportunities, companies out there that are not like that. I'm sorry this happened to you and wish you the best in finding a better opportunity and will support you in being a new Mother. Congrats!

I guess you should bring tons of photos from home showing how much you do with the baby. Millions of women work and leave their 6 week old baby if they only have 6 weeks maternity leave.

Some people come back to work and find that someone was hired to handle their job while they were gone and that person took the job to support their family too. So they can't just fire them. My daughter was put on nights when she came back to work. There was no child care for infants at night time. She told them she wanted her day time position back and that she'd been told when she left for maternity leave she would have it back. She had child care arranged and everything.

They told her sorry, that she'd chosen to have a baby and left them where they had to hire someone to fill her position.

So I think you're lucky to even have a job to return to.

If you don't like where you work and they aren't being nice to you then find another job and give notice. Work it out then move on.

I think your hormones might be playing into this situation too though. It's hard to be away from your little one and now they're saying things that make your very aware of how it feels to be away.

Don't ever stay where you are not wanted or appreciated.

This ugly situation just opened a new door of opportunity for you. Take it.

One thing you should take with you from this situation is: Always make/leave a paper trail.

Best wishes on your new journey!