Hello all,
I am 28 weeks pregnant with baby # 2. We have a 3 year old (he will be 3.5 when baby arrives), he is very use to his schedule, sleeping arrangements (with mom and dad) and has only spend the night 5 times away from us (spends the night with both my parents). I started to think yesterday while speaking with him about the baby and what we are going to do to get prepared that I need some help on what to tell him.
I have been getting presents and gifts from co workers, friends and family recently. My husband and I have together 3 boys (2 oldest are my step sons and 10 &15) so this is a girl and people are so excited for us. Every time we get a present i sit him down show him, we talk about the baby a bit. He fully understands whats going on, and the baby will come when the baby is ready. Yesterday we were having one of these talks, and i mentioned going to the hospital when its time, Daddy and Grandma coming and him staying with Grandpa but coming to meet the baby as soon as he can. He got upset started crying. I remember what I felt like when my brother came along (he is 4 years younger).
Just wondering if you guys can suggest anything or help with books we can read? I want him prepared as much as he can be, and ready for the time I am gone. My mom and husband will stay with me until baby is here then they will take shifts with my son. He will be with my Dad while they are both gone, my sister in law will be around to help with him as well. I plan to have him at the hospital with us as soon as she is born and stay as much as he wants.
Thanks all.
I always say less is more. Mention the baby but do not make it the topic of the conversation all the time.
I agree that maybe talking about it a bit less would be good, especially now.At this age your son is too young to do anything but live in the moment. The idea that you are going to be gone in 12 weeks or so is beyond his comprehension. I would let it be for now. Answer questions if he brings them up, and include him in conversations about the new baby, but don't over emphasize the fact that you will be gone when the baby comes. He doen't need to worry about that now.
Start now! Don't wait.
ETA: Get him excited about HIS special day with grandpa when baby comes! Don't make it seem like him and gpa are waiting for you....have gpa plan special big boy activities just for that special day!
Read Big Brother type books. Tell him this is HIS baby too! Tell him you ned HIS HELP with the baby....and then LET HIM help! He can get you clothes, diapers, bottles, "read" to baby, get blankets, help with a bottle, show baby his toys, etc.
Get him in his own bed now! Let hin know he's getting it cuz he is "such a big boy!" Let that transition happen while you are still pregnant so he doesn't connect it to baby.
Stick to his schedule as much as possible throughout. Baby can come along. :)
Have a few days/nights out so he can adjust to sitter/grandparents watching him on and off.
Make these next couple months before baby arrives be ALL about how BIG he is!
Tell him he is SO lucky to have a baby sister or bother! You're having weird feelings because you must have felt bad when your brother was born!
Make any transitions NOW, new bed, potty training etc not when the baby comes. Put away any of his old baby toys, high chair,etc etc and store them till baby is old enough to play with them/use the,m so he is not losing anything to baby. They are put away because he is to old for them, too big for them. Months from now they come back out, you exclaim wow, I remember when you were this little and you wore this, played with this used this! Now you are way too big!
When I called my son (just turned three) to tell him he had a new baby sister, he said "Thank you!" Dont expect negativity and dont let him see you feel guilty or worried about having a second. You are adding to his life!
Stop talking about it. At three, 12 more weeks will feel like 12 years. When the time comes, you'll just do what you need to do and he will adjust.
FWIW, when my youngest was born, the next-youngest was just under two. Thankfully I went into labor in the morning so my husband stayed through that, went home, picked up all of the kids, brought them in for a visit, and brought them all home and stayed there, then I checked out the next day. He had never spent the night away from me and was totally fine. Where yours has already spent the night with grandparents, this will be no big deal when the time comes.
I would stay pretty low-key on the baby talk, showing him things etc. unless he's excited about it too. You don't want to overwhelm him with all baby, all the time - he'll get enough of that when she gets here. Congrats!
I agree with Lizard - explain about the baby but also prep him for all the fun he's going to have with Grandpa!
Our oldest was 3 years and 2 months when his baby brother was born. We had the baby "give" our oldest a present that he really wanted (a pillow pet). He loved that!! I think your son will adjust fine. For what it's worth - my oldest just told me last weekend (while playing with his little brother that is now a year old) that having a baby is fun!!! I think he was playing with his brother and having a lot of fun and must have decided that it was a good idea to have a baby after all:) It will all work out! Good Luck!!
Don't stress too much about it. You have told him and I would not say much more to him about being away from you for a while. But maybe have him stay with his grandpa a few more times so it will not be anything new to him to stay with him. You know he will be taken care of and with people that love him and that he loves. He will probably not notice too much you are not there is he's used to being where he's at. My parents kept my oldest son when I had my youngest and there was 3 1/2 years apart as well. He was fine. We had something special for him when he came to meet his brother for the first time that stayed there till we left since i had a c section and was there for three days. My parents just had fun stuff for him when they were home. Of corse my son I think had gotten used to me going to the hospital since they admitted me several times and he came up there to see me.
YOur attitude has so much to do with how he accepts the whole situation and the baby. Make it fun and exciting, because it is, and tell him how wonderful it will that he will be a big brother and can help you with the baby. Tell him little about being gone overnight until closer to the time you will be gone. He can deal with something as it happens much better than thinking about it this far ahead. Get him in his own bed, potty trained if you have time to get it done and you should have. You don't want to suddenly realize it all needs to be done and then he'll feel really resentful of the baby. It should be fine depending on how you present it to him.
I agree with other posters that now is the time to start transitioning into his new bedtime routing. My middle child was just over three when his little sister was born. We had decided to move him into the room with his older brother (12 months apart) so that the boys were together and the baby had her own room. We did this about 4 months before she was born so that he wouldn't connect losing his own room to the baby. The boys also had several sleep-overs at grandma and grandpa's house so that they would be comfortable staying there a when their sister came.
Another thing I did for both of them was I made them "Big Brother Books". Basically it was a scrapbook for them with things we did before the baby came to get ready (change the room, put the crib up, go to dr. appointments) and then we added pics of when she was born and pics of them together when she was a baby. They are 8 and 9 and still like to look at it from time to time. We also read "I'm a Big Brother" by Joanna Cole a lot.
The day she was born and the few days after that I was in the hospital they got a lot of extra attention. They got to eat at the train restaurant (they had only been there once before). They got to go bowling. We had a new movie that we gave them at the hospital to watch while they were there. The baby gave them gifts... We tried to make them feel extra special so that they wouldn't be upset about the new baby getting attention.
My son was 2 when our daughter was born and he did great. We talked about it, but didn't make it the 'big thing' all the time. We also gave him a couple gifts that were from 'the baby' on the day we came home (we had them wrapped and ready for when she came home). He did great b/c we didn't worry about it or make it seem so stressful. He helped out a little, but we just did our best to keep his routine the same (it really wasn't that hard with his one nap, and little rituals). We already had him in his own room, and I would do that soon so that he doesn't think it is b/c of the baby... make it a 'big boy' thing or something exciting like his own toddler bed.
We also had no problem with our third coming along either. Our son was 3.5 and daughter was 2, and they did fine... really they somewhat ignored the baby for awhile!!! They had fun playing and doing their normal stuff, but really I think kids adjust really well, and easier than most adults! Good luck! and congratulations!
My dau was 3.5 when baby arrived and she did well
I made sure to tell her baby cant play for several months and can be "no fun" at times and tried to keep her routine the same
Have you considered having him at the hospital with you? You'd need to have someone there specifically for HIM in case he gets uncomfortable or doesn't want to be there anymore, but it could be a great experience for him.
I had both my kids at home, but my son was 3 when his sister was born. He didn't want to be with me while I labored or as his sister was being born, but he met her when she less than 2 minutes old. We used to talk and laugh about how messy she could be when she was born (she wasn't because she was born in the caul, nice and clean hehe).
We found a great website (can't remember what it was, and haven't been able to find it since) that showed in real pictures the day-to-day development of the baby, and he would ask every morning if we could see what sister looked like today :) So, find some pictures online, read lots of books from the library, and just really try to include him in everything you can (appointments, ultrasounds, etc).
Stop sitting him down and showing him all the presents for the baby.
Talk about the baby as "our" baby so he feels included. Buy him a gift you know he will love and give it to him as a big brother present when he meets the baby for the first time.
My oldest was so excited for her siblings to arrive partly because we made her such a part of it and she was so so proud to be the big sister. She played the role so well that her baby sister (5yrs apart) used to call her "my other mommy"
While I was pregnant with my 2nd child, my daughter was 3.
DURING my entire pregnancy, I used this time to "prep" my daughter... for her upcoming sibling.
I did not make "my" pregnancy about *me*, I used it in order to help my daughter adjust, and yes, while I was pregnant too.
Once her sibling was born, she was very adapted to it and adjusted well.
And she was still herself and self assured about the whole thing.
I explained things to her... babies cry, I nurse baby, SHE is still very important, Mommy will be busier but she can ALWAYS rely on me, we took photos of her with my growing tummy, she sang and talked to her baby sibling in my tummy, we took naps together etc. and she "bonded" with her sibling... even if he was still in my tummy.
All of this helped, my daughter a great deal.
I also explained to her, that Daddy will be with her and take care of her when I am in the hospital. I had a c-section. And they came to visit me everyday or called me.
