You have a lot of different issues going on here. One group of issues relates to dislike of the orthodontist. I completely agree with everyone else – get someone new. The second group of issues deal with understanding the treatment your daughter is receiving and what the ultimate goal of the treatment process is. It is fairly common for orthodonture to take place in two phases today.
My understanding was always that phase 1 involves capitalizing on the body’s naturally occurring growth spurt to help reshape the mouth and jaw if needed. Sometimes, depending on the child, that needs to take place earlier than the tooth straightening process of braces. For example, you mention “cementing an appliance into the mouth.“ This is actually fairly common for children with bite issues. All my children had something called an expander placed across the roof of their mouths. We were responsible for cranking the expander every night until the appropriate width was achieved. Once the spacing was correct, the appliance was locked into position to provide stability while the bone structure hardened. Typically these appliances need to stay in the mouth for 12 to 18 months to allow for the change they have accomplished to become permanent.
Depending on your child’s particular bite issues, she may also need something called a Mara or a Herbst appliance. These work in concert with the expander to push the lower jaw forward. Again, once the bite is correctly aligned, the appliance will need to stay in place for a while to allow the new bone growth to harden.
Because of the typical gap in time between phase 1 and phase 2 treatments, we have often experienced that each phase is priced and paid for separately. If this is the case for you, it should be fairly simple to leave orthodontist number one now that phase 1 is complete it. If you have already paid for phase 2, or if the payments are combined and spread over a payment plan, you will need to negotiate a release from this payment plan. You may wind up losing some money but it sounds like it will still be worth it to get away from the emotional trauma being caused by the first orthodontist. Not to mention the money you will save by not pulling any more teeth!
Once you have found the new orthodontist, please be sure to let your pediatrician know about your experiences with his recommended provider. We had a bad experience with the dentist recommended by our pediatrician once. When I told the pediatrician what happened they were surprised, did some investigation, concluded that my experience was far from unique, and stopped recommending that dentist.I would also suggest leaving some kind of online review with yelp or on the old orthodontist’s webpage if that is possible.
What did the oral surgeon say about the removal of the teeth that they performed? Sometimes people in situations like that will reveal that they get lots of tooth extraction referrals from a particular orthodontist. Sometimes they will hint at the idea that perhaps it is not necessary. Add a minimum, I would be wary about using that oral surgeon for anything in the future given his willing participation in previous questionable extractions.
Good luck to both you and your daughter!