What's Wrong with Me?

God Bless you J.,
I feel your stress in your writing, don't worry, I think that is where a lot of your stress is coming from. Children are a blessing, I believe with my whole heart. There is a lot of places that will help, I agree with the other mother and get on medicaid, CHIPs for your other two children. Call your locate office, they can give you food stamps too, as well as some money for the time being. Don't be so proud, many people have had to go on it, especially for medical insurance.

I don't know your faith, or if you attend church, I would strongly encourage you too. God is great, he never makes a mistake. When we go through trial in our life our true character comes out how we deal with the pressure... It's easy to become overwhelmed, your situation is one of those circumstances, that's when you have to fall on your knees and ask God to help you. When we stop trying to solve our own problems and give it to God, then he will start making your days glorious. You will get through this.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, one day you'll look in your child's eyes and know that even though you though the timing was off, God was right on time. May I also suggest thinking positive. I'm reading a book by Joyce Meyers "Battlefield of the Mind". And it's showing me so much of how our thoughts dictates our life. We have to change our "stinking" "thinking".

God Bless You J. and your whole family!

I am so sorry you feel so badly and I hope my advice will help you a little bit. First thing you should do is apply for Medicaid for pregnancy and if your finances are that bad, you should qualify with no problems. You can also get your children on the CHIP health insurance plan, so at least you can stop worrying about medical coverage. Once you are on Medicaid, I would head to the doc to make sure that you and the baby are healthy and then talk to your doctor about your mental state. Depression at any stage of pregnancy is normal and can be helped, you just need to ask for it. Also, if you qualify for any student loans, make sure you apply. Any extra money you can get right now will help and you can worry about paying it off once you graduate. I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed and the best piece of advice is to take things one day at a time. Do not feel guilty about not bonding with your baby,because as you take care of the things that are making you upset and overwhelmed, you will find more time and energy to focus on your growing baby. I am six months pregnant and I lost my job shortly after finding out about my pregnancy too. I had so much to worry about(finances, work, health insurance, etc) that I didn't make time to focus on myself and the baby inside me. I felt really guilty because I didn't feel that connection that most moms feel to their unborn babies and it almost seemed like a burden rather than a blessing. But I am a true believer that God only gives us what he knows we can handle and it is up to us to prove to ourselves that we can do it. I got Medicaid, I searched all day and everyday for a job that would fit my family's needs, and I planned a budget that didn't allow for much fun, but took care of the basics. I feel a lot less worried about the future now, and when I feel my baby kick and move, I actually get excited to meet him and show him how tough his mommy is. I really think you should just take one thing at a time and don't get ahead of yourself. Life keeps on going, no matter how tough it gets, so take comfort in the fact that you are here and have beautiful children and a family that you created and are an integral part of. I hope this advice helps you and I want to wish you the best of luck. And congratulations on your pregnancy!

J.,

I don't have any great advice, but my hubby is a nurse (recently finished his BSN) and my suggestion to you would be to maybe utilize the system for make it. How far along are you in school? Depending on how far along you are, there are definite options. First off, you should get a lot of free aid in your situation thru FAFSA. Pell grants, etc should cover tuition and a little extra...then you should take the MAX amount allowed for sub and unsub student loans just thru the federal stafford loan program. This should allow you to pay most bills I would think. Have your husband stay home with the kids during the day and maybe try to find some part time evening/night/weekend work. Again, if you are far enough along in school, you can get on at a hospital. After my hubby's first semester of clinicals (junior I semester) he was able to get on as a patient care tech in a neuro ICU at $13/hr...not great, but not horrible. That's not counting night or weekend pay diffs either. So you could do work on the weekdends and time when school is out to supplement too. Once he got to the summer before senior year, he was able to get an extern spot at a hospital for $16/hr. Just try to manuever the best you can. But in you and your family's situation, I think it would be best for you to finish your RN degree...but again I don't know how far along you are. Hospital's like Presby and Dallas Methodist have associate degree programs through El Centro also. But the faster you can get those first semesters out of the way, the faster the money will come. And if you can get a patient care tech job at a hospital, you can get great benefits too! Good luck to you! Let me know if I (or my hubby) can help you or give you any more info!

I think this has nothing to do with actually being pregnant. you are feeling bad becuase of the overall financial situation, which is completly understandable. You are a mom, and you love your kids and you will be a great mom to this one too. every one is born under different circumsatances and one way or another, this will be okay, it may just be hard road. Look into getting Medicaid. You are unemployed and pregnant, there should be no reason you cant get coverage. Look into WiC too! that can help with all sorts of things. there are a ton of resources out there! Just try to stop stressing about what you SHOULD be doing or feeling and know that things will be fine, maybe not now, and watch the Pursuit of Happyness.

Hey J.-
Nothing is wrong with you. It's understandable to feel that way with everything that is going on right now. "Surprises" happen even when you are trying for them NOT to happen; I have a beautiful daughter for proof. I remember being overwhelmed at first and being so upset because I had always imagined peeing on that stick and hoping and waiting to get a positive rather than it being a surprise. I totally get it.

The bond will happen. Just remember that you need to stay positive since it is a complete blessing, as you know. I think no matter what situation someone is in there will be some fear when they get the news. It's natural.

Things will be ok and stay happy because I'm a big believe in happy mommy, happy baby. :) Call your best friend or mom and give them the news... they are the best cheerleaders and I'm sure will get you excited about it. Or message me and I will be happy to! Seriously! :) Congratulations!!

J.,
First of all, I do not think anything is "wrong" with you. It sounds like your family is overwhlemed and you just got more overwhelming news. Gees, I would be overwhelmed myself before getting pregnant as well with what you stated that you guys have been through and are going through.

I don't know about "God's will" or things like that. I do think that it is OK to be feeling the way you are right now. You won't continue to feel this way...you are just now grasping all this. Don't beat yourself up on feeling guilty because of your feelings....your bond will happen.

Give yourself time to adjust and accept what is about to change and make the best of it. I know that is hard to hear, especially from someone who has not been in your shoes.

Keep your chin up, try to carry a positive attitude. I have an aunt who had a "surprise". She always said that he was the best accident she ever had. It was tough on them at the time as well. He just recieved his MD this past week, has finished all of his residency and is an outstanding, successful young man with a beautiful family.

Best wishes to you.

J.,
So sorry you are feeling so crappy. I have 2 thoughts. The first is that when your baby is born, your feelings will change. She/he will be in your arms and you will be overwhelmed with love and joy and your past feelings will fade. My second thought is, look for resources. There are lots of community resourses available to women who are pregnant, take advantage of those now that you need them. Go get on Medicaid, contact your nearest crisis pregnancy center for assistance. There is help out there but it is a process. Best of luck and keep us posted. I hope you feel better soon.