What's Next the Potty or the Bottle, but Discipline Might Help?

He's a little too young for potty-training, but you can start with the very basics. I'd focus on the bottle for now, though.

With all of these alarming behaviors he's exhibiting, I have to ask who on earth was caring for him before now?

Hi D.,
If choosing between getting rid of bottles of diapers, go with the bottles. They can be a dental health issue, and you can be successful. If you throw them out, he can't have them anymore and you've succeeded. He may not be happy, but you've succeeded. Ditch them. There's no reason that a kid turning two should not be using a cup consistently.
Hold off on toilet training. I know some people think it's cute and fun and take months to do it. I waited til my kids were turning three, I preferred having kids in diapers to kids who were a little potty trained, used the toilet occasionally, had accidents daily, etc. Wait until he shows signs of being ready. You can prepare for this by using cloth diapers if you haven't been. Disposable diapers and pullups take the moisture away from their skin and they don't get a consequence of feeling wet when they pee. In cloth, he learns what happens when he pees - he gets very wet, and then start to recognize what it feels like just before that happens. People think pullups are training pants but they are not, they are just another, more expensive diaper and extend the training process.
You need to get on top of the discipline issue. I don't know who was watching your son or what you were doing when you were not at work, but when my kids were toddlers, I worked and they did not behave in this way. Avoid scolding, and instead, time for the time out chair. Isolate him. Dont' even tell him "Children do not say shut up to adults" just trot him over to the chair, strap him in if need be, and leave the room for 2 minutes. If he tends to take off when you are in public and can't listen, and it's a safety issue, then it's not an option for him to have free run, must be strapped in a stroller. I don't mean to make you feel like a bad parent, but you must get on this right away because he is not even two, and it is only going to get worse if you don't put a stop to it right away
I've heard good things about the 123 Magic book.

Your poor little boy must feel so confused. You are fortunate to have this time with him, now, to evaluate everything. Just in time, too, before he gets too *stuck* in this kind of behavior, it is much harder to fix later on.

I want to stress consistency. Make a plan, everyone involved needs to implement it, and keep your emotions in check. Reward good behavior, ignore bad behavior. If he throws a fit or won't listen when you are somewhere else, leave that place immediately and go home. Waffling about your decision and giving him too many warnings before you implement the consequences only prolongs the inevitable, and widens the boundaries. Your little boy has not had enough boundaries, and he needs well defined ones to feel safe.

Try not to stay angry with him, it will only hinder the process. He gets good attention when he behaves and no attention, or put in a place to be alone, when he misbehaves. Decide what behaviors are the most important, and work on one or two to start. I don't know much about bottles, but the possible dental damage would concern me. If they are a source of comfort for him, weaning him off of them is the best solution, even if it you spend only a week doing it. Can you replace the bottle with something that fills another tactile need for him, does he like soft things? Rough fabrics? Does he want to hold a block in his hand? Is there a special hat he can wear? Anything.

Wait at least 6 months to potty train unless he figures it out himself. If you feel like you might need a mentor, see if there is a Parent to Parent organization serving your area and sign up.

Good luck :)

Take it one thing at a time. You have 3 different issues here: the bottle, the attitude, and the potty.

Tackle the bottle and the attitude before the potty. Most boys these days are not really ready to potty train until closer to 3, so that should be the least of your worries.

For discipline, you need to start by having no tolerance for the inappropriate behaviors. Every time he hits, you need to firmly say "No, it is NOT ok to hit." Get down at his eye level when you say this. Do it every single time until the violent behavior (hit, kick, bite) stops. If you need to, take something away - either a toy or a privilege - so he understands there are consequences.

For the talking back, teach him what IS ok to say. If he says "shut up," tell him firmly "that isn't a nice thing to say. you may not use those words." Again, if he continues to do it, take away a toy or a privilege (preferably something related to what set him off).

I would start with the behavior. (Yes, the bottle's not ideal, but it can wait.) Be very specific with your expectations and the consequences if they are not met. It will probably work best if you remain calm and don't get too upset or angry with him when he doesn't listen. Also, the more vigilant you can be, the better. Try to anticipate problems instead of scolding or punishing after he screws up.

I definitely agree that potty training can wait. We waited unitl our son was 3, and it took 4 days.

I feel you should never put up with the hitting and talking back. It doesn't matter what other life step a child is taking, they shouldn't be allowed to hit or talk back. So, no matter what order you choose to take the next steps, disciplining him should never be ignored. I think it's too soon to potty train him so I'd let that go for almost another year unless he shows signs of really wanting to stay dry. As for getting him off bottles, you can spred the time out between them, put less milk in them each time, give him only sippy cups with meals and snacks, let him have just 1 small bottle at bedtime, then brush teeth and let him go to sleep. It might take a few weeks to do all this but it will help him get used to the idea that he doesn't need bottles anymore. I think it's cruel to stop cold turkey. Especially if he is super attached to his bottles. No one, even adults, would like to have their favorite source of comfort ripped away with no warning. Why would we do that to a small child who won't understand.

Sounds like he is used to someone taking care of him and letting him get into some habits that don't work well with you..And it also sounds like you would like to keep him on some kind of a schedule as to giving up his bottle and going to the potty and being really nice and cooperative.

Terrible twos. Ever heard of them?Transitions are hard, even good ones like having mommy home again all day.

At two he is testing limits and maybe even trying out ways of relating to you that might be fun for him, or at least exciting when it gets a rise out of you..

Remember he is growing up, but he is still a baby and you are the adult so he will realize that, even if he seems to be pretending that it doesn't matter. Actually it does matter and you matter a lot to him. You are the most important person in his life, and pleasing you is very important to him. He wants to be loved and approved of and appreciated BY YOU!

I would go easy on making any changes such as cutting out bottles, just giving more interesting food and letting him eat when you eat and what you eat. He won't have room for all that milk and he can play with sippy cups and other fun ways of drinking water and milk. And taking time to let him know what you expect of him and finding out what he wants to do with you to avoid those conflicts where he looks to others.

Let use of the potty chair or seat be a fun activity you share..Read to him while he is sitting on the potty so he will relax and be successful. Don't just leave him alone to perform as a punishment

Saying "sorry" and really being sorry are often two different things and it's more important to learn what is acceptable and what isn't and why, than going through an apology after misbehaving.

Relax and enjoy this stage. It is frustrating, but can also be fun and fulfilling. They are really so cute at two but need to find out what the rules are and the limits and also what all the new things there are to enjoy and feel successful about!!

Good luck and have fun with your little boy and enjoy being home with him!

Blessings, N.

I would also start with the bottle as well. As it may help to reduce the daytime/nighttime accidents when you start to potty train.

I would start with the bottle. Gradually reduce the number of times he is allowed a bottle per day, then eventually go cold turkey. I wouldn't go cold turkey on him at this point. Get him on a schedule and start working with him on his behavior issues. You can worry about the potty training later. That can be difficult and a huge battle of wills - one you will always be guaranteed to lose. You can't control what goes in or out, unfortunately. My three year old is very stubborn and emotional. Around her second birthday she had a language explosion that really helped her with her behavior. Once she could tell us what she wanted, why she was mad, etc, she quit screaming so much. She stills screams sometimes and is way more aggressive than her big sister, but it is much better than it was. I would just focus on him and settle him into a routine and discipline structure (if you do this behavior, then you get this consequence. Every time.), then start working on the bottle. Good luck. I know sometimes you want to pull your hair out.

I would definatley tackle the disciplining NOW. Wean from the bottles next & potty training last. As others have said, be consisitent. Try your best to keep your anger out of the situation & keep your reaction low. The more he sees you getting angry & reacting to his misbehaving, the more likley he is to continue misbehaving. He thinks it's fun to see Mommmy get mad. At 2, it's hard to really punish kids cuz they don't really get what they've done wrong. Praising the positive is great at this age. Yes, it is so much easier to point out the negative ( I'm guilty of this!) but as much as you can, praise him when he's talking nice & being freindly & affectionate. When he hits or says mean/naughty things, immediatley remove him from the room & tell him there's no hitting or using mean words. I truly feel time outs shouldn't be used til about 3-3.5 rys cuz until then, they're too little to really get why they're in time out. Distraction is good at this age. Which is why I suggest leaving the room /scene of the crime. Don't talk too much; keep it short & simple cuz he'll get lost in too much talking. If you do put him in time out, general rule of thumb is 1 minute per age. After, tell him why you put him in time out so he gets it. Then it's over, don't keep talking about it, move on to another activity. Our now 5.5 yr old was a very busy guy & could be hard to handle at 2 & I found some of it was that he simply wanted attention. He got into things & misbehaved to get my attention. So, keep that in mind, too, that your son may be acting out to get some time w/you. Stay consisitent & strong & you'll get thru this. Good luck!

I would start with the bottle first. At age two, he is overdue on that and it could start affecting his teeth. Use a sippy cup to start.

He is most likely not ready for potty training yet but should begin to show the signs soon.

As for the hitting, calmly stop him when he tries. Remove him from the situation (you can say something like "hitting is not nice, it hurts. I think you need to go sit by yourself until you can be nice again" and then don't give him your attention. No attention should help resolve the issue.

In some ways he sounds like a typical challenging two year old- the not listening and willfully doing what he wants no matter what you say. In that case, you need to be firm and use time outs and re-direction (tell him to do something else) and be consistent in the things you expect (like he HAS to hold your hand in the parking lot, or he has to stay in the cart or stroller at the store, and go places where it's OK for him to run around, like the park or a kids' play area in the mall.

A little guy will always try to get people to side with him, so you need to make sure your side is the one that counts. Don't worry about others in the room judging you- just firmly say to him "We don't talk like that." and let it go. You do not owe him any reasons. If he says shut up, you say calmly "we don't talk like that" and tell him again what he needs to do, then remove him from the situation if he doesn't comply. For instance if he is standing on his chair and you say "Sit down." He says "Shut up" you say We don't talk like that. Sit down." If he still doesn't sit, you can say, since you can't sit, we have to leave." Then pick him up and leave.

The hardest thing with me with my kids is staying calm and reasonable when they are being pains! With consistency he will shape up. I suggest you hold off on potty training until he shows an interest. Fighting him to use the toilet will just cause BIG problems! (I have been there!!!) As far as the bottle, taper it off- maybe at first just only give him a bottle at home. Then in a few weeks to a month, only at bed time or only at nap (just one time a day), and then take it away completely. A friend of mine had success weaning her daughter from the bottle addiction by just putting water in it and telling her daughter she had to have a cup for milk or juice.

Best wishes.