What Should I Expect from My Babysitter?

Talk to her. Ask if she could do those things. If she isn't willing to do it, find someone else. I suggest giving her one week, if she is receptive to doing things with the kids, and if she doesn't do anything find someone else.

Personally she sounds lazy. At college age I would think she would get up and do something.

There are plenty of college age kids that would love the opportunity to have a cash job. You are not paying her to sit on her behind, and no other employer would pay anyone to do that either.

Good luck and let us know what happens.

Have your kids ask her to play with them? Could she just be clueless? If they have already tried that then I would say you could certainly ask her to do a specific thing with the kids each day. Even if her mom is your boss, she expects a certain minimum level of performance from her employees and you should too. These are your kids after all!

Hi C.---You've gotten some great advice so far. I agree with most all of it. I would like to suggest another thought.

How about some compromise with the sitter on how much interaction you would like her to have with your kids. I don't think she necessarily has to keep them occupied the entire time she is with them. They are getting old enough that they should be able to think of ways to entertain themselves. How do you handle it when you are home? Are you outside with them all of the time? Do you expect them to take care of and entertain themselves from time to time? Granted, the 5 yr old will likely need more attention from the sitter, especially to give the older two some time to do 'older kid' stuff.

I guess I would figure out a schedule that has some balance between her playing with and interacting with your kids, and the kids playing and entertaining themselves. When your kids play by themselves, they learn valuable life skills, like organization (making teams, rules), negotiation and an ability to use their imagination. Don't let them run to the neighbors all of the time. What do they do at those houses? Likely playing lots of video games there as well.

As I said, I think all of your suggestions so far have merit. I would look for some compromise and balance. Hope this helps. D.

No real advice, just sympathies! We had my BIL watching our kids while he was laid off, and basically, we paid him to play our Wii or on his computer - without our kids! I became resentful and stressed about the whole situation. We were just about to speak up, when he got called back to work, and the situation "resolved itself".

We now have a new girl in place (after 2 months of searching) and set up a contract ahead of time to have everything spelled out (phone/texting is reserved for times when our kids are napping).

Could you have her take them to the park, or a local splash pad, or sometimes there's discount movies or other low-cost/free stuff to do?

I totally get your frustrations - hang in there Mama!

B.

Sounds like you may be in a pickle with her mom being your boss. 2 ideas: Plan another place for the kids to be sometimes or have her take them someplace free like a park. Make a plan and take time to explain exactly what you want her to do: like building something from a kit with the boys or doing a lemonaid stand with them or a puppet show or something. Sounds like a typical teen who isn't that interested in children and maybe she's even a bit depressed. Try to break her out of her comfort zone - don't just leave it up to her. Clearly, that's not working. Have her work on a list with the kids and you of fun things for them to do with her. Tell her they're a bit bored - say it sweetly - and you want to work this out together as a team. Worth a try.

It would have been a good idea to set your expectations at the beginning. But since you didn't or they weren't understood, I would just talk with her to let her know that your kids seem bored and suggest to her the things THEY like to do. Your kids could make a list for the day of their favorites. That way you know what they wanted to do and you can ask them if they did it or it could get checked off the list. The touchiest thing about this is she is your boss' daughter.

I would tell her what is expected of her. She is expected to play with the 5 year old. and interact with the older kids. She can take them for walks, read to the little one, go to the pool, play catch in the yard. You are paying her to take care of your kids. Don't feel bad about telling her your expectations. I also believe a sitter who comes to the house should pick up after herself. Not clean your house, but restore it to the way it was when she got there. Which means loading the dishwasher and wiping the table and counters when they are done eating, and making sure the kids pick up their toys when done playing with them.

I'm sure her mother would not pay you, if you sat around all day.

well... she is baby "sitting" on the couch!

I would not expect her to clean the house. (sure she should clean up "her" mess/stuff) but It is not a given, that a babysitter does that and is also a household maid... unless it is succinctly specified, beforehand, and part of your "requirements" and payment.

She perhaps does not know what to do with kids nor has experience with kids. She is there watching your kids, she is a relative... I assume she was the "cheapest" sort of babysitter you could afford, though you said you are paying her well.
But unless you state your expectations/requirements... then well, she can't be expected to clean/babysit/do housework.
As it is, she is watching the kids, assisting them if they need help with something, feeding them, knows their comings and goings.... and feeds them. The basics.

But for "safety" sake... I would make SURE, she is where the kids are and gets off her butt... and "Supervises" them, especially if they are outside playing! SAFETY.
AND... your kids "make sure they have a friend's house to go to... " when their "boring" Sitter is coming over... so then, how do your kids get to their friend's house? Does she drive them? Do they walk over themselves? WHO is watching them and WHO's house are they going to.... and do you give them permission to do that? At their friend's house.... is their Parent even home and there supervising the kids too? Can they stay there ALL day or have to come home by a certain time? Is the Sitter (your relative) keeping an eye on them, there???? Or picking them up? Or are your kids just going and coming on their own??? To me, this would be a big deal and a "safety" thing and I would want to know WHERE they are going and what they are doing and if they are going to their friend's house and staying there or going other places? And do they call the Sitter and tell her where they are???? etc. etc. etc.

Then again, I know Grandparents, who babysit their Grandkids, ALL day, EVERY day... and they do not get paid for it. And the Grandparents are not social butterflies nor know what to do with young children or have mobility/health issues themselves, so the Grandkids are inside all day, or at home, with the Grandparents, doing the same things... your kids are doing with their Sitter (your relatives kid). Which is watch TV, eat, play video games etc.

Whatever you 'expect' of your Babysitter... you need to specify it and your requirements.
No matter how old, kids do require "work".... they need to be played with... because as you said, your kids are bored, with their Sitter (your relative's kid). And you have 3 kids.... to watch. So that is not easy... for a College kid that perhaps has no experience with kids.

Your relative's kid... is "watching" your kids... "sitting".... but on a couch.
In the least, she should ALSO be watching them wherever they are, Supervising, for safety and that they don't disappear off the premises, without her knowing, for example.

If you want her to do things with the kids... (and some people need it specified for them because they can't think on their own), then make a list.... and provide money for anything you want her to do with them or places you want her to take them to.

All the best,
Susan

Eek . . . if her mom is your boss I'm not sure I would say anything at all! Either that or make other child care arrangements.

At the very most I would say something like "the kids would love to [ ] with you today! Let me know how it goes!"

You might also ask her to play a "learning" game to help them "prepare for the start of school." ;)

PS: I absolutely agree with the other moms that she needs to be outside when your kids (especially the 5 yr old) are outside.

I think you should sit your sitter down and provide her with a schedule of things you would like done while your children are in her care. Just because her mother is your boss shouldn't have any jursidication on how you are conducting your business. If you feel that this issue may be a problem, may be you should consider having someone that's not related care for your children. Good luck.

We use weekend sitters quite often just so we can have a date night and we have had similar type sitters and our kids are only 2 & 5, so they expect some one to play with them and I do NOT expect to come home to a mess when I am PAYING them. When this happens, I just don't call them back-so simple.
We did have a 20 year old "nanny" one summer for our kids and she sound MUCH like your sitter. My husband was in and out a lot, so he saw the laziness and kids in front of the tv while HER dishes piled up! I ended up making a Daily Sheet and explained to her that I would like her to fill it out so we would know at the end of the day what SHE did with the kids. I listed areas for food & naps, just so it was not soooo obvious that I was calling her out on her laziness. But you can list activities on there like Went to Park, Wii, Played Baseball, Took Kids for Bike Ride…basically list things the kids can do on their own, but also list things she would HAVE to do with them. Then at the end of the week, you could say, "hey I see you guys didn't make it to the park this week, can you please try and make sure you do that next week?" Or when you get home and see Wii checked off, simply say "what game did YOU play with them?" This MAY get her more engaged and understand your expectations.

I would also mention to her that you have explained to the kids that you expect the house to look like it does when you leave in the morning, so she needs to make sure they are picking up after themselves…translation…SHE needs to clean up after HERSELF. Maybe she will realize if she doesn't, YOUR kids are going to take the blame.

If nothing changes, chalk this up as a lesson learned and make sure next Summer you are VERY clear on what you expect out of the sitter. In my case, the above did NOT help & we FIRED our nanny!

Good luck!!

You should expect your babysitter to interact with your children, especially the 5 year old. And when they are outside, she should also be outside. What if she's inside reading and someone accidently gets hurt and calls for help, she wouldn't be able to hear them?

When you negotiated her hours and pay, did you agree to what her duties would be? If there was some type of agreement, you could politely remind her.

How long has she been sitting for you? If it's been a few weeks and this is the norm, then it will be hard to mention anything. You may want to start with hubby saying something like "What did you and the kids do today?" when he comes home. Or you could make a suggestion before you leave "Johnny's been practicing bowling on the Wii, maybe you could play a few games with him this afternoon?". If she doesn't take the hint, then there's not much you can do.

I would tell her that your children are bored and you would like her to incorporate at least one activity each day she is there, and that you would like her to spend a little more time with them. Have them make rice krispie treats one day or another treat that the whole family can enjoy. Go to the library, or the dollar movie theater (make sure they have an age appropriate movie playing), take a bike ride, make a craft, go to the park, and take a nature hike. Run through the sprinkles, go to the beach, go fishing, Have them make up there own yard games and have a carnival, with some of their friends. You can make up all kind of games, for next to nothing or with items you already have. Have them do a scavenger hunter, you can make up some clues, and they would need to go to each place, and pick up the next clue it maybe at one of your friends house, a nursing home, a park under a bench, but in the end have a treat for them. Maybe some money to go to DQ or something. Have them collect food for the food pantry one day. Anything that gets kids out of being at home will usually be better than staying home all day. If things do not get any better say something to her mom, you are paying her to do a job.

C.,

I run a babysitting service with 30 families so I know where you are coming from.

But lets try a view point that won't sound like you are attacking her after all she is family AND her mom is your boss.

It is halfway through summer and school is approaching. It is no "TIME" to start getting back on a "Schedule" hint hint..... Type out a schedule for what you expect while she is there. Don't point at her rather let her know since school is approaching you are wanting to get the kids back on a formal schedule (make sense)

Include activities such as: playdough, moon sand (serious this is awesome outside with sand toys i have kids that are 13 that love it!!!), not sure if they have it in stores now but Moon Dough is the playdough version. Get an arts and craft bucket together with tracing stencils, colored pencils, crayons, markers construction paper, glitter, glue scissors etc...Devot 15 min to reading where very reads. Board Game time, etc...

Plan out the day but make her think its cause of school. If you need any ideas send me a message. I ran a daycare with 300 kids in the past my brain is full of things!

.

Just my thoughts, when I was in college and 19, I watched three girls one summer, ages-2,6,10. We made cookies, played board games, did "girly" things...makeovers, fingernail painting, made up dances..etc. They would do stuff in their rooms or play on the computer, or we'd watch TV together.
I'd occassionally run up the road with them to get ice cream or something and there were a few doctors appointments I took them to, but I personally didn't want to drive far with them in my car. So, based on my experience, your babysitter should at least be interacting with your kids!!! They wanted my attention and I would have gone crazy just sitting there doing nothing. And their mother and I never discussed stuff to do, I just thought of stuff or asked the girls what they wanted to do, but maybe it's my personality, and she just doesn't know how to be, and if that's the case, she shouldn't be a babysitter. I guess I don't have any tactful advice, just telling you should expect her to interact with your kids.

our rule is no cell phones/texting. I would also want her to be outside if the kids are outside. she needs to be there, especially if there's a trampoline.

U have a tight situation i would just say something to her nicely and see if she changes and than if things don't or they get worse than just say things aren't working out and u have soemone else coming but make sure you have someone else before letting her go. Being you have a 11 year old n a 9 she probably doesn't feel they want her to do anything with them plus you having a 5 year old they are starting to want to do things for themselves. Plus things work two ways do they ever ask her to play along with them on the wii or trampoline. Plus me being there with strange children i would have know ideal what they like and don't there not family. So it might have to be one saying will you play with me and i am sure she will. If not get rid of her look for someone else. Plus if there hungry have them ask her if they can have this or that. See if she makes it if not than get someone else

She's your employee. Let her know that you need her to leave her books and cell phone in the car while she's at work (just like the rest of us have to do) in your home. Explain to her that you'd like the kids to be active and not sitting in front of the TV. (my mom had very strict rules about this when we were with a sitter, we had a time allowance/day of TV, and that was up when the sitter arrived). You can give her suggestions on what she could do, and rules for what she should not do. If she thinks it a big deal, find a new sitter. Its not normal to get paid to read and text. :)

I have a daycare and I have the same problem with that age! Now I tell them right off the bat-absolutely NO texting and cell phone should stay in your purse or your car. The one girl didn`t listen and I said it 3 times and written it down! So, she no longer gets any hours. I HATE that age! They have no respect for anything or anyone! haha Just explain to her that your boys seem to be bored and maybe write down a daily schedule-not even a big one-just say maybe-from 11-1 walk to the park and have a picnic. Something like that! At least the boys will have something fun to look forward to!