What Should I Do About My Daughters School?

If you cant get anyone to see you, I would call to set up an appt with principal. If no response there I would go to the school board.

I haven't read all the resonses but I wanted to add my .02 to the situation.

#1 There should never be NO ONE for you to talk to at the school. I for one volunteer at my daughters school and frequently see either the vice principal or the principal around. If they aren't there then the councelor is there and I do believe they usually know what is going on in situations like that. I think you should annoy them to no end until you get the answers they deserve.

#2 I do know that kids tend to tell the best part of the story so they won't get into trouble. My children are very good kids but I catch even them doing things they know they shouldn't be doing. I am not saying what she said isn't the truth, but I bet there is more to the story than what is being told. Either way, all parties involved should have the same punishment.

I wish you luck, and hope that you get the answers you deserve!

This some what happened to my son years ago. Call the school and demand a meeting with the principal with the other kids involved. once the facts came out I demanded and received an apology for him from the school and wanted this removed from his school record which we did receive. But keep in mind it isn't always what we think not to saying any of the kids are not telling the truth but they each have there own perspective.
good luck

You know I didn't even finish reading your request because it brought back old memories. As I said I have raised my oldest grandson since he was 2 and when he was in 1st grade this one boy kept on picking on him every day.I told him to tell the teacher and he said he did but they didn't do anything,so I told him the next time he picks on you fight back. This is right after he started school that year. Anyway he comes home one day with a pink slip crying saying that this boy pushed him and kept pushing him and so he fought back. Well to make a long story short they get back to class and another class mate tells their teacher that they had a fight. They get sent to the office both get a paddling of which I put on his papers to enter school he was not to have corporal punishment.Anyway they were also told that if they did not bring the pink slip back the next day they would get another paddling and suspension. Well the mother of the other boy and I were up to the school the next morning. I gave a few threats of my own also warned them he had a no C.P. and I could sue them then I asked where were the teachers who were monitering the playground for all this to go on. So my advice is even if your child was in this or not fight for her the teachers were not doing their job. Don't let the school bully you. That is what is wrong today. Because they are a school their word is not GOD.They automatically want to blame the kids, go sit through a class you would be surprised how may teachers should be fired.

Retired teacher here - I would do what my daughter asks. If she says to forget it, that's what I would do. If she says she wants help, do that. Go back with the teacher and the principal in a meeting and explain what happened. If your daughter is afraid, voice that. I think they care, it's just easier to do nothing if the parent is willing to let it lie. By all means, however, listen carefully and be calm. Go for it if your daughter wants and needs it. God Bless your family.

Hi,
I know this is a stressful time for you especially when it involves our precious little ones. I am a substitute nurse in our school district and we have a 'no tolerance' policy regarding fighting. It's a huge ordeal, but the good part is that the parents are notified right away and the incident is dealt with quickly. If I were you, I would request a formal meeting with the Principal and the teachers that were on the playground that day, the parent of the cousin and the boy himself. If you get resistance from the school regarding the meeting, I would let them know you will be getting in touch with the Superintendent of Schools. If this doesn't expedite things, I would notify the Superintendent and request a meeting with them. And then, if that still doesn't bring some satisfaction, show up at a School Board Meeting and let your feeling be known. Don't forget 'The squeaky wheel gets the oil'. If you feel strongly enough about this, don't let it get swept under the rug.
I hope this has been helpful in some way. Good luck and stay strong for the ones you love.
Peace be with you,

Everything about this sounds so wrong. I would tell them that as the parent of a child you have a RIGHT to speak with them, they cannot turn you away. Also talk with her friend, to ask her what happened, and also the boys. Your daughter may not have told the whole truth. My kids are all too often telling half-truths, and I have to talk to ALL parties involved to get the truth. And sometimes I STILL don't get the truth, I have to pay attention to every little detail, including body language, if they will look me in the eyes, etc etc. Also the fact that she pointed out her hair is a BIG red flag to me. My daughter does the same thing (pointing out that they got a spot on her shirt, messed up her hair etc etc) when she is trying to get the focus off of her. It's a "Look what they done to me", trying to differ attention off of what SHE has done. So go and ask for a conference meeting (with everyone involved and a neutral bystander) and get the WHOLE story. I'm not saying that she IS lying, but in my experience.. it's a big possibility.

If the school won't talk to you, go to the board, if they won't do anything go to the local paper. The school and board will have to listen then (they will likely get LOTS of calls from other concerned parents) My mom had to do that with an issue involing my sister and a injury. GOOD LUCK!

Oh I would be calling and going to that school everyday until someone talked to me. There should be no reason that somebody with some authority is not available to help you. And I don't think she should have gotten in trouble at all she was defending herself. Just keep after them.

In the school system's today I know she would get into trouble, but the boys should have not only gotten into more trouble, they should have some serious letters sent home to their parents and perhaps even parent-teacher conferences. And the not allowed on the playground for a week seems kind of harsh. But the awful thing is, there is NO reason that they should EVER tell you, a mother of a child attending, that there is no one there to talk to. That is NOT ALRIGHT! I would keep going down there and if they continue to blow off, I would start looking at different schools. I would be beyond furious. If I have my child enrolled in there there should ALWAYS be someone to talk to me about my cares and concerns no matter what happens to be on my mind. GRRRR! That makes me angry. Heh. Good luck and don't give in! Schools can be awful social environments and the parents may never know. If this is how the elementary school is, just imagine how it will be when she gets older. I was treated horribly in school and have made a vow to be very very selective when it comes to choosing what school my children will attend. I am not saying pull her out of school and take her away from all her friends if she doesn't want to go, but if the school avoids talking to a parent it has to be addressed. And maybe when it comes to middle schools you could just switch systems. It would make the transition somewhat easier for her. While it would be hard, at least she would be in a safer environment where the school associates communicate with the parents. >.<

Hi M., you know, I hate to say this, but it does sound right. With the "no tolerance" rule, crazy things happen in the discipline area of children and school. The punishments don't fit the crimes most times but "no tolerance" is a federal law and there's not much a school can do to get around it. Of course, they could, if they wanted, lessen the punishment but it sounds like you're dealing with a school that doesn't want to deal with you. Unfortunately, there's a WHOLE BUNCH of those out there! All I can tell you is to keep being persistent and pay close attention to what's going on. Visit the school when you can to keep an eye on things and keep calling, writing and trying to see someone in charge. I remember once our school told us there was no one there for me to talk to. I responded "That's fine. I can wait." I sat down right there in the office intending to sit all day if I had to and not 15 minutes later, they had found someone for me to talk to! Amazing, huh? You just have to be vigilant. Good luck to you!

Request (without an option) with a meeting with superindendent/principal/teacher. Where were the teachers exactly when this was going on? They are supposed to create safe enviornment, esp for small kids. Anyway, I would tell them that you are considering pressing charges against the other children. But as far as her punishement, it does not seem fair, but the black and white of it is that she faught back. Thus breaking the rules. You may side with your child about how she reacted which is fine but according the school she is supposed to walk away or get away without fighting. Use this opportunity to decide which your daughter how she should react. If you agree with defening yourself tell her she did the right thing but if you always want to be in right with the rules/law then walk away so no fault be on her shoulders. After thinking about this I am unsure how I would tell my daughter to react. I will have to think on it more.

NO it sounds totally wrong, and (this probably isn't helpful, sorry) stories like this are among the many reasons my family homeschools. I see that you are a single mom - I'm not sure what your options are AFA juggling a work schedule, family help, etc. but I'm guessing you're in Davidson, right? My neice is a teacher in DAvidson district, and after one year, she is looking for an entirely different career, because she says the kids in her classes are absolutely wild, and she can't do anything to help them because of district rules and just utter lack of time or ability.

So, all that to say (sorry for runnin' on at the keyboard ;) )you say her cousin started it - what about starting with that cousin's parent to see what the underlying issues are - after all, cousins don't generally just start a fight to which they invite four other bigger kids for no reason.

Anyway, that's my .02
~s

keep calling the school an keep going up there till your questions are answered. As a parents of 5 kids that would never fly with me. sounds like your daughter got the raw end of the deal. ask to speak with the principle or asst.principle or ask to speak with the teacher that wrote the pink slip and ask her how she can justify the pink slip. sorry it happened.

you need to go to the school board about this!! i know they have new "rules" now in school that if you hit someone even if it is in selfdefence then you also get in trouble, but those boys should have been in alot more trouble then your daughter.

I have 4 kids, and have been to school on numerous accounts. Make an appointment with the principal and head of the board of education, if possible at the same time. If you wrote a letter, send a copy to the board of education. If you have to, go to state board of education. And finally if noone will give you the time of day, file a complaint with department of human resourses. By law they are required to check into any child endangerment case and you would not believe how the principal and board of education will hate this. And it sounds like consulting a lawyer might be in order. You may have a civil case. Good luck and fight this out, your child is worth it. If the bullies get away with this, they will mark her as their target, for her sake see this thru.

M.... I send my heart felt understanding of what you are going through.. I emphatize.. I know that there is someone you can contact such as the principal, that is what they are there for, in a sense. I am glad that your child came forth and trusted you enough to tell you exactly what went on. She's a brave little girl... Parents have rights.. I feel, the school(some of them...) don't want us to use our rights.. You are your child advocate.. Stand up for your child.. Do what you feel that is best for child.. You are in my prayers..

I would be there until they let me talk to someone or I would go straight to the superintendent. If he/she doesn't want to deal with it then go to the school board. I had a teacher in school that was abusive towards me and only me. My parents had to take it to the school board and threaten to go to the state. That got their attention and it was taken care of immediately.

I would try one more time at the school and sit there all day if you have to. If that didnt work id go to the Board of Education. Its most definatly not right. What happend to your daughter is wrong. Being bullied can be very traumatising. Whats worse is that children depend on an adult to be there to help, and there was no one there for her. People wouldnt send their children to school if the knew that there was no supervision. I know I most definatly wouldnt. I was bullied as a child and it is more emotionally painfull than phisically. My parents didnt listen to me, and I got pretty much the same response from teachers. Its a terrible feeling when you get picked on and beat up, but its an even worse feeling when there is noone there to help you get out. You need to stand up for you daughter. Show her that there is a right way for her to stand up for herself. She is important and that school system has no right to ignore what happend to her.

Oh my gosh!! I would have been very upset. I would call and make an appt. immediately with the teacher and principal. This should be set within a day or two TOPS of you calling. If you don't get an appt. or appropriate response, call the Board of Education and speak to them. Our kids are in a no-tolerance school and fighting would have resulted in suspension for those boys. No-tolerance is great, however, you do also get in trouble if you fight back, but the severity it not nearly as bad. The teachers are responsible for handling "bullies" in schools and this is taken very seriously by most school systems in light of school violence. I hope things get better!

I understand how she got in trouble since the teachers only saw the latter of the fight BUT that is very disturbing that there is no one for you to talk to about this! I would be irate if that happened to my daughter and no one at the school addressed my concerns. How big is the playground anyway that the teachers on duty didnt see this? Keep us posted.

The boy that started it was her cousin...right. Well, I would go talk to his parents. That would be you or your husband's brother or sister and ask them to please talk to thier son about this issue.

No, it does not sound right. I have always had a problem with school officials wanting to sit on the fence and look the other way, punishing those who try to defend themselves along with the ones who are responsible for starting the fight. I have always told my own children that I do NOT want them starting a fight, but I also do NOT want them to stand there and allow someone else to beat them without them trying to defend themselves. It is always better to do the investigating before jumping to conclusions or taking sides, but it is not unusual for a school to take a stand such as in your daughter's case. I told my children that if I find it was not their fault, I didn't care what the school thinks, they will not be punished by me for defending themselves. But I would want to know without a doubt that my child was not at fault. In this case, there were witnesses, and your daughter was grossly outnumbered. You have a right to a one-on-one talk with the principal and the school counselor. I would take a non-biased witness along as well. At least you can make your point known and show them they can't walk on you. If nothing else, maybe you could consult with the local newspaper and see if a story could be written addressing the issue so it will put the school and it's policy in the spotlight. If they won't give you satisfaction, make them squirm.

You've gotten good advice already. Don't let the school shut you out on this matter. Sounds like a lot of negligence -- teachers weren't watching the students in the first place for this to happen (what if she'd been seriously injured?), not calling you back & having no one there to talk to is inexcusable. Call and set an appointment with the principal. (Remember to stay calm when you actually talk to him/her.) If this doesn't get resolved to your satisfaction, go to the superintendent, but if it's still not resolved, pull her out -- it's not safe. Look into private or homeschool options, but 4 boys beating up one girl with no teacher in sight is not something that can be allowed to happen. By the way, lots of single moms find ways to homeschool or do private school. A bright girl like yours would learn easily in any setting (where she's not being attacked). And the advice to talk to the cousin's family is right on target, too.

I would call the school and requeat an appointment with the principal. If I did not get the correct response , I would write the principal and if I didn't receive a response; I would write the school superintentant. I'm sure someone would respond to you before you had to go that far. I hope things resolve to your satifaction.

I don't know what school your daughter goes to but my sister had an incident at her daughters school and she joined the PTO and went to the meeting and brought up the incident infront of the whole meeting because she couldn't get an answer from the school. This may work for you. If not go to the school board. I will tell you from a personal experience when I was a kid I got hit in the eye on the walk home from school one day. A police officer saw the whole thing and brought me & the boy who did it to our parents. It was then reported to the school. I clawed the boy back. I am the one who was made to stay after school everyday for a week while the boy who blackened my eye got to go home first. The principals explanation for that was that I was older so I should be the one to stay later.

One other thing you may want to consider is to get the news media involved. Some one has an answer for this and this is not fair how your daughter was treated. I hope the Cousin's parents punished him for beating her up!

I agree with what you are saying. I don't believe your daughter should be in trouble at all for defending herself. Where was the supervision on the playground? Why aren't the children watched closer? If she iniated any of the fighting then I could see some punishment but to me her punishment seems unnecessary. Those boys could have broken her back or ribs. She could have been in serious danger...injury wise.
If no one talks to you...go to the superintendant. You don't need to let this go. I wouldn't if that was my child!

Omg i cant believe someone would say she shouldnt of fought back. Come on 4 boys on 1 girl. I would go to the board of education and make a complaint on the boys and the teachers. I would go personally and ask the teacher where they were when my child was being attacked. No excuse for that. My husbands friend was also joking around when he was 10 and jumped on his best friend sister which was 6 and broke 3 ribs. I would go to the cousins house and have along talk
with his parents. Good luck and god bless your daughter for sticking up for herslf and god bless you as a very caring and concened parent.

no, it's not right. DEMAND to speak to a school administrator. If you have no luck, show up at the school board with your child and her defense team of what took place. Someone there will have no choice but to listen.

Best of Luck, I hope you get this resolved peacefully.

I would continue persuing a discussion w/the principal and the teacher who responded to the situation initially. It does sound wrong, and you would think they would've figured that out before dishing out the punishment. If it still gets you no where...go to the next PTA meeting or school board discussion and address it then. If that doesn't happen, start your own parental panel and make things happen. Teachers have had so many disciplinary powers taken away, they feel as though their hands are tied and some have just given up. The parents have to take even more part (and action) than before.

Request an appointment with your daughter's teacher, the principal & the school counselor as soon as possible. While you cannot change what happens to other children, you have every right to express your concerns. If the principal, the teacher & the counselor refuse to cooperate, your next step is to go to the school board. Hopefully, this will not happen. It is best to go in and speak calmly. It would also be a good idea to write down notes to take with you so that you do not forget anything that you wish to bring up.

Hey, M.! If you don't stand up for your daughter, no one will. Keep it up, keep talking and keep demanding answers. You are the only one who can get to the bottom of this, with the witnesses you have, keep going. They will put you off so you go away. But it will keep happening. Stand by your rights. If the school won't answer, go to the cops.
My middle daughter was small and a larger girl kept throwing her in a locker, shutting her in, or dumping her upside down in a large garbage can. I had told my daughters not to fight, but this time I gave her permission. She got in trouble. When I went to the school and complained they brushed me off until I sat in the office and demanded something be done. They confronted the girl, and, of course, she denied it. I started following her home and saw her attack my daughters. I went to the cops and things started going right as I had witnesses then.
Keep up the sitting and demanding something be done, you have witnesses, don't give up on your little girl.

Well maybe it's time for a letter to the principal & cc the superintendent. This is just insane. I don't know that I agree that your daughter should've been punished at all, but then I guess all the kids would claim self-defense & beat up on kids, crazy world we live in huh? Seems to me she was justified in what she did, especially if there are witnesses that saw what really happened. I agree that all parties should've been punished and I'm sorry but they should be punished more severely seeing as how they ganged up on her like that.

I would also have a talk with this cousin, family should look out for one another, even if they aren't siblings! I hope she's doing better.

M., if you don't get any satisfaction from the school (and I can't believe there was no principal or counselor availabale), go over their heads and go straight to the superintendent of your school system. If push comes to shove find out how to get on the school board meeting agenda. I have been teaching for eighteen years. I have a 16 year old twins and a 3 year old. My sixteen year old was often picked on in junior high and once received the same punishment as the girl who beat her up. I went to the superintendent and the zeros she received for the days she was suspended were removed. I hope this helps. That is an awful feeling when your babies are messed with and have no advocates at a place that should be a safe haven. Good Luck!!!
B. Smith

I have had a similar case with my son involving football players (his own teammates) while he was in Junior High. I had always told him not to take the first swing, but if in a situation he felt he HAD to fight back, then I would support him all the way. We solved this the old fashioned way, I taught him a few self-defense maneuvers, and he actually had to use them one day in the locker-room. The bully that picked on him is now a fairly good friend of his, it was all about the pecking-order and usual boyish bravado.

As for a 7 yr old girl, great student, with apparently no past problems in this area, I suggest lodging a complaint against the school DISTRICT if there is no resolution in sight. See a lawyer, and get some advice. Usually large cities will have legal professionals who do community/pro-bono (no fee) consultations and give practical options and advice.

If you still have problems, how about filing a restraining order for the bullies to be segregated or fully supervised at recess? If it sounds a little wacko, it may be. Or take it to the newspaper....They love to put conflict of this nature in the public spotlight, I guarantee the school district would NOT want that.

If they want to ignore it, make it where they can't. After all, this IS about the SAFETY and WELL-BEING of your child while in the care of the PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM, and it is YOUR TAX DOLLARS that pay for it. Make yourself heard for her sake and others to follow...Good luck to you

That is how school is. It only gets worse with the bullying the older they get. I formerly home schooled and decided to put mine back in this year, needless to say tomorrow will be their last day. I am bringing them right back home! Good Luck to you! If homeschooling is an option for you send me a personal message and I will discuss it with you. Even if you work and you have a family member that can keep your little girl during the day, you can do the work when you are home. There are also many activities for home schoolers.

I would call DHS and file a complaint.

I would definitly take this matter to the school board. They will listen to you and hopefully do something about this. It sounds like the teachers need to be more attentive on the playground also. It is an awful thing in society that we tell our boys that it is okay to hit a girl. Hope this helps. L.

I can't advise you specifically, but I can tell you about my experience and what I would do differently, in hindsight.
My son was in 3rd grade when another student threatened him with a pair of scissors to his neck. The teacher was on the computer, so didn't get turned around in time to see the scissors at my son's neck, but she did hear what was said, and saw the scissors stil in the child's hand. Some of the other students saw what happened but their eyewitness apparently wasn't as powerful as the teacher's would have been. The child who threatened my son received a 3 day suspension, which he (it was time off) was thrilled over. The suspension did not start right away, so I was rather worried about my son at school. I let things go with that, but in hindsight, I would have gone to the principal, to have the child removed from at least the classroom, if not the school, since the zero tolerance policy had been implemented at the time.
While your situation is not as severe, since no weapon was involved, I encourage you to believe your daughter and keep trying to get in touch with the principal. Your daughter does not need to be labeled as a fighter and trouble maker. I would ask the principal to have talks with the boys involved (especially your nephew), and to talk to your daughter's friend who witnessed the incident and did go for help. I realize that you do not want your nephew to be suspended or face very harsh punishment, but he does need to realize that this was serious, so that he will not do it again to anyone else.
I am just asking at this point, but have you tried talking with your nephew's parent? Perhaps he can be handeled at that level, but his friends that got involved need to see the principal as well.
I had tended to try and not stir the waters where my son (1st born) was concerned, but this incident changed that. My Momma Bear response has been more quickly aroused since that incident!

C. S

If the teacher won't talk to you, and the principal won't talk to you, either camp out in the school office and refuse to leave until they talk to you or go to the school board.
Have them call in the kids who went and got the teacher and ask them - separately - what happened. If they all tell the same story, then you have multiple eyewitnesses that your daughter was ganged up on, and was defending herself.
EBR has a zero tolerance policy for fighting, but zero tolerance should not mean that your child has to simply lie there and take it when several kids are beating up on her.
As for ehr cousin "playing around" when he jumped on her back - he's old enough to understand that you don't play that way. I assume that you've been in touch with his parents.

That sounds messed up to me. Since you could get no results from talking to the school then it's time for you to file a formal complaint against the school. First start off contacting your local board of education. I fyou still get no results , then it's time to call the local police and file a complaint.

Request a meeting with the principal ASAP. Have all parties involved attend. It is definitely not fair that your daughter got punished and the others didn't. If you know the cousin's parents well enough, you should ask for all of you to discuss this as ADULTS(no name calling or screaming at each other). The way you handle this will definitely be observed by the children. Always stand up for your child...no one else is. Believe me they appreciate it. This similar incident happened to my 11 yr. old grandson. If the teachers did not see exactly what happened...then they can not blame just one..all should be punished.

I'd go again until someone talked to me! You don't want to come off as "one of those" parents but this is one case where you need to get some answers!!! It outraged me! You have to take up for your babies!