Need some advise, i have a 8 1/2 year old son whom i been taking care of since day 1. And the father has never done anything till about a year or 2 ago started paying child support. Thats about it! Me and my husband do everything! Im not asking or wanting anything from him. I'm just a little worried because i hear his family maybe trying to find where my where about's are. Which i feel i don't have to say or do anything. That part of my son family has been a nightmare and by my choice i walked out of that side when he was 1. I moved back about 2 years ago (which i hate) and that family just wants to make my life hell like they done in the past. I haven't had any problems so far. But in the back of my mind i'm worried about the family forcing the father to take my son away their all about making money off kids. Long story short.. After almost 8 years later can my son dad just come in to the picture out of no where and take my son from me? My son dosen't no who is real dad is he only no's my husband. Me and my husband have tried before in the past to let him see him but he wanted to make trouble. The only person who would want to see my son would be the grandmother. And what she says go. She will have her son make trouble for me to get my son. All in all i'm wondering can the father take my son from me? Or maybe do you think they have a different mind frame since its been so long? But again not everybody change's. Should i worry or not??.. There isn't any custody. So, yeah please just wanted the best advise not looking to be judge or put down. Thanks!
I agree with alot of you's. I think i'll wait till they make their move. I have talk to lawyers ect i'm going to stand my ground. I already made that decision where i kept my son with me. Only because of the things i've gone thru i couldn't take no more so i did what was best for me and my son. In time i will explain to him taking the chance of disappointment maybe he'll understand. I no alot of you's even if it was the other way around would of made the decision i've done ONLY for the best interest of the child. I will give him the choice if he wants to no who his father is.. I think for now i'm going to ease my mind and enjoy the time's god has given me. Again thanks for everybody's response! Happy New Year's!!
You need to see a lawyer IMMEDIATELY and get things done properly....
So many things could go wrong at this point.... it has been said very well by several other posters.
And yes, grandparents DO have rights, too.....
I agree to make sure you have legal custody ASAP.
My mom walked out on us when I was a kid. We didn't see her for several years, and she never even paid child support for her four children... But, when she decided she wanted to see us she was given visitation rights. (Granted, my dad didn't fight her on it... He thought it was important that we know her, and form our own opinions...)
His family can't take your son unless they prove you to be an unfit mother. Even if the father does try to take custody, unless you have SERIOUS issues he will at most be given joint custody, but I imagine the courts would only award visitation at this point because of the lack of contact for the last several years.
ETA: I wanted to add that you may be well served to allow his grandma to see him, even if you don't care for her. My mother refused to allow me to meet her dad, because they had some strong issues in the past. I have ALWAYS resented hat I was not allowed to meet him and make my own judgements... Especially when I would hear stories about the relationships my cousins had with him. If she will cause trouble to get to see him, it may be easier just to let her see him. Plus, that way you can document that you have allowed her access to him and will be able to document any trouble she may cause. It could be that she cares deeply for him, and is resentful of he fact that she doesn't get to see him which is what causes her to make trouble for you. I know that if my child had a kid, I would want to be a part of my grand child's life, even if my child did not. So unless you think she will harm your child, I would allow some visitation... Even if it is supervised with you there. Let her take him to the park, and you can sit on a bench and read or something.
I would get a lawyer and get a binding custody agreement in place, and then I would consider letting your son meet the rest of his family. Like it or not they are HIS family, and when he gets older and finds out that they wanted to know him and you would not allow it he is going to resent you for it. Let him meet them and make up his own mind about them, just have your legal ducks in a row as well.
Officially file for full physical custody and child support. Since the father hasn't been there at all, if that was his choice, then you're going to have to prove child abandonment. But know that if he wants visitation or custody, a judge very well may give him some especially if the lack of contact between father and child was because you didn't allow the father to know where the child was. Like now.
In any case, get a lawyer. The advice you get will depend on your state, your situation, and whatever other details you've left out.
so you have a court order that gives you custody, correct?
What does the court order stipulate in regards to visitation?
If his father did NOT relinquish parental rights - and if he's paying child support - he did NOT nor did he abandon him - he has every right to see his son.
You need to go to court and get a SPECIFIC custody order - visitation, supervised or not - if you believe he or his family are a flight risk and get it all in writing.
Find some support group in your area and find out what the laws in your state are.
I can understand how some people are completely toxic and evil. I hear you. But I don't think it's likely that the father will fight for custody on his own. He's been MIA so long. I suppose it's possible the grandmother, especially if she is domineering, could push him to do it.
For now, to settle your mind, find out as much as you can. You need to get wise to the laws. If the grandmother is scheming to get her grandson back, then you need to wise up. You live in a major city. There must be mom support groups in your area. Make new friends, learn as much as you can. I don't know how custody laws work. Grandmom could easily make her son fight that also.
Lean on God. Pray to Him for guidance.
Video: G.O.S.P.E.L. Rap
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Read the book MORE THAN A CARPENTER by Josh D. Macdowel
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Psalm 27
King James Version (KJV)
27 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked, even mine enemies and my foes, came upon me to eat up my flesh, they stumbled and fell.
3 Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.
4 One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to enquire in his temple.
5 For in the time of trouble he shall hide me in his pavilion: in the secret of his tabernacle shall he hide me; he shall set me up upon a rock.
6 And now shall mine head be lifted up above mine enemies round about me: therefore will I offer in his tabernacle sacrifices of joy; I will sing, yea, I will sing praises unto the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice: have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When thou saidst, Seek ye my face; my heart said unto thee, Thy face, Lord, will I seek.
9 Hide not thy face far from me; put not thy servant away in anger: thou hast been my help; leave me not, neither forsake me, O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.
11 Teach me thy way, O Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because of mine enemies.
12 Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out cruelty.
13 I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.
You need to go file for custody. Without a custody order (if he is on the birth certificate as the father) he can take him for a visit and not bring him back. With a custody order both of you have to follow it. If it's not followed (meaning you with hold your son from seeing him when the exchange is supposed to happen and your ex is there he can call the police and have you charged) same thing with him if he does not have him back when he is supposed to you can have him charged. but the judge may also say that your husband is the only dad he knows and would greatly disrupt his life if your ex goes back in. There are a ton of different ways it could go but most judges always favor what's in the child's best interest. But you need to call your lawyer and get him to file a motion for custody ASAP like monday
I'd go and file for custody. There's a chance he can just take your son and keep him until you file for custody. At least that's how it is in my state. Good luck.
Lots of good advice here. If you're concerned about legal fees, look into free counsel in your area. You can call the city to inquire about this or even women's shelters -- they often have recommendations for no/low cost legal services. But make sure you do get an official, binding custody agreement. It will protect you and your child and you'll feel good knowing it's all done. Best of luck to you!
If there is no custody order in place and he's named on the birth certificate, then yes, he has just as much legal right to the child as you do. I suggest you get a custody order in place ASAP. He could take the child for a "visitation" and not bring him back; file for custody and get temporary custody pending a full hearing.
Get to your local courthouse right away and get the process started today!
