My son is 8 years old, and still has to be reminded to do every- single -thing. He never remembers to flush the toilet when he is done going (1 or 2 ), he constantly pees on the and does not wash his hands. We have to make sure he showers by himself properly or else he will just play in the water.
He takes hours to do homework, and the teacher tells me she has to constantly tell him to pay attention because he is either drawing in school, or getting up and walking around. No matter how many times we repeat a routine, he cannot follow it. When my husband or I say something to him, it seems like he is just waiting for us to stop talking so he can talk. He is a smart kid when he puts his mind to it, and there are moments with he does focus, but not when it comes to things he has to do everyday. He is not hyper but it seems like his thoughts go a mile a minute. He is a sweet boy and very likeable but has trouble maintaining friendships at school. He tells me that he is lonely.
I have long suspected that he my have ADHD to some degree, and I have an appointment with his doctor to see if I there is anything to help my son, but this is extremely frustrating. I just want to know if what I am dealing with is ADHD, or just immaturity, I don't want to put him on meds, but I would like for him, and possibly me as well, to go for counseling to see how we can help him.
In the meantime, can anyone relate to this? What was the outcome with your child?
ADD possibly. Have him evaluated. Does not sound like he has the hyperactivity!!! That's a good thing. Some of the things are normal for his age. Good luck.
Only the doctor can tell you if this is ADD or normal immaturity.
In the meantime, have you tried written reminders? My kids are not ADD, but I have a sign in the bathroom where the kids get ready for bed. It is right on the mirror at thir height and it has these bullet points in huge font: brush teeth, floss, wash face, rinse sink, wipe counter.
You could do similar reminders in strategic places for other things.
Also, I would just like to say this: don't rule out meds before you even hear what the doctor has to say. For kids who are truly ADD, the right med can make a huge difference in their quality of life. Therapy is also good for many, but don't rule out meds before you even talk to a doctor.
I'm curious what you have tried to help him. We were able to avoid medication for my daughter's inattentiveness at school by working on routines and structure at school and home. Her teacher made her a checklist for each morning before class. We had checklists at home for morning and after school routines. The teacher allowed her to doodle, because she understood that it actually helps her process the info, but she made her stop drawing at certain points in the lesson when she should be following along.
As for remembering to do common things, it's pretty typical of that age, so we've had to break things down into clear steps and monitor more closely...like spend a little time checking things after they used them. Did they actually wash properly? Did they flush? No, well, get back in there and finish up the process. Some of it sounds like he just needs to get his routines down. I wouldn't rule out medication though if the doctors say it's necessary. It might really help him to get more out of school. I never put my daughter on medication and chose to ride it out. Her grades were fine and now that she is in middle school she is able to process things and listen much better than in elementary school. In her case I think it was developmental. She's learning to be self motivated when it comes to schoolwork and home. So, there is hope! :) Try to be patient with him, since it's not his fault.
We had some diagnostic testing done for our son to discover that he has both ADD and processing delays. We worked with the psychologist and took a workshop to learn how to help develop some parenting skills to help our little guy. With the psychologist's input, we decided that due to other factors, medication isn't the right course at this time.
That said, what I came away with which helped most is realizing that I can't parent my child in a typical way. For my son, he needs a lot more structure and more choice in what he does. I've worked with the school to allow him to do alternative homework-- which is a LOT of work on my end, I will admit, but he's learning more. I have deliberately slowed down some of what we do, esp transitions, so he has time to think through the process himself and isn't rushed. (Especially in the mornings when we get ready to walk to school.) After school, I let him take his time loading up his backpack instead of doing it for him. He has no concept of time so I build in extra time in our day so he can do things on his own and try not to rush him. Punishments are poor motivators for my son, instead, small incentives seem to work much better. Very small goals for each day is enough of a challenge for Kiddo.
I wish you good progress on working with a psychologist. I found that having Kiddo tested revealed both profound strengths as well as his challenges. I highly recommend going through this sort of testing so you can receive a better picture of your son's abilities and where he is struggling and then be able to better target where he needs more help.
We waited too long on this. Find a psychologist who does psychoeducational testing. It will tell you everything you could possibly need to know. Very comprehensive. It's about $4000 but insurance should cover it. Mine did. This will be valuable information for the school district if/when he should need an IEP.
It very well may be ADHD-inattentive type. The fact that he has the problem at home and at school is a sign that would lead me to think you're on that path. Check out the websites for CHADD and ADDitude magazine for further information, so you have some resources in mind if he gets the diagnosis.
Our son has ADHD-combined type and I can tell you that there's a lot the doctors can do to help your son lead a great life. Be open to what they have to recommend. There isn't a single parent out there who wants to put their child on medication, but with this brain disorder, it can be life-transforming. Don't rule it out based on misconceptions.
I think when it comes to ADHD, it's easy to focus on the H (hyperactivity) and, "Well, he's not hyper, so it must not be ADHD. I don't know why the name of the condition includes the H, but there ya go.
My son has ADHD, inattentive type, meaning his brain is going a mile a minute causing him to sometimes have trouble focusing. When you describe your son, I can definitely relate. This in no way qualifies me to make a diagnosis, but it's something to consider.
Our pediatrician referred us to a psychologist. He had us and the teachers fill out questionnaires, met with us and asked us a bunch of questions, met with our son, etc. Our son was only 4 years old when we first saw the psychologist, so we met with us a few times before giving the ADHD diagnosis.
Just keep in mind that a good psychologist is going to be very thorough and really learn about your son before giving a diagnosis.
Also, I agree mynewnickname. If son does have ADHD, meds might be the only way to help him. If it's true ADHD, his brain is wired differently, and the meds will help his brain waves sync up and function more effectively.
Our son (who is now almost 7) said many things are easier for him when he takes his meds. We are currently trying to determine whether or not the meds he is taking are the correct ones for him, but that is to be expected.
Good luck!!!
My friend has a little guy like this. He did not have ADHD - but he does have a plan for him at school to help him focus. He will get so caught up in in things he forgets to use the washroom so until a year or so ago (he's slightly older than your son) he could wet himself at school. He's super bright. But had hard time with school. He has a tutor actually.
It does sound (from what I know) like it could be ADHD - but your doctor can help you with this, and figure out how to get him tested, etc. If it is, at least then you would know. I think that's all we parents want - just to know if it's something we can do something about. We know a little girl with ADHD - inattentive type and she is just on the low end of it, if that makes sense. Before they knew the mom seemed very stressed.
He'll still be the same lovely boy either way. You'll just know. By getting help for him and for you - you'll feel much better and he'll do better. Just know it will come once you get the ball rolling to finding out. Good luck and keep us posted :)
