What Do You Do to Relax?

One of the nicest things my in-laws did for me was to videotape themselves sitting on the couch reading a children's book and commenting to my children on the tape. They held the book out towards the camera like a school teacher would to her students. They read a page and then pointed to pictures and said things like.. "charlie, look at the cute little bunny. he's smiling at you!" When they sent the tape, they also included the book in the box. My kids sat enthralled for replay after replay. And it helped them be more comfortable with the grandparents when they could come visit. No stranger danger!

Wow! So many fantastic ideas already!
My parents gave us a family membership to the Children's Museum one year. They also paid for swimming lessons once when we just had one child.
Last Easter I suggested summer sandals to my Mother in law from the Easter Bunny and it was a nice treat that she followed through. I only wish I had remembered to suggest it this year, it would have been a nice tradition.
TRADITIONS - anything big or little that you can try to do more than just once will really stick in the minds of your grandchildren, "Remember when Grandma always did....."
My kids now think Starburst Candy goes hand in hand with Grandpa and Grandma! My mom likes to pickup fun books for the boys at thrift shops or garage sales.
I love the idea of assembled meals to freeze until needed. Either you prepare ahead to offer the next time you see them or search for a business in their area that offers that service (Let's Dish & Super Suppers in my town).
I love the idea of helping with scrapbooks or photo albums. I don't have any time for that right now.
If the kids are old enough for Vacation Bible School or summer camp you could offer to assist with that. Most of our VBS's are only $25 per week. It would give the mom's some deserved time too.

I love to see the "grandma's" helping out in my Mother's of Preschooler's MOPS program and in the church nursery.
Look back at hobbies you've enjoyed in years past and maybe rekindle the interest. My mom started quilting and absolutely loves it (she's working on my quilt right now!) She's also helped at a food pantry and soup kitchen.

Hope these ideas help!
You are a wonderful woman to show so much care for your family!
J.

Hi, I'm on the other side of your question. I'm the mom, and my own mother and MIL live 5-ish hours from me. The best thing they can do for me, besides visiting for a weekend and expecting nothing except visit time with me/hubby and playtime with my son (that means, don't expect the house to be spotless and every meal to be a gourmet feast), is an understanding ear.

Be available. When she asks for advice give it, but otherwise, just be a sounding board... listen but don't judge. I know, in my own case, my mom is one of my best friends because she does just that - I call and rant and rave about how stressed I am, how I can't do this for another day, and why didn't she TELL me that being a mom was so hard???? And she just listens, and listens some more, and at the end, when I'm huffing and puffing, she'll say, "Do you feel better now?" And 99% of the time, I say, "yep, I just needed to let off some steam". And sometimes, she'll offer up some advice, but mostly, she just knows that I need someone to listen. Unfortunately, I don't have that same relationship with my MIL, because there's a lot of judgement there. She means well, but it's more interfering than anything.

Hi S., I too am a grandmother, gardener, dog lover, volunteer, and have similar situations with my grandchildren who do not live near me. This summer we (my DH and I) are getting the grandkids for 1 month, to give my DIL and son time to finish all those projects that cannot be done with kids underfoot, and have close one on one with the grandkids. I have gone and stayed with my son's family, (at their invitation) to help during new births and other changes. At present I watch for Ebay sales and other sales and send clothing care packages for the children and sometimes little extras for the adults. Gift cards for restaurants, Pizza places etc. so that they can have a night of no cooking or night out. I love my kids and agree parenting is a very hard job and unfortunately working parents all too often are too tired to appreciate their little blessings. So I try to support any way I can. But mostly I pray for blesses for them. I hope this helps. Yo

I think that a nice way to give some time to your daughters to take a bath or enjoy some private time. would be to have a designated time weekly to share a book with your grandchildren over the phone. Children also love to receive mail a nice note or a copy of the book you will read to them will be something they can cherish even after the story. Remember to use your libraries or you could copy the book for you to read from. Reading is some thing you can share with them through out there whole life. I try reading the books my 12 and 10 year old read and it open us up to more communication.

Full time mother of four,J.

S.,

Why not get them a gift certificate for a day of housecleaning or a massage? Or both! They could spend the day at the spa and let someone else do the cleaning. You could take the grandkids for a weekend and let them have a romantic evening with spouses.

Hope those ideas help.

L. :)

Your children/grandchildren are very lucky to have someone who cares so much. I am a mother of a 20 month old. When he was about one, my parents (who live out of state) bought my family and themselves webcams. This was such a wonderful purchase. We talk to them on it once or twice a week and my son loves it. He doesn't last very long due to his age, but this way he knows who they are so well. They actually came to visit a couple weeks ago and as soon as he saw them he lit up and ran to give them hugs. This is not something he would do with people he doesn't know. We recently purchased a laptop computer with a built-in webcam. This is even better b/c I can set it up in the living room and they can watch him play. He shows off, knowing they can see him, but also takes breaks to sit in front of the computer and "talk" to them.

Could you take a few days off and go up there to help out? Mabey when the kids have a long weekend bring them to your house to give mom a break. My mom lives in the same town and see's my kids twice a week but she sends my kids cards in the mail sometimes they have a sticker or pictures or gum other times it's just a card. My kids love it and it's good practice for them writing letters back.

Hire them a cleaning lady for a day each week or month (whatever you can afford). You can find local small cleaning companies over the internet in most towns. When I was a mom, I would have considered anyone who helped me to keep a clean house my personal savior! They will have that many more hours to spend with their children or out of the house getting some R&R. Bless you for wanting to help!

Hi! I live in MN, My sister in law lives in Idaho, and her mom, my MIL, lives in South Carolina. My MIL is wonderful. She calls or emails us weekly, and comes to visit at least twice a year. While she is here, she always makes sure my husband and I get out on a date night. She also sends new books for the kids in little care packages for all of the holidays. She prays for us daily, will listen as long as we need to talk about whatever is going on, she also has been paying for my four year old to go to preschool 2 days a week at our church because my husband is a teacher and I am a SAHM and can not afford to pay for it, but she feels that it is important for him to be with other kids and learning in a christian environment. I think it is easy to find a way to be close to your daughters wherever they are:)

I'm a mom of a 20-mo-old boy and I have a daughter due in May. It's too bad you live so far from them. The only thing I can think to help out your kids is making food that they can store in the freezer (lasagna, etc.) to have on hand. It's so hard to plan meals when you're chasing around after kids. And of course, just being there via telephone for support.

Omigosh! Would you like to be my mother/ mother-in-law?!?
As you probably guessed, we don't get much help from our family - that is the hardest.
I think my mom would do more to help if she lived closer as well ( only 2 1/2 hrs away).
wow, What do I do to relax? You know, I don't believe I do that; what is this word you speak of?
I guess one thing that my mom has done once in a while is-
she's come up to stay for 2-3 days to watch the kids if I had something going on. That's been helpful. and I am very grateful, as she still works and usually takes a day off from work to help out.
Since I have 3 boys and a husband that isn't terribly cooperative around the house; something that would be helpful for me is if my mom, or whomever, would come over periodically to either help me clean and get organized or watch the kids so that I can clean and get organized.
Or in the case of my mother-in-law; not sigh and reply yeah i'll watch them- when we do ask for help watching the kids; it always makes us mad - because of the way she says it, it's like she doesn't really want to watch the boys, but 'if I have too'. (she's retired and lives maybe 2miles away) and I totally understand she has a life too, I get that. However, we don't ask all that often. She knows that we are struggling financially and pretty much every time we ask her to watch the boys is when we both need to be working somewhere- I can't tell you the last time we actually had a sitter for us to have a 'date night'. anywho... sorry, got off on a tangent there. That just really bugs me when we are trying so hard and just need a break.
Maybe offer to come for a weekend once in awhile even when they have nothing planned so that they can go out with each other and have time alone without the kids.
maybe you could take the kids for a weekend -would your daughter meet you 1/2 way with the drive to do that?
It truly does take a village... however, these days it doesn't seem like that village wants to be available to help.
I hope this helps... my tangent and all:)
One thing that actually even made me cry when my 2nd son was about 1 - my sister-in-law and mother-in-law took me to the local YMCA; SIL had been telling me about the Y and said we should get a family membership so they took me there and we took a tour - at first I was kind of upset, because she knew we couldn't afford it (just how she usually is), at the end of the tour the gal giving us the tour hands me a brochure and a MEMBERSHIP! I seriously started to cry! almost uncontrolably, because I had been so stressed out (post partum) and tired and my husband was hardly ever home because he was working to get his business going at the time - it was an absolute blessing.
so we had a 9month family membership- It was great, I got some alone time (and work on myself a bit) the kids had fun in the childcare/kids gym. it was totally win win for everone. so, something to help financially - this was awesome! (another tangent...)
and I agree with many other moms, letters, mine love postcards, and care packages from grandma are always the best!
Oooo... I got it! for your daughter and D-I-L, how about a care package only for them (my mom has never done this)including their favorite magazine, and some of their favorite things; chocolates, a nice relaxing CD, Bath salts etc. Take some time for yourself, I care about you- type stuff. Just letting them know you care about enough about them to tell them to take time for themselves and you acknowledge how hard they work is even wonderful.
Even a Spa gift card. Maybe, you could include a handmade coupon for grandma to come stay for a weekend to babysit so she can do whatever she wants - call a girlfriend, go for a walk, take a nap!

If there is a holiday or other special day you know they celebrate, try sending them dressy clothes for the kids. I have a couple of totally awesome relatives who also live hours away from my kids and those relatives send dressy clothes for the kids as holidays approach and that is always SO nice. We have to travel an hour to get to a clothing store here, so I really appreciate it. Then again, nothing says "rest" like a spa gift certificate. You are such a thoughtful person. I agree with you that mommies are the hardest working people on the planet! If only everbody felt that way!

Hi S. ... I'm both a gramma and a mom to an almost 10 year old (+ 4 adult children). While I am VERY close to my grandchildren (right next door!), my own parents have ALWAYS been at a distance (geographically). What has always meant the most to me (and still does) is that my mom is there for me emotionally, anytime - night or day. It sounds like you are that type of person too. How about a subscription to some sort of magazine that the moms would never go out and get for themselves? SOMETHING just for them that they can enjoy in whatever quiet moment they might find? Lots of good ideas for you from the other responses ... and great question!

Wow... are you a sweetie.... It is hard, but maybe you could send a gift certificate for prepared meals (Dinner by Design... Thyme Savvy...) or take a kid for over night,...

Maybe arrange a day that when you come over that you help make a bunch of meals to freeze, so when they need something in the pinch they have something prepared?

What do I do to relax ... scrapbook (traditional and digital).

Things you can do that always have helped me (my parents live in Florida, I'm in Minnesota)...when you do visit, cook food/meals to leave already prepared in the freezer. Or you can always send meals/food baskets, etc, periodically. Also, you could babysit when you do visit so the parents can have a night out. And just be there for them when they need to talk or vent! :)

When i read your request my first thought was buy them massages or house cleaning. I would love to have someone deep clean my house once a month. My parents live hundreds of miles away and they help us most by offering financial help with extras that we can't afford. My dad pays for our three kids to have swimming lessons and my mom is always buying the kids clothes, shoes and things like their Easter or Christmas outfits and helping to pay for us to have their pictures taken several times a year.

I have no idea if this is applicable, but...The BEST gift my parents gave us (also a few miles between us) after our child was born was to pay for 2 days a week of daycare. I was a stay at home mom on a very limited budget, and just giving me a day or two a week to do errands or read or even sleep in was the best gift EVER! When I signed up my child and told the preschool director about my mom helping with most of the costs, she said that was about the best gift she could think of, too...and she was going to do that for her kids when they have a few of their own.

I think all those ideas and suggestions are wonderful!! I especially like the weekend away with my husband and the zoo membership!!

I got the impression that your post was two-fold. First wanting to know what you might do to fill your time, and second what you can do to help your child.

First, I would suggest possibly volunteering a local school. My daughter has a "grandma" that helps with her kindergarten class. She loves Grandma Loretta and I love that there is someone else giving her attention and helping her.

For the second part, my parents live about three hours from. I wish they were closer, but that is not in the cards. Despite the distance, they have been able to help me out…..alot. They are always will to take the kids if I need them to (we have a spot we meet halfway to exchange the kids). Most importantly they are there when I just need to vent because my kids are driving me crazy. Often after my venting session, they will get on the phone with kids and tell them that they have to be nice to mommy (some times bribes are involved!) Knowing that my kids have a close relationship with my parents despite the distance, in and of itself makes my life easier.

They are always willing to make the drive here for birthdays, gymnastic meets, dance recitals, grandparents day, ect.

For Christmas, my mom offered to get me a cleaning lady to come in a couple of times a month. She knows as a working mom with two active kids I do not have time to do it all. Unfortunately, pride got the better of me and I turned it down. If it is ever offered again I doubt I will turn it down!

One thing that my mom does that has made my life easier is she has started a college fund for my kids. She is working and says she could not afford to do it for me and my brother when we were kids, but can do it know. Right now, my husband and I just can not do it, so knowing that it is getting done eases my mind some.

How old are the grandchildren? Our grandchildren (only 2) don't live as far from us as yours; but, we take them for a night or two and let Mom & Dad have some "us" time. Maybe you can take them for a few days and "explore" with them. It is so much fun when we do this. I can't wait for Spring to get here and stay; then, we will be taking them camping.

I, too, am a grandmother with grandchildren two hours away (not as far as yours). I also agree with you that mommies are the hardest working people. Even though our grandchildren are closer than yours, here are some suggestions that have worked for us:
1. We started college savings plans for each child shortly after they were born. Instead of giving lots of gifts at Christmas, we put money in the savings plans we still give a couple of small gifts).
2. For birthdays, I pick up the child who is celebrating (usually do it before the actual day) and take them shopping (after getting some private instructions from the mom). We have a wonderful time and usually end up with at least one thing they need and another that they want. Afterwards, we go out to eat together at the restaurant of their choice. Then, I wrap the purchases and they get to open them on their birthday. Even though they were involved with the shopping, they still enjoy this part. Our granddaughter purposely tries to forget what we got so it it a surprise for her again.
3. At least once a year, we send money for shoes, snow boots, school clothes, or whatever the need is. Sometimes, we get to be there for the shopping.
4. We have the kids stay with us for a weekend. We usually meet the parents half way so no one has to travel the entire distance.
5. Sometimes, I just take time off from work and go spend a few days helping out, doing whatever my daughter would like me to do.
6. I like to do crafts so I often make items for my grandchildren. They love them so much that they often will call me and ask me to make them this or that.
7. Letters and phone calls are always fun and exciting. They don't always seem as "help" but my daughters and sons-in-law do appreciate them, especially if they are in a situation that I have been through before. And the grandkids always love to talk to their grandparents or get letters from them.
8. We order magazine subscriptions that have activities in them that the kids can do while mom is preparing a meal, etc.

Good luck. It is so hard being far away from your family, both for you and for your children and grandchildren.

J.

I second the idea of a membership to their local YMCA if you can afford to give it to them and if they don't already have one. Exercising at the Y is my relaxation and life saver. They have free childcare for the kids while you work out and they offer great classes and activities for the children too. Our Y has a swimming pool with a slide so that is a great way to burn off steam with the kids on those cold or rainy days when they can't get outside. You might like a membership for yourself too! They have exercise classes especially for the grandma/grandpa age groups and organized outings for retired people. Or if you are a young grandma there is a 65-year-old woman who attends my weight lifting class--she looks like she is in her 40s! Thanks for thinking of the mommies!

i am still a working woman and mother of 4 boys, however i truly look forward to volunteering when my kids are gone from home and i retire. as far as relaxing now i love to take walks in the morning when everyone is at work and the
neighborhood is very quiet.
sincerely, C.

If your grandchildren have access to a computer, I have a fun idea for you. My mom and dad live 7 hours away and my mom found a great website where she can type in a message for the kids and a monkey comes on the screen and reads what she typed. It is a huge hit with my kids 2.5 and 4.5 - it is called Monkey Mail - it is free and so much fun. The website is www.careerbuilder.com/monk-e-mail/
We have fun writing back to them too!

I don't know what your financial situation is, but the perfect gift for me would be having someone clean my house once a week. Oh, what I could do with those extra hours...

Dear S.,
I am a 28 yr old mother to a 2 yr old, so I can answer to the second part of your question- how to make life easier for the mommies.

Anything you can do financially would be much appreciated (depending of course on their particular situations). My own mother started a Coverdell account for my son and puts money in on his birthday and Christmas. This is something we would just not be able to do right now. If either gal has a low-income situation, gift certificates to their local grocery stores are always nice. You can specify what you want it to be spent on or not. I always appreciate either way.

Kids of all ages LOVE getting mail. Send current pictures of yourself doing the things you love to help keep the kids connected to you. Write them letters asking about their interests etc. I am in favor of real snail mail for kids rather than email, but if the kids are older, you might want to use email, if it is their favored form of communication. Prepaid phone cards might help them call you more often too!

Kids love small gifts arriving unexpectedly! Just make sure you check the product for age-appropriateness first, and think of the moms when you select the gifts- maybe the ant farm isn't such a good idea: mom + accidentally lose ants in the kitchen... I like toys that don't require batteries. If you were to get in the habit of sending each kid a book in the mail every month, that could become a cherished event. You can get the books at garage sales and send them "media rate" at the post office if money is a consideration. maybe even tape record yourself reading the books and send the tape along.

All these things I'm mentioning are ideas to keep the family close-knit through the miles, which I believe will make life "easier" for the moms, for those short moments when the child is absorbed by a letter from you, and in the long run, building familiarity and bonding between you and the kiddos.

I think the most important things are to stay emotionally connected with your D and D-in-law and your grandkids. "Be there" (by phone or whatever) for them when they need someone to talk to, and stay involved and aware of their lives and what they are up to.

Any time you can make a visit in person will be especially nice, but sending photos and stories about yourself will help the kids stay current and connected with you in between.

As for what I do to relax in my spare (hah!) time: I do this mamasource stuff, I am putting all my photos onto my computer and Snapfish.com (photo-sharing website), and I love to scrap book.

You sound like a truly great lady, S., and I wish you all the happiness in the world.

(My guy is teething and I'm a little sleep-deprived, so I hope that wasn't all too rambling and that it made some sense!)

jen

One thing that I always find helpful is when I don't have to cook everynight. My sister in-law lives in Chicago and recently sent us Chicago style pizza-not sure if you have a place near by you that sends food or if they live in an area where you could send them a gift certificate to one of those places that prepares meals for you (Dish It Up, Presto Cuisine) and they are healthy and you freeze them until you use them. My husband and I actually did that before our son was born and it really was helpful and quick and made coming home from work less stressful because I knew what was for dinner and I got to enjoy more time with my family.

S.,

There are countless non profit and volunteer organizations that need good people with time on their hands. In our last town, the schools had "grandmas" come in and help out / read with the kindergarteners. I don't know if they allow it here, but my daughter loved the surrogate grandma because hers is so far away.

As far as helping out kids & grandkids, my kids love to get care packages from grandma. I especially love it when they contain things for the kids to do, like art activities to keep them busy. I also greatly appreciate it when grandparents clear certain purchases for kids with us first - movies, noisy toys and video games to be specific.

My in laws requested seeing the kids one on one, so we are making a family tradition that when you turn 8, you can go see them all by yourself. My kids are VERY independent (start asking when they can drive themselves to the store by age 3-4) and are so excited to go on the plane and see them.

We have also GREATLY appreciated when my in laws came and took the kids for a few days so we could have a second honeymoon. (It's tradition we do this before a new baby.) My in laws also came a few times when I had a new baby. I can't tell you how much I loved having someone to help cook meals, tidy up and keep an eye on the big kids. It has been the greatest gift.

We also had them join us when we went to Disney World two years ago. Because of the particular situation, I realized we could take the kids to Disney World for less money than a few days at Grandma's in California, so we invited them to join us and had the BEST time.

Good luck,
S.

You are getting some WONDERFUL advice on here! Asking them how you could help would be great! To help you find a new hobby......do you scrapbook? You could make books for them! They could send you their copies of pictures & you could get to work! =o) You sound like a awesome Grandma! One more idea that is free of charge is always praying for them!

Such great suggestions!
I would make sure to temper your gift, especially to your daughter in law, with the words that you want to give them a gift because they are doing such a great job raising your grandkids, not becuase you think she is stressed out or needs a break. Unless you have a great relationship she could take it as critisism.
In my earlier parenting years I would not have wanted my kids in day care or with a baby sitter much. But, if someone offered to pay for a regular sitter an evening a month so I could go on a date with hubby, that would be awesome!
The YMCA membership is also a great idea!
Or how about paying for craft classes or something for the moms? I have a hard time paying for things for me for fun. But I would love to have been sent to a beading class or knitting or something.

I completely agree with Shannon! Another thing you could do is ask them what they would like. It is always nice to be asked. Some other ideas are taking care of the kids for a long weekend so they could go on a vacation, writing them notes of encouragement and mailing them or making some meals for them to keep in their freezer to pull out and just have to reheat. Whatever you do just keep up the good work on being thoughtful!!!

From across the miles, you could send her a membership to their zoo or children's museum...doesn't seem like something for them, but it's then a free activity to do out of the house with the kids.

I'd never turn down a massage! :)

And when you do go and visit, rather than letting the mother's go and get out of the house, let her stay behind and you get the kids out of the house...time alone at home is rare and missed...at least by me!

You're a very thoughtful mother and mother-in-law...I'm a bit jealous! :)

I always wished the grandparents would offer to take the kids for a long weekend, take them on summer car trips and such. But since they all worked fulltime and eventually, we moved far away, that rarely happened. But I know it would be a blessing if you could do that for your kids occasionally.

SAHM of seven

Hi, S.!

My parents are retired and have 6 grandchildren, with all but one living several hours away. Since you asked for ways to relax, I think they have that down pat! Monday nights they eat out with a group of friends. Tuesday nights my dad plays cards with neighbors. Wednesday night is church choir. Thursdays my mom quilts with the church ladies and my dad goes to city council meetings. They play "Bunko" (dice game) the first Saturday of the month and my mom plays bridge the first Monday. They are part of a "Keenagers" group as well and spend weekend days going to local musicals and restaurants, etc. or doing service projects in the community.

As for helping out, they get the closest grandkids up for a weekend in August and take them out shopping for their school supply list. This past year they were in 2nd and 1st grade and they bought everything on their teacher's list and tucked the supplies into brand new back packs and sent it home with them! It was a financial and a time-saving help to my sister and sister-in-law.

Depending on your financial situation, they also send money for a new winter coat each year and when they travel to see the kids they always give the parents a night out. I personally like another person's suggestion of time "in" the house, though!

HI S., I am also a grandmother who lives at a distance from my daughter and her kids. My thought though is that if you get to visit occassionally maybe you could treat her to a day off, where you stay over and give her a day to do as she pleases, like a full make over, a night of romance with hubby at a nice hotel, or just sleep the day a way, whatever she would like to do. I know when I was a mother it would have been so great to be able to get away for a while. I was a single mom and so it would have meant even more.

Just a suggestion... R. H