What Do You Do to Make Your Children More Independent and Self-sufficient?

Step one is to ASK THEM TO HELP. :)

"Susie, please come hold this for me, so I can ______."
"Billy, come help me sort the laundry. You find the towels and put them in a pile and I'll find the white things and make a separate pile."
"Johnny, we need forks and napkins on the table. Please come get forks for everyone and place set them out."
etc.

When they say "but I don't know how" (they may not say this... they may be very excited to help you!).... just offer to talk them through it or show them ONE and let them do the rest. They won't get it perfectly. But by helping as you do things, they will also see how you do them. :)

My kids loved trying to learn how to make "sock balls" when I matched up socks. lol

I have learned a couple of things that make a very big difference.

• Have them be a part of what you doing, don't just do things for them. When you do it all they lose confidence in doing it themselves and will not put themselves out there. I did this to my first son.

• A lot of parents say "You are such a good girl/boy" "You are such a good student." This seems just great except you are telling them something they cannot qualify. "I am good at what?". The key is to praise the action they did, "When you put your clothes away, it is so responsible", "I can really tell you spent a lot of time on your school work, good job", etc.

• "Cut the cord" as my husband would say. Holding them in tight gives them the sense that they cannot do things without you. I am TERRIBLE at this, with all four of my kids! Let them try things without your help, give them a chance to decided if they need your help instead of just jumping in and offering.

• Drop the perfectionism - this is really tough on kids. As mother's we want everything to be just so and in turn we are telling our kids that their decisions are to good enough. For example, what your kids wear, let them pick it out, they do not have to look pristine at every moment. My daughter went out the other day with hot pink leggins, a teal tutu, a polka dotted sweatshirt, brown cowboy boots and a bright aqua cowboy hat. I think she was the entertainment for everyone that day and she LOVED it! Of course, there are some situations they need to dress appropriately (church, school, etc.)

That is all I can think of, good luck, I guess we will all find out how we did in about 18 years huh?

Enjoy!

When my son was 4 we went to some garage sales. I gave him $2 to spend. Trust me when it's their money they will choose wisely and take forever. He bought a soccer ball and wanted me to give the lady the money. I made him pay for it and he thanked her. While I was still looking around he tried to play with the ball and was very upset because the ball didn't have enough air in it and wouldn't bounce. He told me he didn't want the ball and for me to get his money back. I told him it was his responsibility since he was the one not satisfied. His conversation with the woman went like this, "Excuse me, please. I want my money back because this ball don't have enough air in it." She replied, "Well, you can take it home and put air in it." He looked at her while he handed her the ball and said, "Yeah, but I want to play with it now." She didn't think he was cute at all but gave his money back. I always made him solve little problems like that and he is the most independent kid there is.

"Let me see you do it yourself" and "You are a big kid now, you can do that all by yourself." Spoken in a very matter-of-fact confident tone of voice. I let her struggle a bit instead of jumping in and helping right away - I only help if she asks me to help, and even then, I try to get her to do as much herself as possible. The more she is able to accomplish on her own, the more confident in herself and her abilities she becomes. It does mean sometimes letting go of things having to be perfect or in a short amount of time, and knowing that with practice, they will get there.

I have not spoken for my children since they were able to speak at around 2 yo. They announce themselves at the doctor and dentist, order for themselves in restaurants, call toys stores to see if a toy is in stock, ask a sales clerk where the rest rooms are etc. Teachers and other adults often comment about how mature and self sufficient my daughters are yet some may argue I baby them:)
The funny thing is my oldest nursed until 2 1/2, my youngest was over 3 yo. My youngest is now 8 1/2 and still will climb into bed with us most nights/mornings. I also still often help her get dressed on school days because she is soooo tired in the morning:). This same daughter however saw her first broadway show 4 weeks before she turned 3. I knew she could handle sitting there for 3 hours.
I also have them in piano, drama/singing which has given them a tremendous amount of confidence. They absolutely love the feeling they get after a performance.

Now is a good time to start, especially with the 5 year old.

My grils have always had chores. When my oldest was a toddler I had her helping me in the kitchen. It's true many times it was just easier to do it myself or I would get frustrated with her being in the way. However, by age 9 there were several meals that my girls could prepare. Both of my girsl (ages 14 and 16) know their way arround a kitchen, and frequently prepare meals or do baking.

Lots of love. It creates a strong, confident core.

I've always let my children help me with everything from the time they could walk. They would help me cook/bake by measuring things, adding things in, stirring, mixing, etc. My 12 yo son is now able to prepare an entire dinner by himself, and my 9 yo daughter is almost there. (I won't let her use the stove without being there to watch her.)

They helped with everything in the household - laundry, cleaning, shopping, etc. And they had their own chores to do from the time they were 2.

I have always had them make their own purchases, if they wanted to buy something with their money. They have no trouble approaching an adult and asking questions or placing orders. They've been able to order their own dinners at restaurants since they could talk.

All of these things instill confidence and help them to be more self-sufficient.

I remember - vividly - how my dad made me go into a McDonald's when I was 8 yo and order our take-out for our family (there were 7 of us!). I was so nervous, but he wouldn't go with me. So I did it. And let me tell you - I was SO proud of myself when I came out to the car with that order! : ) That was one of the best things he ever did for me.

Lastly, if you haven't yet given your children chores, and you want to, my advice is to do it this way..........

First step, tell them what it is you want them to start doing (eg., sweep the floor).

Second step, demonstrate it two or three times. (not all at the same time - I mean a few times over the course of a few days)

Third step, help them to do it a few times.

Fourth step, let them do it by themselves, while you supervise.

Last, turn them loose and let them do it on their own. They won't be perfect at it, of course. Let them continue to do it, and they will improve. Never, EVER re-do what they have done. That will destroy self-confidence and make them less self-sufficient. If you really can't tolerate how they do their chores, go back to step three and start again.

Blessings.

Well, it depends on the kid, but part of what I do is encourage her to try. My DD can drink out of an open cup, but she sometimes spills and she spilled a lot getting here. It would be easier for me if she always had a sippy cup, but would that be better for her? She can get bowls for popcorn. She can (with some help) set the table. She can pour the right food into the right cat's dish and give a cat water if I give her a cup. Etc. Just whatever her little growing mind can grasp. If I suggest something she can't handle, I step back in and try later. As she grows she'll start to bike to another street to see her friend, walk to school, stay home alone, know her address, phone number and 911. Eventually she'll be behind the wheel of a car by herself and go off to college and move out...

When the big kids got older, we started making them make their own calls. I am not going to ask if Jenny can come play. SD can dial Jenny and ask for herself. I am not going to be middlewoman with the advice nurse. After they can accurately describe their own symptoms, the nurse doesn't want to talk to you anyway, just the patient. They had their list of chores (pet care, laundry (incl. ironing), trash, recycling, mowing the lawn...) and were expected to do it with minimal reminders and intervention.

Part of allowing them to do for themselves is building their own confidence. They won't always get it right (a large strip of my lawn is dead), but when they do, oh how they beam. Even if DD does something wrong but her heart is in the right place, we fix it and I praise her for trying. For thinking for herself. If she puts out tiny plates for dinner, we eat off tiny plates that night to reward her for taking the initiative to set the table.

If my DD (who is 3) wants to dress herself, so be it, as long as the outfit is OK for the event or weather. I still help her pull things over her head, but she can get her arms in, fix her shirt, put on her pants (most of the time) and she has some shoes she can get on herself (on the correct feet). See what they can do and what they want to do. Think about what they need to do and how you can get them to the next level.

Just as encouragement, you will not be brushing their teeth and dressing them forever. They do reach a stage where they want to do it for themselves.

That being said, I did a lot for my first child...brushed her teeth, washed her hair, picked out her clothes, etc...until my second was born. She was five at the time, and it was just like, "Well, I really need you to help out by dressing yourself, taking your own shower, brushing your own teeth, etc..." and it worked. She's successful.

I guess it depends on what you want them to do. Ask them for help with chores, etc, ask them to do things (instead of saying, "Let's go comb your hair," say, "Please go comb your hair," etc.)

My kids are fiercely independent.

~~Basically i just make a chore list and everyone has their "jobs".

~~know that by age 2, 4, 5 6 etc that it is possible to do certain things with little or no guidance. Be sure they are doing these age appropriate things as a routine.

~~ Refuse to do something that you know they know how to do, if they want it done they will do it.

~~Be sure to be encouraging the notion of self sufficiency by enlightening them to the fact that it makes them "big girls and boys".

~~Don't let them get stuck on the idea that they should do what their friends do, this is a big factor in wanting to have less responsibility.

At the age your kids are at, I thinks starting small is good and "practice runs" are good, too.

Let them pick out their own clothes. I wish I could put up the pick of my daughter's (4 yo) outfit the other day. It was her princess dress up dress (real not disney - just super froo-froo), her watermelon rain coat, purple sequined newsboy hat, and black couboy boots with silver tips on the end. We weren't going anywhere and so I let her do her thing. If we are going somewhere and she doesn't like what I pick, I let her choose between two outfits. Give them a choice between two things as often as you can. Not everything because that's overwhelming to a small child, but 2 or 3 things they can handle.

Let them wash their own hands, pick their cup, put their shoes on for you to tie, dress themselves, and so on. You may have to come in and finish up, but let them start the process.

Give them little "chores" to do, to get used to working independently. Give them a rag to wipe down the table. Let them fold the washrags, sort socks, put plates and cups on the table for dinner. Let them do little things by themselves to help out.

Do practice runs with them. Pick out something you want them to play with, like paper and crayons, playdough, blocks, or something like that. Put them at the table or in the floor with the activity and set the timer. Tell them they are going to play with their toy until the timer is up and then they can choose to continue or pick something else. This will get them used to playing independently without out needing YOU to entertain them. You are still directing it but it's practice playing alone.

I don't do for them what they can do for themselves....

OK, that is my goal now that I have learned from my mistakes.
I show her 5 times how to do something if need be. I let her make decisions and talk it out, without forcing my opinion on her.