What Do You Call ...

He is not her stepfather.
He is Jason's dad.
Nothing more, nothing less!

(She can call him Mr. Smith if you want a title.)

I think steps come in with living with them. Like you live part or full time with a step brother. He is the son of one member of your household family. A step father is a man living with you who is not your real father. So you husband is your older son's step dad but your ex is not your daughter's step dad.

Clear as mud?

He's just her brother's father and should be referred to as you would any adult. For example, while most of the time my stepkids' mom is just "SD or SS's Mom" to DD, she could also refer to her as Mrs. B or Ms. Firstname, as she would any other adult. SD and SS are still DD's brother and sister via their shared father, but I would not want or expect any child of their mom and SF to call me anything other than Mrs. V or Ms. Firstname. I'm not a parent to that child.

Our kids have venn diagrams for families. I think she's just trying to work the relationship within the terms she knows, but it doesn't apply. Her brother's father was never HER father or stepfather.

I would not want to be referred to as the step-father unless I am currently married to you and helping you raise her.

He is simply "[Son's Name]'s dad" because a step parent is, by definition, married to the child's biological (or adoptive) parent. My children refer to my step-daughter's mother as "K____'s mom" and my oldest son's birth father as "C_____'s birth father."

Sounds like a good time to draw up a basic family tree though and answer any other questions that are lurking around her head. She is at the age when they start to figure things out and just need some help sorting out who is who and some reassurance that the family is not going to change again. For my kids, the idea that we're not playing musical parents was something they had to wrap their heads around but they get it.

Sounds like it is stemming from her brother referring to her dad as step-dad and she's just trying to make sense of it. I know grown adults that don't understand step vs half siblings and use the term interchangeably.
(I am ok with calling a step or half sibling "brother" or "sister" but it bugs me to hear a full or half sibling refered to as "step" which implies no blood relation....but that's just my pet peeve)

I would just explain to her that when parents split and remarry, their new spouse becomes the step-parent to their children. Children from the new relationship are not related to the first spouse. Also a good time to explain step vs half vs full siblings. Not that is changes the relationship between her and your son but so she get it. My youngest sister was confused when she had to do a family tree (because she didn't get I was her half sister not her step sister when she was real young).

Good question from your son.

This is a good time to start talking about how you all are related to other relatives.

Each time we were going to an event, my mother would give us the heads up about who was going to be there and we were related or not related to those there. It really helped us understand how the family tree works.

We also called our Aunts and Uncles.. Aunt Santos or Uncle John. Or Grandma Garza or Grandpa Paul....

Now my husbands side is amazing.. My husband is still to this day confused by who is related to who and has no idea.. He told me this one woman was his Great Aunt.. Come to find our she was an old neighbor that the family was close too.. So embarrassing!

Of course he is also ADHD, but MIL admits, she did not explain it to the kids, because she never thought about them being confused about these relatives. She just though they knew.

My Daughter has 7 children by 7 different dads. Let me tell you, I know exactly where this is coming from...

The little ones are starting to become aware of familial relationships. It is a normal stage where they start forming who they are, who their family is, who is related to who, etc...it is such an important little stage.

Just draw up a family tree for her and for him. They have some sheets of family tree papers at Hobby Lobby or Michael's, well, any scrapbooking store too.

Put it on a 12"X12" sheet and make it nice. I added pictures on ours in the scrapbook. Kids need more visual than written. They also get to know what distant relatives look like and information about them.

Here is a link to a lot of pictures of family tree layouts. I like the ones where they have added pictures if possible. If there are no pictures of a family member then you may have to be creative, but I have pictures of grandparents I never knew and perhaps some of your aunts and uncles or cousins may have some.

http://www.google.com/search?q=family+tree+scrapbooking+l...

What Jo said, haha!

Seriously, though, a previous relationship on your part has no bearing on children you have within a current relationship. Also, the only other thing I would add onto what Jo said, is that I also agree that the term "step" only really comes into play when you actually live together. I imagine now that I'm grown if, God forbid, my parents split up & either of them remarried, I would never call the new spouse my step-parent, they would just be my mother's husband or my father's wife.

your ex would not be your daughters step anything. only if you were married again and then that husband would be your daughters current step father.

I got married to my husband when my daughter was 5. her father also got married. we each had 3 more children. my children and his children insist they are cousins. even though there is no combination at all that makes them anything. but we all just go along with it lol. when you share kids it happens.

I agree, he is not her step-father, but I can see why she wonder about it.
My mother married her now husband when I was 14, they have a my sister who is 15 now.
Two years ago she told my mom that she would love if I call her dad just dad, gulp!
I just don't see that happening.
I know my husband since my oldest was 3, she doesn't have any relationship with her blood father (sorry I forgot the right term), still she calls my husband by his name, however when she introduce him to others she refers at him as "my dad", which sometimes get people confuse or they think we are very open mind, when she then calls him by his name.
But always have call his mother and my step dad grand ma and grand pa.

Why does there have to be a title. I understand you wanting to provide here with an answer. I have a 6 yr old step-daughter, she calls me dad(even though here dad is VERY much involved in her life) she calls me J., moms husband etc. I encourage whatever she is comfortable with. I don't correct her unless we are around othe adults who may or may not be familiar with the situation.

She is hearing her half brother call her dad his stepfather so she's just wondering how that all works. My 9 year old granddaughter also gets very confused with relationships. She calls her half brothers' half brother her brother even though they don't share the same mother or father. It can be very confusing for kids so we just go with whatever they're comfortable with. It doesn't make any difference to us what they call us; we all know what we are to whom.

Doesn't sound crazy to me. He's your son's father. That's it.
L.