What Age Do You Let Kids Go to a Friends House Without You There?

Hi, my daughter is 3 and I don't plan to let her go at all until she's at least in her teens. The parents may be fine but you never know when "uncle Chester the child molester" might decide to visit. I have a friend who told me her mother never let them spend the night with fiends, she said they see each other enough at school. I plan to use the same excuse.

I completely agree with Jessica G. That is exactly how I feel and what I do. I have a motto, I don't trust anyone until I really get to know them. I tell my kids who are 8 and 10 they can have friends over anytime, this way I can get to know their friend as well as parent/guardian. Once I get to know them and feel comfortable enough with them then I allow them to go to their friends house. My kids have been friends with the same friends for years now. I always encourage them to get together with new ones as well.

My son is in first grade and is 6 1/2 , he has had a playdate at a friends house after scool , the child came to our house first and then the week after my son went to his house. I have met the mom a few times as her younger child goes to the same preschool as my daughter. I would want to have met the parent/s first of all before I let them go to a house & I would always suggest having the friend to our house first.

I think the first poster is being unrealistic with not letting her kids have playdates until they are in their teens.

Hello,

I have two girls, a 12 year old and an 8 yearl old. I am very careful when it comes to letting my girls go over their friends house. What I usually do is meet their parents, get to know the child by inviting them over to our house. Once I feel comfortable enough then I let them go play. Now a days you have to be so careful with your kids because it is very hard to trust anyone out there. So my advise to you is to go to the home with your child kind of get to know the parent and usually first impressions count a great deal.

Wow- the first responder to this question should really consider the fact that kids need social experiences outside of the school day. With the increased curriculum demands placed on our children, there is very little social time during the day.

Having said that, I intend to use my parents' model. We did not go to non-family playdates until Kindergarten and no overnights until second grade. The contingency here was that my parents always invited the other family over for a barbecue or dinner so that they could get to know them and meet them before allowing us to go alone.

They did the "stranger danger" and "good touch/bad touch" conversations with us regularly and always made sure that we knew to come to them if something didn't seem right. They promised to pick us up immediately if we wanted to come home and they did, even into HS and adult years. At a party and kids are drinking and uncomfortable... picked me up without question. It's about establishing parameters and mutual respect for expectations.

My mother always called the other mother directly to arrange playdates/sleepovers and to make sure that a parent would be home at all times- we were not allowed to be left with someone's sibling or babysitter. There were rules and we knew them.

"Uncle Chester the Molester" could live next door, attend your church or synagogue, or be related to you! Teach your children to be safe and aware, don't scare them or shelter them too much- they will be ill-prepared for the world in which they live.

Before we moved I used to let my son go over to our neighbor's house in kindergarten but we were friends. Now he's in second grade and we've moved I won't leave him at someones house unless I am comfortable with the parents. He can have friends come here anytime that way I get to know the kids.

I guess at this point my kids aren't really friends with anyone whose parent's I don't know at least well enough to get a gut feeling about them. My daughter just had her first drop-off playdate at our house and it was great! I'm looking forward to leaving her somewhere else sometime soon (ha!). She'll be 5 in march. I guess my feeling would depend a lot on the kid she wants to hang out with - one can often tell by the behavior of the child if there's something "unsavory" going on at home. My feeling is that if your kid is ready, then it's time to start letting them go. As someone inclined to be a bit of a "nervous nelly," I need to remind myself that, as many bad things as there are out there in the world, one of the worst things I could do for myself and my kids is think that I can protect them all the time - it's much better that they learn how to be confident, smart, independent people (IMO). I played at friends houses all the time all through elementary school, and I want my kids to have the same experience.

Sleepovers are a little different, not because I'm worried about my kid being molested, but because I don't really want to get up at 2am and have to go pick up a kid who's sobbing to go home and sleep in her own bed. But that's a question for another day...

Wow, I was surpirsed at the other comments, maybe because I live in a rural area things are different?
This of course depends on the other child & their family. I left my daughter alone for her 1st playdate at 3 years old, and her 1st sleepover was when she was 4. The other mom & I are good friends, we met when they were 2 & we had many a playdate prior to that together where both parents were there, so I knew how she treated the kids & how her house was run. They are 6 now & still best of friends. There is a little girl down the street from us who is 10 months younger than my oldest daughter, and she 1st came here to play without her mom staying at 3 yrs old, my daughter was 4 (again, we are familiar with each other, each others' families & homes). She is 6 now, in kindergarten, and has gone to several friends houses to play (I have met the moms at school, and usually stay the 1st 15 min or so to chat before leaving). I also volunteer at school and know most the kids, and somewhat some parents, and that gives me the chance (based on the child's behavior & how they talk about their home &/or family while they are at school) to make that decision. As for meeting a kid at school & one that I have not met or know their parents? Well, that will depend on my daughter & how mature & responsible she is at the time. My oldest so far has strong character & has chosen friends well, my youngest just likes everybody, so the age will probably be different for each. Probably at least the latter part of grade school for them to go with someone I have not met (provided they give me names, address & phone #) :-)

I wouldn't do a drop off play date until I knew the parents. I would schedule a get-acquainted thing at my house and invite the other parent(s) to bring the kid, stay for coffee and bagels, and let us get to know each other. I made it positive - "I'd LOVE for us to get to know each other!" rather than "Come for an interview so I can check you out and be sure you're normal." I liked to have them reciprocate so I could see their house. I was concerned about supervision but also about hazards - for example, one family gave the kids their old rusty tools when they bought new ones, so the kids played with old hacksaws. Then there were people with guns and with prescriptions all over the kitchen counters in easy reach - my son couldn't go there at all ever. Your kids have to be verbal enough to express what they experience, and old enough to call you on the phone.

When my son started kindergarten we moved to a new town. His 1st play date was with a girl who lived down the street. I stayed the whole time and I'm sure the other mom thought I was weird, but hey it's my kid, lol. Either my husband or I stayed at every birthday party he was invited to, and they probably all thought we were strange too. Now that we know a lot of his friends families he is allowed to visit alone. But boy did I have a hard time. Thankfully I have gotten to know a few of the mothers very well and he has slept over their houses a couple times, he is 7 now. I would say just go with your gut.

I'm a kid 13 years old and I agree and disagree with sum comments bc I'm in my teen years and I have been with sum of my friends at there houses without my mom meeting the parents bc they have been my friends since I was in first grade:) I do get that it's with parents being afraid of the outside world I think I all depends on the child a little bit it's rather on how they act 😎

I would say around 4 or 5 dependiing on how independant and verbal the child is. You would want that child to be able to know right from wrong and be able to tell you when/if something seems wrong or out of place.
I would also want to meet the mother/family and go inside their house etc to make sure it is ok. Also the first time would probably be a short visit...

My daughter is only 10 months but I believe I will let her start having little playdates at around 3-4. Of course, I will get to know the parents first (if I dont already), arrange the playdates with the other parent(s) and have rules like Krista on not being left with siblings or a babysitter. It will be a parent or no playdate until one is there at all times.
"Uncle Chester" was my step-father living in my house! Yes, I worry terribly but I believe it happens more by family members/friends as they have more opportunities to be alone with your child. I agree with Denise tho, in I'm not saying its not a possibility.
Don't become paranoid and let your kiddos have fun with their friends outside of school.