Weaning Baby from the Breast

A.,
Have you read On Becoming Baby Wise? It really helped me with my daughter and now with my son.
E.

Hi A.,

I'm sure you will get responses from one extreme to the other on this request. There are so many different approaches and theories about what is the best way to teach children to self-soothe.

I will simply tell you what helped me with my son and fit with my parenting style. It came from "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" - it was just one of several suggestions. I used this when I was putting him to bed at night - but I think the same principle would work during night time waking as well.

I was not weaning him (I nursed until he was 2 1/2), but I wanted him to learn to fall asleep on his own. I would nurse for quite some time but not until he fell asleep. Then I would put him in his crib and tell him night night and leave the room. When he would cry for me (which was immediately) I would cheerfully go in and nurse him again for a very short time. I would keep my voice cheerful and tell him night night and go out again. When he cried again I would do the same thing, I would keep my attitude cheerful and reassuring and the nursing sessions very short (after the first time I think they were probably under a minute). Sometimes I would just go in and say night night, maybe sing a song, and put him back down without nursing. I would try to not take him out of the crib if possible. (But at the same time, I did not let him get too worked up)

The idea here is that you respond as often as you need to so that they learn that you are there and you will always respond to their need. The book said that on the first night or two you may have to do this 20 times - and that's ok. You want them to have absolute confidence that you are there for them. But you also want them to learn to fall asleep on their own. With my son, I think I had to do it 8 or 10 times on the first night, about 5 times on the second night and only 2 times on the third. I was surprised how quickly he adjusted. The thing that helped me was knowing that this could happen 20 times and that was ok. I did not get frustrated. I just kept my cheerful attitude and remembered that I was teaching my son that he could count on me to be there and to fall asleep on his own at the same time.

Good luck. I hope you get more sleep soon!

-C. Todd

hey A. :)

you are doing a great job having nursed your son through the night. there are soooooo many parents who co-sleep and nurse or just nurse throughout the night and it is sooooo normal. just because your friends don't and just because their kids are "sleeping through the night" doesn;t reflect on any "good parenting" choices. it sounds like your son really needs you and you should continue to listen to him...not compare him to other people or their kids...i know this is hard to do, but you have to do what is right for your family and not second guess yourself. your son has his whole life to become "independent", but now is not the time. he obviously needs you and the closeness in connection he gets in the night nursings. my son is 18 months and still nurses at night, although he has slowly begun to wean himself from this. at 12 months he nursed up to 8 times a night! now, it's usually 3 times and i've heard from other mom's who nurse at night that slowly they will continue to drop feedings when they are ready. that's the key though..."when they're ready". our society pushes us to feel like we have to hurry up and do everything so fast and our kids need to be these little "sleep all night self soothers", but really it will only make them insecure, not independent because their needs for love are not being met. if you meet his needs, he will work it out on his own. i highly suggest co-sleeping if you don't already because this way you will sleep much better. also, join a la leche league group to get more support and make friends who make similar choices so you don't have only the detached parenting style to compare with. hope this helps!

This is the same age I started to wean my daughter. IT WAS DIFFICULT!! I totally feel your pain. She was born 3/20/2007 and slept through the night for the first time 2/11/2008. She is still not a good sleeper. I get up once at night, probably two to four times a week now. It was every two to three hours for at least the first seven months. Then at least twice a night, until I completely weaned her. We tried to give her a pacifier (several different kinds), and tried pumping and giving her a bottle. She NEVER took breast milk from a bottle. She just looked at me like, "thats not where it comes from". It was not until the pediatrician advised us to give her whole milk that she settled down. Even milk she wouldnt take without a teaspoon of Ovaltine. The pediatrician was please with the solution. Its more your breast than hunger. My daughter still sticks her hand down my shirt as she is falling asleep. So if your willing... try pacifiers and bottles. The bottle my daughter finally accepted was the Playtex drop-in with the Natural Latch slow flow nipple. She wouldnt take the pacifier if her life depended on it. Good luck...Ive been there!

Hi A.,
My best suggestion is to go to a la leche league meeting. It is so wonderful to sit with other moms that have the same issues and get support and advice. My regular meeting is coming up this friday - please find the info and directions below. Hope to see you there.

Hey everyone,

Here’s a reminder that there is a LLL meeting this coming Friday, June 27th at 10:00 AM. We will be meeting at my house. So come on over and join us! As always, we’ll have a discussion about the topics/questions/concerns that you bring to the meeting. Even if you don’t have an issue to discuss, we‘d love your presence as support for other mothers. It is often this support that helps mom’s the most!

We will try to start the meeting as close to 10 o’clock as possible, and meetings usually last about an hour. After the meeting, we will have a potluck lunch and hang out to visit and play.

We look forward to seeing you!

Take care.

Cathleen and Julie

Directions to Cathleen’s:

Address: 1680 B 2nd Ave, Walnut Creek

Phone: ###-###-####

We live off 2nd Ave, down Gary Lee Lane. Turn down Gary Lee Lane and we are the 1st house past the big brown barn. You’ll see the white carriage house/carport on the left side. That’s us. Please feel free to pull under the carport and in the driveway, as parking is tight. See you Friday!

I have three children the youngest is almost 14 months and I get what you are saying. In my experience there is not a real happy way to get them off of night nursing. In fact I haven't completly done it myself. I have put a time line like no nursing for so many hours after she goes to sleep. First you need to decide that you are ready and commited to this and then make sure he gets plenty to eat and drink during the day. Put a water cup in the room he sleeps in so you have it when he wakes up. When he wakes up before your decided time. Hold and sooth him and tell him what's going on. I will say to my little one "It is sleep time right now. We're not nursing right now. You can have a drink of water if you would like." She really never wants the water, but she seemed to understand what I was saying. Keep the room dark and quiet and just comfort your baby. It gets better and better every night because he will get used to it and know that you are not going to nurse every time he wakes up. Decide what is resonable for you and him. Try takign out one feeding every 2 weeks or so so that he can adjust. Good luck and know that it's not about what other babies are doing it's about what is ok with you. If you are alright with nursing once a night well that's ok. Good luck. I know how it feels to be this tired.

HI A.,

I pretty much just wrote this to another mom and thought it pertains to you as well...good luck! my son was small for his age too and is now 12months:

sounds exactly like my life....used to be! they are waking up out of routine and habit..that is it! they do not NEED to nurse in the night at this age. they just don't. we don't eat in the middle of the night. and if your fav restuarant was open ALL night you might wake up too...point is, the habit needs to be broken. period. how you go about doing that is up to you. i chose to do some cry it out and it worked. my son sleeps from 7/8-6 and i nurse him and he sleeps another hour or two after that. he just turned one. when he was 9months i stopped feeding him in the night. if he went to bed a 7 or 8 and woke up i would go in and soothe him and leave...that dance went on for a bit and he eventually fell back asleep. this could happen a few times a night. he soon realized in a matter of DAYS that there was nothing worth waking up for anymore. then he began sleeping straight until 330 and i would feed him then. after a few days of that i stopped feedng him at 330 and he started sleeping till 6 or so. there are tons of people who do not believe in letting their child cry, i personally think a little CIO is okay and my son is happy all thru the day and sleeps well. so there ya go. each child is different. just remember to be consistent. don't do 2 days of CIO and then cave on day 3. good luck!

I am still night nursing my 16 mos old baby boy. I tried night weaning at 12mos, 13 mos, and 14 mos I think I didn't want it bad enough. We all get more sleep if I just nurse him. I don't have any advice for you really I just wanted you to know you aren't the only one!!! Sometimes thats all you need to know. My sisters children all night nursedand did finaly wean and are sleeping through the night. good luck to you

A.,

Every baby is different. I'd try giving him some oatmeal before you nurse him at bedtime. If he wakes up in the middle of the night, send dad in with a cup of whole milk. Or dad can comfort him back to sleep.

This is how I weaned both of my boys off the middle of the night feeding between age 1 and 2. My girl always slept all night (bless her little heart).

Mom of 4: 18 yr girl, 11 yr boy, 6 yr boy, expecting baby 10/1/08! Thankful wife of hubby who took over during weaning season ;0)

Enjoy!

my boy is 11 months. he had bouts of sleeping through the night, then at around 6 or 7 months, called it quits. he recently started sleeping through the night again about three nights ago. the first night, he slept at my mom's. make sure he has a good satitsfying dinner and get him to drink as much fluids as possible. he's had enough when he doesn't open his mouth to food and pushes it away. while at my mom's that first night, he woke at 2:30am and 5:30. usually i'm around and she gives him to me to nurse, but i wasn't so she let him play with the remote or just crawl around until he fell back asleep on his own. i don't think she interacted with him much during this time. the next night, i nursed him to sleep. then i laid him down on his tummy on one of my pillows and carried him horizontally on the pillow and placed him, pillow and all, into his crib. we've been co-sleeping in my bed with the same pillows so far, so i didn't see any harm with him using a pillow in his crib. same pillow, different bed. plus, he's old enough and strong enough to roll over or adjust his head if the pillow was in his way. and he likes to cuddle, so the pillow was kind of a comfort to him. the next night, we were at my moms again and he fell asleep in the car on the way home. did the pillow bit again. tonight, he played with his dad until he fell asleep. pillow thing again. this seems to be working and he's been sleeping through the night so far. i'm also seeing that i can't be the one to put him to sleep, cause he just expects to nurse with me. now if i can only get him to self soothe for his naps...

Hi A.,

I nursed my daughter at night and am now going through the same thing with my 9 month old son. He only wakes once or twice so its much easier this time around, but I totally understand the sleep deprevation. It sucks!!! My daughter would wake as much as 10 times per night.

I did not want her to cry so I bought The No Cry Sleep Solution and read it over a few times (I was really sleep deprived). It took some serious comitment and some help from my husband, but she started sleeping through the night without too many tears. I am trying to start earlier with my son, but something keeps getting in the way (sickness, vacation, etc.).

Good luck to you in whatever you choose!!

Hi A.,
My son has always been small (was a preemie weighing 2 lbs 6 oz at birth). Nonetheless, once a child weighs at least 13 lbs, he is generally ready physically to sleep through the night. I stopped feeding my son at night sometime before he was one (no longer remember exactly when). Our pediatrician said that basically our son had been trained to wake at a certain time to feed and would be fine without the feeding. The doc was right. My son stayed on his growth curve without the extra feeding. We took a tougher approach to stopping the nighttime feeding -- somewhere between the Weissbluth (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child) approach and what we could handle. We let our son cry for about 30 minutes (I won't lie; it was excruciating!) and then would go in, say nothing, put a hand on him so that he knew that we were there and cared (but no smiling, lights on, or anything that could signal play), and then leave. We would let him cry again and would go in after another 30 minutes and repeat. Weissbluth would say that we shouldn't have done that (and most of his info is excellent -- def check out the book), but our ped's office said that we should, and that is what we were most comfortable with. It took two or three nights and that was it. When your son is teething or going through a spurt in development, he will likely wake up again, but it is not because he needs to be fed. I also strongly recommend you get the book "Child of Mine" by Ellyn Satter. Her book is about how to feed your child while helping him/her to develop a healthy relationship with food. Because our son was underweight and had digestive problems, our son's pediatric GI recommended that we get this book. She could see how worried we were and what our concern could lead to down the road without more guidance. Also, every child nutritionist who has spoken to the parents at my son's preschool over the past three years has recommended this book for all parents (as we all seem to run into feeding issues of some type). You'll get through this!
K.

night weaning sucks. period. we co slept, nursed til 20 months, lots of nurturing love etc, but night weaning was a nightmare! until we were done and then i was so happy we did it. make sure you are truly ready, and commit yourself entirely. i read some of the other responses and something i didnt see that was so important to me was that i did pick him up, walk around, wear in the sling, dance, etc. to calm him down and i told him what was going on. something that has been huge in all of our transitions regarding sleep is having a set thing you say "nanas go night night now. no more nanas til morning" or whatever you want to say. "its night time its sleepy time" we had a song just for middle of the night sleep training. stay calm say your mantra and change will come. i would not let my kid cry it out alone for night weaning. he needs to know that although you are denying one comfort, you are there emotionally for him and physically. just not the boobs! it took more than 3 days for us. more like 5 or 6. my kid was 14 months, and could understand the simple concepts i was telling him over and over. important in my opinion. good luck and know that it will pass.
PS i did this while working 11-hour days. it was hard, but when you are ready it is worth it. just make sure you have coffee on hand. oh yeah, first few times cried for over and hour then got significantly shorter after that. please be ready to have your kid scream in your face for a long time.

I hate to be so blunt, but you should cut him off cold turkey (at night). I am sure it will a few hard nights filled with screaming, but I would let him cry it out.

The key here is consistency! If you really want to change this, then it's up to you. Pick a method that works for you & stick w/it. Cuz, as you know, he's not nursing for nourishment at this age, it's for comfort & you are so right that he should be able to self sooth. Maybe have his dad go in & sooth him cuz once he smells you, he knows he can nurse. There are so many ways to go about this but, as I said, you have to find the right method that everyone in your house is comfortable with & be consistent. Hope this helps & good luck.

Whoever told you to nurse during the night as opposed to supplementing with formula for an underweight baby , is an idiot.

Underweight babies need to put on weight first. I know the benefits of breast milk, we all do and it is crucial for underweight babies, especially. But supplementing with formula and now at age one, milk is the best thing you can do for your child.

Also, make sure that you feed cereal or fruit before you put him down. It will fill up his little tummy and hold him longer and through the night.

My son, who is now 27 was 6 weeks premature, weighing in at 5 pounds, 5 ounces. He started receiving formula mixed with pumped breast milk at about 6 weeks. I did this for about a year ,adding more formula as he got older and less breast milk.

His weight gain was perfect and he slept through the night at 3 months old and by the time he was one was not considered underweight at all.

Feed your baby and know you are doing the right thing - self soothing is a crucial thing to teach your baby. You are right!!Please remember that they learn what we teach them. Right now he is being taught that he has to nurse to get back to sleep. You and only you can change this.

God Bless - your instincts are right - Please trust them.

+B+

The best book I had when my daughter (now 19) was this age was Dr. Ferber's "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problem" (obnoxious title, but really good). I am NOT a fan of cry-it-out--I think infants need to know that when they express their needs, their parents will respond to them. What I discovered was that my daughter didn't have a SLEEP problem, she had a FEEDING one--I was not feeding her enough of the foods she found easy to take at dinner. I changed her feeding routine--giving her new foods to try at lunch and mid-morning, when she was less fussy and more open to new experience--and in the evening it was all about rice cereal or oatmeal with bananas. From the first night, she slept through and I had totally forgotten how much sleep deprivation alters your mental status! I read that same book again when she was two, and it gave me so many good suggestions for stuff moms here write about: crib/bed dilemma, etc. I've seen some of the newer stuff about sleep but I am really horrified by some of the cry-it-out rigidity they prescribe; I think those parents will find they have raised terribly insecure young folks as the kids get older...Good luck!

I was in a similar situation. I don't buy the idea that they will never be able to self soothe if you don't train them. Some babies will sleep through and some won't. Sleep training speeds things up for some but not for others. So if you can resist being made feel like you are doing a disservice to your son, I think you'll be happier in that respect.

I think it is easier to stop when they are older because they can understand better what's going on.

I had intentions of waiting for his cues to stop at night too, but like you it was getting to me. At 13 months we stopped night nursing by having me sleep in the other room and my husband comforted him when he woke up. We thought that if he knew he wouldn't get nursing it wouldn't be worth it for him to wake up. And we didn't want him crying alone. So we did that, and after perhaps a week or two he slept through the night and has ever since.

But good for you for continuing nursing in the day time! Good luck!

Hi, A.,
I breastfed my boy until he was 18 months in the middle of the night. Finally, I felt I had to wean him of that middle of the night feeding (he completely weaned all feedings by 21 months). Anyway, it didn't look like he was going to do it on his own, so I decided to wait for 30 minutes before going in to feed him. So for three harsh nights he cried for 30 minutes before I finally broke down and fed him. on the fourth night, A MIRACLE!!! He didn't wake up at all! I guess he felt that it was too much trouble to cry for 30 minutes to be fed. Good luck!

I applaud you for breast feeding!! You have been a trooper feeding him in the night for such a long period of time! At this point, he is accustomed to having company in the middle of the night. He needs to be guided to sleep all night. As long as you continue to "socialize" with him in the wee hours, he will continue to expect it. I suggest going into his room when he cries. Sit down near the crib and verbally comfort him ( I am guessing he can stand and holler...so patting him on the back isn't really an option). Use a quiet and calm voice and have a calm expression on your face. Don't pick him up. You will have to do this CONSISTENTLY whenever he wakes up. He will tire out and lay down and fall asleep. When you pick him up..you "wake up" the need to nurse and make it harder for him. You CANNOT pick him up. This will take MUCH longer to end if you continue to pick him up. If you pick him up even ONCE...you will be starting the process ALL OVER. You are being more helpful to him when you help him to learn to sleep through the night than you are when you pick him up and/or nurse him. Your expectation for him to sleep through the night is reasonable. Sometimes it is hard to do the right things for our kids.

My 15 mth old can go most nights without nursing now. Of course she wants to when she is sick and if she was still sleeping with us I don't know if I could stop it... But to reduce her nursings at night our best plan was having my husband go in...If I go in she generally wants to sooth herself to sleep. They can "smell the boob." Even if your husband works try this for a couple of weeks to at least reduce some of the night feedings. Have him go in until a certain time and then after say 1 am (?) you take over for any wakings. It is worth it for a couple of times to at least determine if the waking is hunger related. At this age more than one night nursing is probably just a "soothing" nursing. Nothing is a set rule...every kid is different.