We Live with My Boyfriend's Mom..

Sounds like your son goes to grandma first and she feels you need to be more attentive.

Also sounds like you like in home child care but don't like when she cramps your style.

Perhaps it is time you live on your own.

Somewhere during your post, the concept switched from "we live with my bf's" mom to "I wish it was just the 3 of us"!
Your BF will own the house when HE has the deed.
You, on the other hand, will be living in HIS house then.
A wise young woman would do well to have her own interests protected and have some assets of her own.
A wise new mother would also welcome guidance from an experienced mom.
If wishes were horses, beggars would ride!
Good luck!

Being a grandma myself, my thought was she may have said that to get your LO to run along and leave her alone. she was "redirecting" him.

And believe me, she probably wishes your baby and me time could be spent elsewhere allowing her the full use of her home. Maybe you and the LO can have your "alone time" in your room or out at the park.

Like you said it's her house. She is not living with you. You both are living with her. I suggest if you want alone time with your son then take him out of her home, go to the park or have play time at a YMCA. I have made my mother part of our family. I love having her here with us, she is just as helpful as your boyfriends mom. Be patient and be grateful someone like her let's you stay in her home. Good luck!

i think anytime you live in someone else's home it can get awkward and uncomfortable. i honestly think you are being a little sensitive, which i would too in your case. there's nothing wrong with you! you just are a little insecure in your situation so it feels like she is stepping on your toes. it doesn't sound like she is - but IF she really is, it's because there are two grown women (mothers) living in the same house.

try to keep in mind your bf is a package deal. his mom was there first - she's not going anywhere, it's her house. even when he pays for it, it doesn't sound like she's planning on going anywhere. so you adjust, you swallow your irritation, and you try to be grateful for the help you've been given (and i'm not saying you're not, you sound like you are - but when things get tense it's easy to lose sight of that).

you get lots of free childcare from someone who knows and loves your child - in his own home - PRICELESS. try to take him out for mommy and me dates, or go out on your own when you get stressed or annoyed. it really sounds like a bearable situation - but yes, i'd have moments of frustration too, in your place. most of us would!

I get why you're irritated, I really do, but just from what you have here, I don't think she sounds abnormal. To me it doesn't sound like she's trying to undermine you or tell you what to do. I mean I don't live with my mom and she says stuff like that, it's grandma-y....that doesn't mean it's not annoying sometimes ;) but it's normal.

Do you have your own space or all you sharing all the living quarters? If you all share, then is it possible to make some sort of a play room/area that you can try to hang out with your guy on your own? If not, then maybe you can just find some different places and groups to go to so that you can get out of the house and leave her behind sometimes. I know it's not the same, you want to be in your house and relax and play and get stuff done, but maybe you'll have to make a few sacrifices.

I think it's great that you are generous enough to continue to agree to this living situation and in the long run it will probably be an amazing experience for both Grandma and your son, but I get where you're feeling a bit "over it". ;)

Also, maybe you can find some activities that she can do to get out of the house and be involved in other things. I know our local Parks and Rec district has specific events/clubs, etc. for the over 50 crowd. You could anonymously put her name on the mailing list!

I think living with someone like that would be irritating sometimes.
Try not to sweat the small stuff. Maybe that comments was to not overstep her bounds and make sure she wasnt interfering with what you wanted to do.
I wouldnt worry about it.
If something is upsetting you, she will not know unless you talk it out. She cannot read your mind.

Sounds like you have an excellent relationship with her, but as in any family there are moments of stress. Just try to smile and bear it. Your son is very lucky to have special time with the two most important women in his life.

Let me ask, are you living with her, or is she living with you? Does she need to live with you so that you can care for her medically or something? If not, why do you live together if you dont like it? If you need more space you may need to consider other options.

I love my MIL but when she comes to visit, sometimes really small things just grate on my nerves. I don't know why, and I keep my mouth shut, but I do find some small/wierd things pretty irritating. Too many Mom's in one house I think. Perhaps its hard for you to feel confident in your new role as mom because she is like "Mom Sr" and it makes you uncomfortable, like "is she second guessing me?" I totally understand that.... Its exactly why I would never agree to live with my mother or my MIL :0) Good luck!

i totally get how youre feeling.. my fiance, our daughter and i live with my parents.. for a few months we lived with his and i got a taste of what hes been going through for a couple years with mine.. its so hard and feels like you cant complain because they are giving you a place to live and helping you in many ways but you cant help how you feel.. i actually just (minutes ago) had my fiance come in our room and say ok you really need to talk to you mom tomorrow, im not saying yell at her but she needs to cool it with the comments... i asked my fiance to see if any of our daughters bottles had the older nipples on them, she drinsk them slower and falls asleep easier.. he was halfway to the fridge and shes like no there isnt any.. then i asked him if he thought i should just put our daughter to bed (she was rubbing her eyes) and he didnt even start to form a word and my mom was like yeah i think so shes gotta be exhausted... believe me i love my mom .. and its my mom were talking about here, but there are plenty of times i wish we had enough money for our own place, just the three of us.
.. heres what we've done .. be incredibly cheap.. save every penny you can.. our daughter was supposed to take the extra bedroom upstairs.. instead we moved almost everything out of our room on the first floor except our bed, tv and one set of shelves, so we could put our daughters crib in our room with us
im nto sure what else to say other than i completely understand.. im 100% greatful for all the help but sometimes you just need yoour own space as a family.. good luck

I think living with your significant other's mother is tough for any woman. It sounds like the two of you have a relatively nice relationship and the things that are bothering you are fairly minor and to be expected.

It would work on "presuming positive intent" with her. When she says stuff like that, it could be that she's actually trying to NOT overstep her boundary and take over... trying to respect that you are the mom not her.

If something bugs you, speak up but keep it focused on the issue at hand rather than about a general annoyance. Maybe saying "Oh, no, actually I was just going to the bathroom myself. But that's a good idea, I'll take him as soon as I get out unless you have a moment to take him." Keep it light and pleasant and loving.

Your heart is clearly in the right place, and hers is too. You'll work it out.

T.

I love the idea of you setting up your own family room separate from Grandmom's space to have more privacy! Or an area just for her. The more privacy the better you will all get along!
You've also posted about trying to conceive, this often makes woman more touchy and sensitive, so realize that and try to keep in mind she is nice, you love her and dont take her comments as negative when they usually are not meant that way. Please realize how lucky you are to have extra help, especially since you are trying to have #two!! You've posted many times about the problems you're having in potty training so I think if I'd been there I'd have said the same as her, he needs to go right to the rest room when he awakes, you can hold it, he cant!
I hope you can continue to get along for the sake of your little cutie!

My mother and I have discussed the "what if" for when she is older and needs help. We've already decided that we will not occupy the same house, even though we are close and love one another.

Simply put, there cannot be two "alpha females" under one roof. Your boyfriend should only buy the house if she is moving out. Otherwise, the three of you need to leave and she can keep the place. There is no other solution to your problem.

She just wants to be involved probably. What else does she have to do? Maybe she needs a hobby or some friends and then she would not be "around" all the time. You and your son could also do things outside the home. Your son is always going to interact with her because she lives in the home, how can he not? Until your boyfriend buys the house outright, it's still hers. Just another reason why not to live with the in-laws. No darn privacy whatsoever.

I can understand your frustration. Hang in there! Take your son out so you can be alone with him when you are frustrated with her. I would just encourage you to be patient with the situation. But you have every right to feel the way you do :)

S.-

Not sure how old your child is. My MIL used to do something similar when DS was quite young. DS would wake up from a nap, and I might be in the bathroom. MIL would start calling out "mommy mommy mommy, i need you mommy." I asked her to please stop. I said it was anxiety making enough to be with a newborn and all of a sudden have the responsibilty of a creature who can't meet their own needs, and nary a moment to yourself without my MIL putting an added layer of urgency on baby's demands.

Thankfully we live an ocean apart.

You can try communicating how her comments make you feel. You can try sidestepping the feeling issue and take "shifts" with your son. i.e. no need for her to parent outside of the certain hours you've requested. Or you might need to move out.

Remember, you can't change a person, you can only ask them to be willing to change.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.