Very over Active Little Boy

I know you said it's not the move, because you've moved before, but children act out when there is changes. With both the move and your husband not being home, there is a good chance this is why he is acting out. I have a 4 year old who is the sweetest, kindest, child most of the time. When he started a new preschool, he choked 2 kids, was getting bad reports, etc for over a couple of months until he adjusted, and now he is back to his regular self. What kind of discipline do you use when he acts out? Are you consistant? We used taking away priveledges, time out, and were very consistant until the behavior subsided. Good luck, I think it might be a stage and will pass.

That sounds like my younger son and your situation is similar to mine. I have no friends where I live and my husband's family doesn't help me out. My husband works 10 hrs a day and I have a 4yr old boy plus a 3yr old boy. My older son can be trying at times but my younger son is a little devil! No matter what I do, he doesn't respond to reprimands for being naughty. Time outs and talking to him in a stern voice do nothing and he laughs at me. I have even tried spanking him a couple of times and it's useless. The only way I can seem to get him to calm down is by getting him to expend as much energy throughout the day as possible. It's getting tougher now that it's summer (it's in the 110's in Phoenix so outdoor play isn't really an option right now) so I bought my boys a small trampoline with a safety net . It really seems to tucker them out and it occupies them for lengthy periods so I can actually clean the kitchen or do the laundry without having to constantly chase after them.
When things are getting really bad and I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't get away, I tell my husband that I need to get some time to myself and he understands. After he gets home, he knows it's his turn to take over. Sometimes just going out to run errands by myself is refreshing because I can take my time and worry about nobody but myself for a little while. I might go grocery shopping, go browsing at the shoe store, or even get a pedicure. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but when I come home, I feel like I have regained a little bit of sanity. Don't let yourself feel guilty for needing time to yourself either-- if getting a break makes you a happier and more functional mom, then you deserve it! I hope this helps. :)

Little boys need a lot of ways to let off steam in safe and appropriate ways. I know you can't leave him, but you can take him to parks, playgroups, indoor playgrounds etc. If at all possible get a small 8ft by 8ft moonwalk that can be put up indoors. I have to re-arrange my living room for mine. Get him a video for little kid exercising. Take him for walks, spray him in the water hose, and turn on some music and dance with him. The busier you can make him during the day the better naps he will take.

Have you considered offering childcare to someone else so that he has a playmate?

I hate to bring this up but does anyone in your family have ADD or ADHD? the reason why I ask is because you are describing my youngest brother to a T. He has it and so does my nephew and one of my other brothers. It can run in families and when it is out of control, it is chaos! Impulsivity is high and so is wrecklessness, tantrums, acting out, negative behavior for attention and kind of a Bull in a China Shop type syndrome that never stops. Your son is on the cusp of when doctors can evaluate and determine if ADD/ADHD is a concern. If left untreated, it can become a child's and a parent's worst nightmare. A difficult child and usually a social outcast due to behavior that it frowned upon and very rambunctious all the time. The only other thing that would cause such issues is a lack of consistent discipline where the rules are crystal clear and so are the consequences that go along with breaking them. Your son is old enough to simple rules and follow them. If he's not acting out from a particular reason such as moving and feeling a little anxious or "disrupted", then I would look closely at his behavior patterns on a daily basis and see if they have changed. If he's always been difficult then it could be a discipline issue that is now escalating or he seriously could have ADD/ADHD and now it's gearing up as he gets older. I can imagine the stress and strain of it all. Have him evaluated and talk to your new pediatrician about your concerns. Don't leave any details out. Ask for him to be evaluated if you feel that what I'm telling you has some merit. I wish you and your son well and I hope that somehow all of this will get better or you can get some answers soon. Take care.

Any chance of getting him into a mommy and me class. He will learn socialization and as well as an outlet to his energy

I have a super active boy, who always has been. One of the more common examples I give is clocking him "up a doorframe" for over 4 hours one day (not all in one stretch... he will also stovepipe corners in the house, he's not allowed more than 10' up a corner). Others are 9+ hours snowboarding, 5-10 hours swimming. These are all *actual* times, not including breaks. When he was 3 he would run 3.1 + miles around the lake as I walked it (I say + because he'd run ahead and run back, but the actual path measures at 3.1)... without stopping. Sometimes we'd do 2 laps. Of *course* he's in sports... but lets face it... sports only last an hour and these kids are up for 12 hours. Although sports camps are delightful. As athletes themselves, coaches LIKE active kids. (: <laughing> as a matter of fact, so do I, but I have a finite amount of energy. I can handle 4 hours with my eyes shut. 12 hours 7 days a week is a whole 'nother matter :)

As long as I feed him (he's also hypoglycemic) he's the energizer bunny.

So I intentionally "plugged him in" to TV and computer games when he was a toddler. Unfortunately, one of those games taught him how to read by 3ish, but que sera. ((I say unfortunately, because a reading toddler is rather a pain at best, and suicidally dangerous at worst)).

Plugging him in would give me about an hour a day of "me" time. His bum was glued to the chair (so I knew he was safe), and there was nothing but peals of joy filled laughter as accompanyment. HEAVEN. Moms who have kids who will sit and color have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm talking about an hour where I don't have to CONSTANTLY have my eye on him to make sure he's not about to break his neck, much less keep up with him while he's go go go.

We also got a puppy. Expressly for the purpose of having "someone" who could keep up with him.

Hugs and good luck.

Your son is a different age with this move than he was with a previous move. Where you moved to is different. Many factors influence how a toddler behaves. I understand your tense feelings. They are normal. Your son also feels them and he doesn't know what to do. Anxiety frequently causes a toddler to act out.

If your husband isn't working all the time he's out of the house, I suggest that you ask him to arrange some time to be home so that you can have some time to yourself. If he's working overtime, it may be reasonable to ask to work less. My ex worked for the post office and was number 1 on the seniority list. He could work as much o/t as he wanted but he could also decline. There were plenty of others who wanted the time.

Since you're new in the area, I understand not wanting to ask strangers to watch your boy. There are babysitting services that do background checks that you could call. The babysitter is probably going to be more expensive but I suggest it may be worth trying this out.

Also, perhaps you could ask for a referral from someone in your old town to someone in this town that they trust. Perhaps a pediatrician or minister who could then give you names of local people who could help.

I also suggest that you read or listen to the book by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, How to Talk So Kids Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. Using their ways of talking with your son will help him deal with his feelings in a less destructive way.

If you haven't developed a daily routine with your son, doing so now will also help. He's feeling anxious/insecure because he doesn't understand what is going on.

I wish you well. You are on the right track recognizing that you feel like you're going to lose it. Pay attention to that feeling and find ways to reduce it. Perhaps taking your son for a walk or going to the park or even the mall when it's not crowded would help. Think of ways for him to get his energy out of his system for awhile. Then be sure he gets enough sleep and has good food to eat. Same for you. Getting enough sleep and good food to eat will also help you manage better.