Vacation - What Would You Do?

I would mail my regrets to the bride and groom. It is just too much money to spend for such a short, rushed trip.

Skip the wedding and if you want to go to visit in the summer, do so then. I wouldn't do the flight and added expenses right now. Send a gift and tell them you will visit soon.

Would it work for one of you to attend the wedding? It would be nice to attend, but I don't think I've attended any of my cousins' weddings - we're just not that close. If hubby did have a close relationship with this cousin, perhaps he could do a quick trip in/back - he might even be able to stay with someone and save on hotel cost since it would just be him. Then you could all do the longer family vacation when he has the time.

I'm with you, I say wait and fly directly to WI. A wedding doesn't make for a good visit, and if you're investing money and vacation time into the trip, you might as well make it memorable for you and your kids, as well as be able to see your family, all in one shot.

Your in-laws don't get to have such strong opinions about it if they're not helping to pay for it. :)

I'd visit in the summer.
My M. taught school for 30 years and we never did anything during the school year.
We saved everything for summer time and it worked out fine.

Your plan sounds much better. To expect you to fly your family cross country for a cousin's wedding is a ridiculous expectation.Several of my cousins live in other states and I had no expectation that they would come to our wedding, and they didn't even have kids. With kids? No way!

I would skip the wedding for sure. I'm sure they will understand.

Tell your inlaws that you cannot afford it-and close the subject as fast as you can. Entertain no discussion on it because it is a done deal. Say that you wish that you could but you can't. The thing is that a wedding should not REPLACE a family vacation. It has to be in addition to. If you don't have the expendable income then you don't go.

If its too much money, then its too much money. Send your husband alone, if he'll go for that, a nice gift, and a "wish we could be there" note.

Anything that costs over $1K should be used/enjoyed by the entire family, and if the whole family can't participate, then wait until you can.

We'd be going during the summer. Sorry MIL, but you don't get everything you want!! You have to do what makes more sense for your family situation. You are right that you would not be able to do sight seeing because I'm sure there will be wedding adventures going on.

Go with your gut.

M

$3,000 for one day? No way. I'd skip the wedding with many apologies, a request for photos, a nice gift, and a promise to visit longer during the summer.

I'm in the wait until summer camp. :)

I would totally do the longer trip...the shorter one just seems too rushed and expensive. Your in-laws just really need to get over it. Your children do not need to miss school and your husband doesn't need to miss work this time of year.

Your plan does sound much much better for everyone around! :-) I know they want to see you all at the wedding, but what a long/short/rushed trip that would be and very tiring for the kids too. I would go in the summer where you all can take your trip, relax and enjoy everyone around you, site see, and the kids can have time to have fun too. Do what you think is best for your family. Don't accommodate someone else. I know we all would like to make everyone in our family happy, but when you're across the country, then you need to really think about all aspects of the trip and what would be best...as you have already. :-) Go in the summer, and don't feel guilty. :-) Send a wedding gift through the mail, and a card with a letter inside that apologizes for your absence, but instead you all will be there in the summer so that you can spend more time with them. :-D

I would go over the summer for a longer time to see all the family...yours too!

Just tell your inlaws no, you can not afford it, and close down the discussion. I think the summer sounds like a much better plan and that is what I would do.

I would skip the wedding and take the extended trip over the summer. I understand that your in-laws want for you to be there and if this was his sibling I would say go to the wedding. His cousin? No. My cousin got married in Detroit three summers ago. Same exact situation. My parents REALLY wanted us to be there, but the cost and the time were prohibitive. We sent our regrets and a nice gift. A wedding happens once in a lifetime, but there will be pictures and you can always visit them at a later point in time. The odds are pretty good that you won't be "visiting" with them anyway and I assure you that while they will be disappointed, they WILL understand.

We were in a similar situation last summer. I went to the wedding by myself (I was in the wedding) and my husband stayed home with the kids. I literally flew down late Thursday night and home early afternoon Sunday to be there for the wedding.

If your inlaws are willing to offset the cost of the flights, then have your husband go the wedding alone. Otherwise, send along your apologies, best wishes and maybe a slightly larger gift than you would have sent had you attended!

I wouldn't go to the wedding.

How close are you to the couple getting married? I would think they would certainly understand the costs involved and having to cut the trip short due to travel.

My instinct... is to go to WI in the summer and visit everyone, including your family.

Yes, some feelings might get hurt with the inlaws but you have to put YOUR family (your husband and children) as priority and do hat is best for you... not what someone is guilting you into............ unless of course if the person guilting you into going to NC will pay all your expenses!!

This makes me so glad I don't have to deal with inlaws...

Good luck

I can't imagine my parents pressuring us to attend any function if it wasn't easily affordable. IMO, it's very immature of your MIL to be doing this unless she's willing to foot the bill. I wouldn't give it much more thought. Your summer plan makes much more sense. I'd tell her you can only take one vacation and it'll be this summer unless she has miles she can give you guys to cover your airfare. Put it back on her...

Buy the cousin a nice wedding gift, and go WI and IL this summer. That's what I'd do. Surely the wedding couple will understand (and honestly, with the price per guest that couples have to spend to invite people to their wedding these days, they'd probably be relieved to have 5 fewer people to feed).

Or, if your husband's family wants to pay the $3K for you to go, then tell them you'll be there with bells on!

The wedding is for your husband's cousin, so I would expect him to make the decision. Your in-laws shouldn't be pressuring you, they should be talking to their son if they want to make their feelings known. Without being wishy-washy, your husband should explain to his parents that while you would love to attend, it would be extremely costly and you are still trying to figure out if you can make it happen or not. If his parents get that you may opt out due to financial reasons, they should either offer to help with your costs if it is that important to them that you be at the wedding, or they should back off and be understanding. You make a really good case for waiting until summer to visit everyone. Your husband should hear your concerns. I would show him your research on costs, and let him know you'd prefer to wait and do a summer trip, but if he would like you all to go, you'll be fine going. If your in-laws are going to talk your husband into you all going, I would try really hard to be positive about the whole trip. Make the best out of it, and try to have fun, even though it's not ideal for you. Next trip, set aside time and money to visit your family.

Too much rigmarole to get to the wedding.
Do the longer trip in summer.
Send his cousin your best wishes, your regrets and a NICE gift. They'll understand!

First, I would talk to my husband. It is his family, after all. And his parents pushing for you to go to the wedding. I think what you would like to do (wait and go in the summer and see BOTH families) is the smarter thing to do, given that you have a budget to live within. If your husband agrees, then HE needs to explain that is your (together) decision to his parents and decline the wedding invitation to his cousin. Unless he and this cousin are SUPER close, then it isn't probably going to be a big deal to the cousin, and the cousin will presumably be quickly on the road to learning compromise with his new wife's family and THEIR agenda on how he and new wife spend their time, lol.

If your husband is wishy washy, you need to lay out your case. Yes, the wedding only happens once (hopefully, right?), but they also are going to be highly focused on themselves (rightfully so) and so will everyone else. Hardly the most fiscally responsible way to spend that travel money, in my opinion.
Perhaps a compromise might work if husband absolutely can't abide missing the wedding: let HIM go alone. Then you can all go next summer (to WI).

I guess the in-laws haven't looked at a fullsize map of America. If they are looking at a pocket atlas they see that North Carolina is only 4" away from Menifee.. In reality, its clear across this great country of ours. According to mapquest, Menifee, CA to Fayetteville, NC is just over 2500 miles.

I'd tell the in-laws that it would cost you about $3000 to go to the wedding and then ask them if they were going to buy a $3,000 gift for the newly weds.

If I lived in Menifee and had the same choices, I'd DRIVE to WI this summer and see some of this wonderful country. (I was in the military in NC, {Ft Bragg} and took a 30 day leave to see a lot of the east coast We went as far north as the Statue of Liberty and as far south as Disney World.)

I'd drive up I-15 to Monument Valley, then on to Salt Lake City and see/hear the Mormon Tabernale Choir and Temple Square. Then I'd continue north to Yellowstone. Then I'd follow 1-90, and see Mt Rushmore. There is a driving tour you can take around the badlands national park so you can see buffalo in the wild. Buffalo is raised in SD at lots of ranches and you can even get buffalo on some buffets. Buffalo tastes wonderful. Try a steak or roast. Buffalo hamburger often has beef mixed in with it.

I could go on, but a 5 week road trip to see a lot of middle and western America would be a wonderful experience for your family. I've been to all 50 states and have seen a lot, but the computer can take you lots of places I haven't seen. If you want suggestions, e-mail me.

I hope you have a wonderful time with your family. Good luck to you and yours.

Is this a cousin that DH is close to? If not, he should tell the ILs that it's not feasible - there isn't the time or funds to do it. I specify "time" as well because even if they offer to chip in, that's time he cannot afford off. If it's someone he's close to, I'd be more willing to make the effort. I have not been able to make all the weddings I wanted (time or money or both). You wish them well and send your regrets. If you would instead go to see your family, then you blow your time argument, so I would not trade WI for North Carolina if you are thinking about the same timeframe. Can you possibly see your family with the kids without DH? Maybe drive or take a train to help costs?

It's not your family members who are pushing this that have to pay for it. I'd skip the wedding, to be honest. Since your husband isn't even on the fence, that would make the decision easier.

Dawn

I am actually in a similar situation where we have a wedding out of state. We could drive and it would be cheeper of course to drive. it is a 10 hour drive but when we go we usually leave at about 3am so we still have some day to wind down from driving after we arrive. But to do that it would still be about 2k. We are planning a big vacation next year so I want to save my $$$ for that plus I want to save my vacation days for it too. It is in october and I feel I would have to dip into my christmas budget which I dont want to do. I looked into flights just so I could go because it is MY cousin getting married. when I was first looking it was $350 round trip. I found a 1 way up early in the morning the day of the trip for $150 so I considered doing that and riding back with my M.. (She has to drive my 85 year old grandpa). Then one day I was checking flights and found a round trip for $190. So I am flying up one day and back the next by myself and crashing with my M. in her hotel. Decide what works for your fam. I didn't want to take time off work or take my kids out of school. And it had to be cost effective. But flight prices change EVERYDAY. the day after I booked I checked and it was double! I have seen it go as low as $226 and as high as $379. If you feel you want to make it happen it is possible to find a better deal because there is still a lot of time.

skip the wedding. go when your family can actually vacation.
khairete
S.

They're not close. It's his family. Either he goes alone, or you wait to do the trip in Summer. You have to do what works for you, and not worry about what everyone thinks. It sounds like your DH needs to teach his parents some boundaries & to worry about themselves.

I'd go to the wedding. It's a special event plus it's rare to have most of the family gathered together in one place at one time. You'll get to see everyone in one trip. It's alot of bang for the buck.

I would sent hubby to the wedding by himself. He can probably share a hotel room with another family member.

If your husband doesn't care either way, then why bother?

Skip it.

Totally unreasonable to expect you to spend that kind of money.

You have 7 months to make the decision. And that time will give you some time to look at all the possible options. I would look for a college campus near the location of the wedding. Some college campuses rent out unused dorm rooms as hotel rooms for a nominal fee some have a private bath others have the bath down the hall. It might be an option instead of a hotel. Go on the different travel websites and check out airfare, it can change rapidly. I would also look at the cost and time in driving instead of flying.

If you still think it's too expensive and time consuming at the end of a school year -- a crazy time for anyone in the education system. I would go visit family.

How is it that we women always end up handling both sides of the coin? haha! This is hubby's family so have him let the family know the end result. Option #3 is to send him alone and then budget and look forward to the long summer holiday with the entire fam! Don't stress yourself out especially since you are being so reasonable and sweet about it...everyone will understand and once you make the final decision I think the in laws might let us since they kind of feel like they might be able to sway you (not in a bad way) until it is final. In their minds they are just proud of the two of you and your family and would love to have you there to show you off and be part of their day too :)

I'm with Momof2girls and would send hubby to the wedding alone. Let him room with his parents to save some money and then take your family trip next summer. I would think that the bride and groom have to know that with an out of town wedding not everyone can make it.

You and your husband go to the wedding. Leave kids home and then all go
to Wi.in the summer.