Upset with Preschool... (Updated)

Updated on November 04, 2008
A.H. asks from Madison Heights, MI
7 answers

I feel like my son's school is over-stepping their bounds. I am not sure how this works, being a first-time mom to it all, but I do feel that some are very quick to label a child without knowing them or taking the time.

Some background on my son: An only child; he is shy; caring of others (asks 'are you okay?' if he knows you are hurt/ wounded; and we do not have any other children his age in the area for him to play with. Otherwise, the Doctor and I feel he is a happy and normal four year old little boy~ (loves bugs and cars!)

I was surprised to see an eye exam was done first without anyone telling me this was going to occur. My son is not used to anyone other than 'mom' and the doctor checking or asking so many questions. I found out later that he just wanted to leave the room and was saying anything to get done. (we did receive a letter saying the exam occurred and he should have a real exam with an eye doctor which is what started my 'discomfort' - much to my surprise as this is the boy that can see better than my hubby with having Lasik!)

Now, I only asked about ADHD in conversation just the other day. I never said I wanted a test done. My husband received the call, thinking I did and this is something that could spark an argument or at least give him cause to think I am at fault. I left a message with this lady telling her that the whole thing was taken out of context and we are fine. (I will go to a neurologist to test him if I so desire to or think he needs it.)
She called me back, to apologize, and then, a scare tactic from her: 'Are you aware your son was just laying on the floor and then just sitting by himself at the table?'. (This 'assessment' was done in a very short time when she was meeting with another child.) My son's teacher had told me he participated quite well for that day when I picked him up. Now I am furious! What type of school system does this!?! I feel she is ready to label him and I know he is fine.

My son does lack concentration, but only like any other child his age... If it was not for some of you other Moms listing advice, I would feel alone so I know he is 'normal' in his behavior.

I am curious how to handle this with the school as I am very upset with the 'scare' tactic that was used... I DO NOT want them treating my son any differently than the other kids~ nothing is wrong with him. (We do not have any history of ADHD or ADD in our families. If it turned out he did have it, I would then treat it as naturally as I could as I do not believe in popping pills for everything. So please do not judge me for my views on being Natural.)

Oh: we have successfully had a few play dates for my son... He gets along very well with another little boy and a girl that really likes him! :) (so this makes mom happy!)

By the way: We have had a turnover of teachers this year. He has had the original he started with, a sub for almost two weeks, and now his current that is now hired. With this changeover, it is halting my chance to volunteer sooner. (I am very excited to get in there and be a part of his life at school as this was and is my plan!)

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So What Happened?

Thanks to all who answered! :)

I am anxious to get into the school program and as soon as this teacher is comfortable, then I can come in to volunteer and see for myself what is going on (as well as the parents I am friends with.).

I feel the communication needs to be direct with us before she (the teacher) contacts anyone. I still feel parents should be given the option to consent to ANY evaluations that are not academic-related so I can at least be there or talk to my son about it so he is more comfortable. (These are young children and they are not used to having other adults they do not know 'test' them.).

I guess I shall wait and see what occurs!

More Answers

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T.A.

answers from Grand Rapids on

A.,

The school should have sent a note home letting you know an eye test was required and giving you the option of 1. either being present while your son was being tested, or 2. having the test performed by your own eye Dr.

As far as the ADD/ADHD thing goes GOOD FOR YOU! I too think that schools are way too quick to request children be put on medication. You should ask if the situation where you son was lying on the floor/sitting by himself was documented, in what context was he doing this? Perhaps he did not feel well that day? Sitting alone at a table? Big deal!!!

If it was me (I have 5 boys the oldest of whom is 12 and didn't get any kind of a backbone to deal with issues at his school until the middle of the 4th grade, and I would give anything to go back knowing then what I know now.)

Make yourself a prescence at his preschool. Go in, spend some time there. See for yourself what is going on. Tell them you want to volunteer in the classroom. Get to know his teacher and the most important thing is find out who is in charge of the program. Is the principal of an elementary school? Someone else? Also make sure to get names of who you talked to, what they said, and what the date and time were. Keep it in a notebook. If there are any future issues you will be prepared with the facts.

The next time someone tries to intimidate you with a scare tactic, simply say ok can you type that up, sign it and mail me a copy please? You will find it looks a lot different when its just words on paper.

Good luck to you.

1 mom found this helpful
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N.A.

answers from Lansing on

I am not sure where the ADHD thing came in with an eye test. the schools do eye and hearing tests then alert the parent if there is any problem. Then the parent can follow up. They just test everyone. i think i remember in preschool they sent a not home but not in elementary. They didn't send a letter home asking him to be tested for ADHD did they?????

It sounds like you are great in making sure he goes to preschool to learn to socialize with others. Maybe you can have some playdates with his friends also from school for socializing. Preschool is mainly for that purpose. There are lots of preschools out there if you do not think the teacher is a good fit for your son. there are those teachers that simply do not want a child in there room who does not fit the typical mold.

I suggst however you really go have a face to face ewith the teacher to find out what is going on if you are concerned. maybe just make sure you go with an open mind with the goal of you and teacher working together.

Good luck

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L.O.

answers from Detroit on

I dont think the school did anything wrong.

I remember us all lining up in elementary school to go down for vision tests and hearing tests.

I dont know if it happened every year but it certainly happened more than one time while I was in elementary school.

The tests are just screening tests. If the test suspects a problem you will get aletter suggesting that you take the child to the dr. for further evaluation.

Hearing and vision testing is part of the required testing for admission to kindergarden in some school districts. And some parents do not have the moeny to take the child to the dr. It is wonderful if the school system can provide this service.

You are right ADHD can not be diagnosed by a teacher. But the teacher can give you her opinion of your child as he compares ot the other kids his age in the class.

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E.W.

answers from Detroit on

I had a teacher talk to me one day at conferences like I was white trash and didn't care about my kids. I set her straight real quick with a phone call to the Superintendent to tell him how she spoke to me and how she was treating my child. Needless to say, that teacher changed her tune real quick. I live in a school district that is mostly poor with most parents on welfare; I'm not one of those, I just happen to live here cause my husband won't move away from his family. I've had to set many teachers straight by telling them exactly how I feel about what is going on. Don't let them rule you...YOU are the boss. If you don't like something, talk to the teacher. If you don't get anywhere with her/him, go the the Principal. Again, if you don't get anywhere, call the Superintendent. Don't back down. You pay taxes, which in turn pays their salaries; they work for you and don't let them forget it. Always be polite, articulate and firm in what you are saying and you'll get through to them.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.W.

answers from Detroit on

The preschool should not be doing any testing without your approval. They did hearing and sight testing at my sons preschool and I forgot to fill out the form so they called me to get my permission before going forward. I think you have every right to be upset. I would consider switching pre-schools.

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K.A.

answers from Detroit on

I have found that schools and/or teachers want the easy way out and everyone has adhd. While some kids really do have this, not all of them do. Stand your ground. It just irritates the hell out of me. Kids will be kids and authority figures seem to have forgotten that.

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C.V.

answers from Grand Rapids on

Hi A.,
The hearing test is normal. Every year my son has been tested. As for the rest, without hearing the tone of the teachers voice, I don't think she did anything wrong. As a mom, I like to know what goes on during the day at school. I like when the teachers have good communication. Is there anyway that you could take time and observe at the school. As a stay at home mom, I am able to volunteer at my sons school quite a bit. There is a shy little girl at his school this year and the teachers have to bring her into the group to include her. She likes to sit on the sidelines and watch most of the time. I would take a deep breath and talk to the teacher. Don't be confrontational just tell her what you told us but without anger. I think that whenever anyone has anthing but positive things to say about our children the first response is a defensive one.

With that said, If you and your son truly aren't happy there change schools. I dont know where you are from or what school he goes to but when I was looking for schools a few years back I checked out 8 schools that were in a 2 mile radius of our house. So there are alot of schools out there. Good luck.
Chris

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