Upcoming Birth

I was in labor 36 hours with our son.
It was 16 hours before I got the epidural.
I was so ready for it (I never planned to do without one) and it worked perfectly!
Once the waves of pain were gone I could relax and actually get a little sleep.
Without the rest I never would have had the strength to push him out (9 lbs 1.5 oz).
I know my pain tolerance (or lack of it).
If the thought of the pain bothers you then find a plan to relieve it and relax.
Worrying about it won't change anything.

labor may not be painful for some women, but the tombstones over geography and time indicate that for far too many women, there's a lot more than just fear happening. not trying to be grim, but the comments that there's nothing more to labor than fear annoy me.
i find that options help me cope with fear. it's good to go in planning to go natural, but don't rule out help, or psyche yourself out that you're 'less than' if you use it. that epidural is there, and there's no shame in using it if you need to.
you haven't had easy deliveries yet, so you don't have that good experience to help guide you. are you planning a vbac this time?
like yours, my second arrived too soon for me to have any of the help i totally expected to have! i was shocked by the pain, but also shocked by how much more euphoric i felt as i delivered my baby, and how much more quickly i recovered. is your husband a good coach? if not, don't feel about telling him to stay down at the business end and get someone who will be calm, focused and strong for you to be your coach. my husband was lost and helpless the first time around, but a rock for #2 and that helped a LOT.
it's good to arm yourself with coaching, knowledge, and options, but then it can be counter-productive to let your brain buzz around it endlessly. it's hard NOT to overthink when you're worried, so just treat your anxiety brain as you would an anxious toddler. 'sweetie! you're angsting again! remember, we went over this. we're going to breathe, we've got our music, we've got our coach, we've got the best medical professionals in the world all there to support us. we've got this covered. so let's put our favey audio book on headphones and go for a good brisk walk!' (or bake cupcakes. or write your novel. needs to be something that will distract your brain as well as keep your body busy.)
you can do this. you can.
khairete
S.

I don't know if this would work for you, but what really helped me was to read Ina May Gaskin's "Guide to Midwifery"--- you don't have to be wanting a home birth to utilize this book.

The first part is anecdotal stories from women who labored well, calm and peacefully and birthed their babies. I liked this because it just cemented the idea in my head that a birth could happen without the freak-outs and stress we often see when it comes to birthing depicted in the media.

The second part of the book, though (the appendices) was wonderful in that it contained actual tips for helping the birth along, including breathing techniques. '

The book Birthing From Within also has some art therapy exercises for moms dealing with fear and anticipation of negative experiences. Liked this one as well.

I can tell you this-- for me, what helped was not letting the fear talk to me, but completely immersing myself in the experience as it was happening. The Bradley method identifies fear as the primary emotion during transition (it has a great guide for partners in helping to identify stages of labor)... the only time I had fear was when my husband left to call the midwife to our home, and then, the pain was the worst. (I didn't realize I was in transition and trying not to push, though the urge was great!) Once he returned, I was able to center myself better, and we held on until the midwife arrived... it was, definitively, the best experience of my life, giving birth! I hope you find a way to put your fear aside and just let the birth be what it will be. I should add that my labor was short-- about 4.5 hours or so.

I should also add that the epidural is one of those things that *other* people tend to focus on... I'd say, do what you need to do in the moment and don't feel bad about it! If anyone is giving you a hard time for having an epidural (including yourself, okay?) tell them to get over it. It is one advantage of advanced medicine, so if you find you have had enough and need a break and need it---- that's what it is there for. It doesn't mean you 'can't' do something... it means that you knew your body's limit for pain and respected it.
Best wishes for a smooth, uneventful birth!

Just remember that nothing is in stone. If you want to do it without an epidural, then go in with that mindset - and know that if becomes more than you think you can handle, you can change your mind.

Also, know that an epidural is not evil. If, when the time comes, you decide that you need some relief, no one has the right to pass judgement on you for getting it. You are not less of a mom if you get an epidural, you are not a better mom if you don't get an epidural. Either way, you are a mom doing the best she can do, and that is all that is important.

Have you talked to your OB about this yet? I know that is what many moms recommended after your last post. If not, you really should. Handling this is part of their job.

Don't get so wound up with thinking that you don't want an epidural. If you aren't so worried about that, your labor will go better.

I had a friend a long time ago who didn't have maternity insurance. She didn't want to pay for the epidural, and during her labor, she was so worried about the pain and getting through it that her doctor told her that she was actually causing herself MORE pain and a longer labor.

Trust your body and trust yourself. If it gets to the point that you need the epidural, say yes to it and go from there. Ask the doctor to let you know what your window for having it as you go, so you make an informed decision.

I've only had unmedicated births. I prepared with Bradley classes. Have you had any training in techniques for coping with unmedicated labor? What type of labor suport od you have? If you haven't taken any classes geared specifically at natural birth, and your partner doesn't have any training in that area, I would suggest looking into hiring a doula. She may be able to do some prep work with you first, and will have the skills and techniques to assist you and your partner through an unmedicated birth. I don't feel like natural birth is a wing-it kind of thing (I was a Bradley instructor for nearly 15 years and trained many couples)

For me, it was never about pain, but about avoiding the risks and side effects of medications and other interventions. I did not have a high pain tolerance and with my first, I did not have a short labor. But the thing to remember is that you only have to cope with one contraction at a time, just the one that you are having, a minute or a minute and a half, and then a break.

Remember to labor actively - you don't need to be in a bed, be lying down, when you aren't numbed by medication. Listen to your body!

Good luck!

Focus on the outcome – your baby. Let go of your other experiences. As you have learned no two experiences are the same so don’t let them cloud your mind. Plan but also give yourself a back up plan. There is no right or wrong way to deliver a baby. There won’t be any medals handed out for a medicated vs. unmedicated delivery. At the end of it all your reward is your baby. I know women imbue their deliveries with mountains of meaning and for them it was critical their labor and deliveries turn out as they planned them. However, things happen during labor and delivery. Things which are both within and beyond our scope of control. I am not suggesting you float along like a log in a river and let things come to pass according to someone else’s convenience and needs. Educate yourself, plan but also acknowledge things happen and have alternate plans which you have given yourself permission to employ.

I want to add. Fear is not what made my second labor unbearably painful. In spite of all my prep, mental and physical, I could not handle the pain. It’s that simple. I am not less of a mother, though, for admitting it. I needed and received pain medications. My labor with my second was a landslide event. One minute I felt funny, the next my water broke, then contractions set in and before I knew it back labor had set in along with waves of indistinguishable pain. Holy moly. I thought I was prepared but I wasn't. The pain was overwhelming in spite of everything I did – breathing, focusing, blah blah blah. The pain was so intense and unrelenting, it overwhelmed all of my prep. I felt like I was drowning in pain with wave after wave crashing over me before I could draw breath. As a result I couldn’t focus or remove myself from the pain to do my job. It's okay, though. I did what I needed to do and my baby arrived. Good luck and focus not on the pain but on the outcome, your baby.

As hard as it is, try to set aside the worry about pain. There is a small human coming out of your body- it's going to hurt. There's no way around it, just accept it and move on. The beautiful part is- you know the pain is temporary! That little human WILL come out, one way or the other, and nature will provide you some great endorphins and the docs will provide you with pills if you want them, and you will be great soon after the birth.
For a natural delivery, the way I got through mine was focusing on the contraction I was having and the one after that. Just those two. For some reason, I could deal with the one I was in and then telling myself, OK, just one more. Every time I felt like "quitting" (we all know this isn't an option, but somehow we all want to do it at some point during labor, right?) my husband and doula were great about saying "just this one and one more, you can do that!" I honestly never thought past that second contraction until I felt my son crowning. It really helped me focus. I remember losing fear somewhere at the end of transition, and just feeling really, really determined.
I am a huge cheerleader for anyone having a VBAC, so GO YOU!!! You know for a fact you can do this. It will be hard, but it will also be amazing. Think about that moment when you look at your baby's face, think about introducing the new little one to the siblings, your family. Think about tiny little toes and that super soft skin on the bottoms of their feet! You are so well prepared this time. You know what labor is like, you know what a c-section is like, you know what a delivery with no meds is like. There is a very good chance that this will be the very best, easiest, most positive delivery so far! I can't wait to read your birth story. Take care of yourself!!

Labor isn't really painful unless you let fear take over. It's when you are scared that you feel pain. I've had three natural births. The first about killed me, it was back labor. The second and third? I realized that if you fight it, and fear it, it hurts. If you just relax into it, and breathe, it doesn't.

There are lots of websites that discuss guided meditation, breathing, etc. take a look at them.

I have 4 kids.... all born without benefit of pain meds...

No epidural...

Yes, it hurt.... but..... after a few hours, it was done and over with....

One baby I had to have pitocin, which is supposed to make it harder... however, as they pointed out, I was in labor, it just wasn't "effective" .... 1 hour later, after starting the pitocin, she was born!

It's doable.... and once the birth is over, you forget all the pain!

Take a natural childbirth type class... like Lamaze... it helps you with breathing exercises that help you get through the contractions.

The labor for my first was night and day more difficult than my 2nd. You already know what labor without meds is like. Your body should respond better this time.

I had all 3 of my children without pain meds or an epidural. All 3 of my labors were short and fast. I didn't even realize I was in labor most of the time. If my water hadn't broke with my first I would have not gone in to the hospital for several more hours. My second I slept through most of my contractions at home. I barely made it to the birth center and he came close to being a car baby. My third was almost as fast.
People are fast to share their horror stories but that's not how everyone goes.
What helped me was to remind myself that it wasn't going to be forever. It was a short time and then it would be over and I'd have my little baby to hold. Having a good support group really helps. You may feel better hiring a doula to help support you and help you relax and not worry about things so much.
If I had to go back I would still have all 3 unmedicated births. It wasn't comfortable but it was always something I could handle.

My little girl is a week old today, so I literally just went through this... 14.5 hours unmediated and another 2 hours and 50 minutes with an epidural that didn't help with the contractions AT ALL (But did a great job of numbing my girly bits so that I didn't feel the actual delivery part). The best advice that the nurse gave me was to wiggle my toes and fingers during contractions to avoid my body tensing during them. That way my body would work with the contractions instead of against them.

My fear of the effects of the epidural drugs on the baby far outweighed my fear of the pain. We also followed the Bradley method, and it doesn't take the pain away, but it does take the fear away and the breathing exercises did help lessen the pain considerably. The classes (and the book) were great in reducing my husband's anxiety over the birth too, and knowing he would be strong for me, and not a blubbering idiotic mess over it, was important to us.

You have had two births with some amount of trauma involved, try not to focus on those births. There are things you might be able to do to avoid some of the interventions. But those births are in the past, and many women will tell you that each birth is different, you can't (totally) anticipate what will happen based on past experiences.
But what struck me most about your post was your statement that you are "36 weeks, 3 days pregnant". First, chances are your date is off by at least a few days, possibly as much as 2 weeks. Focusing on the due date can stress you out, focusing on what can go wrong can take away from the joy of birth. I completely understand how DONE you probably feel right now, and anxiety about the birth is easy to fall into. You don't necessarily NEED an epidural, but if it will make you feel safer, by all means plan for one, you don't have to use it.

Finally, you don't know how this is going to go. You might need another c-section. You might deliver at home quickly. You might labor for 2 days. I had to come to a place before all of my births wherein I could accept any outcome and be ok with it. I spent some time doing visualizations of all conceivable outcomes (including the really bad ones) and preparing myself emotionally for them. The shock of something unexpected, for me, is harder to deal with than anything else, so this helped me prepare mentally. The rest was out of my hands, and I accepted that, too.

And yes, the thought of the pain of labor was a part of the last few weeks of all of my pregnancies (we have 4 children). But the best thing the Bradley Method taught me was to remember that it's pain with a purpose, not pain because of injury or because something is wrong. It made me feel like a warrior, not like a victim.

I went into full on labour in the blink of an eye with my second and if we didnt live so close to the hospital I for sure would have had her in the car and there was definitely no time for any pain management. I wanted to go without anyway but I think being told that it wasnt an option - I freaked. I cried and was extremely upset but my healthy and perfect 9 lb baby girl was born in minutes without drugs and Im so happy I did it without. You will knock it out of the park just keep your eye on the prize and remember that regardless of how they arrive they are best gift you could ever receive
Good luck and congrats

Did it with all four kids. I never thought it was that bad. You did it once so you know what to expect. Good luck.

Honestly, my labor pains bothered me more toward the beginning, when I was thinking "Oh no, if it's this bad now, what's it going to be like later?" Later, when it was technically worse, my mind was so focused, I was literally indifferent to the pain. And I am not a Zen master, or a Zen novice, or anything. If I can focus my mind, you definitely can too. One thing that really helps is having a supportive labor partner (traditionally a spouse, but could be a friend, a doula, and L&D nurse, anyone) -- just someone who's by your side. You will labor beautifully. And since this is your third, it'll go fast. Congrats!