Uninvited to a Sleepover Party/birthday mess...What Would You Do?

Let them go do the laser tag. The kids are old enough to understand plans change. Make it sound like it wouldn't be a lot of fun for them if they were with a bunch of kids they don't know that well.

Tell them you're planning on a sleep over another time with them and the neighbor kiddo. Instead of it being something taken away build it into something they are getting instead.

I agree with you that it was wrong for the mom to invite your boys to the sleepover then uninvite them. Even if the birthday boy changed his mind and only wanted his friends from 1st grade there, the mom should have used that as a lesson to her son about how we do not uninvite people on a whim because it is hurtful and insulting to the uninvitee.

That being said, you can't control how this family raises their children you can only control your reaction to it. Use it as a lesson to your children on how uninviting people to a party makes you look like a jerk and take them out to pizza and laser tag somewhere else. I would not have them to go to the party at all because they will feel like the proverbial third wheel when the other children start talking about the sleepover.

And if the party mom asks why your children are not coming, be honest and let her know you think it was rude to uninvite your kids.

Good luck.

Let them go to laser tag. And for future parties stop trying to work around each others schedules. Just do your thing...if her kids can make it then awesome. Really you two are making it more complicated then it needs to be.

I would simply tell the kids that plans changed after the RSVP and their event now starts when you had made plans for a family birthday. Then tell them you will take them to laser tag another night and change your RSVP. You change plans, you risk losing guests.

If it's truly important to the kids to go to laser tag, then let them go, but I would never ever ever again accommodate her plans for your family. You do what you want first.

If your boys only knew about the laser tag and not the sleepover then there won't be any disappointment. If they hear about the sleepover (as I'm sure they will) just say the mom had a limit. Tacky on her part for sure, but things like this happen. It won't be the first or last time your kids miss out on something fun, so show them how to be grateful for what they get (it's too bad you didn't get to sleep over, but laser tag was fun, wasn't it?)
And going forward I would simply make my own birthday plans and not try to coordinate with anyone else. As you can see it doesn't usually go well.

You are over thinking this one. You are trying to make 2 family's schedules to mesh and they just don't. You could look at it this way, you now don't want to celebrate with the birthday boy's cake and party, you now just want your kids to go to lazer tag. I know that if circumstances were different, they would have celebrated. Not the point.

The birthday boy will have fun with your kids and his friends at tag. The more friends there, the better. Your kids will have fun there. They don't even know about the sleep over. Only you are regretting that. The chances are, that they might get to sleepover, you never know.

If you pitch a big old fit, you will make a stink. Keep mum. Let the chips fall where they may. You would be the bad guy, otherwise.

It's not about you. It's not for you. It's not hurting your kids.

Let them go. I am a reformed punisher and I am seriously trying to stop that misbehavior. While it feels good and righteous, it starts a long and lonely Cold War.

Yes, it's a bad move on her part, but you will live in that cul de sac for years, don't build a wall.

Let your kids go to laser tag, tell them only school friends who live farther away are sleeping over IF they mention it.

Sounds like your neighbor is either a total flake or is letting her kids call the shots a bit too much.

I'd ask the ones who were excited if they would be fine with going just for the laser tag and have cake at home with sis. It's a bit hinky to me that she would keep on changing plans-- usually, when a person sends out an evite, they are saying "here's what we are doing, please plan for it if you want to attend", not "by the way, be at my beckon call and I'm going to screw with your kids heads because I can't be in charge of my own family".

Glad they aren't my neighbors. The mom's actions are in bad form. Good on you for not mentioning the sleepover in advance, but yes, hard to explain "well, some kids are staying over".... usually, those are planned for a separate time. Sounds like she lacks a lot of awareness/sensitivity.

Let them go to the laser tag, but you should tell the other mother in private about your disappointment about the sleepover. It may not be a big deal, but I think you can nicely let her know that her actions did create some hard feelings for your family so she doesn't do it again.

You hit the nail on the head when you attributed your fieroucity over this situation to PMS.

You didn't tell your boys about the sleep over, great, they still get to go to laser tag, great. Even if they find out about the sleepover they probably won't feel anything because the kids invited weren't neighbors but classmates. Usually my boys were more logical then emotional about such matters. So things that would bother me didn't ever bother them.

Take a deep breathe. Let them go to the laser tag portion of the festivities and don't take the change of plans personal. It probably wasn't personal at all but possibly logistical or even economical. If you are not used to caring for over six kids at a time then this sleepover could be a disaster for the over committed parents and a few less kids welcomed.

If a sleepover between your kids and hers is what you want, why not host one since in my experience it is easier to add more kids to an already large family than it is to add more to a small one.

Relax and let your kids enjoy the part they can enjoy and know nothing of the change of plans was personal.

I would feel like you and my husband would feel like your husband. It is about the kids and not you, so let them go and know ahead of time during the next party invitation from them.

My cousin is much like that and I have begun to skip her parties. She likes to send me an invitation to her daughter's party and not give me the address. Basically, a reminder that it is her little one's birthday.

Some people!

Were they at your daughters birthday party ? If not I would not send the boys to any of it . How rude is she , really ? I would tell her we are going to celebrate our daughters day together as a family . They can play laser tag anytime . How can she invite some kids for a sleepover and not yours . And how can she not invite your daughter,on her birthday ! She needs some lessons on manners.I would be truly pissed off . Forget them and enjoy the day . Who needs friends like that ?

sounds perfect. you get family time after your husband's work. boys get laser tag time; girl's get girl time. Then you get family playtime after. Your boys don't need to know they were "not invited" to a sleepover because your boys have family time instead. Make it the birthday girl's choice of activity (board game, movie, popcorn, baking...) Just special time with her brothers and parents:) Now that they are uninvited relish it and enjoy the togetherness.
PS the other mom is probably a little overwhelmed with a gaggle of young boys sleeping over. Don't stress her out even more by bringing it up before the event, wait till she's calm, maybe a week later, and then explain your feelings.

So drop the boys off for pizza and then do your thing with your girls. I don't see how that is a problem.

I also would not have assumed the younger boys would be invited to a slumber party. It is just too hard on everyone. She did make sure you knew that when you confirmed.

Anyway, just drop the boys off, pick up the other three after laser tag. Don't make a bigger deal out of it just because she kept changing things around. Sure, irritating, but don't throw the baby out with the bath water.

I get the feeling the ages on your profile aren't accurate anymore? I was thinking little kids but it sounds like you have older kids. Of course I can't imagine older boys wanting to go to a sleep over for a kid younger than them.

I wouldn't worry too much about the fact that she moved pizza and cake earlier. If laser tag was at 7:00, then waiting until after that for pizza and cake is really late for kids that age to eat. They would be very hungry before then. I don't think you need to feel guilty for skipping that part in order to celebrate your stepdaughter's bday as a family.

I do think you should let your son's boys go to laser tag if they still want to. They are disappointed enough to be cut out of the sleepover, so you shouldn't take everything away from them. You can still do something special with your other two kids while they are at laser tag.

Don't say anything about the sleepover before the party. She has made her decision and - no matter how wrong it is - you can't invite yourself (or re-invite yourself) to the sleepover. She's probably going to say it was all her son's decision and she wants him to have the party he wants, etc. However, I would talk to her about it after it's all over. Tell her how much it hurt your boys' feelings and say you didn't want to ruin her son's birthday by making a fuss beforehand, but that it wasn't right for her to uninvite them after you have already accepted the invitation to attend. Do not bring up the changed start time and pizza/cake - just the sleepover. She needs to know that it isn't ok to do that to your kids. If her son doesn't want the boys at his party, then he needs to not invite them in the first place.