Uninvited Kid Bothering My Daughter at Her Birthday Party

ETA: shower analogy is irrelevant. Apples & oranges. an 8 year old does not have the life experience of an adult.

Wow!

Photo bombed?

You had an extra cupcake & debated whether to give it to any nearby 12 year old? I probably would have given it to her.
A 12 year old knows what she can & can't eat.

An 8 y/o crashing a party is not the same as an adult crashing a party. At least in my world it is not. To be honest the situation is a bit heartbreaking.

You were right IMO. I would not give a cupcake to the unsupervised child as there is no way to know if the child has any food allergies. The what-ifs outweigh other options.

This whole story makes me sad, both how she was dropped off alone, and without friends, and how she was ignored and dismissed when she tried to make a friend.

I think it is a sad day when we worry so much about making our kids feel extra special (on a day when they already feel that way) that we allow them to make another kid feel very un-special.

I feel bad for the girl, too. You weren't kind, at all...and you could have been.
You really missed an opportunity to teach your daughter something valuable.

Too bad you didn't. She wasn't ruining her daughter's party. How sad for her, and sad for the missed lesson for your daughter.

In the future, perhaps have the party at a private facility. That way, you don't have to worry about extending a cupcake to a lonely kid, who wasn't actually hurting anyone.

ETA: you are seriously defending yourself, with comparing an adult to an 8 year old....alone....dropped off by parents? Come on, that's a bit dense.

Here's the funny thing and I am really not trying to be mean here but had this little girl been a puppy or kitten that wandered into the party it would have been wholeheartedly embraced, fed and doted upon. I've seen time and time again where animals are treated better than people.

Had it been me; I would have asked the kid if they had allergies, then offered a cupcake and had no problem with her skating with the group. In fact when we've had birthday parties in places like skating rinks and bouncy houses I always bring along an extra stuff just in case the kids do meet someone new.

Imagine how sad and outcast that child must have felt. Clearly there's some kind of issue there for that kid to insert themselves in that way. Probably just wanted to be accepted for once. Maybe the poor kid never had a party in her life. You just never know what her home situation is like but for sure she went home feeling rejected that day.

I try within reason to really empathize with others and have taught my children to do the same.

Birthdays come and go; but life lessons tend to come back on you.

I find this story so sad. You have her party in a public place and not only were directly mean to the girl you encouraged your daughter to blow her off as well.

Why not teach tolerance? Why not tell your daughter to be nice and try to include her?
____________________
To answer your irrelevant question, if I were hosting a shower and some eight year old came up asking for a piece of cake I would give it to her. Do you not see how pathetic it is that you are trying to use an analogy where adults are involved when you are talking about children.

YOU were worried about your step daughter's social structure because YOU chose to home school her so YOU chose to treat that child poorly when she appears to not have a lot of social guidance as well. You may have thought you were helping your daughter but what you showed the other kids at the party was how you treat other people. Trust me you hurt your step daughter socially, you didn't help. Every girl at that party saw what happened and in the back of their minds was wondering well I wonder how she would have treated me if I wasn't part of her group.

Wow, it was just a cupcake and you couldn't find it in your heart to give it to an obviously lonely child. I think you were fine encouraging her to make other new friends, but it really would not have been that hard to extend a little kindness and compassion for this child.

You said that she was dropped off alone. Perhaps her parents did not give her any money and she was actually HUNGRY. You really don't know what was going on in this child's life and perhaps that would have been the highlight of her day.

Extra cupcake at a public place and you debated on whether or not to give it to a lonely kid?

Your daughter is 12, she's going to have to learn to deal with situations like this on her own. I try to teach my kids compassion and empathy maybe you should try that too.

@Lovinglife-A valuable lesson? More likely ANOTHER example to this child that she's on the outside looking in. It wasn't the birthday girl's responsibilty to be nice to her but it sure would have been the right thing to do.

That is heart breaking. I would have told my child to be kind and include the other girl, who was obviously lonely. My kids are younger, but I have definitely told my five year old that he should play with kids at the park or similar locations who approach him. How would he feel if the situation were reversed? I can understand where you are coming from in allowing your daughter to have her party. But I think you ultimately taught her that you are fine with her being selfish. I would want to follow up with her and have a conversation. Maybe even tell her that you made a bad choice and if you had it to do over, you would have encouraged her to reach out a little bit to a lonely child.
Picture you daughter as the kid in the background of the photo. How does that make you feel? It just seems like it would have cost you both so little to do something so nice for that girl.

I haven't read the other remarks, but I'm just going to say that I can't hardly imagine that you just couldn't give her a cupcake at least. Poor little 8 year old girl. Your daughter will never see her again, and neither will you. Would a cupcake have been so bad to give?

This little girl will remember this for the rest of her life.

And as to your question about women and baby showers, a little girl is NOT a woman and the example doesn't compute here at all...

C.:

My thought? The more the merrier!

Instead of making this a learning lesson for your child - which she TRIED to be nice - you could have included her. Was it HER fault that her parents dropped her off?

This child WAS trying to make new friends and was dismissed by YOU and YOUR daughter. Were there enough cupcakes to give her one? Was there enough food to give her some? Come on!!

You didn't need to pay for her - she was already in the rink - you just needed to share your food and your friendship. So what would I have done? I would have included her - what would it hurt? Was she being mean? Was she hitting, kicking, smacking - or otherwise hurting anyone? She was TRYING to make new friends.

I see that you were trying to help your daughter - as she asked you for help. Did you ask the child where her parents were? Did you ask where her friends were?

I don't know...I see that it was a "private party" - I get it. But really. What was the harm in including her?

I have been bothered by this all day, how sad for the girl that wanted to be friends with your SD. This situation is not the same as women at a baby shower, it is children skating around in circles during open skate. I would hope by 12 years old that she would have a little bit better of a social barometer and didn't have to have step mom patrolling the rink to keep out envious little girls.

I don't think there is a right or wrong here. I can only say what I would have done.

My oldest has some learning issue's, and at times can be incredibly socially awkward. Even at 22, he is still this way. My kids have an unbelievable ability to tolerate people. They learned this from a very early age.

For them it would have never entered their mind to not involve this young girl, they would have been upset with me had I not offered her a cupcake. Hell, they would have went without a cupcake to make sure the other girl had one.

Some of this is because of the example I have set for them, some of it is just because that is who they are, and of course having an older brother who will never 'fit' in has played a role in this also.

Tolerance is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Yes, this was her birthday.I do understand that from a 12 year olds perspective, but was this day above the feelings of this young girl? Your DD could have had a good/fun birthday still, but she decided instead that this girl was nothing more the annoyance, and you fed into that with your own inaction.

I really am not trying to be mean. I just can't understand where you are coming from because it is very different then how I was raised and how I have raised my own children.

ETA>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

The baby shower question isn't quite so black and white.

Comparing a child to an adult, is like comparing an apple to an orange. People tend to forget that children are still learning many aspects of social skills, sure some pick them up early, but others do not. At some point though most adults do know how to read attitudes and body language. If the annoying person was mentally challenged in anyway I would treat them similar to a child. A homeless person, would be afforded the same as any other adult, with slightly more compassion because I don't know what led them to why they are where they are in life.

Sorry compassion just isn't that hard of an emotion for me.

1000 flowers to bug!

I think you did the right thing. You asked her nicely to find someone else to hang out with. Nothing wrong with that. I wouldn't give a cupcake to a child you didn't know w/out the parent's approval. I think it was presumptuous of her to even ask for one w/out being offered. It was also disrespectful of her to continue following your daughter and her friends after you told her to please leave them alone.

So many kids today are just so ballsy. I once took my daughter roller skating during a weekday afternoon when a daycare center was there. This one little boy kept coming up to me and asking me for money. I told him no three times then finally told one of the daycare supervisors.

ETA: After reading all of these answers, I am SHOCKED at how many people would give food to a child they've never seen before without even considering that maybe there are reasons BESIDES selfishness for refusing. The news, magazines, newspapers, etc have stories ALL THE TIME about how food allergies are on the rise, how more people are going gluten free, etc. Just because an eight year old asks for a cupcake doesn't mean you should give her one without knowing her background.

To all those who are shaming the OP for not giving the cupcake, insert your own child into this situation. Would you want YOUR child going up to a stranger asking for food? Would you want YOUR child basically inviting herself to a birthday party for kids that were several years older than her? Or would you have taught your own kids better manners and not to ask strangers for food? Granted, most of you probably wouldn't drop your eight year old off alone at the skating rink, but if you did, would you really want to pick her up and find out that she bugged other kids, attempted repeatedly to insert herself in their birthday party, and walked up and asked for a cupcake without being offered? I hope you all teach your own children better manners before you put down the poster.

Sorry that happened at your daughter's party. I think you handled it well. Your daughter shouldn't be forced to entertain a much younger child that she doesn't know at her own bday party. I think it's great that she tried hard to handle it on her own before coming to you and think it's fine that you nicely told her to leave them alone. I'd have done the same thing.

She's much too young to have been dropped off alone. Clearly she was bored and lonely, but that's not your problem.

I wouldn't have given the cupcake only because I don't give other children food without their parents' permission, unless I know the child well and know that it would be fine with their mom. My son has allergies and he'd have gotten very sick if he'd eaten the cupcake. Most likely this girl doesn't and would have been perfectly fine, but you never know. Or you could have a mom come screaming at you for giving her child sugar. If the mom was there and said it was fine, I'd give the extra cupcake (though I would also then tell the mom to keep her kid away!)

At my little guy's party outside a theme park, where we had tables reserved but people were free to wander, I had children coming to admire the Elmo cupcakes I'd made. From their own parties! So I knew they had cakes and goodies of their own. But, I had extra and I offered, to kids and adults, and gave happily to those who asked. I love to include children such as the one you encountered, wherever we are, because the world is an ugly place without kindness. We never know what they are facing in life, one gesture can make or break their day.

You did what worked for you, so be content. It personally wouldn't work for me.
_______________________
ETA - Thanks for your shower analogy, this actually happened at my sister's bridal shower. A woman sneaked in and was helping herself to food, (buffet), my sister asked me who she was, I'd never seen her, so she walked up to her and asked. The woman got defensive and walked away, yet kept coming up to my sister, interrupting her and the festivities. I took her aside and said, "Look, we don't know you, this is my sister's shower, please be respectful and leave here." She promptly burst into tears, said she and her husband were out of work, their two kids were hungry, she'd hoped to get them some food. (In her defense her plate was covered, she hadn't touched it, she planned to take it to them.) My head was reeling, I'd been ready to be tough and I couldn't. I explained to my sister, I put together food for her family, included her in the shower games/talk, arranged a ride home for her and the food, got her phone numbers and addresses she could contact on Monday for help, and cried when she was gone, that I could have made her leave because of her unorthodox way of trying to feed her children. She and my sister became good friends and still are 15 years later, her employment situation changed for her and her husband, her family's life turned out good, and I wouldn't change anything I did. She was in that place at that time, as was I, for a reason.

You were free to do as you chose at the party, and you were curious if we'd dealt with similar situations, I have.

This is so sad (not for your daughter, for the poor little girl who just wanted to be involved). My first instinct is that you saw an 8 year old left alone in a public place and you went back and forth about a cupcake? Why did you not notify management about an unsupervised small child? You can't compare a lonely child to an adult at a baby shower. Your So What Happened sounds to me like you feel bad about how you handled it and wanted some justification from us. I hope the little girl made it home ok...

I am surprised at how many people are against you on this one. I agree with what you did. You were not mean, but kids need to understand that sometimes not everything is for them!

NO WAY would I have given a cupcake to the girl if her parents weren't there to ask. (If they were there, yes) Don't really think that teaching a child to accept food from a stranger with out asking a parent is a good habit to teach! Not to mention that approaching a party to ask for food is rude! If she is old enough to be there alone, she is old enough to have basic manners.

Your daughter was nice to her, but should not have to not play with her friends just because the other girl was alone. In most cases, I would encourage my child to include her, but this is a special situation. It was her birthday party. If it were at a bowling alley I don't think other moms on here would be saying, "You should have let her bowl with you!" Just because it is a more open area doesn't mean she had to be included in everything.

I think you handled it well. It sounds like it was hard for you to be firm with the child and tell her no (I am the same way!), but you did the appropriate thing.

There's a time and a place and this just wasn't it.
There was a whole bunch of other people to meet and she focused on your daughter to exclusion of everyone else there.
I'm a little cautious about clinging vines.
Maybe she focused on the party because she hoped for a free meal.
She might be just a lonely girl, but she might be a regular that's use to working the crowd too.
12 yrs old isn't 8 yrs old - she's not THAT little.
Entertaining and feeding her were not your responsibility.
I'd have done the same as you and told her maybe we'll see her some other time but today we have guests and it's time you run along now.
You can crop the picture or photo shop her out of it.

I may be in the minority, but I think you handled the situation perfectly. She was a stranger. You do not know her situation. Personally I am all for empathy and inclusion, but it was your daughter's special day with her friends. The fact that your friendly, sociable daughter became uncomfortable with the situation would have sent up a huge red flag for me. Of course I would have felt badly that the girl was "alone" but you are not responsible for her at a skating rink. What if she had an accident and her parents blamed you? You just never know. I would have done what you did, then said "maybe next time we come, if you're here, you can skate with us."

I certainly would not want my daughter to remember her birthday as the one when her mom said that she had to allow an intrusive younger child to join her celebration. Doesn't sound like the girl was willing to be part of the party as much as she wanted your daughter's full attention. Just my opinion, for what it's worth. Another day, I definitely would have offered to befriend her - cautiously.

(Will probably edit this post ten times because I can't find the right words, lol. But I hope your daughter had a wonderful birthday!)

I know you've gotten a lot of responses, but I just wanted to add that I think you did a great job handling the situation. Being kind and tolerant to people does not mean being everyone's best friend and including them in all you do. Kids need to learn boundaries and social cues and also that there is not always a place for them.

I was shaking my head at the poster who compared the 8-yr old to a kitten. Seriously? Anyway, I digress. I do not include everyone in everything I do because we don't always see eye to eye or get along. It's called life.

But I do agree that this is a great discussion to have with your daughter. Maybe let her read some of the posts and see what she thinks about the situation after the fact, and try to see things from the other child's perspective. Good job!

I am really surprised by some of these responses.
Anyone who has girls, or who has worked with girls, should understand that four years is a HUGE age difference.
Even the sweetest, most patient 12 year old would not want a tag along, 8 year old stranger doing this at her birthday party.
It's no different than if the girls were 2 and 6, or 6 and 10 or 12 and 16.
I also would have felt sorry for the girl, and would have probably tried to steer her towards some girls her own age if possible.
As a LONG time mom of daughters and Girl Scout leader and volunteer that's what I would have done.
It's fine, good and wonderful to encourage your daughter to be kind and inclusive but we also need to teach our girls it's okay to say no. Being kind isn't the same as being a doormat, and that girl NEEDS to learn how to seek out friends her own age. Girls who seek out friendships with older girls more often than not get into trouble. Trust me, I speak from too much experience :-(

I used to get dropped off at the rink all the time & always tried to make friends w/other girls around my age. Some accepted me, others didn't. IMO that's no biggie to me but in your case, it sounds like this girl was lacking attention at home, etc. & tried to seek attention/make friends w/anyone who'd give her attention but then doesn't know (or perhaps wasn't taught) to take a hint they're not invited.

IMO you did exactly right & just what I'd have done. Some may think it's "cruel" to not include the little girl or give her the cupcake but like you said, you didn't know her, it's not your place nor responsibility to include someone just b/c they need attention & even more so, you don't know her dietary requirements...what if she was diabetic? That's one thing I didn't see here in other replies, only about possible allergies which could be true too but I am quite surprised at the upset posters who replied that you should've given the cupcake, IMO that's wrong! I would've been VERY upset if I'd known a stranger gave my child a cupcake (or anything else) w/o asking so you handled the situation correctly. I agree w/you entirely.

Kids need to be taught "no" as well as "yes". Good job! And unlike others who replied...I get what you meant about comparing to an adult get-together...it really is the same type of situation. :) And YES I would've been annoyed but I think I'd be more annoyed if it was someone I knew (like from work, or a relative, etc) that I didn't particularly make friends with or like or get along with that well that tried to impose. MY SIL is great at imposing so I get your meaning!

I'm also surprised at how hard some mothers are coming down on you.

First, I NEVER give food to kids I don't know unless i get the ok from a parent first. Period. Not only because of allergy or other sensitivity issues, but for stranger safety issues. Isn't one of the first lessons learned to not take candy from strangers without parental supervision? I'm sure not about to undermine that lesson by handing out cupcakes to random kids.

Second, I understand that she was probably lonely. BUT, she was at a skating rink full of kids..l probably plenty her own age. Your daughter was nice to her, so the little girl latched on to her. If you were to force her to entertain this kid, then what lesson is learned... That being nice to someone means you HAVE to put up with their annoying behavior?

Third, an uninvited, clingy person can indeed ruin her party. It is not often that tween girls are able to go in groups to places like that, and it was a special occasion. She wanted to spend time with HER friends, not a kid who couldn't take a hint. (Believe me, I have been forced to include younger kids all the time when I was that age, and I resented it very much. I don't mind being nice, and including kids when I am just hanging out... But at special occasions I wanted to be able to relax and celebrate.) she shouldn't have to martyr herself at her own birthday party.

I personally agree with your tactics here. I might have given the little girl a time limit... "Ok, she will play with you for 10 more minutes, but then you need to find some girls your age. Look, there's a group over there!"

I'm in the "you did the right thing" camp. I don't mean to be harsh, but my first thought was that it was your daughter's Birthday and I'm sure you spent a good amount of $$ making sure she had a good time with her friends. Big difference between 8 year old girls and 12 year old girls. I'm also part of the "you don't have to be friends with the whole world" camp.

NO WAY on this earth I would have given her a cupcake or any other type of food. Children have good allergies and I wouldn't want to be responsible for causing a reaction in an unattended child. Your daughter tried to be nice, you tried to be nice and firm. Other than that, I don't see that you did anything wrong.

While this child is obviously needing and wanting for attention, I would have done the same as you. I think you handled it perfectly. I would never give food, let alone sweets, to a child I don't know. I hardly do it with kids I *do* know without asking their mom or dad first. It was your daughter's party and neither she or you had any obligation whatsoever to invite her to be part of it. I would be horrified if I found out my child tried to impose him/herself like that.

I can't believe someone would just drop their kid off at a rink and leave them. Crazy people.

This is a hard one... On a normal day, I would say that you should have encouraged your daughter to include the girl by introducing her to all her party guests. Maybe she would have " clicked" with one of the other girls. However I understand this was a special day for your daughter. 12 is kind of old though not to understand social cues. I definitely feel sorry for the girl though.

I have to say that I find it sad nowadays how unkind children can be. My kids are much younger but there have been times when we'll be at a local park or the pool and my girls will approach other kids and ask if they can play with them and I'm always a bit shocked and saddened when those kids will at times give my girls a hurtful look and say, " no." Whatever happened to the more the merrier. Kids seemed much nicer when I was growing up. Now unless you already know someone and it's a pre-scheduled planned out "playdate" no one wants to play. It all seems like way too much work.

Returning from my tangent... I think you did what you thought to be right and best at the time. The fact that you're still thinking about it and reaching out to others shows that you are a good and decent person that I have no doubt takes the time to teach her children about kindness and respect. It's done and over. Don't beat yourself up about it. I hope your daughter had a very happy birthday!

I too am really surprised at how critical so many people here are being about what you did, although honestly it could be a little how you are framing it. I think there is a bit of a sense that you "allowed" your daughter to be less inclusive because it was her birthday. I don't make my children play with kids they don't know or like, regardless of the occasion. They must always be polite, but I would never tell my daughter she had to hold hands with a strange child or share her food with someone she doesn't know just because that child asked. And as the hostess of her own party, yes, she does have more of an obligation to attend to her own guests than someone she doesn't even know.

I have been to several parties in public venues, and what happened to you is definitely outside the norm. I can't think of anyone who brings extra cupcakes "just in case" random children come up and ask for one. It is rude for anyone, even children, to invite themselves to a stranger's party. As a parent, I would be angry if I heard that my children did that. Also, as a parent, I would be pretty peeved if someone I didn't know gave my child a cupcake just because she asked for it.

If I had been in your situation, I would have asked the little girl where her parents were. If they were there, I would have spoken to them. If she said that she was there by herself, I would have talked to the skating rink management to make sure that at least someone was looking out for her. But no, I don't think it was your responsibility to take charge of a strange child nor to feed her. Maybe you could have said to her, "I'm sorry, my daughter is too busy to play with you today, but we will come back to the skating rink in x days if you want to play then."

I don't know, tough situation all around. Maybe talk to your daughter. Tell her your misgivings and ask what she thinks should have been done. You both can still learn and grow from an uncomfortable situation.

I feel sorry for you and your daughter. Yes, it was a public place. But you had rented a table in a corner for a private time as many rinks do.

A child that no one knew pushed or tried to force herself into your plans is not good. Your daughter did her best on her own to tell the child to go away but the child did not or would not let it got. Your daughter asked for help and you came. You told the other child to leave her alone and go skate on the rink with the other kids.

This was a teaching moment for both your daughter and the 8 year old. No one was there for her and you were not responsible for her. She has to learn the lesson and the sooner she learns it the better. Not everyone wants to include everybody and that is their right. So for all of you who feel so sorry and want to include you send a wrong message. Not everyone in the work place or school is included in everything that is done unless it is a school assembly or office meeting that is mandatory.

Know that you did the right thing by not giving the cupcake.

Life is life and we all have to learn our place big and small. If you did have such a problem with the girl, could management have helped you?

I will get off my soapbox now.

EDIT: As for the second part, I would probably take the person to the side and state that the function is private affair and to leave us alone. If she didn't, I would contact management.

the other S.

1000 Flowers to Mommyc.
She says exactly what I think of this situation.

I really don't get the teeth nashing reactions to not giving her a cupcake. Some of these people acted like you denied a starving child a crumb. It just would not have been smart to give a random kid a cupcake.

You weren't cruel to this girl, your daughter wasn't cruel...and it was a very weird situation.

Totally agree with you... it is one thing to be nice, and talk with other kids, but you had no obligation to feed her or include her in the party itself.

The little girl does need to learn some boundaries..... and you telling her nicely that the cupcake was for the party guests was hopefully a bit of a clue to her that it wasn't for her.

She may also just be a child that doesn't "get" the social norms or body cues.

Places like that usually have rules posted about unattended and unsupervised children. After determining that her parents weren't there, I would have probably given her a cupcake and brought her to the management office to have the girl call her parents.

It was NOT the time to teach the OP's daughter the lesson to be inclusive.

It was NOT the time to teach the 8 year old girl a lesson that she shouldn't crash a party.

It's perfectly fine to say "no" when we feel "no" and teaching our girls that it's okay can actually save their lives later. Instead we teach them that being polite is more important. Sorry, no it's not. That little girl's safety was more important than being polite.

But that really wasn't even the point. The little girl was left alone at a roller rink where she knew no one. I'm guessing that she didn't feel safe and that's why she latched onto the OP's daughter and group party. She felt safer doing so. That didn't make her the OP's responsibility to "take her in" however, the responsibility to take her to management to figure out where her parents were should have been apparent.

Still, I have no criticism for the OP. I put the entirety of the blame for this squarely on the 8 year old's parents.

I would not give a child food if I don't know them - not only should that child be more aware of accepting food from strangers, but you don't know whether she had allergies and could have taken a great risk if it was food her family didn't want her to have - although being there alone, her family probably wasn't too concerned about her...

Valencia C. you are so right.

As a child, I was loved and never alone. I have been a lonely adult MANY TIMES. As an adult, I would have invited a lonely adult into a Grown Girls Luncheon if I were at a restaurant hooping it up with pals and noticed a lonely looking woman smiling at us.

Ladies, we have GOT to do better as a HUMAN RACE!!!!

I would have been slightly annoyed for my daughter...but with that being said, seeing how she was so little, only around 8? you think, then I would have probably taken her over a plate w/a slice if pizza & the extra cupcake & told her that I was sorry she couldn't be included but that my daughter needed to socialize with her guests! I would have offered her the food & then politely asked her to leave my daughter be & to let her enjoy her friends & her party.

Too bad that there weren't any other girls her own age there! I can't believe her parents would just ditch her there all alone, that is so sad!!

~Now as far as your question about if this happened to me with an adult, I would have been WAY more annoyed & informed the butt-in-ski that we were trying to celebrate at our private party & to bugger off...of course I would be polite at first but if she didn't take the hint, then I would have proceeded like I said. Adults should know better.

Totally not the same as this poor little 8 y/o girl who was all alone & probably jealous of the fun times & friends & party you guys were having.

I think I would have actually asked her where her parents were & then told an employee that this poor girl had been left alone! Hopefully they would have called her Mother? Heck, I might have even called hermit her myself & explained the situation...which sounds like it was just sad all the way around!

Hope your daughter had a nice party, regardless!

I think you did the right thing. It was probably very frustrating and saddening to always be policing the situation but was probably best for your daughter and the invited friends. I'm always cautious about giving food to others -- not that I'm stingy but you never know with food allergies and other kids (gluten, dairy, etc). I know a fair share of kids these days with allergies. I guess you could've alerted the ice rink party coordinator(s) ...but most of the times these people don't care so much. And what is an 8 y/o doing at a rink alone?

I think that by the age of twelve I would want to try to teach my child the skills to tell some one to back off. I totally understand her wanting to have a special moment and how its not pc not to include everyone. But really when are overly nice to those who are pushy or have annoying or odd habbits were not doing them any favors. We learn by others how to act and what makes others comfortable. She was making them uncomfortable and should know so. IMO . I think when she came to you for help I am not exactly sure what I would have told her to do. But I would try my best to give her advice on how she should handle it. Not only will it give her the social skills not to let ppl walk all over her and stand up for herself it will give the other person fair notice that her presence is not welcome. Honestly I would tell her or any kid " Go over there and stand up for youself and tell that little girl she needs to leave me and this group alone, that you have asked her nicely and now you are telling her, if she wont leave you alone your going to talk to the security guard, or owners about your behavior. "

In your what happened about the baby shower situation- I would tell and adult she needed to leave in a nice way. " I dont mean to be rude but I am in the middle of something" If the woman asked if she could join ( very weird and odd but IF ) I would tell her "no you cannot, have a good day" in a very calm monotone voice. People say " your real" meaing I am kinda harsh and dont tell people what they want to hear but what is real. Not in a mean way but in a truthful way. A friend said she was doing something silly but something she shouldnt do and told me " Dont judge me, J" and I said " Oh I will judge and judge you harshly" She laughed!

I would think facilities such as this have rules about unattended children. I would have alerted rink personnel to the situation so they could take appropriate action, including alerting authorities if necessary. At the very least, it should be established whether or not this child is at the rink with no adult supervision.

I think I would have felt and acted the same way you did. Unfortunately this poor child hasn't learned appropriate boundaries.

I might have given her a cupcake, but that's probably it. And it really depends on the circumstances, too, so don't beat yourself up over that. You were the one who was there - not us.

i love your baby shower analogy! That was exactly what i was thinking.

I personally think you did the right thing, As someone else said, setting boundaries is important. You were very kind in your response to her rude behavior. Can you imagine that 6 other kids had done the same thing?

I don't think these people on this board should make you feel bad for not taking this kid home and adopting her.

Can't say as if i remember this happening to us, certainly not to this extreme. sometimes kids at the ball field will climb up next to us on the bleachers and want to watch over my kids shoulder to play ds. if the kids are ok with it, they watch, if my kids turn it off and put it away, i just gentley tell the kids that mine wnat to watch the game.so far it has worked.

Wow! 8 years old is very young to be left at a roller rink for hours by herself. How sad.

I think that you had a hard situation where you had to hedge your bets.You didn't know this child and the parent wasn't around. You don't know what her food issues, allergies, etc. are. You gave her kind language about the fact that your daughter wasn't likely to pay attention to her. In some ways, I think it was likely a sign of strength that the girl was willing to work to seek out company, however, I can understand how awkward that must have been. The higher self would want to take that kid under one's wing and try to fill the void a little bit, but I also understand how hard it is to do that when you have multiple kids to look after already.

What a tough, tough situation. The only time we've had unwanted company was at a restaurant; it wasn't a clingy older kid; it was an older toddler who was attacking my son for a toy our Kiddo had picked up in the toy area. Classic "they are all mine" toddler mentality. Which is normal, but this kid grabbed onto our son and followed him back to our booth, wouldn't let go of his shirt or leave him alone. We were looking around and asking him for his parents, nothing. It turns out *Dad and a buddy were at the table next to the play area*, ignoring everything. He was drinking, talking to his friend and pretty checked out. not a pleasant outing. (We don't go to that restaurant anymore, it seems to have been attracting that sort of slacker parent. )