Unable to Decide About 3Rd Child

I just had my 3rd 2 months ago. I have a 7 yr old (8 next month) and a 2 1/2 yr old. My 8 yr old gets a little upset that we can't do as much as we used too, but she loves her baby brother and is always holding him and playing with him.
I am a single mother (long story), but i wish i had some help. I think as long as you have a good support system (active father/husband) it will be fine on the late nights, no sleep, and so forth.
I personnaly do not like to give my babies to other people to take care of. It makes me sad to miss out on new things that they may do and just not being their primary caregiver.
That is a huge age gap, but like i said my almost 8 yr loves her new new brother.
I thought 4 was the perfecct family size. the world is made for a family of 4 right?
Do you want to try for the girl? I have 2 girls and got my boy on the third try.
Good luck hope this helped some.

I was just talking to a group of moms this weekend about how you know you're done and whether you just know or if you have to really struggle with it until it's too late to have another one. The moms who were done having kids said they knew and were totally at peace with the decision. They described things like missing having a baby but cringing at the thought of going through it again; enjoying seeing other people's babies but being grateful that they are no longer in that stage; being sad that their children are growing up so quickly but realizing that having a baby just to fill the empty place doesn't solve anything because that baby will grow up quickly too. I don't see you describing it that way. You seem to be more just uncertain what life looks like with a third.

Having three does change things. For one thing, you're outnumbered, so to speak. Mostly joking, but if your children were younger, it could be a concern. But your older two children are old enough where you are not going to have to deal with a lot of the stress that comes with kids spaced closer together (like how to physically move around a toddler or catch them when they suddenly dart away while also dealing with a newborn). There's no harm in having the gap, either. It'll make the baby more of a novelty and someone to be doted on, rather than a competitor (at least for a good while). Our nine year old is awesome with our two year old, and I think it's because he doesn't feel the direct pressure that comes from the two who are closer in age (who he is rotten with nine tenths of the time). And yes, it can make it hard to do some things, but if you and your husband are okay with the "divide and conquer" approach where one takes the baby and the other one goes out with the older kids, it'll get you by till the 3rd is old enough to participate. It can be fun to send the older ones out with dad and enjoy alone time with the baby. It can also be fun to take the older ones out and leave the little one at home with someone else. In short, you can make it work for you if you want to.

But I think the most important thing is to make sure you and your husband are communicating openly about your wishes to either stop or have a third. Express your fears and concerns; express your hopes and excitement. Discuss what you would realistically be looking at. Run through a normal day, and try to picture that with another newborn in the mix. And ultimately, don't let yourself by motivated by either fear or by nostalgia for the baby stage.

I felt the sameway when my husband and I decided to have our 3rd. I worried about all you listed and yet my hubby and I went on and had our 3rd. Now there is a big age gap between the three of our kid's but I never had a conflicting issue about doing activities and so on. Both my hubby and I come from big families, his side 3 girls 3 boys, my side 5 girls and 1 boy! Although I don't think we will go that far but having our third was really the best thing for us! We are even thnking about baby #4, but not for another 2 years. As far as age, that really shouldn't mean much, i know a women that just had her first child at 47! She did fine. It all depends on your health. I never had it to the point where any of my older children became jelous from the 3rd, they wanted to be involved though! Burping her, changing her poopy diapers, bathing her, etc. They loved it! I say have a talk with your hubby and just see what happens from there. I guess it's all up to you and your hubby! Good Luck!

hey girl - I absolutely know how you feel - our 3rd just turned 1, and we have 2 boys, 9 & almost 7. I was worried that they would resent her, and also about the starting over from square 1 with diapers, etc. It has turned out wonderfully though - the boys just adore the baby - they have so much fun with her & she just loves them too. It is so fun to see them all playing together & to watch her want to do everything they do, and for them to sit down and play with her toys with her. I absolutely would not have it any other way! I actually really like the age gap, because the boys are able to help with a lot of things - they will watch her while i take a shower lol - i definitely never had that when they were this age! They like to get her sippy cup for her, and try to get her to walk - i just can't get over how fantastic it is to have them in my life - I really feel blessed! If you do want a 3rd, I would say go for it!!! :) :) :)

~T.

Nature has designed women (and many men) to crave more babies. That craving was once needed for the survival of the human race in spite of the difficulties and dangers of pregnancy/childbirth/childrearing, disease, famine, accidents and wars. However, we are now the most 'successful' species on Earth, to the extent that for decades we have been crowding out other life forms, and are consuming non-renewable resources, polluting and changing our environment at a rate that alarms those of us who study such things.

I had urgent population concerns when I came of age in the 60's. Since then, my concerns have only grown. I stopped with one child because this is so important to me. My parenting experience was full and rewarding; my child was happy and well-balanced and has turned out to be a wonderful adult and mother. She, in turn, has chosen to stop at one wonderful child, who is quite happy being an 'only' and will tell people who ask that he expects to father only one child when he grows up.

Siblings may or may not be happy with a new baby in the family. They may or may not feel jealous or deprived. They may or may not adore the new baby. The baby may or may not be happy, healthy, and free of special needs or medical problems. There are no guarantees, and you will see about as many positives as negatives when you look at other families who have gone for additional babies.

But if we realize that a great part of that baby hunger is simply our genetic and personal history at work, it might make it easier to make a clear-eyed choice. You and your husband will really have to work through your personal preferences, but in your "No, we have enough" column, I hope you will list the strain every new baby places on the survival system needed by all future children. This planet is smaller and more fragile than most of us realize.

3 kids is more difficult than 2. My last 2 are 20 months apart so little different situation than yours. Here's some things to think about when planning another child. First, how healthy are you? If you are overweight and over 35 or have chronic health problems, it's likely going to increase your risks during pregnancy. If you were on bedrest for a complicated pregnancy, would your family and work function fine without you for those weeks/months? If you have some chronic health problems, please see a Dr. or Midwife for preconceptual counseling before trying to conceive. Are you willing to raise a child with physical or mental challenges? Risk of babies being born with chromosomal abnormalities are higher as well as all abnormalities after age 35. A baby wouldn't choose to spend 2/3 of it's waking hours during the first 5 yrs in the care of someone other than Mom or Dad. Could you sacrifice some income for your baby to bond and enjoy security of being with Mom/Dad? If all these answers are "Yes", I'd say toss the BC and perhaps you will be blessed. If not, perhaps you have some more to discuss with your husband. This is a very important decision.
I've noticed that since having my 3rd child after 35, I have less energy to function when I'm up a lot during the night with the baby. Some days there just isn't enough coffee in the world to make the fog of lack of sleep fade. I'm a SAHM since birth of my first, but it's still really hard some days.
When I think about being nearly 60 when my last child graduates from college and moves out, it gives me pause. Glad I'm in terrific health because I have a long time before my kids will be totally independent. My husband and I both were products of late childbearing and now are caring and sometimes financially supporting our elderly parents (both sets past 75) and we are only 37 and 42 yrs old. This is a stress we gladly assume for we love them, but it is stressful at times especially with 3 kids still under age 6.
I'm totally happy I was blessed with 3 kids (last baby result of contraception failure), but it is definitely a lot of work. I'm so glad you are thinking this through. Hope you and your husband can make a wise decision with which you can both live. Nurse Midwife Mom

I say go for it. I am 36 with a 9 year and 6 year old. My husband and I toyed with the idea of a third for years and then just let the issue go. I recently found out I am now pregnant with #3. It was not planned and I know I never would've tried to have this one but now that I am pregnant, we are both really excited. My kids are both excited too. They have expressed some worries they have but we have talked it out and now we are all happy. Yes, it may be more work, but I think you're older kids will still be able to do the things they want to do and they will be a big help with the baby. The support I've had from my friends who wished they would've had another one but now cannot has been enormous. I never really realized how many people want another one but are afraid to take that leap. I say go for it. Good luck!!

I had the same worries that you listed last fall, when I was secretly thinking of adding to our family after five years of completely denying ever having more kids. I am now 32 weeks pregnant with our little guy, and he will have two 5.5 year old sisters to greet him when he arrives. I've been worried about the same things you listed my entire pregnancy, until about two weeks ago when things started to come into place (bedroom, boxes of diapers piling up, clothes, swings, etc.), and now we cannot wait. I'm very hopeful that my worries will disappear (mostly) when he arrives becuase we will actually have him and not worried about the "what-if's".

Obviously you have to do what is right for you, your family, and your marriage. I dont know though, if you'd be askign the question if you weren't really considering it. Good luck with whatever decision you choose.

I just wanted to chime in on the age gap. We have 4, soon to be 5, but 2 completely different "sets". My big kids are 11, 10 and 8. The baby is almost 8 months and we are due in Feb. Actually there has been nothing the big kids have missed out on. DS1 still played ball all summer, and we went to every game, I took them sledding and left the baby home with dad over the winter. We all just went to the beach the other day. We still go out to dinner once a month or so, have backyard fires after the baby goes to bed, swim in our pool, walk to the library DS2 and DD are still going to summer camp, Ds2 still did scouts and all the activities, and DD gymnastics, and the baby didn't make me miss anything I wouldn't have missed anyways, simply because I can't be 3 places at once.

If you make an effort not to let the baby keep your older kids from being older kids, then chances are it won't happen. I know people who it almost seems like the big kids are raising the little one (people who's kids aren't any older than mine) and that isn't fair, I want the baby used to seeing the big kids coming and going and while they do spend time with him and help out, if I'm cooking or need to shower ect. The baby isn't their responsibility, and i certainly don't want to deal with tantrums later because the big kids leave to go do something.

I felt so many of the same feelings before we went for our 3rd!! I always knew I wanted another, but I was so unsure of how I'd handle it all - I also work full time. I am so, so grateful for our little boy and can't imagine life without him. There was that window of adjustment, as there was with each new baby, but then it was like he was always here. The way I think of it - I've never, ever heard of anyone regretting having another baby, but I hear of so many that regret NOT having one more. Now I'm wrestling with the decision to have a 4th! :)

As far as the others - our girls LOVE their baby brother. And having your two oldest ones being so much older, that would really make things easier for you. I think the best gift you can give your kids is siblings! I don't know what I'd do without mine!

I say go for it...what's better than a child? We are so happy with our five!