I haven't had a true biter in years. I say true because all toddlers will bite once or twice or not at all. A true biter will repeat that several times in a short period of time. Grr.. Last year one of my boys bit 2 or 3 times over about 5 months time. He left a mark on one girl and she just laughed. Seriously, she told me he did it with such a huge grin on her face that I didn't strip search her because no way did I think he left a mark. The other times he didn't leave a mark.
Now this SAME boy has a bite mark on him and his mom is asking me where it came from. He's 3 and a half years old and did NOT tell me. I don't remember him crying. But it happened sometime during the day yesterday. So it's not like I would remember unless it was significant. Kids fuss and scrap with each other. It's not like I look over every inch of them unless they are carrying on.
I HATE biting. I keep such a small group and try and keep them in my sites all the time. I don't even know who to shadow right now and why didn't he say? Why is it that sometimes people don't make the logical conclusion that if a child of that age isn't saying who it was and doesn't point out the bite on their own, that is must not have been that traumatic?
I don't know what I dislike more...the biting, or the way people react to the biting. Oh yeah and the other rather significant thing about daycare is that as it so often happens, the parents upset by the biting are often the parents of kids that a year or so ago were the biters. Of course, this mom is upset that I don't know. She's so sure he had to carry on and tell us. But no, not at all.
Oh yeah..the obligatory question...
How many of you have found bites on your kids when they were old enough to say who did it, but they didn't remember?
I was a Nanny to a boy who would bite himself. I don't think that is a common situation, but something to consider?
Maybe he bit himself?
That being said in any daycare/pre school situation I have ever been in you do not disclose to the parent who the biter is...I mean honestly, what purpose does it serve to know WHO bit your child? It is age appropriate, it happens.
Sadly I have a biter in my class right now, he bites someone almost daily...I know part of it is due to a language delay, he bites when he is frustrated...but am I supposed to hold his hand all day? I have sometimes 11 other children I am responsible for. If we are on the playground you can easily double or triple that number depending on how many classes and or teachers are also on the playground.
I have 3 kids, all 3 have been the victim of a bite at one time or another, sure it is upsetting but I am not saying that my children are saints and never bit anyone.
I think parents expect a lot out of caregivers and unfortunately we cannot dictate every action the children make in our care, the best we can do is give our attention to the kids and try and redirect behavior into acceptable responses when tempers escalate.
I had the same issue in my toddler class this little boys grandma would tell me on almost a daily basis he was bitten but he never cried and was the sweetest little thing! Luckily she never was upset because she understood kids did this. It about drove me nuts trying to find out who was bitting him so since it was the same little boy getting bit we kept him by us and then found who it was! Good luck and hope you find who it is
My kids have always been verbal--very verbal about that and everything else. So, we didn't have that issue. But I would encourage you to have a small chat with all of the children on Monday and remind them that biting is never ok and it hurts. See if anyone fesses up to the biting on thurs.---Also, you can have a chat with the 3 1/2 year old and see if they want to say who it is now. Thats about all you can do. The parent will just have to realize until her child tells you who it is, you can't really nip the behavior since you don't know who the kid is! GL
M
Biting is not a happy thing, for sure.
I think you should just have a talk with the kids about biting. Biting isn't nice. It's okay to say something if someone bites you.
Try to keep a closer eye. I did daycare and actually had a couple of kids who would bite THEMSELVES if they got angry. They did it at home too, so fortunately, there wasn't a question about where the marks on their forearms came from. Still had to be dealt with.
I think you just need to address it with the kids. Make sure they know the rules about biting and what to do if it happens.
Hang in there.
Maybe every time she mentions it turn it around on her, saying IF only he would be more verbal and let us know, if only he COULD remember,
HMM I wonder if he feels that he caused the bite by grabbing a toy or pushing... she'll stop talking about it if it puts her son in a bad light.
Also find a way to remind her he was a biter each time she brings it up "well I remember the time he bit Suzy and she didnt tell me the first few times" Or "I remember when he bit Joey last year and boy did Joey let me know!"
