I'm having a lot of trouble within myself trying to decide on having a third child or not. Since I am in my late 30s, I don't have a lot of time left on the clock. We have two girls, the oldest is 2.5 and the youngest is 6 months. I'm sure no one ever regrets having a third child; and, I don't want to wake up someday and say "I should've have, I wish I had". At the same time, I'm still a bit exhausted from the adjustment to two children. And, then I think about how the world is built for families of four...we would need to buy a bigger car...get a bigger house...wait longer for traveling with the kids...have a harder time helping the children with college...stay out of the workforce longer...etc. Is this all stuff that "just works itself out?".....or are my concerns reasonable? I would love to hear advice from those who have faced the same dilemna and chose both a third, and not. My husband is pretty much on the fence, too. If we go with a third, something tells me to do it quick, and get the hard baby stage beyond us sooner than later :-)
It's interesting to hear other people's ideas...that's kind of the debate my husband and I are having...we have 2 little boys (5 & 2)...I'm leaning towards having another and my husband is leaning towards only 2. It's tough. Good luck!
Hi A.,
It sounds to me like if you are both unsure, than you may both regret later if you don't. There is always a way to make it after you have another child. Somehow, you find a way. I come from a family of seven kids and I love the fact that I can chose who I want to talk to when I want and there are some brothers/sisters that I can talk to about some things and some I can't. So it makes my life easier when you have more to play with or chose from later in life. Also, alot of people nowadays are having children starting after 40. So don't let your biological clock fool you. I have 4 children and I am about to be 38 and I would be done but my husband wants another boy. So I feel obligated to him to do that. I've had all c-sections, so imagine how hard that is for me and the age but we only live once and your children will thank you for it later because I know alot of people that come from having only 1 sister/brother and they would have wanted more also. I hope you decide to have another for your and your husband's sake because you won't regret it. All children are blessings and if you are unsure, you'll more than likely get the itch after 40. Imagine, I am also a stay at home mom and we still find a way to make life work for us and our children and still are going to have another!
I want three but have to stop at the two we have. My husband is done though. He wouldn't treat the third the same and may outcasts him/her. If it's another girl he said it would be just another mouth to feed. Such a sad way of looking at it but he was honest and I must respect that for the sake of the kids. Our retirement would suffer greatly because I'd want to stay home part-time if we had a third. A fund for college is critical for what we want to give them. Their Grandma started a fund for them and I contribute to it. Do you have something going into a retirement and college fund now? I think you need to figure out how much money you want for college and retirement and find out how much you need to spend now to reep the benefits later when you need it. Figure out if you can do it with three kids and if you can put away and be where you want to be at financially then go for it now. I know they have grants and aids or state assistant programs if you can't afford stuff but I try to avoid that because if someone can work they can work for what they want. Just my take on it. I just wouldn't bring a kid into the world with an idea that assistance will be there if you need it. Try to do it without because you never know if that assistance will be there later in life.
We decided to have two children before we started having any, I think this makes it easier to accept now that we have two. After you consider your financial and emotional wellbeing I would encourage you to go ahead and have a third if you and your husband want another child. In my experience, with families at the child care center I worked at, parents of infants who are older than 35 feel strained. Just remember to decide if you want 3 or 4 before you start trying for a 3rd child otherwise you might struggle with the decision to stop having children. Best of luck in your decision.
A.
Dear A.,
Personally it was a lot easier for me at the age of 26 when I had 3 in diapers and a preschooler at the same time and never thought of having anymore after #4. I am now 40 and after #4 I went on to have #5 and #6 so I had 6 children by the time I was 36. For me we knew from the start we wanted a big family. I didn't want quite a big family as my husband did (he wanted 12) I compromised and went half way! LOL.
I even sometimes wish I hadn't of tied my tubes because I still desire babies but I know my biological clock was ticking also and I know I am blessed. It is such a hard thing to give someone advice about whether or not to have another baby or to have another baby. It really depends on you and it sounds like you are still in the mommy mode.
And yes the world is geared around a family of four and it takes a lot of adjusting and since we are 8 we just double on things, like 2 separate families. We are managing just fine though.
Good luck on whatever you decide.
D.
I had boy/girl twins first and everyone said - wow, you're lucky, you're done. My husband and I just didn't feel like our family was complete and went for #3. We are thrilled! You can still ride in sedan (you don't have to have a bigger car like a minivan (although they are convenient!)
It's definitely hard, but I feel like the first 3-5 years are tough either way. My feeling is, if you think you may want a 3rd, you probably do. Most of my friends KNEW they were done at 2. And, you probably won't regret having another wonderful child and sibling for your kids. Good luck!
i'm not speaking from experience, but from how i would like to do things. i think if you are fortunate enough to even consider the financial burdens, etc. of another child, that you should adopt.
i know if I had the ability, I would. you've been lucky enough to already have had the experience of childbirth twice, but now you can share your love with someone who's already here in the world and really needs it.
also, if you chose this route, you wouldn't have to be as concerned about the time rush and "getting the hard baby stage beyond" you.
just my 2 cents. good luck with whatever you decide.
peace,
C.
I have a only child and I think I can give her more attention, and financially do more for her than if I had 2 or 3 kids. That's my positive. I am able to volunteer up the ying yang at her school, coach her soccer team, give her tons and tons of one on one attention and financially afford her needs. That's my perks to having one.
I go back and forth and want more children then I don't. I'm also a single mom so getting married first is kinda necessary but you definately do need to think of the financial aspects and time for each child. It's sad but true I wouldn't want anymore children personally if it's going to take away or change what I give my child now, if I have future children it will only be if I can give to them what I've been able to give my one child so far. It makes a huge difference paying for college, going out to dinner, traveling, buying school clothes etc etc. when you add on the kids.
I also have some experiance growing up in a blended step family. There was 6 kids and I felt I NEVER got any attention, we never went anywhere as a family because it was chaotic and cost a fortune so I missed out on alot. Instead of being a kid my role was big sister/mother's helper.
Then there are perks to two or three or more children they always have a playmate and you most likely be blessed with many grandchildren later in life.
I'm not trying to push you one way or another it's ultimately your decision but that's just my thoughts. Good Luck
