Edited******Thanks for the great ideas! I think I got all the advise I need for now.
ok second question of the day. I have twins in second grade. I have always driven them to and from school. Well my one son said he wanted to try the bus this year. So my other son agreed. They went just fine the first day. But the ride ended up being much longer than we thought (a 10 minute drive for us took the bus an hour). One of my sons got worried that he got on the wrong bus and it wasn't going to take him home. For the past two days he refused to go on the bus but my other son loves it. The last 2 days I let my one son go on the bus and I drove my other. I am a stay at home mom right now so it really isn't that much of a problem to do this. But obviously it would be easier if they both did the same thing. I have talked to my son that is scared over and over. I explained to him that the bus driver knows him, where we live, has driven this route 3 years, would never drop him off anywhere else, etc. but he won't budge. So....what would you do? Is it ridiculous of me to let one take the bus and drive the other? They finally both like school this year and I just don't want the bus to turn into a big source of conflict. Thank you!!!!!!!
I wish I had the time to thank each one of you that gave caring and helpful advise! I think I will decide between him starting off just taking the bus in the mornings or I will have him take it M,W,F. I also loved the idea of looking at the map and talking to him about the "what if". For those of you that told me to be the parent and just decide...wow, I wish I had the wisdom you have....how did you ever come up with that?
How about you decide their method(s) of transportation and then tell them what they are going to do... kids can give input, but adults make the decisions.
My middle son (3rd grade) prefers to ride the bus to school most days. My other two prefer a ride (5th and 1st grades). We have a morning sitter and she does whatever works for her in the mornings, they know that and they do not argue. But we don't split them up - that's too much of a pain.
I pick them up every Friday (95% of the time) and they ride the bus home Mon-Thursday unless I can get off 10 minutes early.
So basically, they do what works for the adult in charge.
How about a compromise..
Take them to school (so they don't have such a long ride in the am and neither is upset) and let them ride the bus home in the afternoon (brothers are together and one will make sure the other is dropped off at the right place).
OR
Let them ride the bus in the am so you don't have to run out first thing and your one son will know that he's on the right bus and heading to the right place (school). Then pick them up in the afternoon so it's a quicker ride, snack and homework can start sooner, AND son knows he's heading home.
Then once in a while (like half days) let them ride the bus home. It is crazy to drive one and not the other.
OR
Set a schedule like "you ride the bus every M, W, & F and I drive you every T & TH).
try to get them to reach a compromise.... MWF they ride the bus, Tu and Th, you drive them.
Part of growing up is doing new things that might push you out of your comfort zone. Riding the bus is one of those things. Since his brother knows which bus is the right one to get on at the end of school it should be easy for your worried son to just look for his brother.
You can also pull up a map on mapquest and go over the bus route so your worried son can see where the bus goes when it's dropping off and picking up everyone so he can see where the bus will pick him up and drop him off. Usually if you give them more information instead of just telling them it's ok they calm down and deal with it.
I would try bribery for the fearful twin, until he became comfortable with the bus. Money or some toy he wants.
If the bus takes an hour for a ride that you can do in 10 minutes then I would drive them. But the bus ride will shorten since during the 1st week many parents take pictures of kids getting on the bus for the first time and the bus driver may be getting used to the route, so there is a lot of dawdling. I drove my kids to school since it was a 7 minute ride versus 45 minutes on the bus but they took the bus home. At night the route reverses and the ride home was only about 15-20 minutes. But I love Boss Fan's answers and would suggest doing that first.
I think the compromises suggested by other moms are a great idea. They ride the bus to school and you pick them up, that way he gets some exposure to the bus, but still knows he is going to get home safely. Once he is a bit more comfortable with the bus he may be less afraid of riding it home as well.
Also, when my son (first grade this year) gets scared of things like this, we talk aboit it in tems of "what would happen if?" In this case I would expain what would happen if your son DID get on the wrong bus. Reassure him that he will still get home, show him what to do, in general teach him that his worst-case scenario is really not that big of a deal and give him the tools to help himself.
I love Stephanie's answer. That is a great compromise - it saves you the time of driving every day and gets the kiddos used to the bus.
My daughter started kindergarten yesterday and it was her first time on the bus. She came home very upset because she was really worried she would not be taken home, did not recognize the route, etc. Pretty much the same fears as your son. But I know that after a few times of riding the bus, she will see that she gets home every time, she will start to recognize the route, etc.
I do think it is ridiculous to do BOTH on the same day (have one ride bus, drive the other). We all get scared about things, even as adults but the only way to overcome those fears is to push through and try new things. I agree with the others that say You are the one in charge...we cannot cater to every little preference and demand. It is not good for anyone in the home to do that!
Yes. It's ridiculous! He is going to continue to manipulate you this way until you simply put him on the bus and make him ride it. That one trip will solve this problem. He can sit right behind the bus driver so he can talk to him if he's worried. But the bus driver must pay attention to the road and other drivers.
When you take him you are reinforcing this behavior with him. He gets one on one time with mom, he gets to make you go out of your way to pay a special attention to something for only him, etc....he's not going to get over this any time soon.
I'd send them on the bus in the morning and pick up in the afternoon for a short time. Then, I'd tell them I needed them to take the bus home a couple of times a week for a few weeks and ease them in to taking the bus.
I would make them both take the bus. Free bus?? Go for it!
I pay for a bus and I ____@____.com's just too hard to get all the kids out the door to drive myself.
