Trying to Get Pregnant but Have a Family Wedding in Dec

Hi Nancy, It seems as if you are putting too much energy into what ifs. IF you are pregnant for the wedding what would the problem be? And if you have a baby when the wedding is happening what problem would that cause. I'd like to give you some advice from my mother who is a retired midwife. Relax and enjoy the process of 'babymaking' Try to live in the Now. I suggest you read Ekhart Tolle's book The Power of Now. If you do not know he is the author that Oprah is working with in her online class.

Don't sweat the small stuff. You are worrying about something that might or might not happen. Don't sweat it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. Get pregnant first to see if you will even have a problem. And when you do get pregnant, don't stress so you will have a healthy pregnancy and carry the baby to term. Good Luck!

Cross the bridges as you get to them. For now, concentrate on getting pregnant. Worry about the
wedding in December. Good luck.

Unless you are confident it will happen, I would just keep right on trying. We started trying months after the wedding and it took three years to get pregnant, with lots of fertility help. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you had to miss the wedding because you had a new baby! I used to say I didn't want to have a baby on Christmas day then I thought, "I'd just love to have a baby". As it turns out, our second child was born on my husband's birthday. A dilemma I welcome!

well, if got pregnant then they should totally understand. i don't have much adivce, but would really hope that someone would be considerate and not think you did it on purpose. I hope that when you do get pregnant though, you are able to carry the baby full term

My sister and I are planning a trip in July, and she has flat out told me that she is trying to get pregnant NOW, and will not put off trying until after the trip, and if she gets pregnant she's not going. I am TOTALLY OK with it. It took my sister more than FIVE YEARS to conceive her little miracle. I don't blame her at all for seizing every single opportunity, and I think you should, too. SEIZE THE DAY! You don't want to be wondering later if this was the month it was going to happen but you put it off. Your family will understand.

Everyone else is so very right, and noticing that you may be the preverbial "worry wart" (which is not always a bad thing), stress is a key factor in not being able to conceive or carry full term. Give into life, and a higher purpose, and realize that you cannot control everything. When you let yourself relax (in many ways) you might be suprised what can/will happen!

Nancy..weddings are nice but between now and then many things could happen someone could even have the flu and not be able to go so if it was me I wouldn't base my life around someones wedding. don't get me wrong they are nice to share with the couple but you could always go for one of the wedding showers someone may have in the fall months if you couldn't go for the wedding and was having a baby due. Yes I've had a few miscarriages but I've learned that I can't base my life goals around others up coming events. I hope you aren't taking this the wrong way I'm trying to say you should go on and try for your little baby if I was the bride I'd would be more up set that someone was thinking about not having a child or putting it off just to come to my wedding and maybe missing a chance because of my wedding. Stop feeling guilty how's this if you get pregnant would she consider moving the date of her wedding until after you deliver??? ok silly isn't it???...I think you should go about your plans for your life and let her plan hers and hope for the best for both of you...live and see what happens bother are very happy things in life. Don't worry about miscarrying this next time could be just fine. My best wishes to you.

first try to relax cause stress can not only cause you not to get preggers but it can also cause another miscarraige.. dont worry about when you get preggers if you do i think she will understand why you can not make it but on the other hand if you want to go to the wedding why dont you hold off on "trying" until after next mth use protection...and while you are not trying increase the amount of orange juice and veggies that you eat....this will make your trying alittle more healthy from the inside out...and he needs to do the same...by the way does he wear boxers or the briefs i know that sounds weird but his little soldiers might be tied up literaly he needs to wear loose fitting underwear...and if he drinks or smokes or if you do it will lower the chances of you getting preggers... and you know you want to get preggers so do not try to plan when cause it is going to happen either way but you going have to quit worring.....good luck and i hope this helps...

IMHO... keep trying for a baby. You won't regret missing the wedding, but the regret would always be in the back of your mind if you didn't try. If it happens this month great - and remember, when it's meant to be it will!!

: )
Best wishes,
D. D.

What is supposed to happen will happen. Keep trying for the baby. Like you said, you have know way of knowing what will happen when. I think your sister in law will completely understand you not attending the wedding under the circumstances. I have a ton of guilt issues myself so I can understand your feeling guilty but you have to remember your life is just as important as anyone elses and sometimes things can't always work out to please everyone.

C.
www.purelybalanced.com

Hey Nancy,

First of all RELAX. I don't know if you're a religious person or not, but if and when you get pregnant is not in your hands, really! Just let nature take its course. if you get pregnant and can't attend your husband's sister's wedding, so what? you'll have a wonderful baby and don't have to spend money on a dress, plane ticket, etc. If the bride to be doesn't understand that having a baby is of the utmost importance to you, she's probably never had a miscarriage! Don't sweat the small stuff. I know not everyone feels this way, but most weddings are a huge waste of time and money for a short ceremony, then it's over. After all, it's the love that counts, and you can show that to your husband's family in many other ways than attending a wedding. Whatever you decide, good luck with getting pregger and God bless!

My advice to you would be to wait a while before trying to get pregnant again. After I had my miscarriage the Dr. told me to wait at least 6mths before trying again. The woman's body needs time to heal. Give yourself time. If it was meant to happen it will happen. We want things to happen when we want them. however, God has his own plans for us. be patient and be careful. good luck.

A Little About Me: I am a mother of 4. Ages are 7,5,2,and 1 week old. I am married and live in Lawrenceville

I am in a similar situation and I appreciate all of the responses to your post! We are in our third month of TTC and am considering putting it on hold for a month. Without really knowing my cycle this early in the process, I am hesitant to miss a TTC month but I feel guilty about the possibility of missing my brother's wedding. But, I think everyone who responded is right. We don't know what will happen. I plan to keep trying and we will address things as they come. Thanks everyone.

Hello, Nancy! I can certainly relate to your plight; I went through infertility problems and 4 miscarriages for 12 years and I completely understand your concern and anxiety. This opinion may be not be what you are looking for or hoping for in an answer, but remember that the level of anxiety you are currently under only deepens the stress factor. There are so many up and down emotions when you are trying to get pregnant and then reality sets in by way of an unwanted period. Don't let this setback keep you from trudging forward in your attempts, and don't allow future plans to place undue pressure on an already difficult and pressured situation.

I remember how caught up I was in the entire situation and failed to recognize why I was wanting to be pregnant in the first place--being able to love and nurture my own child and the desire to have a family. This also leads to stress between you and your husband from the need to perform and "meeting a deadline." Enjoy this special time that you and your mate are sharing with one another, and allow God to envelope you with peace and a sense of calm. God's timing is always perfect, most definitely when we are in doubt. Remember I Peter 5:7, "Casting ALL of your cares upon Him, for He cares for you."

My prayers and hopes are with you and I look forward to the day when God fulfills the desires of your heart.

~B.~

She will understand! And if she doesn't, then you have to ask why you would put your life on hold (knwo what I mean). My sister actually changed the date she got married because I would not be able to make it... now that is love! there is still time for her to change it or understand why you would not be able to make it. A baby is the greatest gift!

Go for it!

C. Hiebel
www.inspiredbythebiggive.com

I realize that not everyone has the same religious views or philosophy but here's my advice...

"Children are a heritage from the Lord"
If you get pregnant GREAT! I realize that you care for your family and don't want to miss the wedding but we are speaking of bringing a child into existence for eternity. I personally would leave it in God's hands. You've obviously has some problems with carrying a baby full term and if you know you want a baby I would make that your number one priority over family affairs. My prayers are with you. KimD

Hi Nancy,

My BEST friend missed my wedding because she couldn't travel with a 2 week old. I STILL love her and I completely understood. Your sister-in-law might miss you but she really will be preoccupied with everything else that is going on, just like I was.

Don't feel guilty. Prioritize your family right now. If you have had a miscarriage and you want more children, you need to be trying now.

God bless!

M.

It's nice that your considering that for he but I don't think you should make you plans around a wedding.What if something happens and they split up or it gets pushed up or back further?I say keep trying and don't stress about it, I'm sure your sister in law would understand and be happy for you.

Nancy,
First and foremost, I want to say I'm really sorry about your miscarriages. Since you are ready to try again, do not concern yourself with the possibility of missing your sister-in-law's wedding. And certainly do NOT feel guilty! I know it's easier said than done. My brother was getting married the first weekend after my girls started a new school and we had just moved across country. I felt there was no way I could just take off and leave them. I would have loved to have gone to his wedding, but it was more important that my girls needs be taken care of. Same thing with your family (and possible newest member!). My family (hubby and 2 daughters) met up on a trip later on with my brother and new sister-in-law. It was great, we got to actually spend time with them and not have to share them with 100+ wedding guests!
L.

Nancy, I am so sorry about the losses of your babies. I have two babies napping beautifully right now in my home and two babies living in heaven. Miscarriage is painful and heartbreaking and just not understood well by women who haven't experienced it. And I understand your desire to have another child. Keep trying! You cannot control when you conceive or when you deliver. If you happen to miss a family event this Dec or some other time they will all understand. I "ruined" Christmas for my family by having my daughter born on Christmas Day.....and of course they all loved the interruption! :)

One other comment I have to make - stress does NOT cause miscarriage. Someone posted that earlier and it is eating me up. Miscarriage is NOT caused by stress. Miscarraiges happen for many reasons including both chromosomal abnormality issues and maternal issues. But stress is not even on the list! If you are concerned about her comment or my rebuttal, ask your ob/gyn. Lowering stress in your life does have positive general health benefits but with that said there is NO WAY that stress is the #1 CAUSE of miscarriage. I just can't let you be blaming yourself for your losses.

Caleb Ministries is a not for profit non-denominational Christian outreach program helping women with infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant death and prior abortion. If you or anyone you know needs some help with these issues check out the website or call www.calebministries.org

Best wishes to you!

Hi Nancy!
I'm in a similar situation, but it does not involve in-laws or miscarriages. My husband and I have a beautiful daughter who turns 2 on March 16th. We have been off birthcontrol since the end of January and would love a second child. However, in January we also planned and booked a vacation to Hawaii for October of this year. As selfish as it sounds, now I'm hoping that it does take me a few months to get pregnant so that I can have my vacation too! I'm looking at it this way...everything happens for a reason...just like when I lost my first child! If we get preganant soon, it will be a blessing. If it takes us long enough so that I can have my vacation, then great. It will happen sometime. I'm sure your family will understand if you can't make it to the wedding. Don't beat yourself up - you've had several miscarriages and unfortunately women don't have much choice in selecting when we get pregnant. Good luck to you...I'm watching the calendar too!

Nancy, I think you must put your own immediate family needs above all others, even the extended family. Your extended family should completely understand your need to stay home should you be due in the month of the wedding. Your sister in law will be having a wonderful wedding even if you have to miss the big day. I would suggest you put your needs as a mother first and be confident in your decision to plan your family the way you want and need. Best wishes to you for a healthy pregnancy in the near future!

Hi Nancy,

You are obviously a very caring person to be worried about missing your sister in-law's wedding. But I think being due any day now would be an acceptable reason. Keep practicing and when you become pregnant it will a wonderful thing. If you happen to be due in December than two great things will be happening in the family.

Good Luck

Nancy-
I have a good friend in a similar situation. She has one son, but wants another child like you. She too has gotten pregnant again and miscarried and started the process over again. She and her husband have a travel dilemma like you. What she has discovered (and when did too, as we are about to start trying for our second...) is that you have to just go with the flow. If you stress too much your body will not let you get pregnant. It will think the time is not right, even if that is what you want. Your sister-in-law may be disappointed that you can't make it to the wedding, but will most likely be overjoyed at the prospect of a new neice or nephew. She has to remember that she too may be in a situation like this when she and her soon-to-be husband are ready for kids. My best advice to you is to do all you can to take care of yourself, so that you will be most likely to get pregnant. If you can go to the wedding, wonderful. If you are having a baby, that will be 2 wonderful things to celebrate in your family.
Good luck!
R.

Personally I say go ahead and try. If youve been trying why should you take a break because by that standard you should wait til atleast 3 months from now. Because you could go into early labor you could get put on bed rest, you could alot of things and it might take a while to get pregnant so dont waste anytime. Actually quit TRYING and TRY to just enjoy your husband. Thats just my 2 cents.

D.