Trying to Decide to Go for #3 - Madison,WI

Updated on December 28, 2012
A.B. asks from Madison, WI
16 answers

I know this decision is ultimately up to my husband and I but I can't stop thinking about it. So I thought I would try to get another perspective that maybe we haven't considered.
We have an almost 5 and almost 2 year old, both boys. I have always loved the idea of a big family. I am one of four siblings. And part of me really wants to go for number 3 but honestly I'm a little worried about how much life will change and whether my husband and are cut out for another kid. We love how things are right now with our boys but we are both slightly easily stressed, not those easy going parents:) I guess I'm just curious how hard the transition is from 2 to 3 vs 1 to 2?
Thanks!

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M.J.

answers from Milwaukee on

0-1 was a tough transition for me, 1-2 piece of cake, 2-3 oh lord. It's just chaos here some days lol. With two kids they can either get along or fight. You deal with it. With 3 there is the possibility of 1&2 fighting, 2&3, 3&1 or 1,2&3. So I say 3 kids equals 4 times the work. Which would make 4 kids 7 times the work. :)
But at night I have 3 cheeks to kiss, 3 different personalities to say g-nite too and 3 beautiful kids to say "Love you mom".

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A.J.

answers from Eau Claire on

Funny, I was going to post a very similar question earlier today...then decided I shouldn't be thinking about #3 yet lol. Will be looking forward to other's answers!

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S.H.

answers from Des Moines on

No one can answer that. It has 100% to do with the temperament of child #3. Could be an easy kid.....could be your hardest one yet. My third was a breeze. Happy all the time. Now # 4 was a very hard baby and I wondered most days why I had 4.

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J.G.

answers from Cleveland on

My situation is a little different - our 1st doesn't live with us... I had her at 17 yo, so due to something out of controll she has been raised by my in-laws.

Any ways #2 was easy - was 27 with her & she is more like #1 for us since her older sister wan't home all the time. 15 months later we had #3 which wasn't too bad, we still was one to one & it was easy to keep up with them since we could both just keep an eye on one. #4 was born 2 years later... it was a little harder to find a grove with him. Now they out numbered us as to the kids in the house. So, now were had to keep an eye on more... so there wasn't the one on one thing anymore - if they all took of in different directions it was harder to keep eyes on them and beleive me they liked doing their own thing and running in different directions. It did take a bit to figure out how to make it a little easier... but we did figure it out. 3 years later we welcomed #5 into the mix... that one wasn't too bad after all we had already figured out our out numbered situation. Then 17 mo later we welcomed #6 (and our last) into our family... she has been a great addition although her coming did cause a few issues health wise for momma - well kinda, the disorder was dormant, her pregancy and my age (34 when I had her) just helped to cause it to come to the surface.

All in all - I think having 3 in the house was the hardest transition... but I wouldn't give up one of them to make life easier - although at time I want to run and hide! As I saw someone else say - it seems like atleast 2 of them are always fighting... you know siblings. They are all pretty good most of the time, but with that said, since I have so many little ones in the house (all 8 and under) it seems like at least one is always doing something they shouldn't be & when you are addressing one mishap - another one sees it a a change to get away with something. So, keeping calm is harder to do since it seems like I am always telling someone No, Stop, You know you aren't alloud to do that or What is the rules? Plus, it doesn't help that will the issues from last year I get "frazzled" a lot easier.

I do think the hardest chage is when they start out numbering you. But in is so worth all the smiles, cuddles & l love you's you get in return!

Good luck making your choose :)

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Z.A.

answers from Milwaukee on

1-2 was not so bad,you somehow manage.But 2-3 OMG!When it's nighttime and they all want only mommy to put them down!It is so hard!you barely have time for yourself.my oldest is 6,middle child is 2.5 and baby 2 months and they fight all the time!when baby goes down my 2.5 year old comes screaming and wakes baby up,and we have really bad jealousy issues!he hit's the baby,scratches her face,first pretends like he's going to kiss her and headbutt's her instead and things like that!you can't leave him alone for a sec.No bathroom brakes unless baby sleeps and she is not sleeping during the day!I tell you,it is hard!If you are ready to face everything then go for it!I do think 2-3 is like 4-5 times more work!
I love all of them with all my heart but it is stressful!

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A.T.

answers from New York on

Definitely you and your hubby's choice, but..................the 3rd one, in all of my friends' opinions, and mine upsets the balance. You ready for that, if the thought process is THE MORE THE MERRIER......GO FOR IT. Not so sure, think again. It is always a coin toss and there are no guarantees. My transition was hard as my 2 older ones were 8 and 7 years when the 3rd one came along. I thought...YAY...built in baby sitters! They thought....ewww, a stinky baby who is taking all the attention now!! I thought I had a perfect situation, as my first 2 were older, supposedly more understanding, would pitch in and help....NOPE! Yet, one friend had the same situation and got all the help from the first born and tantrums from the 2nd born. My other friend got resentment and bitterness from the first born and all the help from the 2nd born. LOL...It's a coin toss. Rememeber, what you want and what you get aren't lways one in the same. Good luck, whatever you decide.

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D.B.

answers from Fargo on

My husband married me with me with my 2 girls...we added a third girl. Right now they are almost 16, 7 and 1. So my situation is a little different because my first 2 are so much older. We are looking forward to #4. My last one is by far my easiest pregnancy, delivery, recovery, baby...that im a little worried about #4.

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J.G.

answers from Chicago on

I don't know how the transition will go (I'm due with #3 in March), but I can tell you that after obsessing about a third for almost 2 years, I am soooo glad we decided to just go for it!

I really cannot tell you how happy I am about this baby! I say stop worrying about it and just go with your gut. You won't regret it.

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M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

I had more trouble with going from 1 to 2 than I did when #3 came along. Hubby and I didn't "plan" any of our babies, but we can't imagine not having them all. Once you have two, you're already going in different directions, so one more won't stress that too much.

Try to have fun with the kiddo's...they are only little once. I know some days can be TOUGH, but just try to enjoy them.

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K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

Going for #3 was the best decision we ever made!

I always wanted a 'big' family and I already had 2 stepsons and then I had my 2 boys...so when we went for 'my' #3, the boys were: 16, 13, 4 & 2....and we were ALL super excited to get lil' sis!

Now they are: 21,18, 9, 7 & almost 5!

~It was easy for us to go for the 3rd b/c at that point I had had my SS's for 11 years and 2 nephews so we were firmly in the 'more the merrier' phase! Though to be honest, my second son was an uber difficult baby, if I hadn't experienced my 1st born (the easy one) and had only had the experience of having my second born, I might have thought twice...but seeing how I knew that some babies were in fact easy, we went for it!

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J.S.

answers from Minneapolis on

For me, transitioning from 1 to 2 was easy. My boys are 20 months apart, and my first born is what I would have described as the "worlds easiest baby". Boy #2 was a harder baby, but still not what I would call fussy or difficult (I've had friends/family with difficult babies - mine were a cakewalk compared to those). Baby #3 came along when my oldest was 3 1/2, and second was almost 2. Adding #3 (girl) kind of put me over the edge... but we also had to move that year since we were in a tiny (1,000 sq ft 2 bedroom) house and selling and moving added a bit of stress...

Three kids is surely more work, but I wouldn't change a thing :)

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L.F.

answers from San Francisco on

The transition from 1 to 2 is much harder than from 2 to 3. GO for it! Good luck!

J.B.

answers from Houston on

Well I am one year post third baby delivery, and boy what a wild ride!!!!! When I got pregnant though, my oldest was 3.5 and my middle only 14 months, yikes! So I think you are awesome, I mean your kids are getting very self sufficient and by the time you have and third, your middle will be getting really able to do so much and your oldest will help a ton. For me, I went from going to the library all the time, taking kids with me to the grocery store, going out to some kind of playdate pretty much weekly to like not even seeing the inside of my van for 4 or 5 days sometimes!!! No lie! You are outnumbered and for us it's like you are always doing something for somebody and somebody is always waiting on something! Example, baby is up and needing a change and to have breakfast but your middle needs a diaper change or trip to the potty and your oldest is hungry. So you feed the oldest and or tell them what food to get out of the kitchen, they go off but ask you 45 questions in the process, you change the middle or take them to the potty and then hear that the baby is now crying bc he has been in that crib too long and wants you to know it!!! :D A day in the life baby! I usually take a breath at about 9:30am :) So it is harder and crazier, BUT so so SO much fun!!! Our third is the light of our lives, he is the baby and knows it and has this sassy attitude and he has made us chill our as parents soooooooooooooooo much! You just have to let so much more go bc hey, you are outnumbered. I am so happy we had our little joyball as we call him. The really fun part of number three is watching their personality. It's like you have your two and have them so defined as to who they are like, who they look like etc. The three comes along and is just a mystery to be discovered :) I would say if you have it in your heart, do it! For us it was nuts but soooooo worth it and I wouldn't trade the zoo of three kids for anything :)

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J.O.

answers from Detroit on

2 to 3 was really hard, but 1 to 2 was not.
4 to 5 was not that hard...at that point what's another! Good luck!
But ours are all super close in age, less than 2 years.

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C.C.

answers from Boston on

I'm 12 weeks with #3 and mine are 5 and 3... I can tell you I've thought about it and wanted it and then when it accidentally happened after deciding maybe not right now... It sure was a scary few weeks, now I am adjusted to the idea a little more and I'm getting excited.. A wonderful friend once told me this....
In the future you may regret not having another child, but you will never regret having the ones you do have! ! !
Good Luck!

X.O.

answers from Chicago on

In our house, 1-2 was hard; 2-3 was a breeze until #3 hit his terrible 2s (about 6 mos early.) Ours are now: 6 yrs, 3.5 yrs, and 20 mos. If my middle son was a bit older, it'd probably have been even easier. He was under 2 when my youngest was born, and was still quite the baby. I'm not an easy going parent--I let things with my housework slide a bit, but for my kids I am on the ball.

What kind of a support system do you have near you? Do you have family or close friends nearby? If not, it is helpful to find some friends to help you out.

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