Trying to Boost My 5 Yr. Old Daughter's Self Esteem.

I saw this same thing happening to a little girl last year. Her mom had a big Halloween party and invited all the kids in her class. This became a big event in all the kids eyes. She soon became the center of attention with the other children. After the party all the kids liked this little girl. Her mom was very smart. She also wore glasses.

YOu have many responses already, and I did not go thru and read them all. But my daughter who is now ten, started girl scouts about 4 years ago and it did amazing things for her self esteem. I was shocked at the difference in her attitude after only a short time. I strongly recommend this.

What about Girl Scouts??? She could be a Daisy and they teach that there is something for everyone and everyone has differences. They teach girls how to be leaders and find their strengths. I think its a great thing and relatively inexpensive!!!

Hi N.,
You have gotten so much great advice, so I just have a little tidbit of info to pass along in case it makes sense for you. I read (sorry I can't remember where- maybe a Marian Woodman book) that girls get their self esteem from their fathers. I started thinking about it and realized that all the very successful women I knew seemed to have had a strong relationship with their dads. So- if there is any way that you can engage your husband in this process of helping her with her self-esteem, I think it might at least give added benefit.
I hope this helps,
S.

My heart goes out to your daughter and to you.
I'm now 30 years old but I remember a lesson I learned about celebrating peoples' differences when I was in sixth grade.
There was a boy in my class who was, for lack of a better term, labeled a nerd. He looked the part and all. I was never one of the bullies but I also didn't ever step up to stick up for him.
Anyhow, our teacher saw how hurt this boy was and decided to have a class discussion about celebrating differences in outer appearances and in hobbies, family life, etc.
After that class discussion, I kid you not, every student in our class treated the boy better and with respect. I remember it to this day because of the profound difference that was made because of the teacher's willingness to help.
I'm telling you this because I wonder if your daughter's teacher could do something similar. I know kindergarten is different from 6th grade, but if done at the K level, I'm sure the right message will come through.
I wish you and your daughter luck and hope that this passes.

oh that's so sad to read..how about setting up some playdates w/ girls/boys just a little younger than her so they can look up to her..and getting her involved in some classes..maybe u can fix her up more..like buy her some cool clothes..i know its shallow..kids are so cruel..i was never cruel as a child like that..i always stood up for little ones being picked on..how about ballet class for her? something for her to look forward to. My son is very confident..he's 3.5 years old..sometimes i act like i'm the child so he can tell me what to do..like i'll act afraid of something and he'll tell me "its ok mom it's not real..take a deep breath" I think this makes him feel more in charge..sometimes i think little ones need to be the boss to help boost confidence..i always give him choices..i call him boss sometimes..but in the end he knows who the boss is.
If i had a daughter and that was going on..i'd try to buy her some cool glasses..maybe even silly ones..some cute clothes and have her hair cut super stylie..i would praise her a lot and get her involved in ballet..also a sport and perhaps an instrument..like my parents did w/ me..i played tennis and piano..also took ballet..i had a lazy eyelid..which my mother had fixed when i was in the 3rd grade so i know what it feels like to be picked on even my own brother made fun of me all the time.
I wound up becoming a singer and had 2 record deals in my life..and am very confident..i think getting me so involved in classes helped.
Give her lots of love and attention and talk to her about how cruel kids can be at this age b/c they don't know any better but she should never be like that..oh and does she have a pet?? if not how about a kitty or a little dog? my son champions our little chihuahua when we go for walks..so proud when the kids come to pet "his" dog.

Hi N.,

My heart goes out to you and your daughter! Kids can be so cruel, but it's up to parents and teachers to do as much as possible to intervene.

In 1968, the day after Dr. Martin Luther King was assassinated, Jane Elliott, a school teacher in Riceville, Iowa, exposed her class to what has since become a very a famous project on discrimination based on appearance. The teacher's goal was to illustrate prejudice in a way that young children (3rd graders)could understand. The children were separated into groups on the basis of eye color. On the first day, the brown-eyed children were told that they were superior and could not socialize withe the blue-eyed children. The blue-eyed children were told that they were inferior and could not have the same privileges that the brown-eyed children had, such as drinking from the same water fountain, playing on the playground equipment, or playing with the brown-eyed children. The following school day (a Monday), the roles were reversed.

Although the project became quite controversial, Mrs. Elliott commented on how quickly the children adapted to the rules and the negative effects experienced during the exercise, but the positive effects gained afterward, with respect to the children learning to treat each other with respect and to not allow physical differences to affect the way they treated people. You might consider talking to your daughter's teacher about conducting a similar type of exercise in her class. It is important for the "ins" to experience the pain that they mete out to those they marginalize, and it is essential that they are guided through the experience, so that they come away from the exercise with increased sensitivity, rather than increased cruelty.

As for teaching your daughter self-esteem, one of the best youth programs, in my opinion, is Girl Scouting. This program emphasizes leadership, teamwork, diversity, friendship, service, and good citizenship. Girls can join a Daisy Troop at the age of 5. It is important to find a good troop, where the leaders are trained and are committed to following the Girl Scout program, or to start one yourself. BTW, there is a very long list of professional and famous women who were Girl Scouts, and a large number of female CEOs and politicians in this country credit their success to their years as a Girl Scout.

I wish you and your daughter all the best,

R.

Try Aikido!
My firstborn, even though he has not special look to him, was always shy and did not approach kids to play with on his own. I was one of those real oddballs in grade school and definitely wanted to avoid that for my child...it was a confidence thing for me...

I noticed a huge difference in my son after he was in aikido for less then 4 months. He is very confident now, is always surrounded by at least 3 other kids. It also gave him an edge over bullies in the school! He is just not afraid anymore to speak his mind. I loved it so much I put my second born daughter in it as well! And I think she is going to run for president! lol

Aikido is a self-defense martial art that does not rely on kicking and punching but rather waits for the other person to make an aggressive move and then reacts in a non percussive manor to diffuse the situation. Mostly what children learn in the first few years is gaining control of their body, balance and falling safely if tripped or pushed.
It gives them physical prow-ace on the playground and in sports. I am rambling.
I will stop. contact me if you like to hear more :)

Here in ventura I would recommend the Makoto Dojo. Sensei Reynosa is an awesome instructor. He is affiliated with many dojos around the world, maybe I could ask him for a referral? Where do you live?

sincerely,
C.

Hi N.,
I'm sorry your daughter has to deal with this in school. I would talk to the teacher about this. See if the teacher sees something specific that is causing this or if it is just that these girls are mean. Sometimes when things like this happened in my son's class, the teacher would make general announcements or do a lesson on sharing and friendship. Maybe you could seek out another mother or mothers whose daughters are in your daughter's class and arrange some play dates to help your daughter develop friendships with them that will transfer to school.

My son goes to Team Karate Center in Woodland Hills. They start kids as young as 3 or 4 years old. It is wonderful for their self esteem. They get lots of encouragement and praise and all the kids get along. My son graduated from the Little Ninjas program to the Junior Level program and he now goes back to Little Ninjas to help his old teacher teach the younger kids. It does wonders for his self esteem. In both programs each kid has the opportunity to go in front of the class and lead. The teachers give lots of hugs and high fives and praise.

Hope this helps. Good luck!

Try Girl Scouts. Your daughter is old enough to be a Daisy scout, and a good troop fosters girls relationships, they learn to accept each other the way they are, and they learn a lot of self confidence. AND, you can be involved too! Good luck.

Sorry to hear that, I feel my son is a bit intreverted too. What I think could happen is, you should speak to her teacher in private and explain you daughters situation. Perhaps you could suggest her teacher to give a class on "differences" and have the focus on people who wear glasses. and wxplain that they are all equal to people who don't wear glasses. I think putting here in sports is not a bad idea because that not only boost self esteem but it also keeps her active and making new friends there shouldn't be complicateed. You could befriend a mother and have little dates with your kids. Good luck!

I went thru this as a kid, and my Mom had a "tea party"
It was simple --it was for Mom's and Daughters. I think she called the mom's before hand to let them know what was going on. She made really cute invites- and she kept it simple. I think the mom's had pizza and salad. But I had a tiara, and all my little friends had feather boa's, and we had peanut butter & jelly finger sandwhiches, chips, and carrot sticks- We also had soda in little tea cups. We had it in our back yard -it's one of my favorite childhood memories! We also played games. Kinda like a birthday party -but no presents required!

Notify the Teacher... perhaps, these girls are "known" for being mean. Sure they are "just kids." BUT, at this age in school, it is simply "mean" when other kids are indeed "mean" to others. There is no excuse for that. I WOULD, teach your daughter all about "character." The difference between "mean" and "nice." Do NOT TELL HER that "kids are just kids... so suck it up" kind of thing. (ie: being a 'victim').
Instead, she CAN be taught, that you understand her feelings and that she CAN ask for help or just commiserate with you. This is so important for a little girl.

Next: for any child, there is something called an "external locus of control" or "internal locus of control."

In External Locus of Control the Individual basically believes that his/her behaviour is guided by fate, luck, or other external circumstances. In other words, they are just a "victim" of whatever happens to them.

In Internal Locus of Control, however, the
Individual believes that his/her behaviour is guided by his/her personal decisions and efforts. In other words, that THEY themselves, decides AND determines what kind of life/attitude/outcome/wish/hope they can attain.... because it is up to them. They are not a "victim."

These concepts are important... for any child/adult. Because it affects their personality and how they feel or view "life."

To me, "self confidence" is not the same thing as "Self-IMAGE." Or, about doing something to someone or just putting "on" something in which to make a person feel more confident. RATHER, it is about 'teaching' a child HOW THEY CAN PROBLEM SOLVE and cope... with something. To get creative about things, and looking outside the box. To know that OTHER people CANNOT "make" you feel like a "loser" but that its how you feel about yourself. No matter what.

So, those kids are mean. They judge your girl according to her looks. So what. Yes, its 'rejection' to your daughter. BUT... gradually show your girl how SHE can gear her attitude about it, differently.
ie: we all know "people pleasers" or people who just do their own thing, despite- Because they don't base their self-image on what OTHER people think of them.

Find what your daughter enjoys or is really good at. NURTURE that. Have her create a self-image for herself that is "happy" and that she loves in herself. How does she think of herself? Positively or not? If not why?

The thing is, don't push her into things, unless SHE enjoys it or is interested in it. "Sports" does not build self-confidence for all kids. Perhaps your girl likes art better? Find what SHE likes to do, or is good at. Then, THAT IS THE KEY to "allowing" her to blossom, and find herself.

When mean girls 'reject' my daughter... she comes home and tells me. I don't judge her. I just ask her things, non-critically like: "Oh, what did you think of that? How did it make you feel? Are you okay about it or not? What did you do instead? Do you think they were genuinely mean or just not your type of friend anyway?"..... so, in the process, my daughter will understand how she feels and she will always say "I am always myself... they don't bug me, I play with who I want to...."

Instead of choosing something "for" her to boost her confidence.... (ie: you mentioned you need to find something quick so that she is not sad all the time). I would let HER choose something.

Or simply teach her how to "problem solve." ie: converse with her: "if a kid is mean to you or rejects you, what can you do instead? (a) be sad (b) go away (c) find another friend (d) be mad (e) realize that you don't need them to be happy. (f) find other friends who are like you and are nicer. (g) make your OWN friends. Etc.

Sorry for rambling, just some ideas. For a child to be "confident", they have to find themselves and KNOW and LOVE Themselves, and be PROUD of themselves, and be able to nurture their OWN talents/interests too... and understanding how THEY can "change" a situation for the better, or just letting others "control" them. (ie: external locus of control).

No Mom likes seeing their child 'rejected." But, even "self confident" children/adults have a hard time accepting 'rejection' at times, and we all get hurt feelings. But its how to cope.

All the best,
Susan

Hi...
You're going to get a ton of advice, so I'll make mine super short. You brought up sports. I have found sports an incredible self-esteem booster in my daughter. She has been in Tang Soo Do for over 2 years now, and at barely 10 (today's her bday) she is nearing a high red belt. I recommend you look into karate or even a tumbling/gymnastics class. Good luck!

You have received a lot of advice so far! This is a wonderful site! My suggestion is a little different in that it is a Storybook about her. It would be called something like The Wonder Of Me or The Things I Can Do or SuperMe! You get the picture. I made a book for my daughter's b-day and it had pictures of her doing different things and would say .... is a Super Star in soccer. .... is a great friend/sister/daughter. ... is beautiful and it was filled with pictures of her. She loved it of course and it sits on her shelf where she can see it from her bed. I am a Personal Publishing Consultant and before you think I am just trying to make a sale, I will give you the book at what I pay for it, no commission whatsoever. I just want your daughter to feel good about herself!

Good luck!
J. Thomas
www.StorybookingMadeEasy.com

Unfortunately some little girls just get mean sometimes. My daughter is 6 and every once in a while she comes home saying that one of her friends told her she didn't want to be friends anymore and hurt her feelings. They always end up friends again, but it does break your heart! I think you should mention it to your daughter's teacher. She (or he) may be able to help the kids work through their issues without making your daughter the center of attention and embarasing her more. With my daughter I just comfort her and re-assure her that the problem is not her (after I've clarified that it isn't) and that if someone hurts her feelings over and over she probably doesn't need them as friends anyways.

I just attended a seminar given by a woman named Jodee Blanco. She is a nation wide speaker about bullying and the affects it has on the kids who are made fun of. She has written books regarding this subject. She has a website that offers advice and suggests ideas for parents. Hopefully this will help you. Jodeebblanco.com

Hello, First of all, I am so sad to hear that you precious little girl is going through this. Last year, my daughter and I noticed that this was happening in my grandson's class. I know that my daughter spoke to the teacher about it. It was one little girl and she only found a couple of children in the class who would befriend her. This is nothing less than bullying. It should be addressed and stopped.
As far as how to build self-esteem, you are right on with the sports. You could put her in a gymnastics class, soccer, Bobby Sox, Karate, ballet, tap, etc. She will gain confidence and meet new friends. I put all of our children and a grandson we had custody of into gymnastics. We used the Recreation Centers in Allied Gardens and Lakeside. It helps with their whole self. Our grandson whom we had custody of is the most confident young man (he's ten). It has helped him to be more confident in all areas of his life and he has such good balance. He is now a star soccer and baseball player who all of the coaches want on their team. He is a good sport and will not allow anyone to pick on anyone else.
If there is any child who will play with your daughter, maybe you could make some play dates with that child.
Good luck with your precious little girl.
K. K.

Oh my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I WAS your daughter and it can be really rough. I am 40 now and just reading this breaks my heart. Kids can be so mean! My Mom put me into a ton of extracurricular activities until she found the ones that made my heart sing and it was dance and sports, namely competitive swimming and later on team basketball (I was super tall for my age :)) The dance made me stand up proud and walk with more confidence and the swimming was not only fun all summer but when I started in swim league it became my personal victory when I did well... (didn't have to depend on others to score a goal etc!) Eventually it didn't matter what anyone said because I knew I was the best for me and in my family's eye and that helped me make friends when they saw I couldn't be intimidated anymore! Best of luck and good for you for seeking out ways to build up her confidence because of you she will flourish just like I did because of my Mom. PS - You may even want to try kiddie Karate. I am thinking of it for my kids - I understand it teaches confidence and they look so darn cute doing it! :)

Hi N.

Perhaps this devotional will help. http://www.purposedriven.com/article.do?method=articlePag...

Only having read a few previous posts, I'm thinking two things.
1) Get her involved in something that she's passionate about and makes her happy from the inside...a sport, musical instrument, singing, dancing, theater, growing a garden, art, riding her bike, gymnastics, reading, writing, etc...whether it's a class or done at home alone or with a sibling doesn't matter as much as helping her have a sense of accomplishment and confidence that she has talents and does have worth.
2) Help her understand that people who are mean to her aren't worth stressing over or trying to make like you. What's important are good values - being kind, honest & being true to yourself. If these girls aren't being her friends, she'll eventually find someone (or many someones) to be her true friend.
Though it's tough right now, it'll be a great lesson she learns to stick with her values and either play alone for awhile or try and find other girls with something in common. She WILL find friends and she'll be so glad she didn't stoop to those other girls' level of being mean and excluding someone.
Best of luck,
N.

I would suggest becoming friends with some of the other Moms of her classmates. And then have some of the children over for a play date. If the children get to know your daughter one-on-one, in her home, she becomes a person to them, not just an objectified being. Also, if you are friends with the mothers, it shows your daughter how to make friends.

Does she have friends outside of school? Is this her first experience being in a group of children? You might also try spending weekends in the park where there are children of different ages. She might feel more comfortable playing with children that are younger, or older. The park is great for meeting lots of new people and making friendships for the day.

Another thing you can do is volunteer in her classroom. If they know and like her mother, they are going to be kinder and more friendly with her. Does the teacher allow parents to come into the classroom and read stories? She might feel really proud if you were in her classroom helping in some way.

Also, does her school have a "talking teacher" -- a school therapist. Sometimes they have groups for children who are struggling in some way and it can be very powerful for them to share and hear other people's stories.

Bless you both!

Hi N.,
First we are talking about 5 and 6 year olds. They, especially girls, are always telling each other they don't like them anymore, or they are not longer their friend, so and so is my friend. I have seen an adult say to a group of them, everyone is a friend...lets have a group hug. And suddenly all of them are hugging. Kids seem like they always need to find a pecking order and are just starting to find their ways. Girls seem to be especially good at forming little "clicks" and this will continue...unfortunately.

That said, you do need to help her know how to be a friend and help her make a few. Did she have any friends before school started? Even if they are not in her class, you could get her together with them after school and on weekends. Talk to the teacher about your concern and see if you can observe her class and see which girls (or boys...my sons had some girls who were great friends in grade school) look like they would fit with your child. Perhaps the teacher might make a suggestion after a few more weeks...school just started. She may be able to pair her with children she thinks would work out.

It is hard I know, because my oldest son was a premie and extremely tiny for his age, had curly hair, freckles, glasses, and was very poor at sports. Team sports was not the answer for him (he always was picked last). He was teased about many, many things and often would come home very upset. Children seemed to know his "trigger points" and like to get him upset. He finally found his place in computers and became a "nerd" and "geek" and found a few others like him.

The things that worked the best with my son were:

1. Encouraging him in his strong points (he was a good student, loved swimming, enjoyed and was good at computers).

2. Having one other boy over and making sure they had things to do that were fun...decorating cookies before I put them in the oven and eating them, all the blocks out and army solders out with pellet guns, bubbles, making paper airplanes (for you a girl craft...even play dough things...set up a dolly tea party), water balloons in the back yard. If you are there you can observe the children's interactions. If this child doesn't work out, try another. My son's personality is such that when someone became friend, he will stick with him and stand up for him (he even ended up in a fight defending a friend). He was never a group person, still isn't, but he usually had one very good friend (unfortunately they sometimes moved away and we had to work on finding another). You have to help you daughter find a child who is compatible with her...The girls you are talking about are going to be the ones who are into boys by 5th grade, worried about their looks, dieting, putting on make-up as soon as they can. There are other children who like to play with dolls, do crafts, sports, etc. and are really much nicer for friends. Also look at the moms who pick them up...sometimes you can tell something about the child from the moms. Talk to the moms that look friendly and see if they would be willing to help your daughters make friends.

3. Helping him understand life...that it is not always "roses" and sometimes we need to ignore others comments and still act lovingly toward other even when they are mean, cruel, and call you names. Reacting only causes the others to do it again. (I did had to intervene when my son was in 4th grade and being called gay...I spoke to the teacher and he knew who the boys were. He spoke to the class about the importance of being nice to everyone. But he also spoke to the other boys parents to let them know what they were doing. Sometimes the other parents have no idea how obnoxious their children are being:)

4. Making sure the family has fun times together so he had a place to come home to that is secure so he would know he is a special, loved person who has much to offer.

I hope that this helps and you will be able to assist her in finding a good friend and developing into a giving, loving, individual who know she is special.

H-

A friend of mine was having similar issues with her 7 year old. She took her to a camp in Pasadena called girls institute. It's a fun thing for girls to learn self esteem. She also put he'd into gymnastics and it's helped tremendously. I'd recommend finding an activity they she enjoys. Talk to the coach and ask for her help.

If she has any interest, dance classes are a great way to interact with kids who are her age and build self confidence. Also, have you tried to sit her down and give her some come backs for when people make fun of her teeth & glasses. Not mean ones that make fun of those people, positive things about having her teeth out, like how much the Tooth Fairy likes visiting her or saying something like, "The better to see you with" about her glasses. Also, have you asked how she asks girls to play? It might be good to role play and then you could give her tips on situations as they play out. Stay strong and don't let her see that it worries you as much as it worries her.

Well as for the teeth, they will find out soon enough when they begin to lose theirs!

Kids, particularly girls, seem to be getting meaner in our competitive world, where more and more is expected at a younger and younger age. Kids are stressed out, and they take it out on each other. Sad. Just one of many, many reasons we are homeschooling.

I understood there are zero-tolerance policies in public schools nowadays when it comes to issues like bullying. Why is this being allowed to continue? I know the school cannot force the girls to be her friend, but taunting her because of her appearance/glasses shouldn't be tolerated.

A team sport may help - in a smaller group, the coach would be able to see what is going on and deal with it better than an overworked schoolteacher who has a lot of kids to keep track of. Also with team sports, you can become involved as well in some capacity, like Team Mom or Asst Coach or whatever, and be available to help guide your daughter through any rough spots she may have at first.

Hi N.,

I am a parent coach and I so sorry that you are having to go through this. Our kid's pain is our pain, too.

As parent educator Pam Leo says, "Until we can give our children a better world, we'll have to give our world more resilient children."

It is important to differentiate between the things that you can and cannot change here. You cannot change the behavior of the other children. You cannot magically manifest teeth or self-esteem for your daughter.

However, you can do a lot to help her rise above this experience. She needs to know that you understand. She needs you to validate her feelings so that she knows she is OK. Try to encourage her to open up about the situation. She doesn't need you to offer any advice, she just needs you to listen. The less you talk, the more she will. You can't solve the problem for her, but you can be there with her so that she is not alone in her pain. You might even want to share some of your own similar experiences with her. We all have some of those. When did you feel left out? Rejected? Alone? What helped you?

Moreover, let her know that you trust her. Let her know that you are confident that she will find her own way through this. She will. Trust me. We all do. You can't fix this for her. Just be there with her. That is what she really needs.

I hope this helps,

I have a parent workshop series coming up next month that would be perfect for you. Here's a link to the full class description.

http://www.gilabrown.com/GB/Classes.html

If I can be of any further help, feel free to contact me.
Be well,
G. B., M.A.
Child Development Specialist & Parent Educator
www.GilaBrown.com

N. C,
Have you heard of Loveandlogic.com? It is very good. It helps you with problems like this. There is one on bullies. It tells your child to walk the cool kid walk ignore the neg. comments she is go good for them anyway. Call there hot line it really helps! -M.

Hi N.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this. My daughter was the same except she is 10 with special needs. I put my daughter in girlscouts. I suggest the Daisy level for your little one. Ask the school principal where there are meetings, It just started so it shouldn't be a problem. Also, make her teacher VERY AWARE of this situation as well as the principal. In kindergarten the kids are setting the foundation for friendships and learning that they are all friends. Sometimes kids who are mean are jealous, or have picked up the behavoir from home. It's a shame, some parents don't even know their kids are like that until something really bad happens. I have a kindergartner. i volunteer at school once a week. I am amazed at how mean kids are. You can bet I have an emailing relationshp with the teacher and let her know exactly what is going on and how I feel. Don't forget that usually the teacher is at lunch when kids have recess and it's the proctors who are watching them....she probably does not even know.

Good luck!!

Has your daughter had friends before she started at this school? If so, can that friendship be encouraged to continue? Are there other avenues/activities where your daughter can meet different children, or where you can be pro-active about inviting someone over to play? Another possibility: is she the only one being rejected by these other children? Look around next time and see if there is any else who looks left out or shy or lonely-and don't neccesarily discount the boys! Bottom line: these girls are probably not the sort of friends you want her to have any way, if they are the kind who reject another child because "she doesn't have teeth and wears glasses."

Hi N.,
I can imagine that you feel as sad as your little girl - it is heartbreaking to witness our kids feelings get hurt. How about finding an art class or sport that she really really likes and can be just herself? If you can find something where she can just forget all about making friends but instead just have fun and feel free to express her happiness she will attract naturally other like-minded kids. I am positive you will find the spark within her and everything will fall in it's own place. Start searching together with her! All the Best

N.,

That is very sad. I would recommend quickly getting her into girl groups or outside activity groups outside of school where she can make friends. Try Gymboree, Little Gym, or see if she likes any of the local dance classes geared toward little girls in your area. You can also look for all girl sports teams in your neighborhood by doing searches online. She may be too young for Brownies or Girl Scouts, but call them and ask them what they recommend for girls her age. The YWCA also has girl group activities and weekend activity club. There was one called Tri-Gray-Y at the YMCA/YWCA I belonged to as a little girl which cost almost nothing and we had fun things we did such as make Halloween treats, Christmas caroling, beach camping trips, and charity work for girls to do together. It was really lots of fun. Take advantage of the fact that the holidays are approaching as there are SO MANY fun girl activity craft groups coming up that girls can do together through these sources. Your daughter will be ok if you help encourage her.