I have three beautiful sons from a previous marriage and am having serious issues with my son's behavior toward his step father as well as issues with his step father dealing with my oldest son. I'm caught in the middle of my son being disrespectful toward us and I don't like the way my husband reacts to my oldest son. Any suggestions?
Thank you so much for your input. I have been stuck between my son acting up as well as my husband and it is not easy telling a grown man he is out of line. I will stand my ground with both of them and treat them accordingly. I feel like a referee between them but if that is what it takes, then so be it. Thanks again.
All I can say is that you need to seriously listen to your son and watch how your husband acts toward him. He didn't ask for that "father" and if you don't like the way he deals with your oldest son, and you CHOSE him -imagine how your son feels. NOTHING is worth losing or harming your relationship with your child. There are lots of counseling programs to address this type of problem. I would seek one immediately.
I have that issue with my son and his bio-father. It's not a popular stance (the whole united front thing), but I just call them as I see them. When my son is out of line I say so, and when my husband is out of line I also say so. And when they're BOTH out of line, I also say so. I hate it, but I'm married to a toddler who doesn't care about childhood development, age appropriate behavior, or restraint (aka, being the ADULT in a situation).
If you're lucky enough to be married to someone who listens and respects you, I would talk with your husband in private so that you don't have to call them as you see them, because his behavior will change.
My H gets mad at me for not backing him up, but I REFUSE to back him up when he's wrong. Only children and pets can be abandoned. Everyone else can take care of themselves. If my H doesn't like being told that his tone was hurtful and uncalled for, he could STOP saying things in a nasty tone of voice. But my son is a CHILD, it's my responsibility to look out for his best interest and to TEACH him. I will not abandon my child just to keep my H from having his feelings hurt.
I have 4 sons, 3 of then are older now and have moved in with their biological dad because they couldn't get along with their step dad. I still have my youngest living with us, he is 14 years old now becoming a teenager and he does not get along with his step dad either. I think it's because the way he talks to me and to him, as he had spoke to the other kids. He can be very loud and just get made at any little thing. He thinks I don't teach my kids to do what they suppose to do. He thinks I spoil them. I know I wasn't a mother that constantly kept my kids on their toes, perhaps because they are boys. But I know my husband is correct as far as teaching them responsibilities around the house. But I also see how my husband handles the matters and I don't agree with his choice of approaching the situation or the matter and this is why they clash many of times. And now my 14 yr old just don't say hello to him nor does my husband and that is bringing frictions into the home and that is bringing problems between my husband and I. as to where sometimes my husband wants to leave. I just don't have a solution and just pray and hope God has one for me and through prayers we can all have hopes that God will bring peace into our home and life.
I think it is partially due to too much testoterone! My husband and son LOVE each other (we've been together since my son was 3 and he is now 18). They can really but heads and sometimes I can't tell which one is the child. Depending on the situation, you may need to back your hubby (as far as rules and action) but also let him know that you don't agree with his actions/attitude either. It is a hard spot to be in...caught between being his mom and his wife but your first responsibility is to protect your child (if necessary).
I would talk to your husband in private about what each of your expectations are for your son and how you will both handle the situtation when those expectations are not met. I'm a stepdaughter as well as a stepmom so I can see the situation from both sides. If you "call it as you see it" with your husband in front of your son it will tell him that he can also "attack" your husband. When your son is around you need to support your husband and show him lots of respect and love so that your son sees that even though this man may not be his dad, he is your husband and needs to be shown respect for that reason.
I would also talk to your son in private and let him know what is expected of him. Let him know that he is not allowed to talk to or treat your husband in a disrespectful manner just like it isn't acceptable to act that way towards you. Let them both know that you love them both, but that you won't tolerate being in the middle since it puts a strain on your relationship with both of them.
I'm sorry you are stuck in the middle as I know that is never a fun place to be.
