Toddler with Affection Issues

Ok this may sound really weird but what if you just let her freak out pretend like you do not even see her, as hard as this might be. My daughter did the same thing at that age however it was not near as bad. We just ignored her. I felt that it was a attention getter and if we kept giving her the attention then she would never stop. This worked. I Hope this helps a little and good luck!!

It sounds like it's gotten to the point of being a control issue with her. I would sit her down (with daddy) and explain that you like daddy's hugs and kisses, that's what mommies and daddies do, and you're NOT going to stop just because she throws fits. She'll either get used to it or grow out of it.

Dear R.,

I suggest that you keep giving your husband hugs and kisses and she will soon get over it. I wouldn't tease her about it though. Children are sooooo smart, and I would say her reasons for doing this are jealousy, but don't let it affect the way you and your husband show affection for each other. Maybe you could make a game out of it...children always like to play games, and maybe that would change the perspective of the situation for her.

C.

my middle older child was this way with his dad, he worked out of town during the week and was only home on weekends and when he was home nobody could touch daddy except him. if daddy was holding one of the other kids he would throw a fit and hit until he was the only one getting the affection from dad. but we just had to keep telling him how much daddy loved all of us and we had to share daddy just like we share the toys. he finally got it, but to this day he is the closest to his dad out of the three kids. good luck and hopefully this passes soon.

This is common, and many child experts have addressed this in books. Check out Dr. Sears, Dr. Ray Guarendi, and Dr. Miriam Stoppard's books on parenting during the first years. It's definitely a control thing, but they do outgrow it. Just whatever you do, don't avoid showing affection to appease her. Go about life as normal, and let her know that you love each other two, and that you both need hugs too.

It's a little different, but we have to remind our 4 year old not to correct adults. You mght want to try and tell her that mommy and daddy are allowed to touch and show affection because it's one way that they tell each other that they love each other. Compare it to when you hug her or hold her. Ask her how she would feel if everytime you huged her Daddy got mad and threw a fit. I'm sure she's going to say she wouldn't like it, then ask her how does she think that makes you and daddy feel when she does it to them? Kids are smart, just talk to her, simply, and try to relate what she is doing to something she understands. You might want to read up on Freud and the Odeipus Complex. It might give you some insight. Hope this helps.

Have to tried to take her is friend's homes that their children do not act that way, so she could see others acting affectionally to each other or even to your parent's home and talking to her about the love that growups have for one another and with their children. Another suggestion is getting storybooks that talk about emotions of all types. I have a set of books called 'How I Feel' or something like that so maybe going to the local library and research for storybooks that relates to love and affection issues.

You just described my 7 year old daughter. Our problem is my daughter is JEALOUS beause my fiance just moved in and she's never had to share mommy before.

What we do is make sure my fiance gives her attention first, then gives me attention. If my daughter still throws a fit it's to bad so sad.

When I kiss my fiance good bye when he's going to work we started this. Fiance gives my daughter a handshake, hug kiss whatever my daughter will take then he kisses me good bye.

Oedipus complex! my son does the same, not as extreme- but when younger was more adamant about not letting us show any affection, wedging himself between us when we hugged, kissed, etc. Natural thing, your girl must just be very perceptive and sensitive, with time she will also be more rational about her response- chalk it up to the ol' oedipus complex combined with terrible two's....yikes,
good luck!

Sounds like typical, opposite-sex parent jealousy, a la Freud. It will pass. For now, don't tease her or antagonize her. When she starts to get upset because your husband is showing you affection, maybe he can say something like, "I'm hugging mommy because I love her. I love you, too. Can I give you a hug?"

Both of my kids where and are that way! My daughter is 2.5 years and she hates when my husband touches me. She has been that way since about 1 year, she does the same thing, she comes at me and yells My Mommy! at her dad and then gets in between us. And will cry if we don't move away from each other. My son who is now 6 was the same way maybe even a little worse about it. He did get over it around age 3. So hopefully the end of the no touching tantrums are near! Good Luck!

R.,

Our oldest (named R., coincidentally) did this as well. It's the tail wagging the dog. We went overkill on the first one, letting her run the show and have too much control over the family. And we paid for it. So we took the reins back and started acting like her parents instead of her indentured servants and everything moved back into balance. There is nothing wrong with parents showing affection to one another in front of the kids and nothing wrong with the kids having to share the parents with each other. It’s good for children to learn self-discipline and delayed gratification and how to deal with life when things don’t go exactly how they want them to. It builds character and prepares them to be contributing members of society. So I would say keep hugging and smooching that spouse whenever you want to and let her learn to deal with it.

Good luck,
S.

I think it is more common with boys to react this way, but girls do it to. I think it is part of the whole "mine" thing. They think you belong to them and don't want anyone else to have you. Maybe talking about sharing could help. It seems odd that she would start this so young and continue for so long. However, I don't know much on the subject.

My nephew was like that with me and so was my first daughter, it's a phase. She'll get over it just like anything else they go through. Be patient she'll get over it!

Sounds to me like she is jealous of the affection between you two. Perhaps she feels left out if the attention is on you and not her. I know several little girls who don't like to share dad.

My son is 2 1/2 and he's the same way. If my husband hugs me he will push him away or yell at him to leave mommy alone. I think my son thinks that i belong to him. We actually think its kind of funny and my husband will do things to me ( hug , kiss, be close) just to get him going. I always follow with telling my son its ok for daddy to hug me, then i give my son a hug to show him that I'm still there for him too.

Maybe she is possesive of you, or has figured out that she can get a reaction out of you by being 'upset' with you & hubby for showing each other attention instead of her.

My daughter has started this at age 2... it aminly happens if hubby & I sit on the couch next to each other. She will crawl push hubby over and go 'no Julia sit by mommy.' Thankfully she has not gotten that way (yet) when we hug/kiss. If she throws a fit over us kissing/hugging I will tell her that mommy and daddy like to give attention to each other and that she is not the only one to get attention. Then I will have her sit in her 'corner' until she is done with her fit.

If you think your daughter is trying control or get a reaction out of it don't give in and stop showing affection. Have you asked her why she does not like you kissing/hugging daddy. Maybe she has a reason and can voice it, if she has no reason tell her that you love her and daddy very much and just like you hug/kiss her (daughter) you also like hug/kiss daddy and that you will never run out of love for her. She might just need to be reassured that you can love more then one person and that love never will run out no matter how much affection you show.

I have had one like this. She was our first and she just liked all the attention and wanted to run the show. I didn't realize how much I let her until the next child came along. I had to explain to her that I love her daddy very much and I will give him hugs and kisses even if she doesn't like it. She stopped the fussing over us being husband and wife, but she can still be pretty dramatic about things and now she is twelve. You might try giving her some time with just the two of you, especially if you have been working more hours, but then make it very clear that you love and are loved by the rest of the family and that's OK. If she throws a tissy, send her to her room and tell her that isn't nice

hm.
ive heard of this and i remember my brother doing stuff like stuffing himself between my mom and dad, and my son does it also. but it doesnt sound like to this extent....

i dont know what to tell you. maybe just see if you can find books about mom and dad being loving to each other... or movies maybe? i dont know.
good luck and i cant wait to hear what you decide.

Good morning, R.! It sounds like this is a problem you need to remedy before your 9-month-old picks up on it and tries to control you too! Your 2 1/2 year old is running the show, and you need to start showing her that YOU are the boss, not her. This can be done by acknowledging the behavior, i.e., "Yes, sweetie, I know, you don't like this, BUT ..." and maybe putting her in a safe place so she 1)doesn't make you deaf with the screaming or 2)pull her hair out because she's not getting her way. It's a normal thing for adults to show affection to each other and the sooner you get started showing her that, the better. It's going to be loud and pretty unnerving for a while, but stick to your guns! It'll be better for everyone in the long run. (Can you imagine her at 13 or 14 and running the show? Believe me, it's not pretty!!) Good luck. Please keep us posted.

I would think that this is a 2 year old being a 2 year old, but if it started at 9 months then that doesn't make sense. Maybe your daughter thinks that he is going to hurt you when he touches or started thinking that way but now it is habit. Maybe it is a control thing with her. When she started crying or saying no to daddy touching momma and he stopped, it gave her a sense of power. His teasing her with putting a finger on you and then pulling it back when she reacts gives her what she wants. Instead sit her down and say "Momma likes daddy's kisses and hugs, it doesn't hurt mommy, it makes her feel good" and then if she gets mad or upset, don't stop, just remind her that you like it and let her throw her fit. You might start with just holding hands for this. The thing is you want to regain that control because if she is controlling you this easy on little things like touching, I can imagine how she is going to control you on bigger things later on.