Toddler Troubles!

I know it sounds counter-intuitive but maybe putting to bed earlier would help. I did this with my eldest...when he was 3...7:30 was bedtime. I guess he needed it! No...I wouldn't stop the nap, either. That's all I've got! Good luck!

Sounds to me like there could be a variety of issues going on here. First, his not wanting to go to sleep could be a result of his sister sleeping in his room (maybe he doesn't want to go to sleep until she gets there), your SIL living with you (maybe he thinks it's fun/party time since she is always around), he could be getting afraid of the dark or learning that he's more independent and not wanting to miss anything, he could just now start requiring less sleep.

Since you don't (and probably WON'T find out WHY, instead focus on the possible fixes for it).

First, if he goes to bed on his own okay (doesn't cry or keep anyone up), I would not worry about how long it takes him to fall asleep. Tell him he can have X before bed (1 hug, 1 kiss, five minutes of cuddle time, etc) then explain you are leaving the room and will be out in the living room or kitchen.

If that is not working, I suggest laying with him or having him lay with you. Maybe he's just at an age where he needs some extra or additional cuddle time.

Third, maybe try cutting out his nap.

With his speech, when he whines or does not use words, tell him "I cannot understand what you are saying when you talk like a baby," and walk away. If you are not around to hear him whining / crying, he does not have an audience. Don't plead or bed him to use big boy words or talk to you. The longer you engage him, the longer he has your attention!

As far as being attached to you constantly, that may just be his age. Suck it up - this won't last forever! But start by teaching him how to play alone. Sit with him and get him started on a puzzle or book or playing with cars. Then tell him you have to go do something (or try and slowly remove yourself from the room or situation). See if you can build up how much time he'll play alone.

With the food situation - you said he only wants snack foods. Are you saying he's only ASKING for snack foods? You can always say no if you think he's having too much. Yes you may have to listen to whining and crying. But again, tell him "No, we don't need anymore of X." If he cries / whines, leave the room and tell him that you will talk to him when he's happy / talks like a big boy / etc. Don't give in though just because he asks nicely (if you truly believe he's having too much). I wouldn't worry too much about him not eating meat. Other than trying different things (hot dogs in mac and cheese, nuggets - other things 'kid approved'), you can also give him peanut butter, beans, etc to get protein. Remember, YOU are in the driver's seat. Offer him what you want to give him. If he doesn't eat any of it, so be it. He'll eat when he's hungry. I say this, however, I usually give my daughter a few suggestions for dinner and let her choose - mac/cheese with hotdogs, soup/grilled cheese, spaghetti, eggs, etc.

well he is having to share his room and his house with new people. that's not going to help. sounds like he's just feeling insecure and needing reassurance. i imagine with all the upheaval in sleeping arrangements, you have been stressed out and distracted. stick to the meal rule, just because he's mad doesn't mean you should give in to him. he will not starve himself, i promise. you know that.

for the sleep thing, nip as many of those delay tactics in the bud as you can, incorporate them into his bedtime routine. drink, potty, etc. then just quit going in there. if he's throwing out multiple excuses it means they've worked and you've gone in, at one point or other. if you hadn't, he wouldn't keep doing it and coming up with different excuses. put a stop to it. he'll be okay. it'll be a rough couple of nights but if you are solid in your determination he will get used to going to sleep without fuss. your poor ten year old might just have to wait him out? try it starting on a friday night. maybe by sunday night it will be a little easier and she can go to bed at a reasonable time.

The eating thing is normal from what I remember. As long as your son's doctor is not concerned with his growth, the eating thing is probably not a problem. I don't see anything wrong with giving snacks as long as they are nutritionally sound. Fruit, cheese, crackers, yogurt...that sort of thing. I agree with the response about expecting him to at least try a little bit of whatever is on his plate at dinnertime.The sleep thing I never was able to figure out. I have a 16 year old that still has trouble falling asleep!

I have found with my girls that when they are needing less sleep they let me know by their actions. Each one has been different, but if they are waking up without any trouble and not tired at their usual bedtime, I've found they are just ready for a later bedtime. My older daughter has progressively been able to stay up later than my younger. But my youngest, who is ten and has always needed much more sleep than my oldest, has not been tired at her usual bedtime the past few weeks so we have gradually moved her bedtime back. My oldest has always had a hard time going to sleep early and when I used to try to make her she would just lay in bed and toss and turn. Also, you might let him get in bed at whatever you decide is a good bedtime and let him look at books for a few minutes on his own. I have found that this helps them wind down and makes them sleepy.

I agree with Megan. We went through this with our 3 1/2 year old, sometimes still do. He will sleep on the floor sometimes if he doesn't want to sleep in his bed, and that is fine with us(don't take away the nap). The picky eating from what I've heard, read, and experienced, is normal for this age. I put whatever we are having for dinner on his plate and I let him know he has to at least try it, and that I will not be making or letting him eat something else. I think they are testing us at every turn at this age, and these are just tests to see what they can and can't get away with. It's a phase, we'll all get through it!:)

Hi S., Yes it is normal for children at his age to be more picky eaters than you have seen up to this time. He will eat when he is hungry-try to make his foods different in the presentations-wrap his meats in other meats (like a ham slice on the outside loaded with all good stuff inside/or try a taco skin). Now the big issue, he is missing you for the bedtime stuff-This can be the most problamatic time for everyone and he is feeling it! Give him some private time at bed where only the two of you can be together-talking or reading a book or just some special mom and boy time. I had to share my bedroom with my brother for several years-it was AWFUL! So since this is what you have right now-try re-arranging the room-turn the furniture around so both of them have some "private" spaces-especially the beds so they can sleep as alone as they can. You can always decorate the back of a large piece of furniture with a poster or pictures or turn that into a desk area on one side so they don't have to look at each other and will feel they really have some space for themselves. This will affect the 10 year old also-so fix it now and life will be easier. Also talk to both of them and explain how life must be right now and they will surprizingly be helpful with everything. Treat a child as you would an older person and they will come to that point to help and most important to understand! Talk often and have some time where you can be alone with them and give them the time they may have had before the move-in and now miss. MAYBE, just maybe your 10 yr. old would like to be helpful at bedtime too? She might read him a book or even take time to be in the room for extra comfort time and who knows maybe she would go to bed a bit earlier (he could go a bit later) It does not hurt for 10yr olds to get a good nights sleep for school --they do produce better in school and with their own friends (with less "hormone related" problems). By the way hormones can kick in early/or you might start seeing attitudes on a regular time stage. Also Mom-take some time for you-this sounds to be very hard for all of you and you have to stay strong! Take time for you!!!

The sleep issue seems very normal. My 3y old is going through something similar. The trick we've used lately is that we let her sleep on a big comforter on the floor of her room. She calls it her princess bed.

For the eating, she's doing this too. What we've done is to give her chex mix or cereal as a snack before dinner, that way if she doesn't really eat, we know that she's had something somewhat healthy.

M.

Hi S.-
My son just turned 3 too and it is horrible for us too! He never slept well, so we have the same issue as you with that but it's "normal" with us. We did go to the Sleep Clinic (St. Luke's, I highly recommend it if you need it!!) and the nurse said they still need naps and even shortening them doesn't matter as much, they are just recharging no matter how long they are! And my son doesn't want real food either, just chips and goldfish and candy, sometimes grapes and hot dogs. From what I'm told, this is part of being 3 and it sucks. But they also say at about 3 1/2 or 4 it gets much better! Yeah, my son acted like he was going to throw up this morning because we were trying to get him to eat a Nutrigrain bar for breakfast instead of just milk! They are something else! Good luck (for all of us)!!

My daughter will be 3 in June and you could be describig her in your request! I think it's just a normal phase they go through in exploring and testing the boundaries of their world. We did cut out her nap. Or I should say that we stopped instigating a nap. If she gets sleepy (and oh so cranky and unreasonable) at home we let her sleep but we limit her nap to no longer than 1 hour. She frequently falls alseep in the car in the afternoons but this cat nap is usually no longer than 20 minutes and seems to be quite effective at stopping the raging crankies. We also moved her bedtime back to 9:30. She's never been much of a sleeper and sleeps through the night, but her limit is 8-9 hours, tops. As for eating, we used to be able to count on her always eating certain foods, but lately that's all changed. She used to love her hotdogs, fruits and veggies but now that's a 50/50 proposition. The only foods we can absolutely count on her eating are black olives and/or chocolate. Obviously that's not an acceptable diet. So now I give her a multi-vitamin everday (Flintstones or the like) and make her a sippy cup of chocolate milk with her breakfast made with chocolate flavored Carnation Instant Breakfast. Even though she rarely eats her breakfast she almost always drinks her chocolate milk. The CIB gives her much needed protein as well as having other nutritional benefits. We always prepare 3 square meals and prepare a plate for her, but as I said, she rarely eats. Nonetheless she's required to sit at the table until my husband and I have finished our meal whether she eats or not. We've found that the longer she sits in front of food the more likely it is that she'll eat at least a bite or two of each item. I think that if you can just be patient, your son will work his way through this phase. Good luck and God bless.

You have received a LOT of great advice here. First of all, I want to say that this all sounds very normal and I've cared for hundreds of preschoolers. Secondly, your child is not a toddler anymore. Your child is a preschooler. It's time to start treating him like one.

He doesn't NEED such an early bedtime. He NEEDs a quiet time at daycare even if he doesn't sleep. I would ask the caregivers to make sure he has a book or small quiet toy that he can play with when he wakes up. But if he is falling asleep at daycare, he still needs to sleep. In either case, daycare providers NEED some quiet time. But you might want to check to see how long this is. Some providers are guilty of making this time last 3 hours at a time. My children are OFTEN in the quiet nap time mode for that long, but never sleeping that long. When they first lay down we may listen to stories and or watch a few minutes of a learning show. When they wake up they can lay quiet and mumble to themselves, look at books etc. The older ones usually need more time to fall asleep and are still sleeping. The true toddlers, (1 and 2 yrs) will be so tired they fall asleep right away and wake up sooner. So out of respect I make them all be quiet until the last one wakes up.

The food thing will pass if you don't give in. He will not starve PERIOD. He may skip eating for an evening. Have a very healthy breakfast available the next morning. If he stays up later than 8, you might allow him a very healthy bed-time snack. Each meal and each snack should be treated as an isolated meal. I don't really believe it's necessary to fight with them and save food to punish them with later. But it's also not necessary to baby them and give them their favorite food out of some notion they will suffer harm if they skip a meal or snack or two. I have seen some children that were so stubborn that I put my foot down with them and served the same items several times per week until they finally gave in and started eating it. Kids in my care do learn to eat a wider variety of foods. But it takes a long time if the parents are giving in at home.