To Homeschool or Not to Homeschool

If she his socially challenged it might be helpful to homeschool - perhaps online, but then get her in a TON of activites with other kids who homeschool. Or does she have "RAD"?

H.

I had (and have) the same problem with my now 16-year-old son. After discussions with his doctor, counselor, and the principal of his High School the decision was made to pull him out of school. He is attending an on-line school. He was suffering with panic attacks, he couldn't sleep, and while at school he really was not learning anything. Turns out he has depression and anxiety disorder.
After removing him from High School his anxiety lessened enough that he can now actually answer the phone when his friends call, and he even went out this past weekend with his friends for 3-4 hours (trust me after him not talking to anyone other then family and the counselor for the past 4 months for him to go out with friends for an afternoon it was wonderful!)
The most important thing to do (imho) is to make sure you have people you can talk to about what is going on, make the best choice for your family and talk to your doctor.
By the way my husbands advice was also to stick it out, it did take my son a month to really talk to his dad again, my husband would not (or could not) understand what he was going through.
My son knows that the ultimate goal is for him to return to school in the next year. He has "small goals" on a weekly basis, order food in a resturant, ask for directions from a stranger, start a conversation with a neighbor, that he has to do. It may not seem like much but slowly I am getting back my child.
Opps I wanted to add a little something, for those of you who are wondering why I had no idea that my son was depressed, didn't I notice a change ect. At home my son was what I thought was behaving in a typical teen manner. I had discussed it with friends and my doctor last fall, and the advice I got was watch him. I did watch him, let him know that I would listen and not judge, talked to his teachers in the classes that he was not doing well in, but I could not change what was happening to him. It was not until the panic attacks started during school that he finally realized that he needed to get help. I spent most of November bringing him to Doctor after Doctor, counselor after counselor until we were able to get the correct diagnois and medication for him. Hang in there, one of his teachers at the High School told me the other day that my son actually smiled and said hi to her when he saw her walking down the street.

You need to find another therapist for your daughter, one that she feels comfortable with. If SHE and the therapist agree that her parents are necessary, they should be encouraged to participate. Keep looking until you find a therapist she is comfortable with, preferably a psychiatrist at a reputable institution. This is more than an attitude problem. My daughter experienced great success at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, MN, beginning when she was about the age of your daughter, where she was allowed to speak freely with a psychiatrist and she was assured her confidentialities would not be shared with her parents. My husband and I were not invited to participate and have had a good relationship with our daughter who is now 37 years old with a husband and two children. I believe she was helped to gain insight into her relationship with her parents and helped to develop appropriate priorities in life. She resolved her fear and distaste for being with strangers and in crowds. Homeschooling does not seem to be the answer for your daughter as it would only foster her phobias.

My best wishes to your family!

I was horribly, horribly shy well into my adult years. Every day at school was stressful, my self-esteem and confidence were poor, and I spent a lot of time avoiding people. Being forced into situations where I was uncomfortable did not help, it made things worse!

She might be more comfortable with homeschooling or a small classroom. This would allow her to build self-confidence and focus more on learning than being miserable and avoiding people. (Speaking from my own personal experience here...)

There might also be a homeschool coop in your area, YMCA/YWCA, Parks and Rec, etc., where she could take small classes that interest her and give her some social interaction when she is ready.

Counseling is also important. I think today they refer to very extreme shyness as social anxiety disorder.

I did not read all the posts so if I repeat I am sorry. I was homeschooled for all of my school years and so was my husband. I like the concept of parents being in charge of children's education. That being said I would caution you about homeschooling your teenager because she "fears" school, or struggles with social issues. It might be beneficial for your daughter to try a new situation or get a new start and homeschooling might be a good answer with a strong support group. But giving your daughter the "practice" giving up on a problem doesn't provide good opportunities for her to "practice" working through her issues. I would try to get to the bottom of her issues...ie.. work too hard, bad teacher, not fitting in, bullies etc... Try to find the problem and sit down with her and get an action plan. Say, "How can we get through this? What do you need to succeed?" Give yourself a time line and find out what works. I think that this will give her confidence that a 15 year old (so close to adulthood) needs to learn to be able to make decisions and manage relationships as an adult. Who hasn't struggled with relationships in the past? How did you work through those things when you were a kid? If there is an abusive situation, that might be different.

I guess to sum up. Don't use homeschooling as an escape. Its a lot harder than it sounds.
Good luck, We are thinking and praying for you to make the right decision for your child.

Hi, M.!
I went through the same thing with my daughter. I did homeschool her and as far as education went it was a good choice. One other thing that you need to take into consideration is her mental health status. My daughter needed extensive help. She is now 22, married and has an infant son. She still can not do anything alone very well and requires ongoing support. She is very bright, an excellent mother and wife, but is still insecure in public. I really encourage you to seek professional help, but don't hospitalize her if you can avoid it. Doing so only exacerbated my daughter's phobia. I hope this helps. If you want to talk live just email me and we can connect.
Sandy

Oh, I feel so bad for you and your daughter- that could have been a description of me in 10th grade...

My advice to you is to bring her in to a psychologist to discuss anti-depressants. If she is already in them, it is time to switch or up the dosage.

Social phobia, anxiety, depression... just not fun.

I wish with all my heart my parents had gotten me help before I graduated high school, rather than wait til right after. Drag her kicking and screaming if you have to. It might take ten years for her to thank you, but she will eventually!

Please don't let your daughter's last years of high school be lost to these awful monsters (I always thought of my depression as a monster).

(We also had issues getting what we needed and wanted out of the school. But I think these issues would have seemed less important if I had not been so depressed. I also would have been better able to deal with those people and more clear on what I needed, which might have gotten better results).

I really think it should be less an issue of school vs homeschool, and more an issue of how to help your daughter cope with school and life in general. If counseling is not working, which it would appear it is not, look into the anti-depressants. Therapy did almost nothing for me, but the medication, while not the rosy 100% cure it is sometimes touted to be, certainly has opened up the world to me.

{{{HUGS}}} to you both. If either you or your daughter want to contact me personally, please do so!

Marjo-

My initial thought about this is that your daughter is really crying out for help. I am wondering , if she really liked school up until this year, what has happened to cause this:? It may be worthwhile to walk backwards over the past months and really think about incidents that could have caused a change. Even ask her. But be preapared to listen for small clues.

Second- find a new school. Search out other possibilities. Your daughter needs loving helpful adults in her life that she DOES feel comfortable and safe with other than you.
My oldest daughter who is only 10 has had her worst school year every this year as well. A HUGE change. We have addressed teacher and principle and councelor. She has asked me to home school her. She is seeing the councelor who is very loving and my daughter looks forward to talking to. It has helped. We are also seeking another councelor outside of school on the school councelor's advice to specialize in anxiety. I believe both our daughters need to learn some coping skills, some tools to help them get through the really rough moments especially when they are not with us or at home.

Good luck. I feel for you as I truly understand how painful it is to see you daugther sad and fear for the future.

Kathy, (mother of 4 ages 10, 7. 5. 2 1/2)

I do know of a couple of families with children who have social phobia. However, if your daughter hasn't had many problems up until now - SOMETHING ELSE may have happened. Try to get her to talk about it - listen to her; don't critize or interrupt. Let her know that you care about her and that something must have happen that got her to "hate" school and people. FOUND OUT!!! I feel that if you pull her out now - it is just adding to problem and whatever changed her attitude toward school will stay "bottled up". DON'T LET THAT HAPPEN.

I would be concerned about taking her out of a school and the social situation. Her social phobia will happen to get worse not better. Medicine for anxiety may help with therapy. If her therapist is having a hard time communicating with her you may have to pick a new one or with the medication it may help your daughter to talk to her.

Let me start by saying to not expect too much from the public school district...they're big on testing, documenting, and giving generic answers...not real big on putting it on the line and trying to give you a meaningful, solid answer on anything. You need to establish the game plan, and use the school district for what you need, but don't expect them to be much up-front help.

I think you already know that you need to take the control in this...something needs to be done. But don't waste any more time considering homeschooling!!! Homeschooling can't be a refuge for a serious, life-debilitating problem your daughter has. It would probably only confirm her phobia as reasonable, during a time when she needs to battle this issue so she can lead a normal life. Nothing wrong with being shy or reserved or even a little guarded about people. But not developing friendships? Having anxiety attacks? Homeschooling will only worsen the problem.

Definitely keep her in therapy!!! Switch counselors until you find one that she connects with. And, like another responder said, look into a smaller school (Charter school?).

You have to make it clear to your daughter too that she has a lot of responsibility in this as well. It sounds like she's dismissive and quick to give up and retreat to her shell. Ultimately she's the only one who will decide if she wants to get better, but you can do a lot by guiding her towards the best resources (and maybe get rid of those enablers like video games and tv?).

Good luck!

I've had chronic anxiety and panic attacks for 11 years, and I'm a high school teacher. I do not have social phobia, but I do panic because of social situations fairly frequently. In my opinion, IF she can at all stick it out, it might be worth it to her to do so. While I suppose she could spend the rest of her life avoiding society, that's really not an option that will likely make her happy. Is there a way you could scout out her school and find a place for her to go when it's just too much? A supportive teacher/guidance counselor/administrator--someplace she can be that is acceptable to the school where she can have a safe place? I guess in my opinion, yes, she could homeschool, but where does that put her after graduation? If you do opt to homeschool, I would consider some pretty serious therapy, since most people need to be able to function at least a little in society (phone calls, even) in order to make a living and be independent.

I am a strong advocate for alternative schools because I don't believe that the mainstream school system can meet the needs of ALL students. That's why alternatives were developed. Plus, I am biased because I have been working in alternative schools for over 12 years. I also did my own research on homeschooling when my son was getting close to Kindergarten age because he does not fit in the regular system. We ended up going with a Charter School.

I don't know where you live, which would make a difference on the advice I would give you. Feel free to contact me privately and we can have a more specific conversation, if you would like. There is no cut and dry answer here.

And as far as therapy, I would continue it as long as you and your daughter are both happy with the therapist. It takes a village, so the more caring adults that can be involved in her life, the better.

What about looking into a alternative highschool where the class sizes are small and it's more one on one attention from the teachers and it's not so crowded and stressful.

Even if you homeschool what will she do for college or a job in a few years? She needs some sort of help NOW or she will be a miserable adult.

Keep her in therapy she needs to talk to someone.

It looks like you have a lot of thoughtful responses, but I feel compelled to echo others statements because this exact thing happened to me when I was in high school.

For me, I think it was a combination of shyness/social anxiety and stressful home life compounded by the "not fitting in" that every teenager goes through. I would describe it kind of as burn-out. Unfortunately for me, part of my stressful home life meant that my parents weren't very diligent about pursuing options for me, although they did take me to the doctor for blood tests, and put me on an anti-depressant, but like your daughter, I refused to see a therapist. I ended up basically dropping out for the second semester of my junior year. Fortunately for me, I did continue going to my ballet classes in another town, which was a bit of a haven for me (I never had any anxiety about going there) and because I was taking advanced classes and had a lot of credits already I actually ended up graduating ahead of schedule through a combination of independent study and taking one semester of classes my senior year. Also, I should mention that I decided on my own to go off the medication after about 6 months and have never been on any sort of medicine since. I don't think it was necessary for me. (However, this was long enough ago that there were only 2 anti-depressants on the market.)

Of course, I can't know how things would have turned out if I had done things differently, but at the time I wanted to apply to see if I could just go right to college and my HS counselor talked my parents out of it. I think it is good to listen to what your daughter is telling you, and make sure you do research on all your options, homeschooling, online academies, other local schools, work-study programs, boarding schools, etc. (Check out www.scattergood.org, my brother went there). Perhaps you could tell her that she needs to go to school while you research your options, but that you want to work together to figure out a way to make her happy.

It might be helpful to ask her questions like, "In what situation would you feel comfortable going to your school?" or "Who would you feel comfortable talking to?" and helping her find places that she isn't so anxious and building from there. I don't think it's fair to expect kids to talk to a school counselor, so maybe you can research together to find a therapist that she would like. Again, there are lots of options, check out http://www.arttherapy.org/ My best friend is an art therapist and I think it's especially effective with children and adolescents.

I would be very concerned about homeschooling, due to the social anxiety issues, as others have mentioned. I have found that, for me, the more I am around people and in social situations, the fewer issues I have, but it is still something that I have to work on. You also need to consider how self-motivated she is and both your and her personalities and be realistic about whether it is a good solution for you.

I also want to give you hope that she (and you) will find a way to get through this, and she can go on to be very successful and happy in her life. I really feel for you. Please let me know if I can help.

I can't really give advice, but I can share from my own experience.
When I was in high school I had really bad panic attacks, so bad that I thought I was having a heart attack everyday, and spent most of the time in the nurses office. One doctor said it was all in my head (and was mean about it) and the other said I had severe anxiety and was experiencing panic attacks. I spoke with a psychologist once a week (whom i really didn't feel comfortable with by talking to him about EVERYTHING, kind of like your daughter) and learned to deal with my panic attacks with a workbook (so i wouldn't have to take a pill), but for school they had a tutor come to my house 3 days a week. (It got to a point where I was almost agoraphobic.)
I feel like I learned more from my tutors visits than I had learned while at school. I really liked to write and she was encouraging and gave me college level assignments, and tailored our lessons to incorporate my interests. Eventually I eased back into the scheduled school program and graduated with my friends.
So it could be a temporary thing.
Also, I used to manage a store and one of the girls who worked for me was homeschooled through out high school pretty much because she had problems with some people she went to school with. She still had other classes she left the house for, like voice lessons and dance, and was a social person. Even though she did not take lessons at the high school, she was still nominated one year for Homecoming Queen/Princess. She laughed, as did I, because she didn't even think it was possible.
Also, sometimes there are tax breaks given when it comes to homeschooling, though i am not entirely certain how it works.

I don't know if your real delema is homeschool or public school. It almost sounds as if your daughter is having more issues with the socialization and that will continue no matter where she goes to school without help and could also lead to depression and reclusion issues. If I was you I would try to work on that and make sure you try to develop a stronger relationship with her before making major life changes. Try to get her away from the house. Do things with her that interest her or that other kids her age would be doing if you can. Hit the mall, window shop, try on clothes, get your nails done, have lunch, or if need be to get her out take her to the arcade. A day like that doesn't even have to cost much you can try on new styles or prom dresses without intending to buy anything and laugh and have fun. I have 3 sisters and at that age my mother got us into a ceramic class that we did alone together and I wasn't all for it when we started but ended up loving it and it is one of my favorite memories of her. It will give you a better idea of what is going on believe me. My stepson had school problems and we did a few outings like this. He found out that if he hung out in places where the kids hung out instead of alone at home he had no problem making friends. He ended up doing the internet schooling anyway to catch up and graduate with his class but he ended up being happier and we shared some experiences that brought us closer in the process. Good Luck!

It's good to hear that you will take time to homeschool your daughter even if you don't know much about it. I do have the thought that if you 'capitulate' to your daughter and not insist that she attend school because she hates it, she will get the idea that that will occur whenever she doesn't like something. So I can see how your husband thinks that she needs to 'stick it out'. But high school can be so frightening if you are not happy there and what kind of learning can you do if you are not happy? The answer to your dilemma is going to have to come from you after you hear both sides. I, too, am very frustrated by the lack of response from the school counselors. I personally think that they are so busy with their meetings and their schedules that they forget or don't make time for their job: listening to the students and helping them. Homeschooling is not easy especially with older students (high school)and your daughter is going to have to understand that she will have to have some kind of stucture and discipline to her schooling even her mother is doing it. She will not be able to do whatever she pleases whenever she chooses. You will also have to be very disciplined in your role as her teacher. You can give her a choice of getting her GED and then enrolling at a Community College,but then that would put her in another 'public, social' place where there would be some strangers or people that she doesn't know. Or she could just make another effort to continue at her school. Or maybe put her in another high school where she would meet other people that she might be more comfortable with. Do you go to her therapist's sessions with her so that you can talk with her before and after? Why isn't she comfortable with her therapist? Good luck..

I think the posters advising you against homeschooling are a wee bit uninformed about what homeschooling is all about.
Public School is not the end all of "socialization" and is right now a source of harm for your daughter. Also, there are endless social opportunities for homeschoolers, for someone with a social disorder it may be beneficial for her to socialize in an environment that she sees as safe.
Contrary to what some think you will actually be preparing her for "real life" and college by homeschooling or using a Charter school. I agree that counseling or therapy is a must. You will find out what is at the root of her fears.
I have a severe phobia of snakes. If someone insisted that I spend time in a vat of snakes to "get over it" I would come out more damaged than before. Probably a poor analogy but we here have no idea how your daughter actually feels.
I think you are so sensitive to your daughter's needs. I hope all goes well and that she becomes free of her fears.

Wow M., lots to think about!
Have you cornered her teachers to see what her participation is like in school or to see if they have seen anything happening around school or in the transitions in the hallway?? There may be some bullies harassing her at that time. Ask EVERYONE! Your daughter is as important as your health, and now they say to take that into your own hands to get the right answers! Has she gone to any parties that something could have happened? Emotionally or physically???
Does she take an art class?? Sometimes the class can bring out some of the answers as well. Even if she cant tell you with words sometimes the art can explain a bit more.
Sounds like some journaling might help as well. Get her a journal or sketch book that doesnt have lines, it might encourage her to draw - even if she doesnt draw well - as well as write.
Another school may be the answer if questioning her teachers gets you some answers. And check out that counselor! Is there a different one there that she could see? What staff are in the lunchroom at her lunch time? Maybe they can tell you something or keep an eye out.
Good Luck, hopefully it will be a 'short phase' of some kind.

I don't think this has anything to do with homeschooling or not - it is a mental health issue, and your daughter needs medical help. If she isn't telling her therapist, then you need to talk to the therapist about that and/or find another therapist or doctor that can break through to her. Do not ignore this issue. I don't know for sure about "social phobia", but I know about depression and how the longer it goes untreated, the more likely it will never be cured.

Those of you still on the homeschool issue, please take your debate elsewhere. This is about a girl who needs help, not a discussion of ideals.

It sounds to me that something has happened in your daughter's life to change how she feels about school. This is what you need to discover. How long have you been married to your husband? Could she feel she is not getting enough attention from you? Homeschooling, when done correctly is a huge undertaking and it is worth it, however, if your daughter is not socializing it might not be the best avenue to take unless you are actively involved in a homeschooling network of families. Before this year, did your daughter socialize--have friends over etc? I think she needs to talk to someone about how she is feeling. I wish you all the best.

Hi M.,
When I read and reread youi issue two scenerios came to mind. First, she really is having difficulty in social situations. Second, she is playing you and wants to stay at home and lay around to do nothing. I know this sounds harsh but hear me out. Think back in high school(unless you were Ms. popular), didn't you not like school and tried to find ways to get out of it. I used to go to school for 1-2 periods then call home sick to get out of school-I couldn't stay home in morning unless I wanted to see the doctor so I played my mom. Here is a suggestion to see if she thinks homeschooling is going to be easy and all she will do is play video games, watch tv and lay around(normal teenage behaviors), since summer is coming quickly have her try homeschooling in the summer to see if this will work for her. Schedule her day as if she was going to homeschool for 6 weeks and see if this is really what she wants or she may decide to stick it out( as your husband said) for the next 2 years. If she does need homeschooling then you really need to work on the social phobia so when she is older she can get a job, go to college and leave the house otherwise she is going to be leaving with you and your family for a long time.
Hope this helps and didn't sound too harsh but since I don't know you this is what it sounds like to a bystander. Good Luck.

M.: wow tough decision, homeschooling should only be done if it done well, some who homeschool, allow the child to keep sitting around the house and not do work at all, and it creates in them even more so of being unsociable, what will she do when she is an adult and has to work ? will she be able to face the world, ? or should she face it now ? with the help of a school system, we all go through tough times at school, and homeschooling was not an option when we grew up, we faced many fears, as many of todays youngs ones do now even more so, maybe you can work something out with the school, but sometimes allowing the circumstance to be fed, she will learn to never face it? is there a way you can accomodate her at school? or set it up so she is put into a smaller study group , while at school? and slowly adapt in ? i dont know, i have seen some very bad homeschooling done to children, and i do strongly believe that if you will homeschool, to keep a schedule just like school, wake up certain time, do school work, just like school, if this is possible it might be a good idea, however, i would work with the school and see to what degree they can work with you for the next two years, she is soo close why quit now, she will have so many more opportunities while being in school, to do stuff, or get over her fears, any way , i hope for the best for you and your daughter, and keep smiling, and talk to her, she seems, to mabye need your attention? maybe taking a few days off school once a week or something will help, have her spend the time with you , or who ever is at home ? D. s ,

HI M.,
We homeschool our 13 year old. Homeschooling could be a solution but there are other things going on it sounds. You will need to be able to find out what's going on for her. Ask her what she needs. What's changed for her? Don't lecture just make sure she has an opening to talk.
Best of luck,
S.
http://www.YesToSuccess.net/S.
helping families with health and wealth for 12 years

I really feel for your daughter. Are you sure she isn't being picked on at school? I was picked on a little at school and I didn't want my mom to know. I didn't want her to think less of me or worry about me. She still doesn't know. But my situation wasn't as bad as my brother's. He was picked on a lot and had such extreme anxiety that he couldn't sleep, got sick at the thought of going to school, etc. Then he switched schools and it was like a light went on.
At some point, your daughter will need to face her fears and "live in the world". Maybe a smaller school to help her ease into things would help. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to her therapist, maybe you just need to find a new one.
I wish you and your daughter the best. Please let us all know how it turns out.

I had a former co-worker, who I was friend, that had the same situation. Her son's grades were falling drastically and trunacy was increasing. He was not happy at all and it was putting a strain on their family. She enrolled him in the Minnesota Virtual High School (you can find them online) and it was a godsend to them. She ended moving her daughter to this program as well a year later. I would check it out - it's free and if I remember right they ship books out and everything. Worth a look definitely if you're considering home schooling.

Dear M., I am a 70year old grandmother and have gone ith one of my kids with the same problem, we stuck it out and had her go to counselors, but thy really don.t car sometimes, you have to find the right person for your daughter, one she can "click" with. Anyway, my daughter is doing fine now and has a family of her own. I have a 15 year old grandson who is doing the same thing as your daughter, only his grades were slipping also. We found a psychaiatrist who finally brole throuh and Eric has deepseated anger issues about his fther deseting them and whn she remarried and they do have nother child he feels like "thrownaway" and not ciunting anymore. Maybe because you are trying to have anothr child with your husband (who had no children) she feels abandoned. We learned alot abut teenagers with working (yes me too) with him. Also she might need some anxiaty medication. My grandson is on celexia and it does wonder. I hope you solve your problem. Just trust in the Lord also. We have gone through insluding suicidewatch but we all are still ok. By the way I am on celexia also and my daughter, apparently it is an "bad connection" in the brain,but this keeps you n an even keel
About homescholing I am not sure that is your best option. I lived across from an homeschiling family, and the children were not even friends with neighborkids. Always just their family. You need interaction. I'll pray for you. If you like further talks or need to vent. Let me know through Mamsource and then I.ll contanct you personnally. Good Luck A.

I know very little about homeschooling but I did have a similar problem with my son not wanting to be in school. There is some information missing in your letter, you mention a therapist but did not say why you daughter is undergoing counseling. I found that not all therapists are equal. The one who gave us the most understanding and encouragement was one who was very familiar with the public school system. But let me get to the point. What ultimately worked for us was letting my son go to the school of his choice. It happened to be a private school and it was a financial struggle for me and an academic struggle for him but we both held on for that first year (10th grade) and from then on things went so much better. He found friends, he was treated fairly, there were expectations of him and support in meeting those expectations,in short he found his place.

He graduated from St. Thomas Academy in Mendota Heights, earned a 4 year scholarship to the University of Colorado at Boulder, graduated in 4 1/2 years, none of this would have happened if he had not found this wonderful school.

I know it is not the answer for everyone but if you and your daughter could tour several different types of schools, she might find the place where she would feel comfortable and could experience success. And it might be homeschooling. It's important (especially at her age) that she be a part of the decision making process; if it's her informed decision it will be easier for her to commit to it.

Much luck and hang in there; looking back, I'm not sure how we got through those difficult years but we did and you will too.

KD

you could look into iq academy. It is like homeschooling, but you dont do the work. Your daughter would be enrolled through iqacademy and have teachers. It is high school over the internet! She turns her work in via the school website. She is then able to learn at her own pace but you dont have to do the work. :)
I have a friend who is in year 2 of this program, she started her sophomore year. She is affliated with Waukesha North so if she wanted to take band or something like that she could do that there.
i dont know much of the nitty gritty details but you can go to the website:
www.igo2iqacademy.com

I would homeschool. I homeschooled my son in 3rd grade.. he is in 4th garde now and doing awesome. He also had some anxiety and has overcome a lot of that now. I made a lot of my decision based on the school and thier responce also.
There are a lot of Homeschooling that you can get online. We HomeSchooled through a schooling org. called Minnesota Virtual Academy (MNVA) I believe they do K-8, but they have somewhere that they would reccomend you to fo High School. You would be surprised how much your daughter could do herself.
High School is a hard time for may teens and I would think keeping her there will only weeken her self esteem.
My sister Homeschooled herself basically through all of HS.

hi M., i am a single mom, an d have been homeschooling our third year now, my son is ten. I do not know your beliefs or morals spiritually or elsewise, but to be respectful, i will only say, that being you are married, my understanding is you two agree first on the final choice. on the otherhand if you are the one to decide, then, perhaps, give it a try. there are wonderful websites and encouraging groups available to support you at this stage. as for your daughter, even, just schooling on a less structured schedule and focusing on a learning inspiration of hers may increase her confidednce, to some point. my son and i have taken it to the level of vo,unteering some quaters, he is very social. and enjoys helping elderly and special needs children in his young experiences. he also freeely enjoys expressing his talents when opportunity arises at the daycenter we helped at.

as a single parent, we have had our share of family troubles, and or situations, where slowing it down, and reading or just learning about how tohandle our emotions or feeling appropiately is a learning experience for health, spiritual, and family/inidvidual well being purposes. life and learning need to remain an interest, for the children, at all ages, and improving in any area needed is always beneficial for them if it seems to be a need the parent can certainly learn with them. sometime its just time with mom, or a break from... something to open up their door to discuss, an issue that will free them for longterm. life is short, and we as parents, need to attend to out children at any cost, and truly if they are trouble to some extent, by all means nothing is more important, than loving them right where they are at, right now, to heal a wound physically, spiritually, or mentally. its worth our every effort of love we can offer.

hope this helps, ____@____.com if you want to ask or talk about it further.

T.

M. -

For HER sake - do NOT homeschool! Clearly she has issues but avoiding the issues is not going to make them go away - they will only get worse. She needs to learn how to interact in the real world - unless you want her to live with you for the rest of her life. If there is something that is not working for her at that school, look at alternative schools in the area. Also, as a family you should encourage activities outside the home with her. Video games, TV, and laying around are not going to help her growth as a happy, responsible member of society. Make sure her therapist is doing everything to try and help her - and if she is not comfortable with that therapist, try another one - and another - until your daughter opens up to someone - there may be more going on than you realize, like depression.

Enabling your daughter by homeschooling will only hurt her in the end.

Alright, I glanced throught the other responses and mine is going to seem WAY OUT THERE!!! I had a similar experience in high school. My main problem, however, was that I was BORED with the whole scenario. I felt like I had outgrown my friends intellectually but couldn't compete socially. I thought that one more day of monotonous classes just might be the end of me.

I looked into the PSEO option through school. It stands for Post Secondary Enrollment Option. It it the opportunity for high school students in 11th and 12th grade to begin college. I know this sounds like the exact opposite of what your daughter needs, but maybe it isn't too far off.

As it turned out, I LOVED it. I graduated from high school with my AA degree completed and two years worth of schooling and books paid for by the state. It was totally awesome and I don't think the program gets enough publicity or recommendation.

Anyway, look into it. Maybe that's the little kick she needs to get going again!

Best of luck and lots of prayers!

Oh, I just saw that you are in Iowa and I do not know if PSEO is available there. However, it may be worth it to investigate something similar, perhaps even a special class through community ed or something.

I would encourage you to explore homeschooling further. I homeschooled our two children for several years. Our son, I homeschooled from 6-12 grade. Our daughter, I homeschooled from 3-8 grade, then she choose to attend the public high school and had a very good experience. There some homeschooling networks in the Madison area. One is a Catholic homeschooling group, another is a non-denomiational Christian group and there is another which has no religious foundations. There are many homeschooling circulia available, so you could find the materials your daughter needs and is interested in. There are many opportunities for socializing within the homeschooling community, and I would encourage you to participate in those things that follow your daughter's interests or would enrich her studies. Homeschooling is not for the faint of heart, but really quite accessible and workable for those who want the flexibility to tailor their children's education, particularly if the child is having a difficult time in public or private school. I would also encourage your daughter to find other ways to enrich her life experiences other than with video games, TV and passive activities. She may find once she doesn't have the stress of "school" pressing on her, that she has an interest in pursuing other activities, but she may need your encouragement and participation to make that happen. Good luck. It is a difficult road to navigate when your child is struggling with school. Don't give up, whatever your decision is, you only have her for another couple of years. It will go by so fast, and how you support her now will make a big difference down the road.

If I were you I'd make her sit down and give you answers as to why these things are happening. She's almost 16 years old and should be able to tell you why it is that she hates school and why she's acting the way she is. School isn't the same as it used to be and kids can treat others so badly without anyone doing anything about it. You need to get to the facts and see if there's anything you can do about it to make her feel better about herself.
I had issues when I was in school too and it was because I was treated badly be other kids because I was shy and an easy target. I would've loved to be homeschooled because they all made me feel like I was a worthless piece of garbage and I was very depressed about it. I wish my Mom would've told me back then that when I graduated I would probably never be seeing any of these kids again and that they really didn't matter as much as I thought they did.
It sounds like she needs a better schedule and more activities to keep her busy when at home. I don't allow my kids to lay around and watch tv or play video games. Take an interest in what she's interested in and find things that she can do or you can do together. I always tell my kids that if they are so bored that they need to lay around that I can find something for them to do. They get busy real quick because they don't want to help me clean house.
Another thing might be to have her try to get a job. Maybe if she had a job and was around different people she'd fell differently. Or start looking into colleges. Maybe a goal and something to look forward to would motivate her or help her to realize that life isn't all about high school. Go and visit a college and help her to realize that it's all different people and a whole different life.
If you do decide to homeschool her I would go through an Academy like Connections or MN Virtual Academy so that she has specific lessons and assignments to do each day and has a teacher to answer to. She'll also get a diploma from them. Make it very clear to her that it's not going to be just sitting around the house doing nothing.
I homeschool my kids and they have to be up dressed, beds made, hair and teeth brushed and done eating breakfast by 9 am so we can start school. Homeschooling isn't quitting school, it's doing school at home. We belong to a homeschooling group that gets together 1-2 times per month so that the kids have friends their own age that are also HSing. We also have them in sports and my daughter is in dance. They get plenty of interaction with kids but it's structured and appropriate.
Hope this helps.
Best Wishes,
J.

I have homeschooled for twelve years, and I would highly recommend you doing it. There are co-ops you can join to have a little more social. She can also take some of her classes at the high school. If she is eligible, she could do PSEO (college for free in 11th and 12th grade).
S.

Hi, I would defenantly pursue therapy support for her and maybe you. Call the school counselor. If that is unreliable reach out for additional professional help. Do you have insurance? Look into sliding scale programs if not. I worked with teens for years and most of them get help if they get aressted or in trouble. Take her somewhere to get her evaluated. Are drugs a factor or conern?? Is she suicidal?? This seems like a mental health issue.Home school may not be able to address any of those problems. Have you thought about private school??Good Luck and Hugs to both of you.

I have heard that there is a program available that lets High Schoolers take their classes online in their home. You should look into something like that.

I am worried that the more you allow her to be shut in the house away from other people the harder it will be for her to get a job, find a mate, etc.

In the past I suffered from social anxiety. I found it difficult to do things such as shop alone, etc. I still have a hard time in large groups. But I now take a medication for anxiety and it has really helped me alot.

Have you discussed with your daughter's therapist about what they feel would be best for her?

It sounds like something happened socially--she had a falling out with a friend or is getting picked on severely, or something along those line. Teenage girls can be incredibly cruel. I also wonder if she just isn't bored.

Homeschooling, at least in the interim, is not the worse idea. Get her back to being herself and then see if she wants to go back to school next year. The daily anxiety attacks can't be good.

Wow. I have little kids, so it's hard to imagine that I have any experience that would be helpful to you. I really like the suggestions about homeschooling and switching schools and even letting her pick her school. Regarding those choices, please evaluate your own calling and relationship with your child. I've seen homeschooling work well and poorly depending on the family, finances, personal giftedness of the parent, and parent child relationship. You matter, too, in this decision.

Be very careful about the drug options. There has been a lot of bad press lately about anti-depressants and their ability to actually cause suicidal problems. Another study showed that they were no more effective than a placebo. The most interesting research is that exercising 60 minutes every day might work better than anything. Every recent school and mall shooting was by someone on a psychiatric drug.

I don't think homeschool would be the best option here, nor do I think she should just be miserable and stick it out. It sounds like she is becoming more withdrawn and keeping her at home where she doesn't have to interact with others will not help her develop important social skills in life.

Keep speaking with school administrators until they do something. I am a school teacher and sometimes we get really busy, but helping kids in a social/emotional capacity is part of the job. I would speak to the counselor again, perhaps a teacher or other administrator until you see some results.

Do you have a good relationship with your daughter? Perhaps the two of you could spend some time together and just talk or do things that will open the lines of communication. If none of these things work, is there another school she could transfer to?

I wouldn't want my child to be miserable either, but I am afraid that if she is allowed to stay home the situation could become worse. My vote is not to homeschool.

I feel your pain. I'm sorry your family is going through all this. I have not home schooled myself but I would do it if needed, I think it is a great option for kids that have a hard time in school. I love the suggestion of having your daughter practice homeschooling over the summer. I would look into the virtual academy online homeschooling. I've seen one that looked pretty good called K-12 academy. Having said that I would also look into some extra curricular activities to go along with homeschooling. Maybe tennis lessons, yoga, a swim team, or cooking classes, anything to try to get her out there around other people without the anxiety that high school can bring to many people. I wish you all the best.
Barbara