To Circumcise or Not to Circumcise? - Auburn,WA

You need a different doctor. They did both my sons on day 2, before we left the hospital. They took them back, and brought them back to me in less then 20 minutes, circumcised and perfectly happy.

I also know a woman who choose not to do it until her son was old enouph to decide for himself, so the poor boy had to do it at age 12, and went through much more pain, and the embarrassment of having mom help with creams and such. But even knowing this going in, he wanted it done.

I think you should do eeny-meeny-miney-mo, because if you end on the "right" one you'll breathe a sigh of relief and if you end on the one you don't want you'll realize right away too. :)
I imagine that they will totally notice that their penises are different, but it shouldn't be hard to explain that you circumsised the first because you thought it was the right thing to do and then you learned more information and decided not to circumsise the second because you thought THAT was the right thing to do. They'll understand.
That said--I have a friend that had a similar situation (the circumcision itself wasn't terrible, but she just had a lot more information the second time around) and she and her husband decided to circumsise the second because they had already circumsised the first.

I don't think it'd be a problem to have things be different. If they had questions later, you could always tell them what happened and that you decided it was better not to do it again.

My father in law was circumcised, but didn't want to do his sons. They were fine with being different from Dad.

If you want a circumcision to be done right and without any chance of infection or emotional damage call a Mohyl. (Jewish circumcision ritual rabbi). Call a Reform or Conservative synagogue to get the name of one.
Why doctors who are so poorly trained do the cap cut (this is what your son had) rather than the full circumscision I do not know. Or why they even bother
to do it I do not know. The Mohyl does not strap the baby down. Usually during the procedure the baby is held by the godparent. And the child is give a tad of wine on a piece of sterile gauge to suck on. They don't get drunk but they go to sleep.

If you want it done right get an expert.

I am against circumcision. God didn't make a mistake when he made your baby... He made him the way he should be.

I don't think a defensless baby should be strapped naked to a board and hacked on. I just can't see any way in my mind that should take place.

If Ryan (my son) wants to do it when he's older - so be it. but its his choice.

L., I think you have already made your decision and I respect you for it. Surely the dad has an opinion this time as well?

First, we should not be afraid to tell our children we've learned from our mistakes/past because after all that's what we'd like them to do.

Second, no children are going to look the same in most ways; we all have variations. I think the whole, 'penises must match' thing is really odd.

Third, if you have to leave the room because a cosmetic procedure is too horrible to watch your baby endure then you're kidding yourself about it being 'okay'.

Good luck!

-- very clear, L.-- I absolutely get it. My son ( now 33) was not circumcised as he was near death the first week of his life- and the pediatric specialists at U.W. hospital made such a fuss about '''totally unneccesary risk''---that my d.h. and I never dared ---. like that. Niether of my grandsons' are circ--- 'd becasue their dads arent - -HOWEVER -- seems to me -- in your boat -- I'd go to a pediatrician I truly like and trust - and say-- ''prove to me you can do this with minimal pain or distress --'' doctors have the power to use pain relief - ( for decades they were taught that babies don't FEEL pain--- gads-- but new research ( they needed research????) has shown that babies DO feel pain- and it shouold be relieved-- )))). Thats' what I'd do in your situation- as I spect one of your boys would think there was something wrong if they didn't look alike--- just my opinion--but do talk it through with the doctor who will do the procedure and make sure they know your bad experience (never mind your BABIES' - bad experience) --. That's my''''' vote'''' -- but you'll do fine- I can tell-- you are a great advocate--.

Blessings,
J.=-== aka-- Old Mom

My husband is circumcised but none of our four boys. I went to a health seminar on it and the jest of it is unless you live in a third world country or you are a missionary somewhere where you can't take a bath at least twice a week and you know you will get disgustingly dirty for a long time than you don't need that surgery. It is unnecessary so much so that most insurances consider it elective now, a lot do not pay for it, it would be like getting a tummy tuck so to speak, not necessary.My older set of boys told me that at school it is 50-50 ---half the kids are and half aren't. I lived in Portland Oregon for 10 years so the second set of boys were with all uncircumcised boys as they are into the all natural there. The older guys might be circumcised but a lot of the new generation are not. My childrens pediatrician didn't have any of her boys done, she said it was unnecessary to put someone through pain for nothing so my final decision was not too. If you and your husband don't make a big deal of the difference between your husband and them, they won't either. Part of life is excepting people for who they are and they will meet many people different from them in school. Good luck to you.

Two wrongs make two wrongs. How will you explain to your second son that you allowed him to undergo excruciating pain for no medical reason just so it wouldn't create 'strange' feelings between your sons later on?
I would explain to my children when they're older and ask about the differences that you learned after your first son that circumcision isn't necessary and it hurts a lot. Say to your older son, "I know you don't remember, but it hurt and I'm so sorry, I wish we hadn't had it done." Give him a hug.
Having an infant go through excruciating pain for no reason is morally wrong.
I was in your position, having the same feelings, and I had my second son circumcised and I feel like an idiot. I let my first son down, and then I let my second son down. How can I explain to my second son,"I had a doctor take a knife to the most sensitive part of your body with no painkiller because I didn't want your older brother to feel bad because I did the same thing to him"?

Dear L.,

I'm so sorry. That sounds like an awful experience for you and your little guy. No wonder you don't want a repeat performance. We made the decision not to circumcise our son after having a discussion with our pediatrician. I had read descriptions and seen photographs of the procedure online so I was already heading in that direction. Our doctor explained the pros and cons of each decision and it just felt like this was the right way for us to go. I had initially thought, well before our son came into our lives, that circumcision would be the only way to go. I couldn't imagine a son with parts that didn't match his father's. But we aren't religious and we can always decide to do it later, or better yet, we can let our son decide what he wants to do with his body, so I'm very happy with our choice. If your husband feels strongly that it must be done, try setting this up while you're still at the hospital. Also, I had a friend who made a deal with her husband that he would change all the diapers until the circumcision healed so she wouldn't have to see how bad it was.

Good luck and congratulations!

I feel terrible for the experience your first son had. If you and your husband decide to circumcise again, please understand that it does not have to be that type of experience.

I have three boys, all circumcised due to dads' preferences. None of them cried during their procedures; all circumcisions were performed in the hospital before we were discharged after birth, in a separate room (you wouldn't usually be in the same room for any other surgery on your child; I don't see how circumcision should be different); all of them received pain medication.

I just want you to know that if you choose to circumcise again, it doesn't have to be a repeat of the previous trauma. There are many variations to how circumcisions are done; make sure the doctor knows what you expect, e.g. pain medication and type of circumcision you prefer.

Hi- I only have girls so I never had to go that route. But my last boyfriend before my husband was not circumsized nor was his little brother. His older brother was. His mom told her the truth- when the oldest was circumsized it was such a traumatic experience she couldn't bring herself to have it done to the other boys. They were all fine with it.

My husbsand and I had the circumcision dissucion for about 6 months and we didn't even know what we were having. I didn't want to circumcise and he did. At first my husband wanted it done because he wanted him to be like him, then he changed his mind and decided he wanted it done because I am Jewish. Our midwife was Jewish and she said she didn't have either one of her son's circumcised. Then we did some research on how it is done and he decided that he didn't want to put his son through any of that trauma. I was very happy he changed his mind. Our pediatrician also told us it isn't neccessary and that insurance companies are starting to consider it cosmetic surgery. Both of my sisters had their son's circumcised and we chose not too. They have been a little critical of it, but I don't care. More and more people are choosing to not get their children circumcised and most people in the world don't circumcise. So you boys will most likely be friends with boys who are and aren't circumcised. I do not think it would be wrong to have one son circumcised and the other one not. Check out this website about circumcision. http://nocirc.org/
Good luck to you.
Y.

Hi L., I understand your frustrations and concern. Please forgive me for being blunt, but it sounds like your traumatic experience may be clouding your judgment. Talk to your doctor who will be performing the circumcision and address your concerns. There are other methods to use. As a nurse I can tell you there are several health reasons to circumcise....from infection to the psychological impact of being different. Try to remember the reasons for choosing to circumcise your first son. While the experience was far from pleasant, I am sure you had his best interest in mind.

L., I know you have gotten alot of responses already but here is my two cents for what it is worth. I have 5 children 4 of which are boys. they were all adopted out of foster care as infants but too old to have them circumcised when the adoption was final. two of my boys are and two are not. If I had to choose knowing what I know now. I would chosen to have them done. it it very sad that you and your son had a horable experience. I don't know where you live but if you choose to have him done. Dr. Ghandi in puyallup is the best pediatric urologist around . so good that he is booked 6-8 months out. what I know now that I had never though of is the everyday mess of urine in my bathroom. because of the extra forskin that is there if they are not circumcised they do not pee in s strait line. they pee at a 45 degree angle so even when they are pointed into the toilet it sprays on the wall the toilet seat and pretty much everywhere except the toilet. even teaching them to sit and pee, the pee goes under the toilet seat and down the outside of the toilet. It is a huge mess. My two that are not are 4 & 7. on the personal side. there are so many that are not that as they get older it really isn't a big deal for school and such. good luck with your decision. either way will be fine. I just thought you should know about the peeing. I wish someone would have told me. It's not something that you would ever think about at the time of making the decision.

L.,

This is what my husband told me (whether it is right or wrong I am sure is debatable)...the quickest way for our sons to be laughed at in the locker room is not to get him circumsized.

My husband played a lot of sports in highschool and had seen this happen many times. Now whether this is a reason to circumcise or not is up to you.

I never waited with my sons. It was done a day after they were born. I never watched but made my husband watch. Both my sons did fine and healed quickly. Good luck in your decision.

I have 4 boys and all are circumcised with absolutely no problems with any of them. I would definitely have it done. I can't imagine you having any problems this time, plus the boys will be looking at each other and wondering. You definitely don't want then upset because one was and the other wasn't. That's my 10 cents!

Both my sons are circumcised, and it was nothing like the situation you described. My OB did it right after they were born, like within a few days. She numbs the area before doing anything, I didn't watch, and she handed them back to me after the procedure not crying or upset. You might want to look into doctors, and methods, and set up an appointment before the birth.

HI L.,

Wow, what a horrible experience - I'm so sorry. I don't think that it's wrong to have one circumcised and one uncircumcised but don't assume that because you had one bad experience you will have two bad experiences. I hemmed and hawed about what to do until my husband confirmed that circumcised was the way he wanted to go so we did it. I was in Kaiser at the time and they took the baby into another room (he was 2 days old) and we waited outside the door - my son didn't even cry! and expressed no discomfort during the healing.

I feel you should do what you think is best but don't base your decision completely on your previous experience.

Best of luck to you! It's a difficult decision - for many reasons.

T.

We did not circumcise our son. He was almost 2 months premature and stayed in the hospitals special care unit for almost 3 weeks. The circumcision room was right beside the special care area. We watched the babies come down everyday, most without parents. We heard the screams and cries. There was no way I was going to let that happen to my son, even though we were concerned that he would look different from his father. At about 5 years old, he noticed the difference and mentioned to me that he thought he would look more like dad when he was older. I explained that we had left him the way God had made him, which was perfect. Daddy looked different because... and explained why and how boys are circumcised. Talked about his need to be extra good at keeping things clean. Our son is 7 now and I haven't heard another concern from him. We talk nearly every night about a lot of things. Haven't heard a peep.

This is a tough decision. We have three boys all who have been circumcised. I have a nephew who is not and my sons have all noticed the difference...not to say they made a big deal about it at all but more of an observation. I had a tough time having my sons "go through with it" for the pain after they are born but do not regret my decision. I wanted them to be like their dad. And so that leads me to this.....I had my husband accompany them while they were circumcised. I didn't have to see it or hear them cry and it was over in no time. As the mom delivering the baby I think it is only fair the Dad has to endure a little pain too! :) That might be a good option for you if you decide to go that route. Plus, we had ours done in the hospital before we went home..then if there are any complications you are already there for them to take care of it. Hope this helps some.

I only have one little boy. He is circumcised. I did not go into the room when they did the procedure. He turned out fine. I think that I would feel the same hesitation as you if I had a similar experiance, however, I think that it is rare (what you went through before) and hopefully you have a new pediatrician by your side. I really to believe that being circumcised is easier in many ways long term and I think that it is best for both your boys to be similar to each other, especially if dad is also. I hope this helps.

I think you are already answering your own question.

Personally I believe that infant circumcision amounts to genital mutilation and should only be done for medical necessity or if wanted by a consenting adult (or at least teenager).
Now, I know that that is not a popular view and the circumcision is a widespread practice in the US, for both cultural and religious reasons.
The scientific community is split on the medical value and risk of it, and even if it did protect against HIV and penile cancer, that still would not justify doing it to an infant, that cannot make an informed decision about it. We know that some girls have breast cancer running in the family and we don't remove their breast tissue at birth to protect them from a possible cancer in adulthood...

But let me step off my soapbox for a moment, fortunately I had a girl and was not in a position where I had to face my husband on that issue. Have you talked to him about possibly not having this child circumcised? What does he say?
I don't think having one circumcised boy and one who is not will hurt them later. Depending on how your first son feels about being circumcised and whether he will have any complications from the botched procedure you may find yourself in a position to apologize later on. I would be honest about it and say that you didn't know better when he was born and had you, you would have made a different choice. Your younger son may decide to get circ'ed as a teenager or adult - at least he will be able to make that decision as an informed and consenting adult.
I just don't think we have the moral right as parents to decide to permanently, surgically alter our children's body for a reasons that are solely based on our belief.

Wow you got a lot of responses which I didn't read LOL, so I'll make this brief!

Yes I would get it done since your other son has had it done. However this time, I would do a bit more research and I would find a uroligist ahead of time to have it done. There are many fabulous urologists out there that do it all day long and have tons of experience doing it. Why take a baby boy to a womens Dr to have a boy thing done?? That is what I never understood. My son too had his done at the OB and I just didn't do enough research ahead of time either. Either that or I would have it done at the hospital with your son is under 24 hours old. But, the choice is yours! Good luck :)

My husband and boys are not circumcised, and have never had any problems or been made fun of in any way. It is becomimg much more common, so your son is not likely to be "not the same".

Hi L.,

first, congratulations to number 3!

Second - I would not do it. Our bodies are designed to function perfectly fine the way nature intended them. There is no good reason to cut off any body parts. My husband is circumcised, and our two sons are not. The issue has come up a couple times, and we just explained to them that Dad has less skin there because his Mom had it cut off. They asked why, and we explained that it is basically about fashion, like some people pierce their ears. Also, that some people think it is cleaner, but that we believe they can just wash properly, just like they learn how to wash their hands.

Medically speaking, there is no reason to circumcise healthy infants (or adults). Just like having different hair colors, eye colors, etc. it won't be a big deal to your sons if you don't make it a big deal. They'll just accept it as a fact.

Luckily, society here is changing more and more, and it is much more common to have many uncircumcised boys in school. So I wouldn't worry about the social aspect either.

Also, like other said, I would always err on the side of caution. Your little guy can always have it done later if he really really wants to. But you can never put it back.

Good luck, I'm glad to see more people are questioning these dated practices!!

S.

Is it "wrong"? That's really up to you to decide. But it sound's like you have already decided. You mentioned that you didn't want this child to feel strange about being different...not to mention UTI's, and STD's occur more frequently in uncircumcised males.

Also, infant boys who are not circumcised have a greater risk for developing penile cancer at a rate of 5,000:1. Studies have shown that most cases of penile cancer occur before the age of 40. Infant circumcision is 99.9% effective in the prevention of penile cancer.

I would recommend going to a Pediatrician as opposed to having your OB or a GP do it. And perhaps it would be better if your husband was in the room with your baby while he is being circumcised instead of you. I totally understand the emotion a mom experiences as you watch your little boy in pain but I personally feel the benefits outweigh the discomfort that he will not even remember...your husband will be able to be there for your son without being overcome with emotion like us mommies.

I am also a mother of 3 all boys(i got my tubes tied after my 3rd pregnancy as well). I understand the anxiety your having in making this decision, i did choose circumcision for all 3 of my guys. when my oldest had the procedure it was the worst guilt i ever felt! i stayed in the room for the procedure to comfort him. and still have a mental picture of the way they put my 1 week old baby on that table and restrained his legs. i do not think it's "wrong" to have one child circumsized and not the other,but your children might. you dont have to answer this but, is your husband circumsized? if daddy and brother are and your youngest isn't it could definetly lead to your son feeling inferior. (we all know how important guys take their "manhood" lol. when it came time to decide on having my second son's circ. done or not i told my hubby i didnt want to put another baby through that and felt it unnecessary. after talking to my husband and his buddies along with my brother's and uncle's and every other man that heard i was considering leaving him natural i chose to go forward with the procedure. the opinions of 99% of the men were, feeling different,the ability to be confident in their appearance, and the general opinion women have on the subject. The way it could effect his confidence in himself and the possibility of women rejecting him based on that seems rediculous to me.when asked why they dont get it done now they looked at me like i was crazy their is no way i'm gonna let anyone get near their "manhood" with a knife the few men that i did talk to that had not been circumsized said that they wished they were and had anxiety when becoming intimate with women for the fear of rejection,they also said the locker room in school was nerve racking. i ended up getting my two youngest boys circed as well. if you do decide to go ahead with it i found that letting my husband comfort him during the procedure while i sat in another exam room. when the doc finished the baby was brought to me emidiatly so that i could nurse him. it was much less nerve racking for me and i got to be the one to make it better instead of having the guilt of hurting him.

I have 2 boys and had both done. I knew men that had it done later and it was more painful. I was surprised how many men prefer it so if I was you I would do it for the sake of your son and since your other son is it might be a problem in the future.

Good luck!

Hey there L.,
I'm sorry to hear that you had such a horrible experience with the first circumcision. I would like to offer you some helpful advice. First I would like to suggest that you go to the pediatrician that is going to be the new babies doctor and begin to talk to them about getting this one circumcised right away after the birth. I had this done to my middle son and he was a champ!! Didn't feel a thing according to my husband and the doctor that performed it. Secondly, I would strongly suggest that if you so choose not to have it done to your new son, please get it checked out later. I went through the exact same thing with my first son. He had to get his done when he was about 1 1/2mos old. The middle son was soon after birth and then my youngest son just got his done over this summer and he was 19mos old. We were just going to let him go, but I knew that with his two older brothers and his father already being done, that there would probably be some sort of issues that would arise later on. I took my youngest in to see a doctor and this doctor had pointed out to me that it was actually Medically Necessary to have the procedure done. So it became a now or later issue and I just wanted to have it done before he got any older. And yes I was very much concerned for the amount of pain that he was going to be put through and what kind of mental trauma that he might go through. But as of today, I can tell you that he is a happy and healthy, vibrant little boy that doesn't remember a thing about the procedure. The same can be said for my other two boys. Get it done before it either becomes a medical issue or before they will remember the pain and procedure. I wanted all of my boys when it came to that area to be equal and feel equal. I just know that they are not going to have any questions now regarding that area. And I feel better about my decision to have it done on all three of them. I hope that with your first experience it doesn't turn you away from getting it done on the other baby. Sometimes you just come in contact with not so good doctors. It happens and all that you can do is move forward with your life. Good luck in what ever way you decide. And congratulations on the new baby!

Hi,
First, congrats on your pregnancy :o)
Regarding your question, I too had a big decision over the circ of my son. After speaking to my brothers (who were all circumcised as young children rather than babies) they all said do it when the baby won't remember what happened. I did a LOT of research with doctors too before the circ was done. I ultimately picked and stuck with the pediatrician who did our sons circ. She (the Doctor) told us that it is best to have the circ done in the FIRST month of birth because they bleed less and recover more quickly. When I looked for someone to do the circ what was very important to me was that the Doctor was very well experienced in doing them, in my doctor's case she was additionally trained by a urologist, had a clean history (no mistakes type thing/did a good job), etc. Of course the decision is yours but if you choose to do another circ I would recommend doing enough research first so you feel comfortable in your decision to ensure a smooth procedure for all of you. The best of luck to you in your decision :o)

This is a hard one, but I think it might cause more issues in the future of one circumsised like Dad and the other not. My doctor did my son's circumcision while he was in the hospital and I actually chose not to watch. I don't think I would have made it thru that. I have a great doctor, so I had no concerns about it. Is it possible to get it done sooner this time and maybe send Daddy in with him? I am sorry you had such a poor experience the first time. It really shouldn't be so traumatic for you or your child. Hang in there...

I have a son too...who is circumcised. Your reasons for wanting to are absolutely valid and ur reasons not to are valid but easily avoided. So, I reccomend you research the methods and your physcians, explaining what u want to have done and how u want it to go and choose the one who will deliver that. We went to our Pediatrician (and personally I would reccpmend that you go to a Pediatrician...yes others can do it but it is what Pediatricians do so they are the specialist in that area, and I prefer and reccomend specialists when it comes to thing like that), she explained the procedure and showed me on a model how it all worked and let me know I could be there but they reccomended that I not be, which I prefered. I had 15mjn or so so I went a different part of the clinic and got a coffee so I would not be ably to hear any hint of crying either. They do give the babies sucrose on a pacifier which studdies show to be soothing and obviously encourages them to suck on it which is also soothing. Then when I came back I had a tired baby all bundled back up that I could cuddle and soothe with a much clearer head. I questioned to do it or not several times leading up to it...but in all honesty we have no regreats at all and would do it again which is why I am able to share this with you...hope it helps :)

I vote for not circumcising. Eventually they're going to see other boys, in showers at school or while changing, and see that some are and some aren't. And you can explain it to them while they are young. I wouldn't go through all that again, though, if I were you. My son will be four early next year and we didn't circumcise and we have no regrets.

L.,

I've been working with children for MANY years, I don't have a son, but the issue of circumcision has been one I've thought a lot about. Here's my opinion.

We don't tattoo our children at an early age, because it's something that will be with them forever and if they decide they don't like it, they cannot, (easily), undo it. SOOOO where is the difference when it comes to circumsisions? It's a procedure which cannot be undone should the person decided they don't want it.

My thought is wait until the child is mature enough to decide on their own.

Additionally, as an infant, my understanding is doctors cannot use painkillers to ease the pain due to their age. I cannot imagine how bad that would feel for days while it heals. Doctors use to say it doesn't hurt the baby, but studies have show babies do feel stress & pain during the procedure.

I hope this helps you decide.

R. Magby

Hi L. - Oh hun what a horable thing to happen to you & your son! No matter what anyone states on any advice this decision has and will be your families alone. We can just share with you our experience.

We have two boys and we decided to have both of them circumcised (their dad is) but we decided on the low risk factors, the ease of easier cleaning (I have 4 brothers so I totally understand about boys not being the cleanest), and this way they were the "same" as daddy. I know that some people have said things about not "intentionally hurting a child" (no direct quote but you get the idea) but when done right (and your son clearly was not!) there is no hurt - even baby girls get their ears pierced (just a little comparison). Anyway for us personally we decided to do it. Normally it is a Pediatrician not a general or OB that does the procedure and it is usually done before you and the baby leave the hospital. With both of my boys there was no crying or anything after (yes they can use a little numbing cream or injections to help prevent pain). We had more to clean & take care of with their umbilical cord stumps than the circumcision.

Anyway back to your question, it is not "bad or wrong" to have them different as yes we are all individually different but the other thing is to review your thoughts about circumcision and is the "only" reason you dont want to do it based on the "not normal" experience you had with your first son? If that is the only reason then just consider the possibility that if you did it again (with using a Pediatrician at the hospital - they can do it in a different room if that makes it easier for you to not watch) that you could have the more "normal" experience. For me it was easier to have the boys the same (as they take baths together and compare everything) but again this has to be a decision only you & your husband can decide on. Good luck & God Bless!

I struggled with whether to circimcise my son too. We did do it and it wasn't a big deal. We had him circimcised by my OB with in a week of his birth. I think that makes a big difference. The other thing is that they can give them a local anistetic to numb the area. Please ask all your questions now and find a doctor that will do the procedure in a safe, pain free way. If it's not your doctor then find one that will. If you decide not to circumcise your second son then bring him up knowing that everyone is different from one another. I'm not sure how much they really notice those things. Just use the time you have to do your research and talk to the doctors.

Our son was done right in the hospital less than 24 hrs after birth. It was quick. He was gone less than 20 min. They used a topical anesthesia and he never showed any signs of discomfort. It healed up within a few days. We've never had any complications and we've never regretted it. Ultimately it's a decision that is unique to your family and culture. If I were you, I'd ask what they do at the hospital. Explain what your first son went through, and see if another method would be better. I think all the men in your family should resemble each other.

Maybe you could look for a different doctor or a different method before ruling circumcision altogether. I mean, what are the odds that all those things will go wrong again? It seems like the circumstances stacked up against you last time.

We had our son circumcised and it was a fairly easy experience. after the initial shots to numb the area he actually fell asleep and it never seemed to bother him afterwards. I think the decision is totally up to you guys but just wanted you to know that it doesn't have to be a bad experience. If you do decide to do it I would go to a different doctor - find one that doesn't do the ring method as I have heard others who had trouble with that method. Good luck with your decision and enjoy your new son when he arrives!

Don't do it! We are all different in some way. What if one has darker hair than the other? Will you feel the need to explain it? Until they are old enough to truly understand the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises, just tell them we are all different in our own special way. My sons are not circumcised, though their father is. The question has never come up. My brother is not circumcised, though our father is. The question never came up (I asked when I was trying to make the decision about my own kids). Trust your gut! Don't put your baby through physical pain in order to avoid a minutely possible chance of confusion down the line. I hope you will get to fully enjoy those first few weeks with your new little guy without the agony you experienced with your first.

I'm not sure that any of us can offer any good advice in this situation, but our experience was so vastly different that I can't imagine how horriffic it must have been for you. My son was premature so we had to wait two weeks and then our pediatrician did it in a procedure room while we waited in the exam room. It took all of maybe 20 minutes, Braeden never cried or complained and it healed very quickly. I think that if you had a different doctor/situation you would feel differently about the entire thing. Talk to your husband about it and see what he thinks. My husband had very strong oppinions about it so I decided since I didn't have those parts, that was his call. Good luck with everything! Pretty soon you'll get to meet your new little guy!

I personally chose to circumcise both of my boys. One was without the ring and was done freehand while the 2nd boy had the ring. I did not stay in the room while it was being done as I could not handle that. But while it is quite painful for the baby, he has such a short memory span that an hour later all is forgotten and both my boys were just fine. Both were done about 10 days after birth. My boys are now 8 and 9 and they do notice the differences between them as one is quite small while the other is average. I just had to explain to them that every boy is different and they were fine. Just be ready for explanations for the boys as to why you did one and not the other.

This is such a hard decision for so many people. I only have 1 boy and he is cir'd. I personally have never seen one that isn't. However, I do have a family member who was engaged, but I know they had intimacy problems due to him not being cir'd. I know I saw one person say that just make sure you are certain because you can't undo it, but I also saw several comments saying that they had to have their boys done later in life due to medical issues. I can't even IMAGINE putting my son through that!! Good Luck with your decision. I'm sure either way you decide will work out with your family.

Your story says your son was three months and then later he was 9 days old when you had to go to urgent care. My son was circumcised after birth before we left the hospital. I did not watch. I would think it would be harder on the parent watching. I also was also in the room when my grandson was circumcised. It was just a few minutes of uncomfort for the infant. shots are also a few minutes/seconds of being uncomfortable, but the benefits are there. If your first son is circumcised then you second son should also be. My doctor once said "like father, like son" There is a BIG difference in the look of circumcised or not. thats my opinion for what it's worth

Circumcision is based on religious beliefs that became the norm back in the last century and has nothing to do with personal hygiene. And NO it wouldn't be wrong to have one boy circumcised and the other not. When they get older if they ask simply explain why you did it with the first one and why you didn't do it with the second one. As long as you don't make a big deal out of it they won't!!!

Dear L. O,
My heart goes out to you..and you son. I had a similiar situation. I have a 8y/o son and had another son last year. When I had my first son it was in a military hospital and I was young and not nearly as educated. I did not have to go with my first son but some several months later I was assigned to work on a post pardum ward at the hospital. I had to take sons from their mothers for circumcision. I had to leave the room it was so traumatic. When I got pregnant with my second son I told my husband all of this ( he is not my 1st sons father) and I explained that I would not be subjecting our son to this. I told he we also would not be allowing a stranger to take him through this procedure, if he wanted him circumcised he would have to take our son, sit with him, and bear witness to this. Needless to say he did and upon return he said it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. I hope this helps you and if you need any more information on the health benefits and risks for and against please contact me at ____@____.com
Best Wishes to you and yours
Tracy

dear L.,.

backround: two sons cirmcumsized.

I went with my first son while he had his circumcision. to hold his hand and be the mommy there for him...ok. what a mistake. a mom just does not need to see what that is all about. second time around just let my trusted doctor take care of it. It was my OB. then cuddled the little guy and nursed him and held him more..

I believe you will get very strong options from people who are against circomcision.. mostly because people who are against it are more vocal about it.

in today's society,. it is healthy / normal either way. it's now more a preference.

having two boys.. in the long run it's probably better to have them be the same rather than constantly comparing over their entire lifetime.. because like it's been said - this is not something that you would go back and fix later..

and don't waver. just make the decision and pat yourself on the back for making the right one. (either way)

p.s. I didn't send my husband to watch the procedure on son #2 either.

all the best
-marg.

If I were you I would find a doctor who can do it right away and someone who knows what the heck he's doing. Not to circumcise would not be good. Not only would the little one be different but there are so many times when they will have to have it done later on in life and that is horrible. Too many times are little guys miserable because of dirt, soap, sand or something else. He would want it done when he got older I'm sure.

Our experience was fine with the circumcision (quick, easy to heal). I would probably have him circumcised since his brother and father are... Sorry this is a source of stress for you. What an awful experience with your first son.

If you choose to do it, make sure the person is experienced. In Colorado, the OB does it. I asked my OB in Colorado why the OB does it since s/he is focused on women's bodies and he said that OB's perform surgeries regularly while pediatricians do not. I don't know if the OB or pediatrician do the circumcisions out here as it is a state by state thing. You could ask your OB for references.

Well I personally I would have never gone with the ring or bell or whatever.I always hear horrow stories about them.Was the doctor you had the first time a resident or specialized. I myself would do it again.But I'd choose my doctor wisely.I'd start looking as soon as possible.

Our doctor did it the day after my son was born and while we were still in the hospital. He just took him to another room and was back with him within 30 minutes. He also didn't do the tie off method. Your experience sounds horrible but if you talk to your doctor about your concerns then your new son probably will not have to go through such a procedure. Since most children he will socialize and go to school with through the years will probably be circumcised my suggestion is to go ahead and have it done. Plus since dad and his older brother are circumcised you don't want him to feel like the odd guy.

Good luck!

it depends on your morals. i honestly think it would benefit your son more in the future, because as far as i was told having forskin creats bacteria. its harder to clean. and as u mentioned it looks diffrent. i would get him circumcised if i were you. i dont have a boy but i am sure watching the whole thing has 2 be torchure.i would have my husband do it next time. :) or gritt my teeth and hope for the best. good luck!

You didn't say what your husband thinks about circumcising your next son. I would listen to what he feels about it. It's awful what you experienced with your first son. If you are not comfortable with having it done and your husband agrees with you then I wouldn't do it. If your husband feels strongly about having it done than I would look into getting a good doctor.
My experience is quite different and we had a wonderful doctor.Both my sons are circumcised because their father is and my Jewish background. We had a really good doctor do it on their seventh day of life. Both boys were fine, there were no complications and they healed very quickly.
Good luck to you whatever you choose to do.

I did not circumcise my son. He is now 12 and has never had any issues from not doing so. It is considered cosmetic now a days and not necessary. My sons father was also not circumcised and it never mattered to me or him for that matter. When my son was born and they asked us if we were going to, I asked the nurse what she thought about it. She told me that she thinks it is the cruelest thing to do to a baby and it does hurt them no matter what others say. it was actually started because they believed it reduced infection, but it really doesnt.
Personally I believe it adds to stimulation when they are men. The head is more sensitive, and the skin is not so tough. Sorry, thought I would through that in there.
Best of luck on your decision. I too struggled on this issue. I dont regret it a bit.

yeah it probably will make a difference. You know how kids are... sometimes hurtful without meaning to. I would talk to my OB and make sure that he is there and can do it this time. Tell him your fears and the problems you had before and threaten to hang him if he is not there for you this time. It'll be alright the second time around.

if it is done when they are like 13days old it doesn't hurt them as bad, and they are way younger enough to forget about it. I have two boys and both are circumsized and my husband isn't but his parents didn't believe in it, but he says no way now would he get if as he is older.. lol soo get it when they are young.. they will never know..

You've had a lot of advice, but I still wanted to contribute.

I would get the 2nd one circumcized. Yes, you had a terrible and traumatic experience the first time, which is just aweful to hear about, but now you are educated.

First off, there are different types of circumcision. Ask your OB what they recommend, usually they have a favorite way of doing it. Second, the job should have been done before you left the hospital with your son, or very nearly to when he was born.

My son's circumcision was done before we left the hospital and my husband went in with me. I could barely watch, so it was good that Daddy was there to help the doctor. Also, my OB numbed him, which was the most painful part, but then was done within a couple minutes.

The method you did sounds terrible, and reminds me of casteration, I don't know why any doctor would do it that way. Anyway, good luck with this one and whatever you decide.

I think that you should go with your gut. Just because you circumcised your first son does not mean that you have to do the same for the second. You live and you learn. I chose not to have my son circumcised because of the horror stories I had heard from friends and videos I watched of the procedure. Good luck!!

I think you should follow your gut instinct. Two wrongs don't make a right! I did not have my first son circumcised and his brother (due 4 days ago) won't have it done either. If the boys ask you when they get older why they are different, tell them the truth. You were older and wiser the second time around :-)

Why on earth was your OB doing the circ???? OBs shouldn't be doing that! Pediatricians should be the ones.

IF you decide to do it again, do so within the first WEEK after delivery. My ped won't even do circs on boys after they are older than 1 week of age. After that, baby is much more alert. Doing it at 3 months of age is just cruel. Your doctors really steered you wrong on that one.

I personally would not have it done if you don't feel comfortable. Simple as that. You can raise your boys to feel fine with the fact that each one is different. ALL people are different. I seriously doubt that doing it or not will drastically effect his future, and his attitude about one boy being done and another not, depends on you as a caring loving mother, so I would steer away from going through that terrible experience again. I have 3 boys and none of them are circumsized, nor is my husband but they don't even seem to notice the fact that they are the same, and my son has little friend who are, and he never notices a difference between himself and his friends so why put him through the pain?

Good luck!