***TMI WARNING*** - How Do You Explain/teach Your 12Yr Old....

Well this is a TMI answer but my mom told me to go in my restroom and lie on the floor and feel my body. She said it was my own body and there was no harm in me feeling how things worked. She sat outside and told me to just feel for the opening and then to feel that the canal really was there. Then she told me to just put the applicator in and push the little tube when it was close to my body. So basically she just took me step by step and was very open nod comfortable about it. I used tampons for years, funny thing is I can't use the darn things now! Good luck, that is a tough one!

Tell her to aim towards the small of her back, and not straight up. Could also lubricate the tip with some KY. I feel for her. Same thing happened to me, only I was in a locker room full of girls trying to talk me through it. Not a pleasant memory. Also, getting it in deep enough is important too.

The American girl book, I think it is care and keeping of you, has a very detailed explanation complete with drawings. I know because my 9 yo was reading it the other day and came up to me and shoved it in my face and said, "what in the world are they doing here? This is gross!"

I remember how difficult it was to learn from the instructions, but I really do wish my mom had let me use them earlier. It would have made for a lot more fun summers.

I quit swimming (which I liked a lot) because my mom "had no IDEA" what girls did so they could go swimming while having their period. I hated having my period until I realized tampons existed and asked my mom to get me some. I figured out how to use them from the instructions. It took me two tries (and they were cardboard applicator). I never looked back. Don't take her out of swimming.

I think the previous responders gave some great instructions and ideas about why she might feel like the tampons hurts. It has nothing to do with her size, there's plenty of room, it's likely the angle and the depth that she's using. Have you had her take one out of the applicator and examine it? Put one in water so she can see how they work? Then try KY. Tell her to use her (clean) fingers and go exploring in there to help her realize that this little thing is going to fit.

Added: there is nothing about being a "virgin" that prevents inserting a tampon, a hymen does not block the vagina it circles it, in fact in most women, even a doctor can not tell if you are a virgin or not. Almost half of women don't bleed upon first intercourse because the hymen is already stretched just through natural causes. By puberty, the hymen is very elastic and a tampon will not be "pushing through" the hymen.

1 will get you 50 she's plunging after just the tip is in, instead of inserting all the way to the base & THEN plunging.

Except for OB Pro (finger inserts)... Tampons suck the moisture so fast that they grip/pull/tug/indianburn/yowch! when they're plunged before inserting all the way.

Also on swim team, it took me a YEAR (Im slow) to figure out "Oh!"

I use OB, now. Which has a silky outer wrapping that glides in easy, but it means getting your finger messy to the knuckle & then washing your hands. Tons easier (and they widen instead of lengthen, so no "ouch" as they start lengthening to ennervated areas)... But the gross factor is too much for many.

Have you reviewed the diagram with her? The tricks are that she is not aiming up she is aiming up and back. It may be easier for her to stand up and put one foot up on something (the edge of the tub) to insert. Also she should not be 'launching' the tampon until the applicator is in place. I started using them my first period (I was 12). We were on vacation and no way was my mom going to let me miss out on the lake because of a period. And it should not hurt at all. Even the first time.

ETA: I think it is horrible that in 2013 people think girls should miss PE because they have their periods. WOW.

I would get the Playtex slender/teen tampons.
Go over the diagram with her and just be really matter of fact. It is strange for her to put something "in" there! I remember being in a bit of pain the first couple of times using one since I pushed it out of the plastic applicator too early. Make sure she is getting it in all the way and THEN pushing it in.
And I am TOTALLY opposite of Toni V. here. Don't have her sit out of swim because she has her period, that's silly to me. You are not too close, what does that even mean? you are her mom!
And for what it's worth....the second month I had my period I figured out the tampon thing just fine.
L.

my mom had died when i started my periods, and i wasn't close enough to my stepmom to ask her advice. i envy all the girls on this website with moms to talk them through (except for dana T, sorry, that sounds unnecessarily brutal.) i learned by using the instruction sheet and trying over and over until i figured out to aim back and not up, and to relax.
i would certainly give your daughter the option of skipping swimming on period days if she really doesn't want to persevere. it's up to her to pick her protection. but do encourage her to try some different things (lubrication, lying down, maybe some you-tube vids) and let her know that if and when she wants to try again, that'll be fine.
khairete
S.

The same thing for me, mom. There is no reason for her to have to use pads. There's no difference between 12 years old and 15 years old where her vagina is concerned, to be honest.

Here's what my friends told me to do as they sat in the bathroom with me LOL! They had me put a mirror on the floor and squat over it to find the right "spot" (the vagina). I put vaseline on the tampon. They told me to point it toward the small of my back, not "up". It worked. It was easier to learn this way than sitting on the toilet.

I think that your daughter is trying to insert it up straight. The other possibility is that she is not pushing it far up enough. It has to go past the pubic bone.

Anyway, these all are the things you have to work with her on. Hope this helps.

Dawn

Can't she just hunker down in the bathroom with the tampons and the instructions with a billion folds? That's how I learned!
The key? Inserting it FAR enough.

She may need to try different positions to insert the tampon painlessly: she could put one leg up on the toilet seat, or squat, whatever she feels comfortable doing.

She needs to relax! If she's nervous, she'll be tense and it will be more difficult.

Make sure you buy her plastic applicators. Some brands make slender tampons made just for teens.

It's really just gonna take a lot of practice before she figures it all out.

I started using a tampon the day I got my first period. I was a ballet dancer (plus that's all my mom used) so I'm not sure I even considered another option.

I know it seems less personal, but there is an instruction guide IN the tampon box. It has pictures and directions that are pretty clear. She might doe better if you just give her some privacy in the bath room with the pamphlet and the box and leave her to it.

Also, for a little girl, (although they're worse for the environment) the ultra slim tampons with PLASTIC applicators, slide in much more easily, so if that's not what she's using now, give it a try. A tiny dab of a vasoline on it can help as well. (TMI... when I got my first period, my mom handed me an OB no-applicator because that's all she had...I couldn't do it...she had to go get a box of the "teen" applicator ones and I was much better... by my next cycle I used the OBs and have since).

Good luck.

T.

I agree w Riley J. Also, try showing her the package insert diagram. It may help to see the pictures/drawing. And get the SMALLEST ones available. Her flow is probably not very heavy and she won't require a super absorbent tampon. GL!

She needs a small or lite one. I still have problems with them myself actually, and I have to use the Tampax Pearls. I use the lite size which is hard to find, but should be good for her. She may also need some type of a lube to help it go in. And, she does need to make sure she puts it in far enough, this is a HUGE key!!

Try and try again. Maybe encourage her to lie on her back on her bed and try.

Poor thing! Good luck to you both.

The key for me was to RELAX. If she is tense or scared, it will not go far enough, and it will be very uncomfortable. YouTube has lots of informational videos with anatomically correct models. (I don't mean human models, obviously. The medical kind.) I would start there. I also heard the American Girl book is very good. What brand is she trying? They have some designed specifically for teens now. Go to the product website and see what information they have to offer.

**I weighed all of 75-80 pounds when I was 14 and started my period. Very tiny. Once I learned how to insert them correctly, it did NOT hurt.

When I first started my period I had to use slims. I didnt have anyone to teach me so I read the instructions. I rode horses and having a pad on messed with my balance because it felt like a diaper.

Sit her down and actually read them to her (you would never believe what all goes into putting them in correctly lol). Also tell her that if it hurts, for right now dont put it as far in there. I know I am 23 and still cannot wear a tampon completely up there do to tenderness.

Also inform her that if she does not want to wear them that swimming will have to be cut out during this time.

This is exactly how I helped our daughter,

I showed her what the tampon looked like, I had her push it out of the applicator a few times so she could get an idea..

I then stood outside of the bathroom door and told her to sit on the potty like she was ready to go potty.

Then I told her to reach between her legs and find the place where her urine comes out.

Then I told her to reach a little bit further until she found the next opening.. But that if she reached her anus, she had reached too far back..

She said she found the location and had already slipped it in.

I told her to let me know if she had any discomfort or did not feel well..

She did great and never went back to pads.

Just be very casual and very straight forward.

I got my period at 13 and after 2 months of pads, I was highly motivated to try tampons and never looked back. She needs to spend some time alone with a mirror to understand her anatomy. They made slim tampons that can be lubricated. I have a tilted uterus, which is very common so OB tampons are the most comfortable for me to insert because I can move with the shape of my body. They are very small and can be lubricated as well.

I never could get ones with applicators to work. I use OB which have no applicators and when I was stuck with ones with an applicator I took the tampon out and inserted it like the OBs. You get a much better since of where you're putting them and are less likely to put them where they don't belong.
I've been using them since I was 16 with once or twice before that (my mom really wouldn't let me use tampons before that).
If she's getting tense and scared it often makes it harder to get them in. Remind her that it's just her body and she's doing nothing wrong putting a tampon in.

Same thing happened to me before a big swimming carnival. I got the mini ones, took the pamphlet into the bathroom, and out of desperation got it in. My friend had terrible trouble because she didn't realise to push it in to the second knuckle. She was much more comfortable after I set her straight!

Make sure you get the gentle glide, or whatever they're called, that have the plastic tip covering the end (and not just cotton sticking out). They are much easier to insert.

If she can't or doesn't want to do it, don't make her. No 12 year old girl should have to insert something into her vagina if she doesn't want to. When I had swimming in gym, girls were ALWAYS excused when they had their periods. The school, likewise, cannot penalize her because she doesn't want to insert something in her vagina. She's 12.

When you're 12, it's hard to grasp the concept about where this thing is going and if you'll be able to get it out again. Reassure her that it won't get lost and that like anything else, practice makes perfect. Giver he a box and some Vaseline and tell her to try it out. Make sure she knows that it has to go in far - that way you don't feel it. If you feel it - it's not in enough.

Oh, and one foot on the toilet is the best stance!

excuse her from gym for those days.
when you are that small they hurt I remember trying them then too.

a couple things can make it easier for her - make sure you reference the insert, it has diagrams and everything. don't be squeamish. and use the smallest absorbancy, with a plastic applicator. the rest is up to her. she has to relax. let her work on it herself. good luck.

Ditto Suz T

Pre-lubricate the tampon with some vaseline and it will glide in much easier.

I fopund that the easiest way to explain it was to take off my underwear and demonstrate it for her.
I also found that with my daughter, it helped to put a dab of KY on the end.

I have used tampons for years & know exactly how to do it right.That said, when I am very light in my flow, sometimes it has a bit of friction going in at first/pulling out. (sorry for TMI!)

So if your daughter says it hurts, you might want to pull out a tube of KY jelly & rub a dab onto the tip before she tries to insert it. Additionally, for her to practice a couple of times to get it right, use tampons with a plastic applicator tip (even if going forward you do not want to use those). Easier to slide in & out (& for practice, she won't need to eject it from the applicator each time).

If it's not due to that, but really more about the angle, etc. my mom had me squat a bit off the edge of the bathtub & put the tip in, then while gently pushing "in" wiggling it a bit, forwards, backwards, side to side, to see when it felt like it was going to go in & when it didn't.

It takes a few tries (& discarded tampons!) to get it right. For the purposes of practice, make sure she is using the lightest absorbancy (smallest diameter)

Also, it helps if you "prime" the tampon just a bit by pushing it to the top (w/o pushing it out of the applicator) so that the part being inserted is firmly rounded.

For you to give her great advice, try this visualization:

Picture yourself from the top down like the face of a clock. Your belly button would be 12, your hips 3 & 9, your tailbone 6 o clock. Now, put in a tampon, noting how your body is positioned (if you are sitting, you will insert it w/a different angle than if you are standing or squatting).

As you do this, think about which "time" the applicator tip is being pointed towards as you insert. Also, distance from center. So maybe you point it back to 6, but not at such an angle that you would hit your tailbone, but 1/2 way from straight up & back to 6...

Then, you can have your daughter do the same (same position, insert tip, point to the time, & push inside). You could even take a round piece of cardboard (maybe from a frozen pizza) & draw the clock face on it so that she has a visual in front of her that she can refer to as she does it, because maybe for you it is 1/2 b/t straight up & 6, but for her she will find it is more straight up & more towards 3.

Then she can mark that, & use it for her own reference while she practices some more.

Best of luck!

I feel bad for her. I cannot stand to wear them either. They make me have the worst cramps. If I wear a pad I do not ever ever ever get cramps of any kind.

It is hard for her because it's basically pushing through her hymen right? That can't be good for her. I'd say let her miss swimming in gym, they can't force her to use tampons can they?

When does it hurt her? As she is first inserting the applicator? As she tries to advance the tampon further into the vagina (pushing it through the applicator)? Or once she has it in and the applicator is removed? Once you know where in the process she is having pain it will be easier to help her troubleshoot the solution. Make sure you get her the "teen" sized tampons, they are very slim. It may help her initially to use a lubricant like KY jelly on the applicator. I agree that watching some videos may help, make sure she is getting the right "angle" like she is aiming toward her lower back. Make sure she is pushing the top part of the applicator all the way in so that the fingers holding the "ringed" area touch the skin. Make sure she is pushing the bottom of the applicator all the way in. If all is going right she should not feel any resistance during that part, if she is not in a "good place" she may feel resistance leading to the tampon sitting too low and causing discomfort. I was using tampons from the very beginning and never had any trouble with pain. If she is putting them in right it really shouldn't hurt, vaginas are very stretchy, even in a 12 yo.
Best of luck to you both!

Just excuse her from swimming.

I would get the ones with a plastic applicator. I remember trying a brand with a cardboard applicator... may as well have been sandpaper. Aside from that, I would just go with the insert for instructions, too.

Start with the plastic ones. Make sure she is inserting the applicator first. When I was 12 I just put the applicator by the opening and then tried to push the tampon in. It really hurt so I kept giving up. My friend used her fist to demonstrate how the applicator went in - then you push.

My mother inserted my first for me. I actually asked her to. She told me that it would likely hurt, but that the pain would fade and the next time wouldn't hurt at all. She was right.

For me the pain wasn't a big deal, I just rejoined the family after and let it pass. For me, by that time I was very used to doing things that were painful or uncomfortable simply because they had to be done. Pitching a fit and not doing them was NOT an option. I spent a good deal of my childhood from 8 to 15 in and out of hospitals. Blood drawn, surgeries, a gambits of tests. A broken hymen was no big deal.

Tell her to bear down like she's having a bowel movement, this opens the vaginal opening. Also, insertion is a slight upward and then back motion toward the small of her back. Hope this helps. Also, relaxation is KEY. If you tighten those muscles, it's more challenging.

Kotex has a video that helped my sister out when she was learning. Maybe this will help her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PF0QL93IXqE

I soooo remember trying and it hurting so bad. That was before they had tampons especially made for virgin teens, have you tried those?

Our school excused us from swimming during that "time". I didn't wear them till college cuz I had a conservative mother who didn't think I was old enough, and they sort of freaked me out at the time. So, if the other suggestions don't work I wouldn't push it. Good luck!

Go to a product website. Lots of good information there.

Or, excuse her from swimming til you can get her to talk to the nurse or pediatrician.

I could never use them either because they hurt to put in. It makes me cringe just thinking about trying to use one.

Mom. If you are both comfortable with it and the swimming is important, do it for her! Be gentle at the same time teach her and show her. If not she'll learn eventually. Hope this helps.

Updated

Mom. If you are both comfortable with it and the swimming is important, do it for her! Be gentle, show and teach her. If not she'll learn eventually. Hope this helps.

Don't make her use them. She can use maxi pads and opt out of swimming until she sees the GYN and gets better education. You are too CLOSE to the situation.

find a youtube on it

I use OB.
They have different sizes.
I detest those applicator ones.

My girls wear them while swimming also. I bought the smallest size and had them read the directions first then ask questions. They use a different brand than I do because they want a smaller size. That might be her challenge. Try Playtex. They tend to be smaller in length or OB they don't have an applicator. It may take her several tries to get it comfy. Hope this helps. Good luck and God Bless.

i couldnt use them until i had sex. it hurt. i get what she is saying. my 14yr doesnt want to even try. i told her i would buy her a box and she could use them all. they make super slim teen now. but i wouldnt push it either. i would call the school and talk to them.