Tired of Being Mommy&maid

First, know that you are not alone. Everyone with teenagers go thru the same thing. Children are very selfish. They don't do it on purpose, it is just that they are the center of their universe. They don't realize the things they do or say, they only know how it affects them. One day they will be wiser, and understand life more and realize that some of the things they did or said were wrong. But for now, they are being typical teenagers.

Try not to let their actions affect you in a negative way. You can't control other people's actions, you can only control the way YOU react to them. You are wiser, you have to realize that they are still children and really do not mean things they may say or do.

In the end, the only thing you can do is to try and teach them as best as you can and hope that they make the right decisions when those important moment in life arise. You can only guide them in the right direction, they have to learn their own lessons in life.

Good luck, and take a deep breath, things could be worse. I lost my mother when she was 53 to breast cancer.

Cherish every moment.

Hi S.,
My daughter is now 19 and I have felt as you do now, it is endless and unappreciated at times. Something that really helped me get tasks completed after talking until I was blue in the face still and still not getting a response was the discovery of the dry erase board. I list the tasks, projects, goals that I want done with the timeline I am giving with a hollow triangle in front( this is very important as it is very visable and gives her the advance notice of what I need to have done and a clear frame of time to get it complete, which helps her with time management). As tasks are completed, she colors in the triangle, after I see that the task is completed thoroughly, I erase it. If a timeline is passed, I add another task (something less desireable that I would not have usually asked her to do)which gives her more to deal with when she could have just done the easier thing, now she has to do double. Also, I let her know that if this new thing and the past due task are not done, then I will give her more. I know it sounds crappy however it ended the constant agreeing that things would get done, without results. Plus I got some of my extra stuff done in the mix, actually after I kept adding, she really just wanted to clear the board. It actually is a great tool even now.
As far as Mom time, find a cozy Day Spa in the area and take some time for yourself, you deserve it. Turn off your cell when you go and give yourself some down time.

Hi S., first off let me tell that you are doing a great job!!! And Thank you! I know thats what I like to hear every once in a while.
And to treat yourself better take some time for yourself. Have a nice hot shower.Get your girlfriends together and have a spa day at home. And have the kids help around the house.These are just a few suggestions. Me personaly I go for a walk every night to just to get a little time to myself or I go out with my friends and have a moms night out.

Hope this helps
S.

Im still pretty young. So I remember the fights I used to get into with my mom. I hated her soo much when I was that age. There is a constant battle of wills. As i got older my mom and I became really close. As much as I couldnt stand it then I appreciate it more than ever now. Just get through it. eventually they wont be such brats. it just stinks waiting. Being 14-18 is like the hardest years. Just keep it up and im sure one day they will thank you. As far as being a maid....tell them it really upsets you. Try using a guilt trip..i used to fell so bad when my mom was upset. when she got angry I just didnt care and called her a couple of names. At least they only have a couple more years before you can send them off to college... :o)

I have 16 year old twin daughters. They usually respond to the consequences of their actions, or lack thereof. Usually that means taking away cell phone, computer or not letting them socialize with their friends. I once even threatened to take them out of marching band. Thankfully they straightened out because marching band has been a great, positive experience for them.

As far as pampering myself, that usually means a manicure or pedicure, or meeting my best friend for lunch or drinks. Sometimees it just means going to the bookstore by myself or having peace and quiet at home. Take time out to do something that you like or want to learn.

Once my girls started middle school I gave them the responsibility of getting themselves ready in the morning, getting breakfast and making their lunch. I also started them early on chores including cooking and doing laundry. I was fortunate that they were usually into what I needed them to do, paricularly the cooking. My main worry these days is them wanting to start dating and being curious about boys and sex.

Give yourself alot of credit for raising two good kids. They may not be into doing chores but it doesn't sound like you have any worries with their behavior, ie drugs etc. What about your husband. How involved is he in discipline?

Dear S.,
I am a young mom of 2 ages 3 and 1. My daughter is 3 and my son is 1. I stay at home with them, go to college on my husbands time off, and at the end of the day my work is never finished. I forgot the last time someone made me dinner, washed my clothes, and served me a cup of water. For that matter I forgot the last time my three bosses said thank you for my never ending work.

Life as a mother is the hardest job to do. BUT...you know what I think our children give us that we would not have had? Strength. Before I had my kids being who I am today was a dream. Because of my kids I am not alone and invisible. Because of my kids I refuse to let my guard down in life and give up. My kids make me strong and they give me the power I need to be the best example to them. I am graduating this fall and applying to a university, and I believe my kids were the only two people that made me believe in myself. They were the reason I saw the incredible things I could do.
Do you remember when you were pregnant? I remember. I drank a vitamin everyday. I would stay away from hazardous environments. I wouldn't drink coffee. Every night my little baby would move around in my belly, and that reminded me what life was all about. My kids are the reason I began to take care of myself.

Aside from being a mom, be a woman. How were you before you had kids? I used to always have my nails and hair done. I would always be up to date with fashion. Try to continue loving you. And the inconsiderate things that kids do are not because of you, but because humans don't learn to appreciate life until they experience having their own kids. And when they do you will get to see all the things your kids did to you, only this time your kids will see how you felt, and when your grand kids stress you out, call your son or daughter and tell them to pick up their kids!

Be happy! You are a true woman. Some woman never have the blessing to have kids. And maybe your down because of other reasons and you think its your kids. Take a look around and "fix" whatever the problem is.

My children are out of my house soon and hopely you have instilled in them values to live by, because, they will be out of your house soon. No, they are not like we were rowing up although weare teaching them thevalues or parents taught us. We were not pressured with our peers because all of us pretty much had the same things and the jealousy or keeping up or being like someone else was not there. Relax, take a deep breath and start letting things go. Let them take charge of washing their own clothes. When the clean ones wear out they will get the hint. They are old enough to take responsibilities, so let go a little. See what happens if you don't do things for awhile. They can't drive. Stop taking them places and don't let other people take them anywhere either unless it's necessary. Take away phone priviledges. They can't stand this one. When the room is a total mess, invite a friend to come over. Good luck and you will be in my prayers. H.

" I'M SO TIRED OF BEING MOM " Ok What do you mean by that . Yes we can all be stress & tired , and Maybe life for you might not be fair but think of what is going around you . And yes generations has change since we grew up ( I'm 32 with 2 boys and work full-time ) and things have change .I'm tired and stress at times , but I will never be tired of being a MOTHER. Is it hard , offcourse it is , noone said it was going to be easy . I don't know what kind of encouraging words your looking for . You need to find time for yourself and do things you like to do . Your Kids are adlolescent and this is a rough time for them as it is . Trying to find themself , being rebelious . Remember we were once their age. LOVE & Patience ,( think about what would you want your mother to tell you at that age) No matter how much $ or Power we can attain , For me the most important thing are my family my Boys & Husband even before my career.

~ A.